In lieu of present, $$ Cash $$ please

[quoquiqua]

Well, I just don't think it is appropriate to ask for cash. It is just a common sense to bring a gift when invited to a party or some kind of occassion.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

That's ok if u disagree with me. Everyone is different. No biggie. My mom taught me that was rude and nobody in my family ever has done that. If they did, maybe I would think differently. Who knows?

Yes I can understand.

I was raised to know that gifts are very common with no money mention when we attend special occassions. Until my wedding preparation at almost 22 years ago, I learn from my Dad´s wife that I can ask for money instead of wedding list... I was like My Dad & his wife explained me that it´s modern that the people prefer money over gifts to buy a big gift they really wish because they have everything and no need home improvement etc.... They collect their experiences when they attends to special occassions... I find their suggestion good..

After married, I lived in Germany and surprised that a lot of hearings and deaf people prefer money over gifts... They said the same thing what my Dad & his wife said... They did like that long, long time ago... I open my mind and accept that it´s modern time - things are change... Of course there´re common to have gifts when we attend any speical occassion but we accept that they prefer money over gift... I see no problem for that because I like to help them to fulfill their wishes. It´s waste of money if I bought the gift for them, they never use it...

 

[Liebling:-)))]

I had a nice conversation with American at my friend´s birthday party yesterday. He can good with German sign language. We talked about this subject... He said that a lot of Americans stick with old fashioned ideas and hard try to open their mind and see the time is change. He told me that a lot of Americans don´t consider it as rude when anyone ask for money... His descripton is the same as Europeans... He work here in Germany for 5 years and know what he is saying. It´s same as Europeans as well... He said that Americans themselves have the problem to try to open their mind and accept the modern time at present because there´re high Americans depends on reglions/bible than understand about modern time. They also have problem to not understand how to behave manners when they attend any special occassions. He said Nooooooooooooooo to empty hands to attend any special occassion... I said to myself "Ach, that´s what I thought so".

 

[shel90]

I had a nice conversation with American at my friend´s birthday party yesterday. He can good with German sign language. We talked about this subject... He said that a lot of Americans stick with old fashioned ideas and hard try to open their mind and see the time is change. He told me that a lot of Americans don´t consider it as rude when anyone ask for money... His descripton is the same as Europeans... He work here in Germany for 5 years and know what he is saying. It´s same as Europeans as well... He said that Americans themselves have the problem to try to open their mind and accept the modern time at present because there´re high Americans depends on reglions/bible than understand about modern time. They also have problem to not understand how to behave manners when they attend any special occassions. He said Nooooooooooooooo to empty hands to attend any special occassion... I said to myself "Ach, that´s what I thought so".

I am not sure if u and I r talking about the same thing.

My family and I considered not polite to put down 'in leui of gift, cash pls" ON the invitation to a party, wedding, or whatever.

However, my family have done this..we ask the host or hosts what kind of gifts do they want or need and if they say cash, then we get them cash. Otherwise, we mostly would get a gift certificate. I never went to a wedding or birthday party empty handed.

 

[Berry]

It is always rude to ask for money in lieu of presents. It is rude to even assume that people owe presents for an occassion period. An invitation should mean, "please, come share this happy event with me." It shouldn't mean, "gimme, gimme."

BTW, the hearing people do the same greedy, rude things. Ugh!

Yep.

 

[Kuifje75]

I am not sure if u and I r talking about the same thing.

My family and I considered not polite to put down 'in leui of gift, cash pls" ON the invitation to a party, wedding, or whatever.

However, my family have done this..we ask the host or hosts what kind of gifts do they want or need and if they say cash, then we get them cash. Otherwise, we mostly would get a gift certificate. I never went to a wedding or birthday party empty handed.

Yes, I think that the point is being missed here.

