Has anyone ever had to deal with this dilemma?

NextGen

NextGen

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This is to both the male and female Deaf members of AllDeaf.com's forum posting community: Have you ever had the experience of dealing and/or grappling with the issue of not finding another Deaf person that's on the same level as you are in the areas of: A) intelligence, B) education, C) wit, and D) ability in language?

I'm a single, young, well-educated Deaf male whose command over the English language has treated him well over the years through earned opportunities in academics and life alike. Sometimes it can be a bit frustrating to encounter a lack of Deaf women who can at least hold their own in an intelligent, stimulating, and meaningful conversation (and relationship, too).

Now, there's nothing really discriminatory or prejudiced in what I'm saying here; it just happens to be based on direct and personal experience that not only have I had, but also other Deaf people that I've known over the years, as well. And let's be brutally honest here: For many "intelligent" Deaf people who're either single or are looking to be in a relationship, this type of issue is considered "taboo" or a proverbial "skeleton in (the Deaf community's) closet; in other words, it's something that isn't just brought up out in the open for discussion in the general community, so it's understandable for it to be labeled as "discrimination" to certain sects of the Deaf population, when, in fact, it really isn't.

Are there any other men or women who share this same sentiment as I do ... ? Come now; speak out and be heard (or "seen," rather) ... :D
 
yes ive been down that road -- it IS a challenge to find someone with whom i share many same common interests and have a sense of humor and etc
 
No one is perfectly even or equal in everything. For me, it doesn't really matter... as long as i can communicate with that other person cleary.
 
Gen:

I only have eight words to say regarding to your dilemna.

I can truly relate to what you're saying.

::::sighing::::
 
NextGen said:
This is to both the male and female Deaf members of AllDeaf.com's forum posting community: Have you ever had the experience of dealing and/or grappling with the issue of not finding another Deaf person that's on the same level as you are in the areas of: A) intelligence, B) education, C) wit, and D) ability in language?

I'm a single, young, well-educated Deaf male whose command over the English language has treated him well over the years through earned opportunities in academics and life alike. Sometimes it can be a bit frustrating to encounter a lack of Deaf women who can at least hold their own in an intelligent, stimulating, and meaningful conversation (and relationship, too).

Now, there's nothing really discriminatory or prejudiced in what I'm saying here; it just happens to be based on direct and personal experience that not only have I had, but also other Deaf people that I've known over the years, as well. And let's be brutally honest here: For many "intelligent" Deaf people who're either single or are looking to be in a relationship, this type of issue is considered "taboo" or a proverbial "skeleton in (the Deaf community's) closet; in other words, it's something that isn't just brought up out in the open for discussion in the general community, so it's understandable for it to be labeled as "discrimination" to certain sects of the Deaf population, when, in fact, it really isn't.

Are there any other men or women who share this same sentiment as I do ... ? Come now; speak out and be heard (or "seen," rather) ... :D
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tell me about it!! i am in your shoes too!! :slap:
 
Hence the reason I started the "MENSA May the luck be with you?" thread here.
http://alldeaf.com/showthread.php?t=12401

I'm getting bored of the normal people.

I've found some ladies that are fluent in ASL, English and other languages as well... They're hearing. But man, aren't they smart.
 
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:)
Completely understood. I have dated several deaf men who were not exactly up to my levels in the fields of vocubalary and academics; it was frustrating because it was a complete turnoff for me. Ended up dumping them :-X

Have you tried nationwide? New York City and Los Angeles have a good number of intellects in their deaf communities. San Diego-- used to have but we have radiated our population to ensure our surivial to keep the "sunny-iness" in the deaf blood, lol.

Thought it was all over for me with finding a deaf man that I can use the extended vocabulary I have, converse, comphrend one other, learn from one other, and being amused----- until I met C. (10th would be our one year anniversay.)

My Tip: Just don't try too hard to look for her-- she will come to you!
:fly:
 
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gnarlydorkette said:
:)
Completely understood. I have dated several deaf men who were not exactly up to my levels in the fields of vocubalary and academics; it was frustrating because it was a complete turnoff for me. Ended up dumping them :-X
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Ditto. I have the same problem with deaf women around here. I don't mind vocabulary issue at all but academics, I have to agree with you. I like to have good discussions or debates with my lovers. That's one of few reasons why I am currently dating a hearing woman (eight months now).


gnarlydorkette said:
Have you tried nationwide? New York City and Los Angeles have a good number of intellects in their deaf communities. San Diego-- used to have but we have radiated our population to ensure our surivial to keep the "sunny-iness" in the deaf blood, lol.
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Let's not forget San Francisco :P There are plenty numbers of intellects (both genders) in that area as well.

