In lieu of present, $$ Cash $$ please

[Opal]

I noticed myself its always happen in deaf community's bad etiquette that I received an invitation to my deaf friend's son's 21st birthday party, and the invitation said in lieu of the present, please donate money toward to his car!

Again, last year, I received similar invitation to my deaf friend's 40th birthday party, she mention in writing on invitation letter to say no present because she want to collect money to buy a Friendship ring jewellery from everyone who attend her party.

I was bit surprised to see they demand something, since gifts is a volunteering, but I was told its very rude and cheeky of deaf people to ask for money.

Do you think its rude or its is perfectly normal to you?

 

[horselover61]

I think it is rude to ask for the money. Since they invited. It is the person who show up feel free to buy the gift. Unless you had in your mind the limit of the expense of the gift into equal the amount of cash.

 

[Reba]

It is always rude to ask for money in lieu of presents. It is rude to even assume that people owe presents for an occassion period. An invitation should mean, "please, come share this happy event with me." It shouldn't mean, "gimme, gimme."

BTW, the hearing people do the same greedy, rude things. Ugh!

 

[racheleggert]

Oh man..... Its rude... I never seen it on hearie's b-day party invite... Apporiate occassions would be like graduation, maybe a wedding, funeral but not b-day... Sometimes people volunteer to give money for b day as a present, and popular is gift cards.... Should say on invite "join us, be more merrier" or something like that..

 

[Oddball]

I have a question to ask..

I wonder if someone wants guests to donate their money to a charity, would you consider it rude?

I recalled that I read some magazine...Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones asked guests to donate the money to their first son's charity (of his choice) instead of gifts.

That's what I wonder about.

 

[DeafMommy0407]

It is very rude to ask for money. The person only gives money to ppl because the person wants to, not ppl asking the person.

 

[Bowak]

I dont know but...what if the person says u can either bring present or donate some money (ya know making it your choice to do whatever u want). Then i would think it is ok but not telling people not to bring present just bring cash, i think thats "off".

If I was able to make choices to bring present or money I'd make it maybe present however if i was told not to bring present just bring cash i dont think i would show up at all. that shows some greedyiness. if a person wants a car they gotta earn it.

Hope what i had to say makes sense.

 

[Liza]

Tacky putting it on card... should just be word of mouth by the parents or best friends ("In case you don't know what pressies to get for her, she is in big need of funds for buying a card, but it's up to you!")... you know??

Gifts are strictly voluntary though It's more fun giving an unexpected pressie.

 

[Bowak]

p.s. i voted no.

I think its rude to be asking for money straight out.

 

[GalaxyAngel]

I've been written bday card..

Money $ or gifts size clothes or name of toys what their favorite.. that's all..
I don't feel as condiser rude being asking... Nope...

When My child collected $ and buy their dreams gift of toys or clothes.. and send them "Thank you Card" that what I did buy...name of products.. Let everyone know.. They will pleasants to hear what r u buying!

If they asking you wanting $$$$ lieu toward to car or other kinds..
(not sure if really rude) unless if person send you back "Thank you card" if not get anything.. of course as condiser RUDE!

 

[Liebling:-)))]

I vote "don´t care".

We were invited to attend my friends 40th, 50th and 60th birthday parties... "0th" is a big and special celebration in Germany. We invited them to attend my 40th birthday party at 3 years ago and my hubby´s 50th birthday party in December 2004. We share the same things and our agreement that we collect money to buy something what we need to remember from them...

Something like that, I ask my friend what he/she wish for his/her birthday gift after received his/her inviation card. His/Her answer: "wish to collect money to buy ditigal camera". I see no problem to fulfilling his/her wish.

They asked my hubby what I wish for my birthday... He told them what I wish then they gave me money to buy Artist-doll and overleft money to buy Russian bone china tea set. They do the same with my hubby´s 50th birthday. They asked me after received invitation card from him what my hubby wish. Mountain bicycle. They are happy to fulfill my hubby´s wish. He sent "Thank you" card straight way after bought bicycle.

I do not consider them as rude to fulfill their wishes... It would be shame if I receive many gifts what I don´t like and never use them... What a waste... Something to fulfull the wishes are lovely. They gave me bunch of flowers with money in card... or bottle of wine with money card... Just give card with money is cold... that´s why we use something like bunch flowers or bottle of wine with money card.

I would consider rude if they didn´t send us "Thank you" card for being guest on their birthday parties... We send "Thank you" card to thank them to being guest and let them know what we bought with their money on our birthday party.

No, it´s not just Deaf but hearing as well.

 

[Heath]

Interesting.....

Because I don't mind giving money maybe $10. or $20. towards for a birthday.

But yet, people complain and I have to wonder, people are more than willing to give money to a person's family who has died and ask the funeral director to please ask in lieu of flowers send money to the family's bank to help with funeral expenses.

Or if they are a wealthy family with a circle of rich friends then what they will do is say

For example they will say ...

In lieu of flowers, Please donate to American Cancer Society http://www.cancer.org/docroot/home/index.asp

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Oh yes, you remind me about funeral and ceremtary, Health.

Yes, most of Germans ask people to donate money for cancer, AIDS or whatever charity to help people instead of flowers. I see no problem for that. It´s their voluntarity.

