okay, I cannot comb through and each response when people don't read my posts carefully so I'll answer some points simple and short.
I would be worried in case M really lost it and killed R. I wouldn't want to be the one who set that in motion.
oh no, no. it saddens me you would think of M like that after I've said good things about him. I would say M is Oprah's or Obama's brother. now, can you imagine of her or him (obama) doing that too? all I know by my heart he will not hurt an ant. or have ever raised voice at kids. I in the world have no idea how he'd manage that.
I never said that, and I never even thought that, never. If you believe that R lies to everyone else except you, then that's up to you. If you truly believe that telling M is the best thing for him, you are welcome to go for it. Just don't be surprised if that's the end of his friendship with you. I hope everything works out for all concerned.
thank you. I said that for you to see the way how I see your posts when you judge. hissss. if that seemed silly to you, then it was to me too. you also haven't answered my question. you don't have to, really.
re: surprise - I very well know by my heart he won't end friendship because I care, that's one pro thing out all of these. yet again, won't be surprised if he ended this friendship for knowing this secret all along but loves R so much being blind? that or that..
Since then, I have always stayed out of other people's relationships.
if I had someone telling me, I'd be atleast thankful knowing sooner, 1 - 2 mistakes rather than 8 - 10 mistakes. the sooner, less hurt so the less, the more compassion to work things out. I'd react really nasty if I found out 7 years later but gently if I found out 7 days later. just that I'm thinking, if I were in M & R's situation, I
would appreciate someone warning me (if hubby can't tell me himself), I
would not kill someone and I
would get ourselves or hubby some help before it's too late for either one of us.
Last week, my husband yelled at my friend when she was crying about her husband's affair. He was yelling at her to LEAVE HIS SORRY ASS! Also, yelling at her why she is staying with him after all those years of affairs. I told my hubby that it wasnt his place to do that because she has to find the strength to leave him and yelling at her wouldn't help at all.
and that, if I had someone yelling at me, it could help me a bit realizing people care...and who knows, a wake-up call? sometimes a push can give you a big strength ... have you heard of a fable, starfish story? one of my favorite fables. I giggled one time out of ashame when one person said to me, "geez, PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER WOMAN!!"
to this day, I still giggle and am always grateful for this person. some people just don't care. the bottom line, you can't say all people are same. but I can understand the experiences you've had, "enough is enough." just saying.
apparently you guys have forgotten this was an accident. she got too drunk, wasn't planning or hinting this guy (she's not a flirt-type and have neutral fun because, duh, she has hubby and 4 kids). then next day she knew it was too late. if it were me, I WOULD tell my hubby immediately as there's nothing to be afraid of accident. fair for him. for me, benefits? you'll know more true colors of this person when you tell a 'secret' and if he reacts really bad at something you didn't really mean to, you'll know it's a red flag .... save yourself with honesty!! it always does.
in R's perspective: why tell if it was an accident? (meaning it won't happen again? we can't say.)
It is not my position to do that with you or your friend. Yes, I can see that what you are saying. It sure is a lot of drama and that is too much to handle for you trying to help your friend after 8 years. I am sorry, Shel90. 
