Gossip

One of my professors wrote a book on gossips and rumors.

The Truth about Rumors and Why We Believe Them

He mentions something about how rumors are usually intended to confirm whether something is true or not, while gossip is something people use to make someone look better or to harm them.

A rumor would usually start with "I heard..." In this case, "I heard he was fired." Well, if the person (I said this to) knew it was true... he would say, "Yes, it's true. He was fired from his job at McDonalds." Now, I know it's true. If he didn't know, he would simply say that he doesn't know. If he was smart enough, he would understand that this was a rumor and not to be taken seriously for it could be true or it could be a lie.

A gossip can be fine or harmful. It's usually stated as a fact. If I saw this guy and said, "Did you know that he was fired from his job at McDonalds?" Now, I could probably be saying this because I want him to look bad for not being able to keep a job and am trying to spread the word that he's a bad person so that others look at him wrongly. Again, it's up to the other person to take it the right or wrong way. If he took it the right way, he would acknowledge this fact and simply not care for it is not his business or he could care and use it against the guy who was fired.

For me, it's something I usually keep to myself. If I do pass it along, I try my best to keep it as positive as possible unless it's on a need-to-know basis. If it's a rumor, I emphasize the fact that it's something "I heard" and not as an actual fact that someone can take seriously. That's the problem that some people have. I say, "I heard he was fired." What does the other person do? He turns it into gossip. "Did you know he was fired?" WTF?

So, whose fault is it really? Is it mine for saying what I heard or the other person for saying that it was true?

That's why it's a big problem here at NTID. A lot of students mix up the "I heard" and "Did you know" a lot. A lot of people get hurt that way. That's why I usually keep to myself whenever I hear both of them. :)
 
shel90 said:
U know what I was just thinking...it is amazing how gossip about one person can travel worldwide. Like when my husband and I first started dating after he broke up with his ex fiancee who was deaf and well known around in the deaf community. Boy, the gossip about my "stealing" him from her spread everywhere. I had people from Canada, Brazil, and all over the states emailing me asking me if that was true. It feels like I was put on the media spotlight or something..LOL!
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That does happen to a lot of people and It had happened to me too, It takes two to tango. I've heard a plenty of "You chased after my ex, or my soon to be ex ". The relationship was over before I stepped in the picture, How is that stealing someone's ex away from someone? That doesn't make no sense if you ask me. Gossip can be false, it's the matter of going up to the person and ask "Is it true or not" don't take anyone's word for it if someone doesn't know if it's true or not. There's always 3 sides to every story, 1st person's side, 2nd person's side and the truth. ;)
 
Yeah at CSUN,

My Asian roommate talked badly about my White roommate, saying
that she doesn't have friends.

I knew that wasn't true... because the Asian roommate doesn't really
have friends.

Then the Asian roommate said she doesn't want to be my roommate
because of my attitude and she will be moving to the room upstairs...

And after the Asian roommate moved upstairs, the White roommate
moved upstairs with her.....

I was like, that White roommate is a FOOL, because that Asian roommate
talked badly about her and told many people about her....

I could have told that White roommate about that Asian roommate....
because she said hurtful things about her....

But nah, The White roommate and the Asian roommate deserve each other.

:giggle:
 
VamPyroX said:
So, whose fault is it really? Is it mine for saying what I heard or the other person for saying that it was true?
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One of my favorite little "jokes" about gossiping is:

"I can keep a secret just FINE, it's the people I tell them to that can't!"

I agree with one of the posters here that it is a fairly human trait to be nosy, and to want to know what's going on with our friends/family/entertainment idols. That's one of the reasons gossip magazines like the Star and the Enquirer make so much money... there's a market out there where the "public" wants to know what's going on in the private lives of celebrities, etc.

Gossip and rumors CAN absolutely ruin reputations. The fault, in my opinion, lies MOSTLY with the person spreading the poison... but the folks who feed off of it are also partly to blame.

The best revenge you can have on a person who is a gossipmonger is the fact that... sooner or later, they're going to find themselves without an audience, because word WILL get around that that person spreads gossip. You think that sordid story they're telling you is interesting?? Wait until YOU are the subject matter! They'll talk about YOU just as easily as they'll talk about their other "friend" they're telling you about.

It's a fine line. I think to some degree, there's no harm in wanting to keep up with our friends and family. After all, if someone is going through a rough spot, that might be when they need you the MOST. But THAT person should be the one responsible for sharing their personal information; it belongs to them, after all.
 
