About Parents?

[GrendelQ]

I have really high respect for GrendelQ, and her post about "Ask a hearing adult for your hearing child." is amusing but really gives a sort of a "false epiphany", especially for hearing parents.

This is a hearing world, we ALL live in it. It isn't as if deaf adults don't know how to operate in it. This world is set up to cater to hearing people. People communicate by talking, teachers do their job by talking to the kids, TVs have audio, and so on. Despite what people may think, deaf people KNOW what it is like to be hearing because they KNOW what they are missing out. (Not that they miss what they are missing out, but just making a point that they are not oblivious to what they can't hear and the consequences for not hearing it.)

The same can't be said for hearing people. They have no idea what it is like to be deaf. They only get a "general" idea. "Okay I guess you miss out some things in the conversation and you can't listen to music." To this day, my long time friends are STILL finding out what barriers I have. Most are not big barriers, but just seemingly insignificant small things that become problematic on the simple basis that this world is set up for hearing people. Sometimes, people (not my close friends, cuz they are awesome) simply respond "whatever, that's not a big deal. You don't need to hear that. It's not that necessary."

Actually, that "Ask a hearing parent" post is evidence for my previous post #266 (http://www.alldeaf.com/general-chat/93321-about-parents-14.html#post1891846). The "Ask a hearing parent" post totally makes sense if the choice for what you do with your deaf child has as much impact as choices like: Private school vs public school, raised with religion vs without, force them to do sports or refuse to allow them to do sports, etc. as stated in my post.

But does it?

Yes, you have a good point. It is a very different context. But, the deaf community is not as homogeneous as some might think.

I have reached out and reached into d/deaf communities, working towards developing relationships and insight, and what I've taken from interactions with d/Deaf people doesn't fit one common narrative. Do I listen to the d/Deaf perspective? Yes! To many deaf perspectives. And they represent very different approaches.

I've said before that if I were to put my own judgment aside and go with the mass voice of what the deaf community recommends, my daughter would not be at a bi-bi school, nor would she be using ASL or have CIs. She'd be using HAs for environment sounds and mainstreamed or with a teacher of the deaf guiding her education in a unit setting. And maybe that's the right approach for most, but it's not what we think world best for our daughter.

Even on AD, when push comes to shove, there's not a common recommendation for either placement or language/communication options. The d/Deaf voice is not a melody, and often not even a harmony of messages, it's a cacophony of different requirements and needs and recommendations. Any one d/Deaf person here might say to a hearing parent, hey, why aren't you listening? Maybe we are, but we're listening to a multitude. What you are saying may be part of what we ultimately do. Or maybe some other d/Deaf message resonates more.

 

[Daredevel7]

Yes, you have a good point. It is a very different context. But, the deaf community is not as homogeneous as some might think.

I wholeheartedly agree with you on this.

People tend to hang out with others who are similar to their thinking and tend to seek out confirmation bias from others who are "different". This can greatly affect their perception of how the WHOLE deaf community really is. It might have happened to you, me, hearing parents, the Deaf person who went to Gally, oral deaf who was mainstreamed, etc.

Honestly, I personally think most, if not all, people here know jack squat about how the deaf community overall thinks about how the deaf should be raised.

 

[hearingaidmama]

Hold on a minute! *I'm* not bullying and I don't appreciate being called one.

I'm trying to share with you so that, legit or not, you understand a different perspective from your own. Or that others will read and maybe learn something that they did not know.

Unless you embrace the Deaf culture for your daughter you need not worry that she will ever be a part of it. As I said previously, you have stated you see oral and auditory as the way to go. I hope you change that view for her sake. The chances that her deafness will progress are likely staggeringly high. Then where will she be as a 10 or 12 year old Natalie that never learned to communicate in her first language? What will you do then that you have an incredible opportunity of doing now?

Listen to your heart and your gut. Don't let the *so called* experts tell you what is best for Natalie. Research and absorb everything that you can and then make an informed decision. Don't let an audiologist make it for you. Take charge of her communication education. Some are truly trying to help by providing you our own experience and knowledge because we actually lived it. Many of us were 2 year old Natalie.

Name calling is never right regardless of what side is doing it.

Also, don't forget the earlier post about the Deaf community being very blunt. I can't speak for anyone else but I see our community as being incredibly transparent and so we don't believe in hiding anything. Why? When you know body language doesn't lie. There's no point. So, many of us are just blunt. Speak what you mean and mean what you say. It takes getting used to for hearies.

As to the bolded think about your own approach and ask yourself the same question.

What would make you say this? We aren't sure of the cause of the hearing loss at this point.