The point is that it is rude to say something on an invitation. It does not mean that the guests will not bring something to the party. It is very likely they will anyhow. It is just a social rule not to mention anything on invitations, but there is nothing wrong with guests asking what we want. I don't know what the big deal is being made out of this whole simple little rule of not mentioning it on an invitation.

 

[Dougus]

Rude and Cheeky

It is rude & cheeky to ask for a present/cash/ from anyone deaf or not. In my opinion deaf people have not cornered the market on rudeness. There is no one subset of people that is all of anything. That having been said, I do not provide a gift to anyone if it is demanded or required as the gift is contribution or endowment beholden to my congeniality.

 

[Reba]

... He told me that a lot of Americans don´t consider it as rude when anyone ask for money...

That's because many Americans don't have good manners. They are either greedy or misinformed.

l... He said that Americans themselves have the problem to try to open their mind and accept the modern time at present because there´re high Americans depends on reglions/bible than understand about modern time.

Sorry, I don't get that. What does the Bible and religion have to do with manners? I know religious people who don't have good manners, and I know atheists with impeccable manners. That totally makes no sense.

They also have problem to not understand how to behave manners when they attend any special occassions. He said Nooooooooooooooo to empty hands to attend any special occassion... I said to myself "Ach, that´s what I thought so".

That has nothing to do with requesting gifts or money.

Guests should bring gifts; that's very nice.

Hosts should never request or expect gifts or money. It makes them look greedy.

 

[Opal]

I believe its up to my friend's son, if he want a car, let him to save up and buy for himself not rely on guests to buy for him!!!

I did gave him money because I don't want to make a drama with them - oh well.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

I am not sure if u and I r talking about the same thing.

My family and I considered not polite to put down 'in leui of gift, cash pls" ON the invitation to a party, wedding, or whatever.

However, my family have done this..we ask the host or hosts what kind of gifts do they want or need and if they say cash, then we get them cash. Otherwise, we mostly would get a gift certificate. I never went to a wedding or birthday party empty handed.

Kuifje75's post
Yes, I think that the point is being missed here.

The point is that it is rude to say something on an invitation. It does not mean that the guests will not bring something to the party. It is very likely they will anyhow. It is just a social rule not to mention anything on invitations, but there is nothing wrong with guests asking what we want. I don't know what the big deal is being made out of this whole simple little rule of not mentioning it on an invitation.

I saw missing in my post after read your post. *smack my head*

I forget to add "No gift" put down on the invitation card in my previous post. Yes we talked about put something on the invitation card like "No gift", enclosed Registry card to let them know where they can shop or something hint instead of put "money". I would feel uncomfortable to put "money" on the invitation card. I really don't care either anyone put "money", "No gift", something hint or not on the invitation card. Each person is different but it's good to help guests less stress and know what they really wish BUT I would consider rude if they add exact amount on the invitation card.

I personally would not put "money" on the invitation card but just add the hint of my wishes or enclosed registry card. I prefer to put something on the card to get guests attention.

 

[SpiceHD]

would you guys consider it rude if for example i put out for invitation and i put a wish on it for example... i want those sporty rollerblades but they are so expensive so to help me get what i want they can make a choice of donating some money to get that? not like demanding it but well i guess i just inform people exactly what i want for bday and let them decide for themselves if they want to donate or something? i wouldnt expect one person to buy $300 worth of one gift but a small donation will get me closer to get that. i hope u understand what im trying to ask?

 

[Liebling:-)))]

That's because many Americans don't have good manners. They are either greedy or misinformed.

No I see opposite. I see good that they let us know what they wish because their wish should be fulfilling.

I consider bad manner, greedy and rude to be present any special occassions with empty handed.

Sorry, I don't get that. What does the Bible and religion have to do with manners? I know religious people who don't have good manners, and I know atheists with impeccable manners. That totally makes no sense.

Please use your common sense. :roll:

That has nothing to do with requesting gifts or money.

Reguesting? No, they only let them know what they wish. This is a difference.

Guests should bring gifts; that's very nice.

