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kitty3

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i was wondering, those of you who can speak well, do you sometimes wish you couldnt speak so well?

as for me- my hearing loss is very severe, but everyone tells me i talk just like a hearing person for the most part, a little different, but most people say that they would never know that i'm deaf. since i do communicate so well, most people i know take my hearing loss very lightly and they talk with their back turned or behind me or stuff their faces while talking or even some hearing people i know who do know sign language- they just wont use it and they want me to lipread because they "dont feel like signing for me". it frustrating, and i'll "remind" them that i cant hear and they just get mad at me, like they expect me to communicate perfectly without being able to hear. one of my friends (who knows sign language) even said out of the blue one day, "I'm going to call you hearing." i got really confused and i responded, "why would you call me hearing? i'm not hearing" and she said, "well, you talk so well and you lipread so well, and you didnt learn ASL growing up, so that doesnt make you deaf". that really ticked me off, so i said back "just because i communicate well does not make me hearing, i still cant hear you, and it's not my fault that my parents wanted me to fit in with the hearing world and i never knew sign language even existed, if i had known- i would have learned it a long time ago. don't call me that, i'm not hearing." then she just rudely responded "whatever." i got pretty mad. but anyway, situations like that happen all the time where people just take my hearing loss very lightly, especially my family, and sometimes i wish that i wasnt able to speak well and/or lipread well.

what do you guys think??
 
i'm not sure, i dislike the fact that people think i'm hearing right off the bat. but i do have a slight speech impediment that doesn't relate to my hearing loss, and i think that the struggle to have people understand what you're saying, while at the same time you can't understand what they're saying all to well, doesn't really make it worth it.
 
I think that hearing people take perfect speech for granted.

There will always be people who have accents or can't speak as well as normal hearing people. So, hearing people give others a hard time when they can't be understood. :roll:
 
You say that you can lip read and speak well, but it seems that you tell them that you just can't hear as the reason for having them sign to you.

Are you having difficulty lip reading? Is it tiring? Or is it because you want sign language? What's the reason? Tell them why not because you can't hear because if they see you with hearing aids or hear certain things, then it just doesn't make sense to them even though it does to us.

I know it's hard, but the reality is that we can't expect people to understand exactly what we feel. It'll just make us frustrated to fight with families and friends.

However, you can be assertive, and that's not being agressive.

I am like you, and it's perfectly normal, believe me, for people (even my family!) to forget that I they need to face me. We have to always advocate and remind them to face you when they turn away.

I went to a class about hearing loss and how it affects families, friends, co-workers. It said that we cannot expect people to understand what we feel, but we can tell them to face us. It also said that people forget, and they do things that we have reminded them over and over again not to turn away. It's just a habit. That includes that speaking fast and having them slow down.

It's also especially difficult because some people think you do so well just because you speak so well. It's an invisibile disability, which makes people think you hear just fine. We just have to be assertive and tell them, "I hear you talking, but I can't make out what you're saying without lip reading."

I hope it helps you some.
 
As a person who has a severe profound bilateral deafness since birth and never learning ASL until I was in my 20s, I encountered this problem too many times to count. As a kid, I blamed on myself for not trying to "hear" better because I believed the people who told me that there was no way I could be deaf due to my excellent speech skills. As an adult, I wish I had know what I know now as a kid cuz I would have be able to advocate for myself better instead of believing hearing people.
 
yeahhh thats true, i just have a hard time being assertive, hah. but it is tiring for me to lipread all day, i dont mind it, but some of my friends know sign language and they dont use it around me because they want me to lipread, and i just think that if someone has the ability to sign, it would be nice to use that gift so i understand better because i do miss out on some things when im lipreading, but anyways just my thoughts, thanks for your input :)
 
Kitty,

Have you tried explaining to your friends who know sign that lipreading is tiring for you and that using sign would help you better understand what is said? Perhaps you could say something along the lines of, "Even though I'm able to lipread, I don't understand everything that is said. It's also tiring for me to lipread all the time. Therefore, it would be so much easier for me to communicate if you used sign." If you haven't done this, I would suggest giving it a try to see what their response is. As for your friend who said you're not deaf because you didn't learn ASL as a child, that just shows how little she understands deafness.
 