 

[Banjo]

What would make you say this? We aren't sure of the cause of the hearing loss at this point.

She said the chances are high, but not definite. A lot of people's hearing loss are progressive. She didn't say that your child was going to experience that, only that a progressive hearing loss type was a good possibility. It's the statistics she's speaking of.

 

[CSign]

I think part of the issue is that people seem to think that "hearing parents" are telling others what to do. That just isn't the case. Sure, we might express our position and what we are doing, but we certainly aren't telling others how to live their life, or how to communicate with the world.

It is also my impression that the parents that are on this board have done extensive research, and connected with others (both d/Deaf individuals and professionals) to help determine the Childs needs.

From what I've seen, most of the parents on this forum are in fact signing with their children.

The level of animosity towards the "hearing parents" is virtually unjustified. It seems that a number of you are so upset at your upbringing and early childhood experiences that we must be the same way. It's as if your taking out your negative experiences on us as if we are the "bad guys". Past experiences seem to be clouding the judgement of some. It's understandable to feel bothered and upset about past experiences. Yet, I believe some of the hostility directed at some of the "hearing" members of this forum are misplaced. I think the majority of us are sensitive to the unique needs of an individual with a hearing loss.

The fact is, we are not "the bad guys". In fact, I think most of us want fundamentally the same thing as you.

 

[Cheetah]

What would make you say this? We aren't sure of the cause of the hearing loss at this point.

Statistically speaking the odds are not in your favor (assuming you want your daughter to be hearing). But Statistics are just that, a bunch of numbers that said what has happened to a group as a whole. My GF was born with a hearing loss and it has never really changed her whole life. But you will find people here on this forum that had the same level of hearing loss for many many years and suddenly overnight lost it.

We just want you to be prepared to understand that even if the hearing loss type is determined to not be progressive (how they would know this I have no clue), things change and they can change quickly.

Most of us do not have a true "cause" of our hearing loss. Mine is SNL (Sensory Neural hearing Loss). This is not a cause, but a way of describing where the loss of hearing is in the ear. In my case that's the hair cells in the Cochlear have degenerated or failed for some reason. My hearing slipped in stages and finally today I no longer have any sensation of hearing below 110db in either ear. I do have a CI (Cochlear Implant) in one ear, but its not nearly as good as my Hearing Aids used to be.

 

[sallylou]

Wirelessly posted (droid)

You may never know the cause if you child's hearing loss. Hearing loss rates vary even among family members with the same genetic cause. You simply don't know what to expect. It's wise to plan for more hearing loss if that's a real possibility.

 

[Cheetah]

...

The level of animosity towards the "hearing parents" is virtually unjustified. It seems that a number of you are so upset at your upbringing and early childhood experiences that we must be the same way. It's as if your taking out your negative experiences on us as if we are the "bad guys". Past experiences seem to be clouding the judgement of some. It's understandable to feel bothered and upset about past experiences. Yet, I believe some of the hostility directed at some of the "hearing" members of this forum are misplaced. I think the majority of us are sensitive to the unique needs of an individual with a hearing loss.

The fact is, we are not "the bad guys". In fact, I think most of us want fundamentally the same thing as you.

CSign, it's either justified or not. We are dealing with a history of ignorance. And ignorant people keep having babies, and some of those babies are deaf... I would like to think that every ignorant hearing parent coming to this web site really wants to learn and find the best way to give their child the best life/education they can have. But we have seen before where hearing parents just want to be told they are doing everything right. *pat on the back*

Granted there are some high tempers in here. Those tempers were forged over many years. I also don't agree with the implication that I should not share my past experience because it might upset some people. I think it good that some people get upset. I am proud of HAM for coming here, taking a beating, standing up for herself, and (most important) learning. I've taken a beating so many time in the past, I survived too.

I don't write this because I want to be offensive or combative. I just think you are dismissing some very important factors here.

 

[CSign]

I'm not against people sharing their experiences. I am against people taking out their experiences on others who have not done anything to warrant it. I'm not sure what you think I'm being dismissive of, but I take in all the comments that are made to give me different perspectives. That's part of why I'm here. I listen to talk radio; Conservative, Liberal, and Progressive. Not because I line up with the views of all the above, but because I want to hear all sides and "arguments". The same is true here.

I also can't speak for every hearing parent here, but I certainly didn't come for a "pat on the back".

 

[Banjo]

I'm not against people sharing their experiences. I am against people taking out their experiences on others who have not done anything to warrant it. I'm not sure what you think I'm being dismissive of, but I take in all the comments that are made to give me different perspectives. That's part of why I'm here. I listen to talk radio; Conservative, Liberal, and Progressive. Not because I line up with the views of all the above, but because I want to hear all sides and "arguments". The same is true here.

