Difference between being Blunt and Attacking Someone

doofenslim said:
That would be hard to set some kind of standard because not everybody has the ability to "read between the lines." Everybody has a different way of approaching things. What people can do is sent out an PM asking for clarifying before jumping to conclusions.

Like for our recent discussion that led to some steamy issues, I actually enjoyed it because I learn through it. I see how the other side, you for example, grew up and experienced things. We see things differently and with this forum, we are able to share our experiences.
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Yea, I agree with all of your points in this post. Yea, we got into a heated debate. :)
 
Moon-child said:
It is difficult when we don't know the context of feeling the post was made in, the intent. It is also hard when you do not know the person, people we get to know on-line makes it easier to read there posts in the intended way. I think we could all be just abit more polite, and this may help some.
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OK, seriously, I agree with you on this one Moon-Child!
 
~♥~Pinky~♥~ said:
4 to 6 person hurt my felt. They attacked on me. I didn't appreciate their offensive me in first place. If they never tell me apology then I will never talk to them back again. I can be mean to them back. It's fair. I wish they would learn to be apology and ask forgive and forget about past.. They should tell me apology first. If they ask me for forgive them. I will accept it.

They need to open mind about the feeling. It's annoying me whenever they are disrespect and against me. We are many agree/disagree each other. :roll: It's being human.

It all about CI. The people are against CI for reasons. I think it's stupid to against and make own battle &flame war and bashing cause thread get locked quickly. They want to be enemies with CI. That's wrong! No need to tell me which is right and wrong. They need to be open mind and respect people's experience.

I think it's good idea about Shel's thread to bring it up. Why not forgive each other and forget past? We can move on.

I'm honest. I really HATE brutal & bashing and stink attitudes! It turned me off.
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My question is ..can u tell if someone is being blunt or attacking you?

When I was growing up, I had no idea what bluntness was cuz I wasnt able to interact and develop fully in social situations due to missing out on social cues with my hearing friends. When I went to Gallaudet University and finally was able to communicate and socialize fully, I encountered some very blunt people and at first, I didnt understand it and I thought they were attacking me so I spent a lot of nights crying and whining about it. Then the more I socialized, the more understanding I was able to gain from how people interact, I realized that being blunt is ok and is necessary sometimes. I thank those people at Gally who were blunt with me cuz they made me step back and analyze myself and dig deeper to why I reacted or took their bluntness in the wrong way. Helped me to toughen up and handle bluntness a more contructive way and not take it so personally all the time.

Also, I learned that life is too short to sweat the small stuff so I dont dwell on it when someone is blunt with me. Sure, I will be mad or upset for a while but not obsess over it and let it affect my day to day life.
 
Daredevel7 said:
Really? I'm surprised. Is anyone offended by my "bye whores!" comment? Im really curious.
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Not me...with those kinds of sarcastic comments, I laugh at them.


If you were saying directly to me "You are a fucking whore!" then whoa! I would probably reply saying that was unecessary or even a sarcastic reply like "How did u know that I am such a whore? Wow!"

It depends on my mood.

Usually the first few times I let it slide and dont report it to the mods because I dont take it personally but if it occurs again and again, then it becomes harrassment and to end it, I report it.
 
Jiro said:
Misunderstanding is the fact of life. If one can simply clear it up and all is forgotten and forgiven.... that's cool. If not, they can go fuck themselves. :cool2:
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:giggle:
 
Shel, I honestly think that in an on-line forum it IS hard for some people to differentiate the two. The topics are typically emotionally charged, people aren't sitting face to face, alot of times not personally knowing each other...then add in the fact that when people read a message (imo) they tend to infer emotion depending on their own mood. It can make for a volatile situation.
 
Daredevel7 said:
Hmm interesting...... obviously my attempt to be ironic backfired? Also, if people read your post ONLY, they'd think that I said "Bye whores. hahaha!" thats all. And that seems so low-class. But previously to saying "Bye whores!" I said "We should not resort to name calling".

This forum can be surprisingly sensitive.....
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But this is an ongoing conversation and people should read your post, his response, your question and my explanation , right? It always can give a false idea if / when people read selectively .