About 5 years ago, my former roommate got drunk and while I was sleeping, "borrowed" my car without permission. I woke up in the middle of the night and discovered my car missing. I called the cops and my roommate returned with my car and he was so wasted. Got him evicted and blah blah. Well, get this..I told my friends what happened cuz I was so furious and shaky and of course, the word got around. 6 months later, I meet some people at a social..they learned that I used to be roommates with that person so they asked me if that was true that he "stole" my car. I said yes but didnt elaborate. A week later, my former roommate sends me an email saying he will sue me for slander and for ruining his reputation for spreading gossip about the situation about my car. I am assuming that those people at the social continued to spread the rumor. *sigh*

My question is..this happened to me and this is my car so I have the right to vent to my friends but is that considered gossip?

Inthegenes, u talk about a fine line and how that person is responsible for sharing their personal information. I told my former roommate that if he doesnt want his rep ruined then dont pull stunts like that.
 
shel90 said:
Inthegenes, u talk about a fine line and how that person is responsible for sharing their personal information. I told my former roommate that if he doesnt want his rep ruined then dont pull stunts like that.
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Shel90, well in this case, you "own" a piece of the story, too, since as a direct result of his actions, you were affected (adversely, to boot!)

I guess I was mostly talking about the kinds of things that people are embarrassed about, or have no control over, etc. (somebody losing their job, or having their spouse cheat on them, etc.)... when it's "personal" in nature, then it should be that person's right to share what they want, elaborate, etc.

Talking about a mutual friend to someone, where you say, "Oh, did you hear?? Soandso lost their job last week! And just before the holiday season, too... how rotten!"... I think that's benign enough, although the person who lost their job likely wouldn't want that to be the topic of conversation. But for the folks who take it a step further, and start speculating on WHY the person lost their job, without knowing any of the facts ("Well, they were ALWAYS late on Wednesdays", "There were all those mistakes in last quarter's report", etc.), I think that starts stepping into the realm of malicious slander.

Back to my origional point in my other post, though: when someone's actions (no matter how embarrassing to them) are no longer "personal", but extend to affecting other people... then I think it becomes less personal, and more "fair game" for discussion by other people, especially so by someone who was directly involved... if that makes any sense?
 
InTheGenes said:
Shel90, well in this case, you "own" a piece of the story, too, since as a direct result of his actions, you were affected (adversely, to boot!)

I guess I was mostly talking about the kinds of things that people are embarrassed about, or have no control over, etc. (somebody losing their job, or having their spouse cheat on them, etc.)... when it's "personal" in nature, then it should be that person's right to share what they want, elaborate, etc.

Talking about a mutual friend to someone, where you say, "Oh, did you hear?? Soandso lost their job last week! And just before the holiday season, too... how rotten!"... I think that's benign enough, although the person who lost their job likely wouldn't want that to be the topic of conversation. But for the folks who take it a step further, and start speculating on WHY the person lost their job, without knowing any of the facts ("Well, they were ALWAYS late on Wednesdays", "There were all those mistakes in last quarter's report", etc.), I think that starts stepping into the realm of malicious slander.

Back to my origional point in my other post, though: when someone's actions (no matter how embarrassing to them) are no longer "personal", but extend to affecting other people... then I think it becomes less personal, and more "fair game" for discussion by other people, especially so by someone who was directly involved... if that makes any sense?
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yea makes sense.

About my situation...that is what I stood up to him and my other so-called friends who took his side. They accused me of a gossip and all I could think was "If it was about me and I am the one who is telling my close friends what happened to ME, how can it be gossip?"

It was a long time ago but a perfect example of how completely different views on what gossip meant hurted all of our friendships.

Everything u just said is what I believe about gossip.
 
shel90 said:
About 5 years ago, my former roommate got drunk and while I was sleeping, "borrowed" my car without permission. I woke up in the middle of the night and discovered my car missing. I called the cops and my roommate returned with my car and he was so wasted. Got him evicted and blah blah. Well, get this..I told my friends what happened cuz I was so furious and shaky and of course, the word got around. 6 months later, I meet some people at a social..they learned that I used to be roommates with that person so they asked me if that was true that he "stole" my car. I said yes but didnt elaborate. A week later, my former roommate sends me an email saying he will sue me for slander and for ruining his reputation for spreading gossip about the situation about my car. I am assuming that those people at the social continued to spread the rumor. *sigh*

My question is..this happened to me and this is my car so I have the right to vent to my friends but is that considered gossip?