But you said different at other thread.

Hosts should never request or expect gifts or money. It makes them look greedy.

No, there're no request or expect but let them know.. This is a difference. This is tradition, everyone knows that hosts receive the gifts or money from guests. Accord tradition, we are adult and know our manners when we attend their occassions.

It's poor taste to put exact amount on the invitation card or force guests to buy something what they want on the invitation. I would not go their wedding if they force me to buy coffee set to follow their wish or put exact amount on invitation card... "I would like to have coffee set from you"..... is poor taste... It mean that I am only one who buy coffee set and get other guest to buy a kettle, other guest buy a glasses, other guest to donate $50,....on......... is too poor taste... Put "No gift", hint without money mention or enclosed registry card in general way is different because they only let us know what they wants. It's good and less stress for guests to know hosts' wishes.

We know our manners and limits.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

would you guys consider it rude if for example i put out for invitation and i put a wish on it for example... i want those sporty rollerblades but they are so expensive so to help me get what i want they can make a choice of donating some money to get that? not like demanding it but well i guess i just inform people exactly what i want for bday and let them decide for themselves if they want to donate or something? i wouldnt expect one person to buy $300 worth of one gift but a small donation will get me closer to get that. i hope u understand what im trying to ask?

No, I would not consider it rude if you put "my birthday wish is rollerblades" on the invitation card. I will know that you want to collect money to buy rollerblades. It's good to let me know what you wish to saves my stress and hassle to think what you want for your birthday... I'm happy to donate money to fulfill your wish than waste my money to buy gifts, you didn't ask for it or never use it. Donate any amount is voluntarliy. It's up to guests how much $$$ they can afford to enclose in birthday card. You collect money from guests together to buy one to fulfill your wish. If not enough then you pay few $... It's good.

My hubby's big wishes is Mountain bike. Very expensive bike. We put "my birthday wishes is "Mountain bike" on the 50th birthday invitation card. He collect money together to buy mountain bike to fulfill his wishes and money rest, so we went to resturant. We send "thank you" card enclosed a picture of him with mountain bike and few pictures of guests together in 50th birthday. Guests are happy that my hubby's wishes is fulfilled.

 

[Sasha64]

Heavens this thread is becoming a nitemare and poor leibling doing her best to get some points across. Sighhh this is getting somewhat old news isnt it now????

 

[SpiceHD]

No, I would not consider it rude if you put "my birthday wish is rollerblades" on the invitation card. I will know that you want to collect money to buy rollerblades. It's good to let me know what you wish to saves my stress and hassle to think what you want for your birthday... I'm happy to donate money to fulfill your wish than waste my money to buy gifts, you didn't ask for it or never use it. Donate any amount is voluntarliy. It's up to guests how much $$$ they can afford to enclose in birthday card. You collect money from guests together to buy one to fulfill your wish. If not enough then you pay few $... It's good.

My hubby's big wishes is Mountain bike. Very expensive bike. We put "my birthday wishes is "Mountain bike" on the 50th birthday invitation card. He collect money together to buy mountain bike to fulfill his wishes and money rest, so we went to resturant. We send "thank you" card enclosed a picture of mountain. Guests are happy that my hubby's wishes is fulfilled.

thank you i personally really do not care because i came from redneck family and most of their manners were rude LOL (so i pretty much am flexible). I actually learned what is rude and not rude at school more than my family. i just wanted to make sure that method wasn't rude (i thought it wasn't but wanted to clarify it)

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Heavens this thread is becoming a nitemare and poor leibling doing her best to get some points across. Sighhh this is getting somewhat old news isnt it now????

I really don't mind to positive my posts...

SpiceHD, understood and welcome

Can you care to explain what "redneck" mean? I often saw "redneck" in some jokes threads... I has no clue what it is...