I also can't speak for every hearing parent here, but I certainly didn't come for a "pat on the back".

CSign, it has nothing to do with you as a parent. it's your attitude that is the problem. Stop trying to point your finger at everyone here. Stop accusing people of everything you can think of. You aren't making friends here by playing the victim card on a daily basis.

Quit it.

 

[CSign]

CSign, it has nothing to do with you as a parent. it's your attitude that is the problem. Stop trying to point your finger at everyone here. Stop accusing people of everything you can think of. You aren't making friends here by playing the victim card on a daily basis.

Quit it.

My attitude? What attitude is that? The one that gets irritated when people are spreading flat out lies in regards to me and my position? Yes, after a bit of time it becomes difficult to ignore and needs to be addressed.

I don't find that standing up for myself when people are making mischaracterizations to be anything other than getting the facts straight about me and my child. I don't find clarifying my position to be defensive, or "playing the victim card" as so many like to say.

I'm not accusing anyone specific about anything that isn't true. An objective person sees it for themselves.

 

[Banjo]

My attitude? What attitude is that? The one that gets irritated when people are spreading flat out lies in regards to me and my position? Yes, after a bit of time it becomes difficult to ignore and needs to be addressed.

I don't find that standing up for myself when people are making mischaracterizations to be anything other than getting the facts straight about me and my child. I don't find clarifying my position to be defensive, or "playing the victim card" as so many like to say.

I'm not accusing anyone specific about anything that isn't true. An objective person sees it for themselves.

Objective? Are you saying that you are objective?

 

[shel90]

By not embracing ASL and Deaf culture for their deaf/hoh children, it is like a saying to us Deaf people, Myou are not good enough for my child"

 

[Jiro]

I'm not against people sharing their experiences. I am against people taking out their experiences on others who have not done anything to warrant it. I'm not sure what you think I'm being dismissive of, but I take in all the comments that are made to give me different perspectives. That's part of why I'm here. I listen to talk radio; Conservative, Liberal, and Progressive. Not because I line up with the views of all the above, but because I want to hear all sides and "arguments". The same is true here.

I also can't speak for every hearing parent here, but I certainly didn't come for a "pat on the back".

My attitude? What attitude is that? The one that gets irritated when people are spreading flat out lies in regards to me and my position? Yes, after a bit of time it becomes difficult to ignore and needs to be addressed.

I don't find that standing up for myself when people are making mischaracterizations to be anything other than getting the facts straight about me and my child. I don't find clarifying my position to be defensive, or "playing the victim card" as so many like to say.

I'm not accusing anyone specific about anything that isn't true. An objective person sees it for themselves.

post reported. wow you just won't ever give it up, eh? again - this thread is not about you. please put us on ignore list if it bothers you.

 

[Beach girl]

post reported. wow you just won't ever give it up, eh? again - this thread is not about you. please put us on ignore list if it bothers you.

If it's not about her - then why are you making it about her? Why don't you just drop the harassment?

 

[Jiro]

If it's not about her - then why are you making it about her? Why don't you just drop the harassment?

why don't you look at her posts? "me me me me me"

don't you think it's very simple to move on and not make another post to whine? This thread is about HAM. If she has a complaint, she is free to PM mods. simple as that.

 

[Beach girl]

why don't you look at her posts? "me me me me me"

don't you think it's very simple to move on and not make another post to whine? This thread is about HAM. If she has a complaint, she is free to PM mods. simple as that.

CSign is a hearing parent of a deaf child. HAM asked for input from hearing parents of deaf children. So where is your problem?

You don't like CSign's methods of child-raising, obviously, but you are not HAM. So long as HAM has no problem with CSign's input, it's not up to you to continue to harass her.

 

[Jiro]

CSign is a hearing parent of a deaf child. HAM asked for input from hearing parents of deaf children. So where is your problem?

You don't like CSign's methods of child-raising, obviously, but you are not HAM. So long as HAM has no problem with CSign's input, it's not up to you to continue to harass her.

interesting pattern

 

[Banjo]

If it's not about her - then why are you making it about her? Why don't you just drop the harassment?

Actually, she is making it about herself, not the other way.

 

[CSign]

why don't you look at her posts? "me me me me me"

don't you think it's very simple to move on and not make another post to whine? This thread is about HAM. If she has a complaint, she is free to PM mods. simple as that.

If you had looked at the posts above mine, you would see the last two posts were in response to posts directed at me.

I'm not sure why you have it out for me Jiro, but I've not done anything to you. Please lay off.