Inthegenes, u talk about a fine line and how that person is responsible for sharing their personal information. I told my former roommate that if he doesnt want his rep ruined then dont pull stunts like that.
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It isn't really considered gossip since they asked you a question about something that happened to you and you gave them a straight answer about what happened.
 
Cheri said:
That does happen to a lot of people and It had happened to me too, It takes two to tango. I've heard a plenty of "You chased after my ex, or my soon to be ex ". The relationship was over before I stepped in the picture, How is that stealing someone's ex away from someone? That doesn't make no sense if you ask me. Gossip can be false, it's the matter of going up to the person and ask "Is it true or not" don't take anyone's word for it if someone doesn't know if it's true or not. There's always 3 sides to every story, 1st person's side, 2nd person's side and the truth. ;)
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I second ya Cheri. there is always 2 sided stories everywhere..sometimes it can be a lie sometimes it can be vagued by someone etc,.. best way is to keep the problems to oursleves than falling in wrong hands
 
shel90 said:
yea makes sense.

About my situation...that is what I stood up to him and my other so-called friends who took his side. They accused me of a gossip and all I could think was "If it was about me and I am the one who is telling my close friends what happened to ME, how can it be gossip?"

It was a long time ago but a perfect example of how completely different views on what gossip meant hurted all of our friendships.

Everything u just said is what I believe about gossip.
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Wow, that's fucked up that your friends called it gossip instead of calling it truth straight from the original source.

It's amazing how some people don't often THINK about how their spoken words can fail to reflect their positive values that they may want to share with others. Think about it.
 
shel90 said:
yea makes sense.

About my situation...that is what I stood up to him and my other so-called friends who took his side. They accused me of a gossip and all I could think was "If it was about me and I am the one who is telling my close friends what happened to ME, how can it be gossip?"

It was a long time ago but a perfect example of how completely different views on what gossip meant hurted all of our friendships.

Everything u just said is what I believe about gossip.
Click to expand...



It's not gossip if you went up to a close friend venting out what had happened, cause that's what we normally do, is go up to a friend when they're there to listen or give advice etc.....

So you're doing fine, cause I did the same thing as you did...
 
I agree with you.

Sometimes, rumors and gossip get mixed up.

I guess it could be the grammar or English understanding among them.

Basically, rumor is to be taken as questionable and not as a fact while gossip is something used to state a fact. Sometimes, gossip can be harmful or it can be helpful. However, it's often used to be harmful.

If I was stating a rumor, I would be saying something like... "I heard that she broke up with him. Know anything about that?" As you can see, this is something I 'heard' and it could be true or false. I also asked if the other person knew about it. This is like confirming whether it's true or something.

If I was gossiping, I would be saying something like... "Did you know that she broke up with him?" This time, you'll notice that I didn't ask in a manner that I was trying to confirm if this was true or not. I simply said it straightforwardly in a manner that I wanted others to know about this as a fact as well. This was harmful too.

At NTID, a lot of students get "I heard" and "Did you know" mixed up. I've seen "I heard" go to "Did you know" and lead to problems. I knew one gal who left a party early. Three people were asked why she left the party. The responses were, "I heard... she was tired and went home; she left with another guy; she got bored and left." No one really knew cuz they stated what they heard, but wasn't passing on 'facts'. However, others turned those statements to "Did you know..." and it spread like wildfire. Those who heard "she was tired and went home" remained friends with that girl. Those who heard "she left with another guy" either stayed friends with her or left her for the thought that she was a player or a slut. Those who heard "she got bored and left" left her because they thought she was being rude and inconsiderate for leaving a party and not being respectful to the person hosting the party. Now, she lost half her friends because these rumors were turned to harmful gossip.

For me, gossip or rumor... I take both as rumors and do my best to confirm them. Yep, I'm still friends with her whether I heard all 3 statements.

The truth? She was tired and went home. How do I know? I asked her myself. :)
 
Yes exactly Vampy!! you made a very good explanation there..:)
 
:gpost: Vampy

Depend on kind of gossip, the people make...

Some people made immaturity gossip and tried to spread the rumor to negative other people.... That immaturity gossips, I do not take seriously. I do is :roll:

Some people made positive or negative gossip.. .that´s how the gossip lead the rumor quickly & easily. Its often lead misunderstand that´s why I listen them without involve in...

All what I do is ASK person directly either the rumor is true or not ? OR let person know what I know without judge them. I accept their answer, no matter what. Of course I listen both sides... sometimes I saw something what they did not right then gave them positive advice/tips because I beleive in FACT, not flattery or 2 faced.
 
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