 

[Liebling:-)))]

It would save me a phone call trip or an email trip if they told me on their own in an invitation what they want, like something for their home, in what color, in what room? Or cash forward their dreams, or a gift card from their favorite store, It'll be a big help if that information was enclosed in an invitation.

I guess everyone view it differently, but with me I don't even consider it rude, I think it'll be a great help in finding the right gift for that person, It'll make my shopping much more easier and pleasure.

My family or friends does not even say a specify amount in cash or gift card. if they did, Yes, I would consider that rude, because not everyone is rich like them.

It's not about being greedy, it's about helping finding the right gift, making shopping easier and pleasure.

Yes I second that.

 

[Opal]

Can you care to explain what "redneck" mean? I often saw "redneck" in some jokes threads... I has no clue what it is...

Google Image Result for http://www.dba-oracle.com/images/redneck_pickup.jpg

Understanding Redneck Philosophy
The term "redneck" is often misunderstood by those north of the Mason-Dixon line. Many Yankees misunderstand this beloved term of endearment and treat the word as if it were some kind of insult. A true Southerner understands that achieving the state of Redneck is a noble pursuit. The guiding principles of Redneck philosophy are easily misunderstood by outsiders, so let's take a closer look at the goals of those who strive for the state of Redneck.

Yes, I agreed with you, at first I never heard of Redneck, it is similar as the British teasing the Irish, because they are thick,(not my words) - making lots of Irish jokes etc. Redneck is America's.

This is Irish joke

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Google Image Result for http://www.dba-oracle.com/images/redneck_pickup.jpg

Understanding Redneck Philosophy
The term "redneck" is often misunderstood by those north of the Mason-Dixon line. Many Yankees misunderstand this beloved term of endearment and treat the word as if it were some kind of insult. A true Southerner understands that achieving the state of Redneck is a noble pursuit. The guiding principles of Redneck philosophy are easily misunderstood by outsiders, so let's take a closer look at the goals of those who strive for the state of Redneck.

Yes, I agreed with you, at first I never heard of Redneck, it is similar as the British teasing the Irish, because they are thick,(not my words) - making lots of Irish jokes etc. Redneck is America's.

This is Irish joke

Ach I got it...

Thank you for link... Its interesting link. I understood fully what Redneck is about... It's same with old German farmers act like this accord old German Tradition. Germans call old German farmers "Bauertrampel" (I don't know what is in English). It's exact same description in the link about Redneck as "Bauertrampel".

I noticed that Americans label Texans as Redneck... They used Texans as Redneck jokes... I understood when I saw those link... I often saw Texas movies and don't like their behavior.

I know that British tease the Irish as like to label them as thick... I remember it... It's same with here in Germany. West Germans started to tease East German as "Ossi". It bothers East German so they tease back to West Germans as "Wessi"... I noticed that they use those words less and less now.

 

[Reba]

would you guys consider it rude if for example i put out for invitation and i put a wish on it for example... i want those sporty rollerblades but they are so expensive so to help me get what i want they can make a choice of donating some money to get that? not like demanding it but well i guess i just inform people exactly what i want for bday and let them decide for themselves if they want to donate or something? i wouldnt expect one person to buy $300 worth of one gift but a small donation will get me closer to get that. i hope u understand what im trying to ask?

You can do what you want (apparently that's what everyone does these days). All I can tell you is that I've had 55 birthdays, and it has never, never occurred to me to ask, mention, or hint what I would like for my birthday on an invitation card. I've never had a birthday where I even expected non-family members to give me a present. Maybe when I celebrate my 100th birthday it might be nice to get something special from my friends.

I can understand kids' birthday parties, maybe up to age 12 years old. But they usually bring small gifts, not expensive. No one expects kids to bring expensive gifts.

I keep a folder at home for all my "wish list" things that I like. If Hubby wants to pick something out from my folder, or if my daughter wants an idea, they can look in my folder any time, for birthday, Christmas, Mother's day, whatever. It's there if they want it but I never say they have to use it.