My good friend died at 6 years ago. She wish we donated money for cancer charity instead of flower.. We respect her wish... I do not consider it as rude when anyone ask for money to donate something.

 

[Reba]

... I ask my friend what he/she wish for his/her birthday gift after received his/her inviation card. ..

They asked my hubby what I wish for my birthday...
They asked me after received invitation card from him what my hubby wish. ..

Your example is different from the original question.

If someone asks what you want for your birthday, then it is fine to give them some ideas. But if the person who is having the birthday (anniversary, shower, whatever) tells the guests what he wants, that is greedy and rude.

Gift giving should always be voluntary, not required.

It is even rude to assume that people even plan on giving a gift. Invitations to events should never be a suggestion or request for gifts; that is like putting a price tag on the party. Invitations are a request for the "presence" of the person, not a "present" from the person.

 

[Cheri]

No I don't think it is rude, because some people just don't need anything expect certain things that they wish. There is no limit amount, so do whatever you want to put down, they didn't demand a exactly amount. I don't see it a big deal to me.

My family always asked me what my boys want for Birthdays, Christmas. Instead of telling each of them, I give them all a list of everything that my boys wishes for. They get to choose which they prefer to buy. So I guess that's what those people were doing.

 

[Tousi]

I think it's rude to specifically demand cash. Isn't that what happened here?

 

[CODAchild]

My husband and I have been invited to a lot of birthday parties for deaf people, but, when we receive the invitation, they put an exact amount. For example, 20.00 for each person attending. But, it wouldn't be the birthday person or a family member who is doing the inviting, but a friend. My husband and I felt like we were going to a social or something. It's like we had to pay an admission price to celebrate a friend's birthday, because if we didn't pay the specified price on the invitation, then we were not allowed to go. I find this so unfair, that we cannot just bring a gift of our own choice, but, have to pay a fee upfront before we can even step foot into the party. That is sad!!!

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Your example is different from the original question.

If someone asks what you want for your birthday, then it is fine to give them some ideas. But if the person who is having the birthday (anniversary, shower, whatever) tells the guests what he wants, that is greedy and rude.

Gift giving should always be voluntary, not required.

It is even rude to assume that people even plan on giving a gift. Invitations to events should never be a suggestion or request for gifts; that is like putting a price tag on the party. Invitations are a request for the "presence" of the person, not a "present" from the person.

Yes I understand what you mean.

I would not like to write my wish in my invitation card because it look like that I expect too much from them. It's their voluntarity to ask me or my hubby what I wish for my birthday. I know it's voluntarity if they want to buy birthday gift for me is fine... but I has to admit it would be nicer to ask anyone what they wish because I like to fulfill their birthday wishes.

I have a question for you all:

Is it greedy and rude for them to make wedding list what they wish from guests?

Is it greedy and rude if people ask you for donate the money for charity instead of buy flowers for funeral/cemeration?

Some of people ask for donation to support AIDS, cancer etc... Is it greedy and rude?



All of that, I know there're a lot of Germans including hearing to ask people what they want for their birthday... It's the same thing with my co-workers as well. They asked me what I wish for my birthday but it should be EUR 10 per person (ladies) and EUR 2.50 per person (men) to buy the flowers. For flowers, they don't have to ask me what I want because they knows ladies loves bunch of flowers or plants. They knows their manners how to fulfil their wishes and write "thank you" card. I would say it's rude if I didn't write "thank you" card to them.

Few of my friends write their wishes in their inviation card but it doesn't affect us. I don't complaint about this because I like to fulfil their wishes, no matter what. Remember, that every humans are different how to act their manner way EXCEPT CODAgirl's post.

 

[Opal]

I have a question to ask..

I wonder if someone wants guests to donate their money to a charity, would you consider it rude?

No

I recalled that I read some magazine...Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones asked guests to donate the money to their first son's charity (of his choice) instead of gifts.

That's what I wonder about.

I would be happy to donate the money for a good cause to support their wishes.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

My husband and I have been invited to a lot of birthday parties for deaf people, but, when we receive the invitation, they put an exact amount. For example, 20.00 for each person attending. But, it wouldn't be the birthday person or a family member who is doing the inviting, but a friend. My husband and I felt like we were going to a social or something. It's like we had to pay an admission price to celebrate a friend's birthday, because if we didn't pay the specified price on the invitation, then we were not allowed to go. I find this so unfair, that we cannot just bring a gift of our own choice, but, have to pay a fee upfront before we can even step foot into the party. That is sad!!!

It put me off totally... That's exactly how I feeling... I would not accept their invitation to attend their parties if they put exact amount in card. It's not right birthday party... It should be voluntarity to add amounts if we answer their question what we wish for our birthday. I would not make them to give me exact amount but their voluntarily. I don't mind to buy little extra if the money from guests are not enough to meet something what I wish... That's exactly what my hubby wish mountain bicycle... few overleft then we go to resturant... It's his wish... Artist doll is my big wish... I bought and then Russian bone china tea set...

Tamara,
If your friend's son want to have car for his birthday gift from guests which it means that he has to invite over 500 guests to collect money to buy car...