Difference between being Blunt and Attacking Someone

[shel90]

I noticed with online forums, people sometimes cant distinguish when one member is being blunt or just attacking.

Can we talk about the differences and maybe help each other to become better improved at recognizing when someone is being blunt or when someone is attacking you?

My take on this...when someone makes a comment about me or an inaccurate something about they have never had personal experience with, I will be blunt with the person and sometimes it results as someone else thinking I am attacking them.

I am sure there were a few times, I probably could have changed my wording. For me, attacking would be me calling the other person insulting degrading names or threatening them. Like "You are so stupid" or "If you do this, you will regret it."

Being blunt is like "Please do not put me in the same category as this person or I dont appreciate you telling me to do this or that."

Your thoughts on how we can improve on recognizing when one is blunt or when one is attacking/threatening each other?

Just was curious to your views and how you viewed the difference between both and maybe help me better understand why some people respond as if I was attacking them when I, in my mind, wasnt.

If anyone feels this thread could start a flame war and bashing each other, let me know and I can have it locked before that happens. It wont hurt my feelings.

 

[dead money]

well personally i dont care because a % of people on here im sorry to say can never distinguish the difference from one to another. And usually they cry to the mods because i hurt their little feelings even though i wasnt trying to, but just by stating the obvious. So your attempt for compromise will probaly never work because too many people get butthurt over the simplest of things.

 

[shel90]

well personally i dont care because a % of people on here im sorry to say can never distinguish the difference from one to another. And usually they cry to the mods because i hurt their little feelings even though i wasnt trying to, but just by stating the obvious. So your attempt for compromise will probaly never work because too many people get butthurt over the simplest of things.

Doesnt hurt to try.

 

[doofenslim]

Before I start, this thread will lead to some kind of flame war.

To me, in my opinion, not some research done on wikipedia, being blunt is telling it as it is. Attacking someone is where somebody flat out call somebody else by name, directing their comments directly at that person.

This is an online, heavy stress on ONLINE, forum where it can be difficult to see what is real and what is not real. Some people are too quick to judge and take it as a personal attack. I always enjoy an enchanting discussion, sometime taking an unpopular side and see how other people think on a issue.

Bottom line, it is an online forum where you can not see the other person you are discussing with. That make it tougher to see the emotions involved.

 

[shel90]

Before I start, this thread will lead to some kind of flame war.

To me, in my opinion, not some research done on wikipedia, being blunt is telling it as it is. Attacking someone is where somebody flat out call somebody else by name, directing their comments directly at that person.

This is an online, heavy stress on ONLINE, forum where it can be difficult to see what is real and what is not real. Some people are too quick to judge and take it as a personal attack. I always enjoy an enchanting discussion, sometime taking an unpopular side and see how other people think on a issue.

Bottom line, it is an online forum where you can not see the other person you are discussing with. That make it tougher to see the emotions involved.

I agree...I brought up the same statement about a year ago when someone thought I was attacking them. So, we know we arent having our discussions face to face so any helpful tips to be able to distinguish the two?

 

[doofenslim]

I agree...I brought up the same statement about a year ago when someone thought I was attacking them. So, we know we arent having our discussions face to face so any helpful tips to be able to distinguish the two?

That would be hard to set some kind of standard because not everybody has the ability to "read between the lines." Everybody has a different way of approaching things. What people can do is sent out an PM asking for clarifying before jumping to conclusions.

Like for our recent discussion that led to some steamy issues, I actually enjoyed it because I learn through it. I see how the other side, you for example, grew up and experienced things. We see things differently and with this forum, we are able to share our experiences.

 

[dead money]

Doesnt hurt to try.

true enough

When i came on here i was told to watch myself because im a vey open minded/blunt person. I'll say what i think, and ill say what needs to be said whether other people like it or not....but like i said, it doesnt concern me since this is supposed to be a public forum. But according to others im a wealth of information and i am hard of hearing so it seemed like a good fit. And im glad ive joined... its really changed my life so to speak.. i wont elaborate on that right now but its been good for me in a number of ways. My only complaint though from day one was the rampant overprotection of peoples sensitivity and all. I was told to tone it down, etc and had a number of posts deleted haha. Im respectful so its not like i cried about it and so far i think ive "behaved" well enough to still be myself and stay within guidelines. But that doesnt mean i dont let something go by me just because. If someones an obvius fucking moron, it WILL come out more so than not *smirk* But i think ive been around long enough to the point where most people who know me can honestly interpret my posts and understand the true meaning behind them.

