Grief, Guilt, and the Loss of an unborn child

Originally posted by Steel
I don't think so, goldie.

But they would mostly detect for heart beats, blood pressure, sex, and stuff like that but i don't think there would some such techolgoy where they could detect your deafness...that would be just alittle weird if there is one, then they would have to put it INSIDE the mother's to find out...lol

Of course, but still -- the baby's ALIVE -- there are operations and technologies that can help fix defects babies are born with. Of course, some defects will be difficult to fix with technology...still, they will try to provide a way of a better life in a way, you know? Give the child a chance to live a life.
 
Unless the child has a life-threatening defect that cannot be repaired by technology and will have a life long disability that will impair a good chance of living, THEN that can be used as a good reason for aborting. No need to put the child through a lot of pain and suffering if they had a life threatening disease or defect.
 
I respect your opinon, and I do believe techogoly would improve ppl's lives, but sometimes they always get so expenisve that not everyone can afford for those things in their child's life or whatever

either foolish or wise, it just depends on the child's future.

live or die

it's always a difficult choice for everyone, but just think REALLY hard before you could make the final decision and all that...that what a good parent would do...do what's best for the child

live or go to a better place.
 
Yeah, it's always a sticky and controversial issue about abortion. So, it's not always easy to make the decision -- good or bad -- still women who have had abortions have had to put up with the dirt it came with from those Anti-abortion groups.
 
:shock: That is a very good Thread there PurpleRose... I do not agree with what the Family decide I think that was very selfish and heartless what they did.


Why does it really matter if the child is not perfect, It's still their child; their fresh and blood?
 
I don't want to offend anyone....well, I'm one of many who do not agree with abortion for any reason (except for very rare situations like rape) for religious and emotional reasons. Yeah, the infants indeed go to a better place, but they will GRIEVE deeply, because they will not be able to have a family to love them. :(

Because I believe strongly in life after death, I think it's much better to let the babies know they are loved dispite their handicaps, and then should they die, they will be able to go to Heaven HAPPY, and there they will look eagerly forward in the future to reunite with their beloved ones in the afterlife.

That is why we must be VERY careful when considering abortion.... :|
 
well, I'm one of many who do not agree with abortion for any reason
I don't either. The difference between me and you (and other "pro-lifers") is that I see abortion as a nessary evil. Banning it isn't gonna make it go away. It's just going to drive it underground. It's GREAT that you're against abortion....just don't tell us we can't have abortions. It's a medical decision for crying out loud...Besides how do you know that the fetus doesn't have a fatal birth defect or something like that? And actually I think most early term abortions are performed early enough so that things like fatal birth defects haven't even had a chance to affect the baby. I do know that in some aborted fetuses, they've found that they have a chromosome disorder called Trisomy 16. Trisomy 16 is ALWAYS...and I mean ALWAYS fatal! The mother always miscarries. There's absolutly NO chance whatsoever for survival, not even for a few minitues like with anacephealy or other birth defects with a VERY VERY VERY high rate of morality!
 
All this talk of "morality" really gets to me sometimes.
There are those who argue against abortion and insist on putting the children up for adoption instead...
Well, guess what? There are MILLIONS of children waiting to be adopted, and where is the "morality" here???? WHO is adopting? Not those vociferously against abortion, clearly.
The number one environmental crisis in this world is overpopulation, and I for one have no patience with someone who insists on killing me and everyone else in the long run by insisting that every sperm or every egg gets conceived or every pregnancy seeing its tragic consequence.
Phooey.
 
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Toonces said:
I don't want to offend anyone....well, I'm one of many
Because I believe strongly in life after death, I think it's much better to let the babies know they are loved dispite their handicaps, and then should they die, they will be able to go to Heaven HAPPY, and there they will look eagerly forward in the future to reunite with their beloved ones in the afterlife.

That is why we must be VERY careful when considering abortion.... :|
By that logic, one can say that abortion was also fated and they can go eagerly to the afterlife.
What difference would it make in that case?
 
I can't believe I'm hearing this, I don't understand this family, and if it was me I would still have the baby no matter what....and yes I'm against abortion...

It's nothing but saddness that some people only want a perfect baby, I think every unborn child is special no matter what....No one shall have an abortion just because a unborn baby isn't 100% perfect....
 