NextGen, what can I say? Welcome to the club. I went thru these same situations in the past and I gave up on them in my area... After that, I decided to give the hearing women a try and I have been dating them ever since.
 
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Hearing women are fine by me, but at the same time, I feel as if though there's a slight preference had by myself to at least hold out a little bit for Deaf women partly out of a cultural and psychological attachment that I think comes from the "Deaf" side of me. It'd be nice to see someone with an innate, intertwined basis of comprehension that I can share in with and build on that through what could possibly be a relationship between the two of us. Know what I mean?
 
NextGen said:
Hearing women are fine by me, but at the same time, I feel as if though there's a slight preference had by myself to at least hold out a little bit for Deaf women partly out of a cultural and psychological attachment that I think comes from the "Deaf" side of me. It'd be nice to see someone with an innate, intertwined basis of comprehension that I can share in with and build on that through what could possibly be a relationship between the two of us. Know what I mean?
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:::nodding in agreement::::
 
NextGen said:
Hearing women are fine by me, but at the same time, I feel as if though there's a slight preference had by myself to at least hold out a little bit for Deaf women partly out of a cultural and psychological attachment that I think comes from the "Deaf" side of me. It'd be nice to see someone with an innate, intertwined basis of comprehension that I can share in with and build on that through what could possibly be a relationship between the two of us. Know what I mean?
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like i said in my last post.. we are on the same boat.. and whats more.. i have a hard time meeting people on my level.. most of them tend to be from a distance which sucks.. wish we had more locals like us! (sigh)
 
When I was growing up, I went through this feelings as well. Although I was mainstreamed, there were still like 20 other deafies in my school. I was the only one in the honours program, and sometimes I would rather socialise with my hearing peers because from time to time, I found my deaf classmates to be totally immature. But it was still nice to socialise with them in my own language and to try to find a common point between us to share same interests. I have never dated a deaf guy until very recently, but I think it really makes no difference about hearing or deaf person. Right now, I am with a hearing partner since 8 months and I can't imagine my life without him at all.
 
NextGen said:
Hearing women are fine by me, but at the same time, I feel as if though there's a slight preference had by myself to at least hold out a little bit for Deaf women partly out of a cultural and psychological attachment that I think comes from the "Deaf" side of me. It'd be nice to see someone with an innate, intertwined basis of comprehension that I can share in with and build on that through what could possibly be a relationship between the two of us. Know what I mean?
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Do I know you? Your name starts with T....? (smile)
 
Vocab levels, Academics don't have much pirority as COMMON SENSE has.

Once you find someone who has a LOT of common sense, and seems to remember things rather quickly. That's a very good sign. It also leads to "smarter talk" because... argh, i'm sure yall know what I mean, otherwise you wouldnt be here.
 
posts from hell said:
Vocab levels, Academics don't have much pirority as COMMON SENSE has.
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Bingo! That's what I found out when I met some highly intelligent women, I cannot believe how can they survive in the world with incredibly low level of common sense.
 
Humm...I never had much trouble finding anyone...

Ive always treated my partners as equals, no matter what. Ive never looked for intelligence...Ive always looked for someone whose personality attracted me, with plenty of common sense and a great sense of humor. Ive always looked for the person within the person, period.
 
For me, it is just important that I can maintain a normal conversation with the other person. The other person would need a good sense of humor to match mine. Education and intelligence are important but not always vital in being able to converse with someone on a civil level.

But yup, I've been there. In my past, I've had many friends/acquaintences who were deaf/hard of hearing, and exhibit poor language skills.
 
DreamDeaf said:
Humm...I never had much trouble finding anyone...

Ive always treated my partners as equals, no matter what. Ive never looked for intelligence...Ive always looked for someone whose personality attracted me, with plenty of common sense and a great sense of humor. Ive always looked for the person within the person, period.
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:werd: That is the same way with me too. Sometimes being intelligence can be too boring. I love the fun baby. heh!
 
I think that happens to a lot of people. Sometimes the more someone achieves the fewer options they have.
 
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