Kitty, I know how you exactly feel about this. But mine is little different. It is with my family. I am only deaf in family and my parent forced me oral all my life and refused to let me learn ASL due to lack of commutation so they worried. When I reach to 18, I get to decide to go school (high school) so I went to deaf school in Austin and Boy it was very difficult for me for 6 months and I finally learn in only six months. I love it. Then I started to use sign more and more. Even though I can do oral very well that people though I am hearing. Somehow I used talk so well and hear well on phone but the more I was around with deaf people, I don't use much on phone and I enjoy using ip-relay. I tried to explained to my family that I am not 100% hearing and that I can't catch everything what they said. They toild me in the past that I did so well and I said "I am sorry that AI have to tell you this, I PRETEND that I do understand you and you do noticed I asked you to repeat for a clear speech so I can understand more clearly." For the first time in my life I felt fit in using ASL but then again I love my family but wish they would accept me the fact that I am deaf. One time I would call them on ip-relay....guess what? "Kelly, call me on regular phone." I was like man is this how family teat me this way? I mean is that how family accept me this? So I am not close to my family anymore like i used to. That's life. I moved on and doing fine in my life.
 
For me, if I couldn't pronouce a word while speaking into a sentence, it is hard work but sometimes, I managed to speak it out all well. I don't use ASL fluently, I am from Australia and use AUSLAN most of the time. But I speak well too :D
 
VamPyroX said:
I think that hearing people take perfect speech for granted.

There will always be people who have accents or can't speak as well as normal hearing people. So, hearing people give others a hard time when they can't be understood. :roll:
Click to expand...

I agree
 
kitty3 said:
yeahhh thats true, i just have a hard time being assertive, hah. but it is tiring for me to lipread all day, i dont mind it, but some of my friends know sign language and they dont use it around me because they want me to lipread, and i just think that if someone has the ability to sign, it would be nice to use that gift so i understand better because i do miss out on some things when im lipreading, but anyways just my thoughts, thanks for your input :)
Click to expand...

Try to take baby steps to become assertive. Say, they sign in certain situations for you and let them talk other times like when one on one. Try what HearAgain said to explain more clearly why you want communication in sign language.
 
kula23 said:
Kitty, I know how you exactly feel about this. But mine is little different. It is with my family. I am only deaf in family and my parent forced me oral all my life and refused to let me learn ASL due to lack of commutation so they worried. When I reach to 18, I get to decide to go school (high school) so I went to deaf school in Austin and Boy it was very difficult for me for 6 months and I finally learn in only six months. I love it. Then I started to use sign more and more. Even though I can do oral very well that people though I am hearing. Somehow I used talk so well and hear well on phone but the more I was around with deaf people, I don't use much on phone and I enjoy using ip-relay. I tried to explained to my family that I am not 100% hearing and that I can't catch everything what they said. They toild me in the past that I did so well and I said "I am sorry that AI have to tell you this, I PRETEND that I do understand you and you do noticed I asked you to repeat for a clear speech so I can understand more clearly." For the first time in my life I felt fit in using ASL but then again I love my family but wish they would accept me the fact that I am deaf. One time I would call them on ip-relay....guess what? "Kelly, call me on regular phone." I was like man is this how family teat me this way? I mean is that how family accept me this? So I am not close to my family anymore like i used to. That's life. I moved on and doing fine in my life.
Click to expand...

LOL, I have a family member like this who don't want to text message me. It doesn't stop me from having a relationship. It's just ignorance.

Have you thought about using CapTel where you talk just with family, but you will still see relay message? CapTel is free online. I hear the won't know there's a relay person, so your family might feel comfortable.

Here's what I think, relay isn't awesome for talking with my family. I think that they can't feel the connection to you because they hear someone else talking, which is different from text messaging or e-mails.

