Is wanting deaf children cultural/parental?

[shel90]

If people here have a problem with THEIR hearing parents, they should take it up with them instead of trying to make the rest of us look like monsters. Every single parent I know loves and values their Deaf children as precious gifts. They want nothing but the best for them. They want them to become happy, heathy, successful adults. None of us would "exchange" our kids, and I believe that every single parent would find that idea disgusting. I hope that no hearing parents have to ever be insulted like that when they attempt to bring their child into the Deaf community. That would be a horrible thing, and I am sure that it would turn a parent away. I hope that, instead, the community would welcome parents with open arms instead of suggesting that they are bad parents and don't know how to care for their own child.

That is NOT what we are saying! It seems like you hate the fact that some of us have bad experiences with some hearing parents or know people who have bad experiences with them. You want to discredit our experiences?

Again, where did anyone say that ALL hearing parents do that?

 

[faire_jour]

See post #143

We have several students who were adopted by deaf people. However, I do not know all of the circumstances but I wouldnt be surprised if their parents gave them up after finding out their deafness especially in other countries.

What you are saying is that you know several families who have adopted deaf kids but you have no idea where they came from, correct? But since you have a negative view of hearing parents, you choose to believe that they were given up becuase they are deaf.

I know lots of hearing parents that adopted deaf kids from other countries too.

 

[faire_jour]

That is NOT what we are saying! It seems like you hate the fact that some of us have bad experiences with some hearing parents or know people who have bad experiences with them. You want to discredit our experiences?

Again, where did anyone say that ALL hearing parents do that?

I think that family issues happen everywhere, but that they shouldn't be generalized. If I was raped by a white man (which by the way I was) does that mean that all white men are rapists? Does that mean that I should never go near another white man? Does that mean that I should tell all women to avoid being alone with white men? No, of course not. It means that I had a bad experience with one person, not an entire group. People should be seen as individuals, not as one mass group. That is the definition of prejudice.

 

[Lighthouse77]

I read about it on special needs adoption link a few years ago. Posted a link to a lawyer on FB who thought about adoption because he and his wife were thinking about it and told him to consider adopting a deaf child.

I can't find the link now. but think about it, if you are young, poor, but hearing and you find out your child is deaf... more likely you will put him up for adoption because you don't think you can handle the time and money to raise a deaf child. This applies to any special need child - Autism, down symdrone, etc. People don't think they can do it. Not only that, people consider abortion as well (except some issues can't be determined until after birth). They were going to keep their child until they find out he is special need.

 

[shel90]

What you are saying is that you know several families who have adopted deaf kids but you have no idea where they came from, correct? But since you have a negative view of hearing parents, you choose to believe that they were given up becuase they are deaf.

I know lots of hearing parents that adopted deaf kids from other countries too.

Hello...do I need to ask EVERY family about EVERY circumstances about their adoption process?

I dont have a negative view on hearing parents in general just the ones who are audists.

I said I wouldnt be surprised if there were cases in which some hearing parents gave up their children because of their deafness. I never said that I believe that they were all given up because they were deaf as I dont know the circumstances of why they were given up for adoptions. Hell, even some of the deaf parents who have adopted their deaf chidlren do not know. They went through adoption agencies and sometimes that info on the parents arent available.


Lighthouse said she knows of some hearing parents who have given up their children because of their deafness just like she knows some deaf parents who have given up their children because they are hearing. There are people out there who are like that whether we like it or not. I just hope that these children have found loving homes.

 

[Lissa]

I think that family issues happen everywhere, but that they shouldn't be generalized. If I was raped by a white man (which by the way I was) does that mean that all white men are rapists? Does that mean that I should never go near another white man? Does that mean that I should tell all women to avoid being alone with white men? No, of course not. It means that I had a bad experience with one person, not an entire group. People should be seen as individuals, not as one mass group. That is the definition of prejudice.

That's not what we're saying about ALL hearing parents to deaf children.
Some hearing parents will give up their deaf child because they want "perfect children" Not all hearing parents are that accepting, they're just too bothered about a "perfect child"

 

[faire_jour]

I read about it on special needs adoption link a few years ago. Posted a link to a lawyer on FB who thought about adoption because he and his wife were thinking about it and told him to consider adopting a deaf child.

I can't find the link now. but think about it, if you are young, poor, but hearing and you find out your child is deaf... more likely you will put him up for adoption because you don't think you can handle the time and money to raise a deaf child. This apply to any special need child - Autism, down symdrone, etc. People don't think they can do it.

Do you know how a hearing screen "failure" goes? You don't know the child is deaf in the hospital. You are told that the child is "refered". You are then told to follow up with an audiologist in the next few weeks, and are reassured that it is "probably just fluid". The follow up usually takes place in the next 6 weeks or so, and the child is "refered" again. Then you schedule the ABR. After the ABR is when the hearing loss is confirmed. It usually takes about 2 months to find out the child is deaf.

So, there are parents that are giving up their child for adoption after they have been home for 2 months, OR they are giving their child up after a screening tool, with has a very high rate of false positives is used (and they are reassured over and over that it is fine, that their child can hear, that it is just fluid in their ears). Both of which seem implausable.

 

[Lighthouse77]

Sorry, but there are parents who feel they can't emotionally and financially handle a deaf child.

 

[KristinaB]

What you are saying is that you know several families who have adopted deaf kids but you have no idea where they came from, correct? But since you have a negative view of hearing parents, you choose to believe that they were given up becuase they are deaf.

I know lots of hearing parents that adopted deaf kids from other countries too.