Beowulf said:
There are MILLIONS of children waiting to be adopted, and where is the "morality" here???? WHO is adopting? Not those vociferously against abortion, clearly.
There is a long waiting list of parents waiting to adopt children. There are many parents waiting many years and paying thousands of dollars to adopt babies and children. The problem is not too many babies. The problem is red-tape and expense that keeps children in foster care or "limbo" and not allowing them to be adopted. Many American parents have to go overseas to get babies. There are many adoptive parents who specifically seek to adopt older children, sibling groups, physically and mentally handicapped children, and other "hard to place" children. If women would place their babies into loving families, there would be no need for abortions in America. Pro-life people are also people who do the most adopting.
 
Let's impose morality then. Let's pass a Constitutional amendment that requires a married couple to adopt a handicapped child before they could have one of their own, hmmm? Problem solved.
 
Beowulf said:
Let's impose morality then. Let's pass a Constitutional amendment that requires a married couple to adopt a handicapped child before they could have one of their own, hmmm? Problem solved.
Huh? :confused: Get real.
 
It is not any more unreal than making a medical procedure illegal.
 
Beowulf said:
It is not any more unreal than making a medical procedure illegal.
Killing innocent babies for convenience is not a "medical procedure".
There are many willing parents who want those babies, and will adopt them if given the chance.
 
Reba said:
Killing innocent babies for convenience is not a "medical procedure".
There are many willing parents who want those babies, and will adopt them if given the chance.

My, my, didn't you recently agree that there are entirely too many children still waiting to be adopted?
And fetal tissue growth is NOT "an innocent baby", that is YOUR opinion, sorry.
 
Beowulf said:
My, my, didn't you recently agree that there are entirely too many children still waiting to be adopted?
No, I said there are more parents waiting to adopt babies and children. The only children who can't be adopted are because they are stuck in government and legal red tape. If the red tape is removed, they will be quickly adopted. There are not enough babies and children for adoption in the United States. That is why people go overseas to find babies.
 
Saw it on TV last Sunday night here. I support the terminate of pregnant if the baby has no chance of survive at the delivery, but with disablility, they deserved a life to live at least!
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http://sixtyminutes.ninemsn.com.au/sixtyminutes/stories/2005_04_17/story_1353.asp
Transcript - The great debate
April 17, 2005


Abortion debate

Introduction
PETER OVERTON: Everyone has an opinion, but not everyone has the facts. Once again we're arguing over a woman's right to choose — old war, brand-new battle. This time the rallying point is what they call late-term abortions — pregnancies terminated after 20 weeks. It's emotional, it's heated, it's a dirty fight. Even though only a tiny proportion of abortions are late term and usually they're carried out when something is terribly wrong with the baby. So if you thought it was all over 30 years ago, this story from Peter Overton is sure to make you think again. And I should mention one scene in particular could distress some viewers.


Story: The Great Debate

PETER OVERTON: It is the miracle of emerging life. Graphic images of the developing child. By 20 weeks, or nearly five months, babies' features are clearly recognisable. Tonight we'll meet two women who had to abort their unborn children at this point and discover why late-term abortion has become the new battleground in an old war. So four daughters?

NATALIE WITHERS: Definitely four daughters. And my other three daughters will say the same. If I say three to people, they say, "No, Mum, four." So we all say that she's included, yes.

PETER OVERTON: Natalie Withers already had three daughters when she fell pregnant with another girl.

NATALIE WITHERS: I sort of had two names in mind and I was sort of referring to her by that name when I knew that she was a girl for sure, yep.

PETER OVERTON: Which was?

NATALIE WITHERS: Dellaney.

PETER OVERTON: But a routine ultrasound at 19 weeks brought devastating news.

NATALIE WITHERS: Massive heart abnormality, two great big gaping holes in her heart and the tubes were in incorrect position and her stomach and liver were reversed, which meant that her spleen couldn't form to functioning size.

PETER OVERTON: At 20 weeks, Natalie had to decide whether to carry her baby full term and deliver it — probably stillborn — or to abort the pregnancy. She decided to abort.

NATALIE WITHERS: Most people that I speak to now who haven't dealt with it don't realise that you're presented with a little baby the same as you would be full term, just that they're smaller.

PETER OVERTON: Fiona and Maverick Richards were familiar with tragedy. As an SAS soldier, Mav had seen 18 of his mates die in the Black Hawk helicopter crash of 1996. When Fiona and Mav fell pregnant two years ago, it was a new beginning.