 

[Moon-child]

It is difficult when we don't know the context of feeling the post was made in, the intent. It is also hard when you do not know the person, people we get to know on-line makes it easier to read there posts in the intended way. I think we could all be just abit more polite, and this may help some.

 

[Jolie77]

I'm glad you brought this up, Shel.

The thing is, often time, the difference between being straightforward and attacking is when a lot of people can easily mis-interpret it one way or another.

A lot of people would view it as an "attacking" mode while another would view it as a "straightforward" mode. It's one of the perks of being online.

Of course, we all are not mind readers to know the difference to see which poster comes from. I, myself, have tried to see it from both sides.

If one were to be straightforward, I have no problem with that. It is just how one conveys the information to make it seem like it is on a different stance when it is not meant to be.

I think it would also serve us some good to see different perspectives rather than taking everything personally. That is the problem when one takes everything personally.

 

[Daredevel7]

It will be hard. I've only been using AD for a few days, and Ive already found myself trying to be as PC as I can, which is actually rare for a person like me! It's funny how online can make things seem WAY worse than as if you said it in real life. Also, sometimes threads can be so long, so people will only read the last few and its one of those "out of context" things, and people get off topic, and so on.... I guess the best thing we can do is ignore those who just basically says things to piss off people and try to state things clearly? And of course... don't do the obvious like name calling!

Bye, whores!

I kid..

 

[Byrdie714]

I'm glad you brought this up, Shel.

The thing is, often time, the difference between being straightforward and attacking is when a lot of people can easily mis-interpret it one way or another.

A lot of people would view it as an "attacking" mode while another would view it as a "straightforward" mode. It's one of the perks of being online.

Of course, we all are not mind readers to know the difference to see which poster comes from. I, myself, have tried to see it from both sides.

If one were to be straightforward, I have no problem with that. It is just how one conveys the information to make it seem like it is on a different stance when it is not meant to be.

I think it would also serve us some good to see different perspectives rather than taking everything personally. That is the problem when one takes everything personally.

Good post Jolie although I would like to add my 2 cents worth in the difference of being blunt/straightforward vs. personal attacks.

(I am going to use Jolie77 as an example because I like her.... )

Anyway suppose Jolie77 and I are debating a topic....

Examples of being Blunt/Straightforward is using 'I' statements when one is agreeing or disagreeing.

" I agree with you jolie77 in regards to the Economic mess that we are in this country. It would be better if......"

Now for personals attacks is more like this:

"I disagree with you Jolie77 because you don't know what you are talking about. Go back to the refrigerator and suck on another bottle of coke."

Personal attacks does not include questioning one's sources as they had a basis of argument, but to make it personal--is a no-no.

When I am moderating on the other forum--that is how we differentiate the attacks/being straightforward-blunt.

 

[Byrdie714]

It will be hard. I've only been using AD for a few days, and Ive already found myself trying to be as PC as I can, which is actually rare for a person like me! It's funny how online can make things seem WAY worse than as if you said it in real life. Also, sometimes threads can be so long, so people will only read the last few and its one of those "out of context" things, and people get off topic, and so on.... I guess the best thing we can do is ignore those who just basically says things to piss off people and try to state things clearly? And of course... don't do the obvious like name calling!

Bye, whores!

I kid..

Yet as a new AD'er who is learning the ropes of AD and for long term posters on this forum--this would be considered a personal attack/insult.

The reason is simple: you are new. Many long term poster's are not used to you yet and everyone is still trying to "feel out" if one is a liberal/conservative. hearing, deaf, etc, etc....

 

[Hermes]

I noticed with online forums, people sometimes cant distinguish when one member is being blunt or just attacking.

Can we talk about the differences and maybe help each other to become better improved at recognizing when someone is being blunt or when someone is attacking you?

There are two kind of people you can recognize (no I am not saying there is only 2, I am just mentioning these two now), one enjoys being tough and being right . He starts attacking other people the moment he feels like he can be wrong, or just keeps arguing with you for the sake of ticking you off even he never adds anything positive to conversation. At the end it ends up being all about his ego and entertainment , it doesnt matter the conversations are ruined, the threads are locked.

The second kind keeps himself behind emotional barriers. You can offend them very easily. You need to be very careful with your words and explain everything in great detail. They have got this idea the world is against them, and they constantly are searching for evidence to prove it.

When you recognize the person you are talking to falls into one of these categories , you need to be more careful with the way you are handling the conversation. These conversations usually doesn't produce anything positive and always leave a bitter taste.

I am not talking about anybody specific here (see I have to say it over and over again to ensure nobody will get offended. ) . I am making generalization on two different human behavior on the edge. If you meet anybody behaving like this here or somewhere else doesn't matter, you can see the possible outcome beforehand and act proper.