My post doesnt make any judgment on you, I just tried to explain what he said about being new and first impression. If somebody reads your joke and doesnt get it, it doesnt mean they are sensitive , it means they dont share your sense of humor. For example you read my "being in prison" joke but you are not laughing at it in your previous post, should I think you are being sensitive?

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shel90 said:
My question is ..can u tell if someone is being blunt or attacking you?

They were mean to me on posts and PM both. I can't tell you who are them. If you want to know who. Send me PM.

When I was growing up, I had no idea what bluntness was cuz I wasnt able to interact and develop fully in social situations due to missing out on social cues with my hearing friends. When I went to Gallaudet University and finally was able to communicate and socialize fully, I encountered some very blunt people and at first, I didnt understand it and I thought they were attacking me so I spent a lot of nights crying and whining about it. Then the more I socialized, the more understanding I was able to gain from how people interact, I realized that being blunt is ok and is necessary sometimes. I thank those people at Gally who were blunt with me cuz they made me step back and analyze myself and dig deeper to why I reacted or took their bluntness in the wrong way. Helped me to toughen up and handle bluntness a more contructive way and not take it so personally all the time.

I am not college student. I never go to college before. :( Don't feel sorry for me.

Also, I learned that life is too short to sweat the small stuff so I dont dwell on it when someone is blunt with me. Sure, I will be mad or upset for a while but not obsess over it and let it affect my day to day life.
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I learned about "Life is too short" from my husband taught me. He told me not be worry and dwell about past. I am trying to move on. I am still dwelling about past. :( I don't appreciate however AD'ers treated me like a stupid and not good in English grammar. I felt a offend. They are trying to make a pity on me. They think I am the stupid. I'm NOT! I am very smart enough. But I need learn more English skill that all. I think Drama's Life is too short.
 
~♥~Pinky~♥~ said:
I learned about "Life is too short" from my husband taught me. He told me not be worry and dwell about past. I am trying to move on. I am still dwelling about past. :( I don't appreciate however AD'ers treated me like a stupid and not good in English grammar. I felt a offend. They are trying to make a pity on me. They think I am the stupid. I'm NOT! I am very smart enough. But I need learn more English skill that all. I think Drama's Life is too short.
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Dont need to know who were mean to you. It is none of my business and I prefer not to get involved. I am sorry that you felt some people were mean to you about your grammar but is it possible, they were telling you in a blunt way or did they say u were stupid or retarded cuz of your grammar?

There is a difference between saying "I think you probably misunderstood me because you didnt read me right or I didnt understand you because of the way you write" than "Your grammar sucks and you are stupid". The latter part is attacking and nobody should do that.
 
samanthasmom said:
Shel, I honestly think that in an on-line forum it IS hard for some people to differentiate the two. The topics are typically emotionally charged, people aren't sitting face to face, alot of times not personally knowing each other...then add in the fact that when people read a message (imo) they tend to infer emotion depending on their own mood. It can make for a volatile situation.
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Good point and true too. Something else to ponder about. Thanks! :wave:
 
shel90 said:
Dont need to know who were mean to you. It is none of my business and I prefer not to get involved. I am sorry that you felt some people were mean to you about your grammar but is it possible, they were telling you in a blunt way or did they say u were stupid or retarded cuz of your grammar?

There is a difference between saying "I think you probably misunderstood me because you didnt read me right or I didnt understand you because of the way you write" than "Your grammar sucks and you are stupid". The latter part is attacking and nobody should do that.
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Okay. I guess I did misunderstand what you and anyone said. I might not want to read the negative posts.

Several person called me stupid, idiot, BULLSHIT, and LIAR. And other person attacked on my post and criticize on my post messages. They tried to hijack my thread. I asked MOD to lock my threads.
 
~♥~Pinky~♥~ said:
Okay. I guess I did misunderstand what you and anyone said. I might not want to read the negative posts.

