Would You Tell?

[freckles]

first thought is... rape. depending on situation, actually. may be lack of birth control too. when R first mentioned this, my first thought there on lawn was she got drunk and I was right. although she felt it was her fault for drinking, wouldn't consider it as rape. she keeps saying it's an accident ... shouldn't she be in consciousness if it were an accident?

 

[Reba]

first thought is... rape. depending on situation, actually. may be lack of birth control too. when R first mentioned this, my first thought there on lawn was she got drunk and I was right. although she felt it was her fault for drinking, wouldn't consider it as rape. she keeps saying it's an accident ... shouldn't she be in consciousness if it were an accident?

Maybe you need to ask her to clarify her "accident."

If she was raped then that's a whole different situation. Rape is not an "accident." She needs to get in touch with a rape crisis center and let them advise her.

 

[freckles]

exactly. I also don't want to say it's a rape when she keeps this as a secret. she's an adult now. her denial is too raw right now I guess.

right, rape is not an accident but it's other way of getting you pregnant accidentally if you know what I mean.

 

[naisho]

interesting reads, just letting you know I am observing your thoughts.
I will eat popcorn at this ungodly hour.

Just sayin'. because I don't like it when people are talking and I'm watching them without them knowing. Unless it's intentional espionage action..

 

[freckles]

mine or reba's? we should stop talking eh?

cheesy popcorn?

 

[naisho]

Nope, do continue. It is cool to construct visual diagrams of the debates and see it from third person.

Caramel popcorn is good eats!

 

[freckles]

sorry, I think I'll pass the popcorn. my eyes are about to fall out.

 

[jazzy]

I would not tell him. Too many hate/love here. What is goes and it will come back. Sad yes but that is life everywhere. I guess I am used to it and stay away from them because they made a choice whether it is good or bad. We have no right to judge others because we are no difference from them.

 

[A]

that's another but then she sob her head off like that? *stratches my head* .. okay.

Alot of people cry when they have unplanned pregnancy. and she probably have a lot of grief over abortion -- Who knows?

I think she is just feeling guilty about the whole thing, the affair, the abortion, not telling her husband, etc. No wonder she would sob her head.

she probably was rape when she got drunk. It's possible. but she didn't mention rape or mentioned that the guy forced himself on her when she told him no. At least not yet. This guy must not gave her time to use the appropriate birth control or condom either (not everyone is on IUD or birth control pills).

 

[freckles]

A, that day she cried so hard coming home right after she found out she was carrying a baby and had abortion the following week. I noticed R being down a lot after that day, I have thought it was work-related for long time.

curious, can it be rape if she never said no? (being out of consciousness) as was other guy?

I'd feel bad if it that was the case. still, don't understand why this should be kept secret. going out to a bar and have fun isn't. all this is making me miss M and R more. hope they're doing okay...

 

[Reba]

...curious, can it be rape if she never said no? (being out of consciousness) as was other guy?...

Yes, it can be rape. A person unconscious can't give consent to sexual intercourse.

 

[freckles]

what about other guy? R said he doesn't remember doing it either but she knew it could happen when they 'walked out together just talking'.

anyhoooo, I am in no position to judge, july 4th party was very busy we didn't went into all details. only very concerned and felt that M should know about this any way. R may be missing out the portion of support from M if told. I'll be talking with her this weekend, looking forward.

 

[Reba]

what about other guy? R said he doesn't remember doing it either but she knew it could happen when they 'walked out together just talking'.

anyhoooo, I am in no position to judge, july 4th party was very busy we didn't went into all details. only very concerned and felt that M should know about this any way. R may be missing out the portion of support from M if told. I'll be talking with her this weekend, looking forward.

If in doubt, she should talk to the women at the local rape crisis center. They can help her determine whether or not it was rape, and how to handle it. They are experienced and non-judgmental.

 

[Reba]

Something else to think about.

If you don't know the full story from R, how can you tell it to M? What can you tell M if you don't have all the facts? Even R seems confused about what happened, so it would be impossible for you to tell M what happened.

 

[somedeafdudefromPNW]

Did any of you think about WHAT "M" WOULD WANT? Huh? If I were M, I would want to know that my wife is such a devious and conniving person that she would have an affair (probably not the first) and get an abortion to cover it up. It would be a terrible pill to swallow, yes, but at least I'd be able to pick up the pieces at some point and get on with my life, instead of living a phony life with a psychopath.

Fact of the matter is, this is a very lousy situation, and there is no easy way out, but the moral choice, given the psychological profile of R, is to let M know about the situation he is in so he can protect himself and his children from further betrayal.

My grand-dad always knew, but he kept his mouth shut... til she passed away. So "M" might have known about it all along.

 

[freckles]

Something else to think about.

If you don't know the full story from R, how can you tell it to M? What can you tell M if you don't have all the facts? Even R seems confused about what happened, so it would be impossible for you to tell M what happened.

M or I don't need to know details, by details I meant the progress. different from 'full story', of where/whom she was at with, etc. I may advise her to discuss with rape experts however I have already believed it's not a rape, that it was an accident (knew but got out of control) and that she had an abortion. the fact is she HAD sex, and got pregnant. hence, repeating, "affair". because I know in this kind of situations could be avoid. otherwise, I wouldn't have been so mad. besides, R don't make up things to get attention, based on 12 years I've known her. so if she actually was raped, she'll mention that. vividly. and would more likely have told M, right? M got to know somehow but definitely not by me....not yet.

souggy, hope so... your grand-dad, I wonder how must he have felt gone through that ..