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faire_jour

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I just found out last night that my mother thinks that we are not doing everything we can to help Miss Kat reach her full potential. She said now that we got her a CI we have started. She says that we never use speech around her, that we don't care whether she learns or not. She says we were "too much into the Deaf community stuff". She says that we also exaggerate Miss Kat's hearing loss, and that she thinks she can hear just fine with her hearing aids, and understands everything she says.....
I just don't know how to deal with the fact that she thinks I'm a psycho who doesn't want their child to succeed and is making this all up! What do I do with this?
 
Oh GAWD!!!!! It's very possible that your mom saw some pro oral propaganda and thinks that that sort of functioning is possible for ALL dhh folks.
 
Ok, my family is just as crazy. But in the opposite direction. They think that since Samantha is implanted she can hear and everything should be "normal".

It is a constant struggle. I get tired of trying to convince my family that she is deaf and they have to accept that.

I think that people who are not living this everyday do not have a clue. Perfect example...my in-laws are in town for the w/e. If I have to hear one more time how my MIL has a distant cousin that is deaf and "she dresses SO nice, she was even married before, and she can drive!!" I'm like WTF?! She's deaf not dead!!

My point is, they don't get it cuz they don't live it day in and day out. Samantha will be 9 in April. Since her diagnosis, we have heard so much crap from both sides of the family. Can't let it get to you. You know what is best for your child. As hard as it is, ignore them. :)
 
My extended family did the same thing to my mom when my deaf brother and I were kids. They gave my mom a hard time about my brother not being successful with the oral-only approach and were always measuring him against my good oral skills. They would ask her stuff like "why he couldnt do it if I could? or He must be low-functioning or retarded if he cant speak." My mom was criticized by them big time for sending my brother to the Deaf school.

Tell your family that if they continue to do this, they will risk the chance of making Miss Kat feel inferior cuz that was what happened to the both of us. I was labeled as smart simply because I had good oral skills but wasnt ever taken seriously and my brother was labeled as low-functioning because he didnt have any oral skills. Year after year of this, both of us grew to resent them and avoid them as much as we can. They think we dont hang out with them because we are into the Deaf culture thing...their views are the reasons we avoid them...Deaf culture has absulotely nothing to do with it.

Sometimes, the whole CI thing can be a neccessary evil cuz it seems like hearing people see it as a final solution to all the communication problems.
 
She acts like some how we were brainwashed by the Deaf community into signing! She thinks that we live voice-off and that we only use speech because we wanted to get the CI. She says she has been begging us for years to talk with Miss Kat.
She also seems to think that I am exagerrating how severe her loss is. She actually believes that if she says "Go check for your shoes in your room". That she would understand and go and do that. Ummmm...she scores well on closed set tests but 0 on open sets...she can't hear!!
 
faire_jour, keep doing what you're doing and your child will succeed despite what your mother may think. She is not the mother, you are.
 
faire_jour said:
I just found out last night that my mother thinks that we are not doing everything we can to help Miss Kat reach her full potential. She said now that we got her a CI we have started. She says that we never use speech around her, that we don't care whether she learns or not. She says we were "too much into the Deaf community stuff". She says that we also exaggerate Miss Kat's hearing loss, and that she thinks she can hear just fine with her hearing aids, and understands everything she says.....
I just don't know how to deal with the fact that she thinks I'm a psycho who doesn't want their child to succeed and is making this all up! What do I do with this?
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Prove her wrong! and just continue life as before. Miss Kat just has additional sound.. That's "all". (well... will have..)
 
Banjo said:
faire_jour, keep doing what you're doing and your child will succeed despite what your mother may think. She is not the mother, you are.
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Yup! It's nothing new about them hearing people's attitude toward ASL. You are doing a very right thing, trust us! ;)
 
Ewww, that would just drive me insane if I had a parent giving that type of criticism. Im with others who have said that obviously she doesn't have the entire point of view or understanding. Problem is that she already might have prematurely come to that false belief and it might be difficult to help her understand completely the dynamics involved with everyday life with your daughter and you.
 
Just don't see her anymore if she does not have the good welfare of your daughter as a priority.
 
Faire......Does your mom have any "weak spots in terms of functioning? Like is she better at reading then at math or something like that? If so ask her how she would have felt being raised ignoring her strenghs and solely focusing on her weak spots?
Most dhh kids will be able to hear and talk somewhat.....but most of them will always have it as a weak spot.
I honestly think that if I had been raised with both ASL and speech my self esteem would have been better.
 
Liza said:
ignore the old buzzard? :hmm:
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:laugh2:Bascially , that's whats needed. Your mom needs to show more support. I do relate to you with a negative parent they can NEVER terms what is best and ideal that applies to your life. Keep doing what you need to do to fill the needs of your daughter.
 
It is amazing how your mother ignore your daughter the fact that she is deaf and thinks that she can hear and pick up words to understand everything what the hearing people say. They think it is a cure. That is the reason why hearing people find ways to get our deaf people to hear and pick up the language without no difficult and not have to use lipreading and just abandon sign language like ASL. That is a bull crap for hearing people to dream that their deaf child will be able to hear and understand with the CI. It has been a pipe dream for them for many, many years. We, deafies, want to be natural the way we feel better for ourselves. We were born with deafness and other deafies were late deafen and learn how to get adapt to hearing the sounds different than the normal sounds. If the late deafen can hear and understand with the CI without lipreading and that is good for them but I doubt it. Your mother is not perfect and every one of the hearing people have flaws that are not perfect. We are not expect to be perfect anyway. God may have created us and just have to get use to having this flaws. God is perfect but we, human beings, are not perfect. Just keep doing what you have been doing with your daughter with ASL and make sure she did not turn you away and your mother knowing that your daughter could not make you or your mother understand that she can not do to please them. I hope you understand what I am saying. Good Luck. :thumb:
 
Honestly, you are going to have to put your foot down now and draw boundaries. Say something to the effect that you appreciate her suggestions but bottom line is that this is YOUR child and you will make the decisions...she can either respect that or get out. I know that sounds harsh...but at this point, you need support...not a nagging voice that will follow in your head and fill you with self-doubts and all that. You're doing a great job from what I've gathered from your posts. Your kiddo is lucky.
 
take it from bajagal, she speaks from experience, well in a round-a-bout way but its still worth to listening to her.
 
Hello there,


let me start off by saying I think that most families will never fully understand the "Deaf thing". Miss Kat is very lucky that at least you understand! My own mother doesn't get it and hates the fact that I sign. I have just learned to ignore her comments and move on. Perhaps that is what you will have to do. Maybe you can try to get her talk to some older Deaf people? Implanted or not?
 
faire_jour said:
I just found out last night that my mother thinks that we are not doing everything we can to help Miss Kat reach her full potential. She said now that we got her a CI we have started. She says that we never use speech around her, that we don't care whether she learns or not. She says we were "too much into the Deaf community stuff". She says that we also exaggerate Miss Kat's hearing loss, and that she thinks she can hear just fine with her hearing aids, and understands everything she says.....
I just don't know how to deal with the fact that she thinks I'm a psycho who doesn't want their child to succeed and is making this all up! What do I do with this?
Click to expand...

I think you need to fight off your mother with a stick. :giggle: j/k I think you should do what you think would be best for your own daughter-- whatever works best. ;)
 
Why dont you let Miss Kat stay with your mon for a few hours so she can see how Miss Kat functions and hear? so she'll be able to see for herself
 
faire_jour - I have a very very simple answer for you. "Kindly piss off. this is my child, not yours. I will ask you for advice/help If i want to. thank you"
 
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