Several person called me stupid, idiot, BULLSHIT, and LIAR. And other person attacked on my post and criticize on my post messages. They tried to hijack my thread. I asked MOD to lock my threads.
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Then those were attacks and wrong of them.
 
Hermes said:
I am not personally offended, but I believe what he meant to say is ... I will give you an example. Imagine you join a club in real life , any club and first day you meet people, you leave there saying "bye whores" and you laugh and say its a joke.. That gives a first impression. Of course it depends on where you are. If this was a prison and you said it after beating us all, we all might have respected you for that :) If it was a country club, then you probably couldn't find new friends there afterwards.

What kind of place AllDeaf is? You will figure it out and people coming here will figure you out too..

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It is about impression. Afterall, one does want people to have a good impression of them don't they?

Daredevel7 said:
Hmm interesting...... obviously my attempt to be ironic backfired? Also, if people read your post ONLY, they'd think that I said "Bye whores. hahaha!" thats all. And that seems so low-class. But previously to saying "Bye whores!" I said "We should not resort to name calling".

This forum can be surprisingly sensitive.....
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The unfortunate thing is that it reflects off of the poster that said that. Again, it's about first impressions. :)

Hermes said:
But this is an ongoing conversation and people should read your post, his response, your question and my explanation , right? It always can give a false idea if / when people read selectively .

My post doesnt make any judgment on you, I just tried to explain what he said about being new and first impression. If somebody reads your joke and doesnt get it, it doesnt mean they are sensitive , it means they dont share your sense of humor. For example you read my "being in prison" joke but you are not laughing at it in your previous post, should I think you are being sensitive?

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Couldn't have said it better.
 
I always try to consider how others will feel when they read what I post, and if I think somebody will be offended by it, I try to reword it, and I've even decided not to post at times. I've always believed that this should be a common practice. That would make it easy for us to decide the intent of the poster. If they are hurting your feelings, you can assume it's a mistake. People have even directed derogatory comments straight at me before, but it was a typo. Of course I felt hurt, but I pursued it and asked the person why, and that lead to an understanding of our differences.

Sometimes I say things that not in my windest dreams would I think would offend anybody, but as it turns out, somebody might be offended. All they do is block me, and I don't even know what I did wrong. I might not even know I've been blocked. So I think my point is, if somebody is offending you, approach them. The worst that could happen is you'd end up blocking them or reporting them anyway. I always try not to assume people mean to hurt me, because in reality, they probably aren't most of the time.

In my opinion, live is too short to block everybody out of it just because of a missunderstanding. I don't think there's really a way you can tell the intentions of somebody else, especially if you don't know them very well. This is because every single person (and every married person too) is completely different and unique. We can only control our own selves, and hope we can behave in a way that will come across in a positive way to our readers.
 
SimplyMints said:
This is because every single person (and every married person too) is completely different and unique.
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This was a good one :lol:

What if you said every single person is unique and married people came to you complaining you didnt mention them, right? :D

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im sorry, if someones acting like a total retard, spewing out whatever idiotic bullshit they can dish out, i can dish it back and then some. I post on some other boards where theres no such thing as locked threads, no such thing as "i hurt your feelings im so sorry wah wah wah". Just be prepared. I know certain posters are the same way, i respect them for not being ones who get shit on, kicked to the curb and go crying to mama because some loser called them a "fucking moron" or something of that nature. Its a public forum after all, who gives a shit what someone says when chances are you're never gonna run into them.
 
dead money said:
im sorry, if someones acting like a total retard, spewing out whatever idiotic bullshit they can dish out, i can dish it back and then some. I post on some other boards where theres no such thing as locked threads, no such thing as "i hurt your feelings im so sorry wah wah wah". Just be prepared. I know certain posters are the same way, i respect them for not being ones who get shit on, kicked to the curb and go crying to mama because some loser called them a "fucking moron" or something of that nature. Its a public forum after all, who gives a shit what someone says when chances are you're never gonna run into them.
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As I previously stated, I care how people feel, and that even goes for people I might never see in person. To me, they're still real people with real feelings, just as I am a real person with real feelings, and I prefer to be treated the same way I try to treat others.
 
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