MAVERICK RICHARDS: I've had a lot of loss in my life and this is the first time that I've had something tangible to hang on to — you know, a child, your first child.

FIONA RICHARDS: Yeah, over the moon. Just wouldn't believe we were pregnant 'til we had every test done. The blood test came back and confirmed we were about five weeks' pregnant. So, yeah — we were amazed.

PETER OVERTON: But their joy was short-lived. At 19 weeks, a massive tumour was discovered in the heart. Doctors advised there was no hope. The baby would not survive outside the womb and probably not even make full term.

FIONA RICHARDS: And that's when we decided we've got no choice. We're gonna have to just pull our strength together and get through and terminate this pregnancy.

PETER OVERTON: At 24 weeks, Fiona's baby was aborted. Late in the second trimester, her gravely ill child would have looked like this, displaying clear human characteristics. For Australia's anti-abortion lobby, that's sufficient reason to consider banning late terminations.

SENATOR JULIAN McGAURAN: Abortion is too good a word for it. It is child destruction.

PETER OVERTON: National Party Senator Julian McGauran: believes he's in step with changing public opinion. McGauran's view is termination beyond 20 weeks should be banned. Why have you chosen 20 — why haven't you chosen 19, chosen 21? Why the distinction at 20 weeks?

SENATOR JULIAN McGAURAN: Well of course my position is that abortion itself is wrong. When you believe it's a human being, all abortion is wrong. But there seems to be a particular fault or horror about late-term abortions and it's ever on the increase. 20 weeks is the accepted viability stage of the baby. And we have gone well beyond that. I mean, there are case examples of 32 weeks. Now that should be stopped.

PETER OVERTON: It's at eight to 12 weeks that most abortions in Australia are carried out. At that stage the foetus is just 7cm long and it's a simple procedure. Between 20 and 24 weeks, the growing foetus is already displaying most of the features it will have at birth. If born at 23 weeks, though premature, some babies survive. And this is why late-term abortion is so contentious, because it raises the question whether problems suffered by the foetus are in themselves sufficient to terminate life. Would you perform a late-term abortion if there was a serious heart abnormality?

DR DAVID GRUNDMANN: If that abnormality created a crisis in the family sufficient for them to want the pregnancy terminated that's when I would consider the operation.

PETER OVERTON: Spina bifida?

DR DAVID GRUNDMANN: If it's severe enough, yes.

PETER OVERTON: Down syndrome?

DR DAVID GRUNDMANN: Down syndrome pregnancies are terminated all the time. We just move the head of the ultrasound around 'til we get the image we want.

PETER OVERTON: To the anti-abortion lobby, Dr David Grundmann is a butcher. He's one of the few doctors in Australia willing to carry out late terminations and one of the few willing to speak out on this debate.
 
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Part II

DR DAVID GRUNDMANN: It's wedge politics. The abortion debate has been had. It's over and done with. It's been a dead issue for 30 years. The conservative right — the religious conservative right — is trying to create an opening to try to take the right of choice away from women in Australia and the only way they can do that is by trying to splinter people who are pro choice into those who find abortion late in gestation distasteful.

PETER OVERTON: Senator, why are we sitting here having this discussion? I thought it was sorted out 30 years ago?

JULIAN McGAURAN: Well, the line has shifted. Thirty years ago, the law just didn't contemplate late-term abortions at all.

PETER OVERTON: Look, is this wedge politics on your part? You are putting your hand up and saying, "Let's bring the emotive issue of late-term abortion into the public forum" and then hopefully that will lead to a ban on all abortions?

JULIAN McGAURAN: Look, this is far from wedge politics. This is a hot-button, moral, ethical issue. It's hardly wedge politics. It has nothing to do with politics, quite frankly. I don't see the political advantage for either side. This has everything to do with social values and the tenets we wish to run our society on.

PETER OVERTON: Abortion has always been controversial. But it's a decision no woman takes lightly. This woman is eight weeks pregnant and she's courageously given us permission to film her procedure. It's the first time a termination has been filmed in an Australian abortion clinic. And a warning — some viewers may find it distressing to watch. It's a relatively routine procedure, but nonetheless clinical and unpleasant. Abortions have been legal in some states of Australia since 1969, but if Julian McGauran has his way, the clock is about to be rolled back. So do you want a ban on late-term abortion?

