Is wanting deaf children cultural/parental?

faire_jour said:
In this thread it has been said that deaf people should exchange their hearing children with hearing parents of deaf kids, AND that someone wished that 90% of deaf kids were born to deaf parents instead of hearing parents. These things aren't directed at ME, but at all hearing parents.
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Then why do most hearing parents grieve over the news that their children are deaf? Why the fight for oralism and all that?
 
faire_jour said:
I agree with you, it was not directed at me, it was directed at all parents, deaf and hearing. That is exactly what I said.
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Sorry! I misread that completely. My apology.m Except it was at deaf too. And deaf protested too. I did.
 
sallylou said:
souggy, I think that it's a different situation where there is a step parent. Step parents should accept and love step children as much as their own but that's not always the case.
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True, but she just found that the fact he never bothered learning ASL and told my sister to help me out when I fail to understand some of the stuff he said to be a form of "favouritism." Like I said, I never noticed because he spoke to both of us. I don't have a problem with it, but my mom apparently does. I may not agree with fair_joure's reasoning, but I can understand where she is coming from.

Lighthouse77 said:
still no way, That child is part of me and my husband.

I have heard of hearing parents giving their children up because they are deaf. But I also heard of deaf parents giving their children up because they are hearing.
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I know a genetically Deaf family that did that in Winnipeg. Sad. I also know of a foster kid who is Deaf that is floating around right now because her parents didn't want to deal with her deafness-- she is the reason why I want to adopt Deaf kids.
 
shel90 said:
Then why do most hearing parents grieve over the news that their children are deaf? Why the fight for oralism and all that?
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There is a major life change. People often grieve over any change in their lives, even if it turns out to be a blessing.

The choice for spoken language is a very personal one. Many parents want to be able to communicate fully with their child and they believe that communication will be compromised if they use a language that they are just starting to learn. How are they supposed to be a fluent language model if they know no sign? How do they explain everything there is to know in the world, using a language they have a very beginner grasp on. They don't know how to read book, share stories, and explain religon in a language that had never seen before. They know English, they can teach it, use it and model it. They want their child to have access to a full language model, and full communication, not tiny bits of baby sign with no grammar or fluency. They believe that they can give the best language model, fluency, and communication through spoken language.

Perhaps they are mistaken in believe that, but I believe that is the reason the vast majority choose spoken language.
 
faire_jour said:
There is a major life change. People often grieve over any change in their lives, even if it turns out to be a blessing.

The choice for spoken language is a very personal one. Many parents want to be able to communicate fully with their child and they believe that communication will be compromised if they use a language that they are just starting to learn. How are they supposed to be a fluent language model if they know no sign? How do they explain everything there is to know in the world, using a language they have a very beginner grasp on. They don't know how to read book, share stories, and explain religon in a language that had never seen before. They know English, they can teach it, use it and model it. They want their child to have access to a full language model, and full communication, not tiny bits of baby sign with no grammar or fluency. They believe that they can give the best language model, fluency, and communication through spoken language.

Perhaps they are mistaken in believe that, but I believe that is the reason the vast majority choose spoken language.
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All the better reason that life would be easier for everyone if 90% of deaf children were born to deaf people. Just being brutal honest here. Come on..do hearing parents really dream of having deaf children? After all, this thread addresses this kind of issue, anyway.
 
shel90 said:
All the better reason that life would be easier for everyone if 90% of deaf children were born to deaf people. Just being brutal honest here. Come on..do hearing parents really dream of having deaf children? After all, this thread addresses this kind of issue, anyway.
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If I had a magic pill that would make Miss Kat hearing, I wouldn't do it. I don't want "every other kid", I want my girl. If she was hearing she wouldn't have the facial expressions, the goofy looks, the enthusiasm for life that she has now. She would have the wonderful friends that she has, and the amazing self confidence that comes from having 2 communities that love her.
 
faire_jour said:
If I had a magic pill that would make Miss Kat hearing, I wouldn't do it. I don't want "every other kid", I want my girl. If she was hearing she wouldn't have the facial expressions, the goofy looks, the enthusiasm for life that she has now. She would have the wonderful friends that she has, and the amazing self confidence that comes from having 2 communities that love her.
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But before she was born, if someone asked you if you wanted a deaf baby, what would you have said?

That's great that you have accepted her deafness and there are a few hearing parents like you. I just wish there was more of them. I know so many parents who still havent learned sign language and still cant communciate with their deaf children. Too many to count.
 
shel90 said:
But before she was born, if someone asked you if you wanted a deaf baby, what would you have said?