Just a thought, but disregard my post if you disagree.
 
I had that problem as a hard of hearing person. I can speak really well and used to be able to lipread as well but I prefere using pen and paper. Then after I lost my sight I prefered deafblind manual. People tend to just use what is easier for them. That is why it came as a releif when the reast of my hearing went because people don't expect to use my hearing aids any more and will do the deafblind manual instead.
 
Maybe you should meet some new people, or maybe the ones you do know don't really know how you feel. But if they do really know how you feel and they just don't care....... find new friends. If you can't hear then you aren't hearing. Maybe she made a joke in bad taste. She might not know how upsetting a comment like that can be. I don't know because I wasn't there. BUT... screw a**holes. You don't need them. Don't feel bad for being good at something because other people are insensitive (a**holes).
 
I didn't start loosing my hearing until my early 30's so I speak like the hearing person I used to be. I hate it when I tell someone that I am hard of hearing and their first response is, "But you speak so well!" Why do they automatically assume a person with hearing loss has to sound a certain way?

It is even more frustrating with my 4 year old daughter who has a severe hearing loss; she speaks beautifully and I cannot convince the 'professionals' in our school district that she has language gaps that need to be addressed because all they know how to do with a HOH child is work on articulation and she doesn't need much of that!
 
I know, schools aren't always fantastic about doing their job. Sometimes they work on things your child already knows instead of the things your child needs to work on. I found that the best are private therapists or work at home with the issues.

You have to come up with something to say back to people who say that comment or none at all (not even thank you if you wish). I know people can be insensitive. Maybe they have encountered individuals who don't speak well, so they assume all are alike :roll:.
 
fhjmom said:
I didn't start loosing my hearing until my early 30's so I speak like the hearing person I used to be. I hate it when I tell someone that I am hard of hearing and their first response is, "But you speak so well!" Why do they automatically assume a person with hearing loss has to sound a certain way?
Click to expand...

It seems that even people who are experienced with deaf people are surprised by deaf people who speak well. I met someone who hears but is fluent in ASL because she often visits Gallaudet for her cousin. She was surprised by how well I speak, despite meeting dozens (if not more) of deaf people at Gallaudet. So I wouldn't be too harsh on the people who say "You speak so well" because chances are they met quite a few individuals who don't. Same thing as a Chinese guy moving here recently from China who has excellent English (with no accent). People will be shocked by how well he speaks English, because frequently they speak with a heavy accent.

That's the fun in breaking stereotypes. :)
 
I encounter the same problem. What many hearing individuals fail to understand is that speech is 2-way communication. Ideally, you need to be able to hear and speak to use speech. Sometimes, I just go with "voice off". It's far easier. I know I will have a hard time understanding the speaker, so why bother speaking? Once I start speaking, the other person speaks back.

Last night, my gf and I went to a restaurant. I was at the counter ordering my food. I didn't have hearing aids in and didn't feel like dealing with struggling to communicate so I wrote the order. He then tried speaking to me and then looked at my gf. I wrote, "Don't look at her! She's not my interpreter!"

Then, the guy behind the cookie counter in the restaurant knew ASL from school and signed and it was great!

I will often tell people, "My hearing loss is new and you'll find I speak perfectly, but that doesn't mean I can hear you!"
 
OpheliaSpeaks said:
I will often tell people, "My hearing loss is new and you'll find I speak perfectly, but that doesn't mean I can hear you!"
Click to expand...

I don't know if this is considered off-topic, but I could really relate to what Ophelia said. I had severe-profound hearing loss for 10 years prior to receiving my CIs and as a result, I've had people comment on my speech. My speech tends to be pretty good with the exception of sounding nasaly and as if I have a lisp. I also tend to slur my words from time to time. When I tell people I have CIs or that I've had severe-profound hearing loss for over 10 years, many of them respond with surprise or tell me "you speak so well for a deaf person!" :roll: Since most people expect those of us with CIs to have poor speech (at least the majority of people I've met do), I've resorted to telling them I'm newly deaf which seems to solve that problem.
 
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