JULIAN McGAURAN: I'd be more than happy to support legislation through the parliament to ban late-term abortions and certainly the methods by which they're undertaken.

PETER OVERTON: What techniques do you use to perform late-term abortions?

DAVID GRUNMANN: We use a range of techniques. I'm not going to go into the specifics because I don't believe it advances the debate on either side terribly much.

PETER OVERTON: Do you pierce the baby's head with a sharp instrument?

DAVID GRUNMANN: As I said, I'm not going to discuss details or specifics about procedures because I don't think that you or the public needs to know specifics about a very small number of procedures. If I'm talking to a medical audience I'll have no problem discussing procedures because they understand it.

PETER OVERTON: Is that because the procedure is so bad and so explicit and destructive?

DAVID GRUNMANN: It's because the anti-choice people like to create hysteria about certain aspects of late abortion which I don't think that the public really needs to debate.

PETER OVERTON: Only two percent of abortions are considered late term. But it's a potent weapon for anti-abortion protesters like Anne Dowling. Okay, you're now under arrest from state police...

ANNE DOWLING: If there is a baby on the road, you would jump on the road, stop the traffic to pick up the baby. I can't pick up the baby, but I can stop the traffic.

PETER OVERTON: Anne has seven children of her own but is prepared to go to jail for the cause. She's been arrested 25 times.

ANNE DOWLING: A baby's going to die. A baby's going to be killed. What do you do? You hand someone a leaflet about it? No, you block the door and that's what we do.

FIONA RICHARDS: We definitely did do the right thing because we weren't able to see that at the time, that it was the right thing, because we were so overwhelmed by feelings of guilt and loss and grief but once we were able to think about it, basically we had no choice.

PETER OVERTON: Isn't it about the woman?

JULIAN McGAURAN: Well, the women of course do not have an unfettered choice in this matter. If society is going to lead itself down that slippery slope where they will start aborting late term on the grounds of disability, then where do you draw the line? Where is the new line?

PETER OVERTON: But, Senator, we're not talking disability, we're talking severe abnormalities, abnormalities that specialists have told the parents will kill their child?

JULIAN McGAURAN: With modern medicine, a great many of these physical disabilities can be fixed up. It's a nonsense argument to say that you've been given evidence or a diagnosis by a doctor of a disability and that is exactly how it will be born. Quite often it does not.

PETER OVERTON: No, hold on, who's the expert — the senator or the doctor?

JULIAN McGAURAN: Well, I know of many examples and many doctors speak to me about it, that there's a prolifera of misdiagnosis. I mean, how close are we going to get to the point of infanticide?

PETER OVERTON: What if this woman is told by a cardiologist, by her obstetrician, that your child has no chance of surviving. Doesn't the woman have a right to make a decision about what she wants?

JULIAN McGAURAN: Well, it's my view that she doesn't. If she's been given those views, there are many equally case examples of survival. And that child ought to be given a chance to survive.

FIONA RICHARDS: I would have probably killed myself if I could not terminate that pregnancy. If I had to carry that baby for another four months, feeling that kicking and then knowing that this baby, once it's a fully grown baby, was going to die — I could not live with that. Excuse me, we'd like to speak to you if we can. We're a couple that did have to have a late-term abortion.

PETER OVERTON: When it comes to abortion, emotions run high on both sides.

FIONA RICHARDS: Whether it's a 16-year-old girl who decides to terminate her pregnancy for whatever reason, or a 30-year-old whose baby is dying, that is a very personal thing. No-one should butt in, not a politician and not you.

PETER OVERTON: The argument once seemed black and white — you were either for or against. But the focus on late-term abortion has brought shades of grey.

FIONA RICHARDS: You've got to decide what you think is right for yourself. No-one else could have decided that for me. I was the one carrying that baby. I was the one suffering. It was my loss, it was my grief, I had to deal with it the only way I knew how to.

PETER OVERTON: At a Melbourne cemetery, Natalie mourns the girl she never held. Four years on, the pain hasn't receded. At times the hurt so great she even thought of ending her own life.

NATALIE WITHERS: I really didn't want to live with the pain anymore. So ... there was ... probably times of thinking that I would've rather go and be with her. She looked pained when she was born. She was born with her mouth open. If I was confronted with it again, I could not do it again. I couldn't play God again.
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http://sixtyminutes.ninemsn.com.au/sixtyminutes/stories/2005_04_17/story_1353.asp
 
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