That's great that you have accepted her deafness and there are a few hearing parents like you. I just wish there was more of them. I know so many parents who still havent learned sign language and still cant communciate with their deaf children. Too many to count.
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I would have been fine with it.

It took us years to get pregnant and then we nearly lost her at 9 weeks, and again at her birth.

When we have children it is a gamble, we are taking upon ourselves to love and cherish whatever we end up. We have made a deal to give the child the very best life we can, not matter what that means.
 
shel90 said:
I know so many parents who still havent learned sign language and still cant communciate with their deaf children. Too many to count.
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Good point why are so many parents ignorant to adapting and learning ASL in addition to oral communtication?
 
shel90 said:
But before she was born, if someone asked you if you wanted a deaf baby, what would you have said?

That's great that you have accepted her deafness and there are a few hearing parents like you. I just wish there was more of them. I know so many parents who still havent learned sign language and still cant communciate with their deaf children. Too many to count.
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But my point is that I believe that every parent loves their child, even if they don't learn ASL. Just because they make different choices than I do doesn't mean they love their child less, it just means they have a different approach. There is no "right" or wrong.
 
faire_jour said:
I would have been fine with it.

It took us years to get pregnant and then we nearly lost her at 9 weeks, and again at her birth.

When we have children it is a gamble, we are taking upon ourselves to love and cherish whatever we end up. We have made a deal to give the child the very best life we can, not matter what that means.
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More parents need to adopt your views, seriously!

I have friends who tell me that their parents have wished that they were born hearing and that life would have been easier for everyone. Even my mom said something like that to me once. Maybe the next generation of hearing parents of deaf children are more accepting than the one from my mom's generation because I am seeing more and more of the younger students' parents working hard to become fluent in ASL while the older students' parents have no idea who their children are. My aunts finally discovered that my brother has a great sense of humor just recently after 30 plus years all because of Facebook.
 
Quote:When we have children it is a gamble, we are taking upon ourselves to love and cherish whatever we end up. We have made a deal to give the child the very best life we can, not matter what that means.
That is for sure! As one who adopted, I didnt' know what would they learning disabilities they may or may not encounter but have 3 in resource. Its all about adapting and accepting unconditionally for our differences.
 
Eileenutah said:
Good point why are so many parents ignorant to adapting and learning ASL in addition to oral communtication?
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Because there is not only one way to raise a child. Every child is different, some thrive in an oral enviroment, some need sign in the beginning but drop it as they get older, some need ASL and spoken language, some prefer ASL only. Each child and family have to make the decisions that are right for them.
 
faire_jour said:
Because there is not only one way to raise a child. Every child is different, some thrive in an oral enviroment, some need sign in the beginning but drop it as they get older, some need ASL and spoken language, some prefer ASL only. Each child and family have to make the decisions that are right for them.
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More specifically aren't most young children born deaf or hoh learning both languages so they can communicate fluently with both cultures?
 
faire_jour said:
Because there is not only one way to raise a child. Every child is different, some thrive in an oral enviroment, some need sign in the beginning but drop it as they get older, some need ASL and spoken language, some prefer ASL only. Each child and family have to make the decisions that are right for them.
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In a perfect world.

However we need to stop treating the cases like they are controlled petri dish in a science lab.

There will be other variables in the real world that need to be addressed on all sides.
 
Eileenutah said:
More specifically aren't most young children born deaf or hoh learning both languages so they can communicate fluently with both cultures?
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No, I think the statistic is about 30% of deaf kids are learning sign. The rest are using spoken language.
 
faire_jour said:
Because there is not only one way to raise a child. Every child is different, some thrive in an oral enviroment, some need sign in the beginning but drop it as they get older, some need ASL and spoken language, some prefer ASL only. Each child and family have to make the decisions that are right for them.
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That's why it is critical to expose all of them to both so they can have a choice later on life whether to use either one or continue with both. Then the risks for language delays and deficits would be smaller. I just want the view of using ASL as a last resort to be eliminated.
 
So my question is isn't it best that they learn both languages? I was deafened in my teens so grew up with speech which would make it unlikely to understand the deaf culture not knowing ASL.
 
Shel please empty your inbox here. Some people need you.
 
faire_jour said:
No, I think the statistic is about 30% of deaf kids are learning sign. The rest are using spoken language.
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Most likely a large percentage if not 50% of the 70% will end up with language delays or socio-emotional problems from not feeling like they really fit in with the hearing world. I didnt end up with language delays but I sure did end up with socio-emotional issues in which I needed intense therapy to find out why I was trying to self-destruct. Since learning ASL and accepting my deafness, I no longer have the need to self-destruct because I finally felt respected as a human being first rather than someone as inferior simply because I cant hear as well as people assumed I could.
 
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