Besides that we all need to use common sense because its difficult to analize every situation and determine the intention of other parties. I guess we just have to trust each other thats all..

Love
Hermes

 

[Pinky]

4 to 6 person hurt my felt. They attacked on me. I didn't appreciate their offensive me in first place. If they never tell me apology then I will never talk to them back again. I can be mean to them back. It's fair. I wish they would learn to be apology and ask forgive and forget about past.. They should tell me apology first. If they ask me for forgive them. I will accept it.

They need to open mind about the feeling. It's annoying me whenever they are disrespect and against me. We are many agree/disagree each other. :roll: It's being human.

It all about CI. The people are against CI for reasons. I think it's stupid to against and make own battle &flame war and bashing cause thread get locked quickly. They want to be enemies with CI. That's wrong! No need to tell me which is right and wrong. They need to be open mind and respect people's experience.

I think it's good idea about Shel's thread to bring it up. Why not forgive each other and forget past? We can move on.

I'm honest. I really HATE brutal & bashing and stink attitudes! It turned me off.

 

[Daredevel7]

Yet as a new AD'er who is learning the ropes of AD and for long term posters on this forum--this would be considered a personal attack/insult.

The reason is simple: you are new. Many long term poster's are not used to you yet and everyone is still trying to "feel out" if one is a liberal/conservative. hearing, deaf, etc, etc....

Really? I'm surprised. Is anyone offended by my "bye whores!" comment? Im really curious.

 

[Hermes]

Really? I'm surprised. Is anyone offended by my "bye whores!" comment? Im really curious.

I am not personally offended, but I believe what he meant to say is ... I will give you an example. Imagine you join a club in real life , any club and first day you meet people, you leave there saying "bye whores" and you laugh and say its a joke.. That gives a first impression. Of course it depends on where you are. If this was a prison and you said it after beating us all, we all might have respected you for that If it was a country club, then you probably couldn't find new friends there afterwards.

What kind of place AllDeaf is? You will figure it out and people coming here will figure you out too..

-

 

[Jiro]

Misunderstanding is the fact of life. If one can simply clear it up and all is forgotten and forgiven.... that's cool. If not, they can go fuck themselves.

 

[Daredevel7]

I am not personally offended, but I believe what he meant to say is ... I will give you an example. Imagine you join a club in real life , any club and first day you meet people, you leave there saying "bye whores" and you laugh and say its a joke.. That gives a first impression. Of course it depends on where you are. If this was a prison and you said it after beating us all, we all might have respected you for that If it was a country club, then you probably couldn't find new friends there afterwards.

What kind of place AllDeaf is? You will figure it out and people coming here will figure you out too..

-

Hmm interesting...... obviously my attempt to be ironic backfired? Also, if people read your post ONLY, they'd think that I said "Bye whores. hahaha!" thats all. And that seems so low-class. But previously to saying "Bye whores!" I said "We should not resort to name calling".

This forum can be surprisingly sensitive.....

 

[shel90]

There are two kind of people you can recognize (no I am not saying there is only 2, I am just mentioning these two now), one enjoys being tough and being right . He starts attacking other people the moment he feels like he can be wrong, or just keeps arguing with you for the sake of ticking you off even he never adds anything positive to conversation. At the end it ends up being all about his ego and entertainment , it doesnt matter the conversations are ruined, the threads are locked.

The second kind keeps himself behind emotional barriers. You can offend them very easily. You need to be very careful with your words and explain everything in great detail. They have got this idea the world is against them, and they constantly are searching for evidence to prove it.

When you recognize the person you are talking to falls into one of these categories , you need to be more careful with the way you are handling the conversation. These conversations usually doesn't produce anything positive and always leave a bitter taste.

I am not talking about anybody specific here (see I have to say it over and over again to ensure nobody will get offended. ) . I am making generalization on two different human behavior on the edge. If you meet anybody behaving like this here or somewhere else doesn't matter, you can see the possible outcome beforehand and act proper.

Besides that we all need to use common sense because its difficult to analize every situation and determine the intention of other parties. I guess we just have to trust each other thats all..

Love
Hermes

That's a good post. I have never thought of it that way nor even considered it. I am glad you brought that up..maybe that can help me.

I am a very blunt person and I never like beating around the bush nor coddling people but I am trying to see if there are better ways to use my wording when I am blunt.

 

[samanthasmom]

Misunderstanding is the fact of life. If one can simply clear it up and all is forgotten and forgiven.... that's cool. If not, they can go fuck themselves.