As far as I have been able to tell from any and all of Shel90's posts. She does NOT have a negative view against all hearing parents. Just those that do not do right by their deaf child. She is able to speak about that from personal experience (I think) and is also able to speak on that regarding a few of us here on the board where she has heard our stories. Just because she mentions a few issues regarding hearing parents doesn't mean she has a negative view of ALL hearing parents.

Give the lady a break!!!

 

[Lissa]

As far as I have been able to tell from any and all of Shel90's posts. She does NOT have a negative view against all hearing parents. Just those that do not do right by their deaf child. She is able to speak about that from personal experience (I think) and is also able to speak on that regarding a few of us here on the board where she has heard our stories. Just because she mentions a few issues regarding hearing parents doesn't mean she has a negative view of ALL hearing parents.

Give the lady a break!!!

I totally agree!!

 

[shel90]

As far as I have been able to tell from any and all of Shel90's posts. She does NOT have a negative view against all hearing parents. Just those that do not do right by their deaf child. She is able to speak about that from personal experience (I think) and is also able to speak on that regarding a few of us here on the board where she has heard our stories. Just because she mentions a few issues regarding hearing parents doesn't mean she has a negative view of ALL hearing parents.

Give the lady a break!!!

Thank you! I am very outspoken about any injustice done to deaf children. My heart is for these children first.

 

[shel90]

I totally agree!!

 

[Lissa]

Thank you! I am very outspoken about any injustice done to deaf children. My heart is for these children first.

I totally understand your views about what should be done for deaf children as I agree with them.

 

[faire_jour]

As far as I have been able to tell from any and all of Shel90's posts. She does NOT have a negative view against all hearing parents. Just those that do not do right by their deaf child. She is able to speak about that from personal experience (I think) and is also able to speak on that regarding a few of us here on the board where she has heard our stories. Just because she mentions a few issues regarding hearing parents doesn't mean she has a negative view of ALL hearing parents.

Give the lady a break!!!

Then why have I never heard her tell a single positive story about a hearing parent? It is always, "They want to change their kids to hearing", "They are too lazy to sign", "They don't care about literacy", "They let their kids get years and years behind", "All they care about is speech". I have never heard one good thing. If you say the same thing over and over, how is someone supposed to think you believe anything else??

 

[shel90]

I totally understand your views about what should be done for deaf children as I agree with them.

Thanks..

my son's best friend who is also 4 years old is deaf and she has wonderful hearing parents. I just wish more parents were like her parents.

 

[shel90]

Then why have I never heard her tell a single positive story about a hearing parent? It is always, "They want to change their kids to hearing", "They are too lazy to sign", "They don't care about literacy", "They let their kids get years and years behind", "All they care about is speech". I have never heard one good thing. If you say the same thing over and over, how is someone supposed to think you believe anything else??

That's because I am advocating against those issues. That's my passion.

Do you not care about those issues, FJ? The children are the ones who pay the price so someone has to speak up against them. I wont ignore them just to please anyone. Sorry.

 

[Lissa]

Thanks..

my son's best friend who is also 4 years old is deaf and she has wonderful hearing parents. I just wish more parents were like her parents.

I know a lot of hearing parents of deaf children who are so committed and are doing the best for their child.
I also know a few hearing parents of deaf children who cannot even communicate with them, they are just too lazy or too scared to try and communicate. That doesn't mean every hearing parent is the same, it varies and depends on their family situation!!

 

[shel90]

I know a lot of hearing parents of deaf children who are so committed and are doing the best for their child.
I also know a few hearing parents of deaf children who cannot even communicate with them, they are just too lazy or too scared to try and communicate. That doesn't mean every hearing parent is the same, it varies and depends on their family situation!!

Totally agree and I see the same too.

 

[faire_jour]

Thank you! I am very outspoken about any injustice done to deaf children. My heart is for these children first.

And as a parent, I feel the same way. I love deaf children more than anything in the world, and I would never ever disrespect those who love them the most, their families. They are the ones who, live, breathe and die for them. They are the ones who sacrifice everything to give them whatever they need. They are the ones who cry with them when they are hurt and cheer for them when the succeed. They are the ones who are there for every boo boo and every tear over a kid who makes fun of them. They are the ones helping with homework and working their butts off to make sure they get language into them (sign or spoken). And they will be the ones there every single day, forever.

 

[shel90]

And as a parent, I feel the same way. I love deaf children more than anything in the world, and I would never ever disrespect those who love them the most, their families. They are the ones who, live, breathe and die for them. They are the ones who sacrifice everything to give them whatever they need. They are the ones who cry with them when they are hurt and cheer for them when the succeed. They are the ones who are there for every boo boo and every tear over a kid who makes fun of them. They are the ones helping with homework and working their butts off to make sure they get language into them (sign or spoken). And they will be the ones there every single day, forever.

Then those are the kind of hearing parents I wish were in the majority but unfortunately, so far in my experience, they are in the minority. I would love to see more families like the ones you just described because it would make a world of a difference in deaf people's lives.

So many of my deaf friends felt that their parents never really fully accepted their deafness. I have one friend who came from PR and her mom hates her husband because he is deaf even though she is deaf herself. She is always telling her that life would have been better for her if she had married a hearing man. What kind of talk is that to a deaf person? Then, I have another friend who dated this guy with a CI whose mother kept telling them not to use sign language around her but to use their voices. Both of them rely on ASL more than lipreading to communicate.

On the other hand there are hearing parents like my son's friend's parents who use ASL all the time in the house, who take their daughter to deaf events, and have her meet Deaf adults for role models.