Getting rid of someone

He is a deal breaker. You already gave him 3 chances so why are you thinking about giving him a fourth chance? If I were you, I would cut him out of my life for good. Maybe you could keep in touch with his mom as long as he is not around - like meeting her at a restaurant.

Sorry, I do agree with Jiro and others. We could see things that you couldn't because we were not emotionally involved with him like you are.
 
Follow your heart and think what you want to do for your life.


I wish I could offer you some comforts or anything. You are in charge of your life. Let's image yourself in this kind of situation what if you had kid/s (whoses father) and you are allowing this situation happening to you and kids'. Just think about it.

follow your heart and what do you want to do for your life. yes it is not easy. that sucks!
 
Oh well, we all tried to warn you lanapoo - some of us were speaking from first hand experience.

good luck, you're going to need it.
 
<:aw:bluntness coming up - if you don't wanna know, don't read>

lanapoo, you cannot save or heal him. You can only save and heal yourself. Only you can look inside yourself and find out what is in you that leads you to a destructive situation. And only you can get out of it. After he kills you you're out of chances.
 
one more thing is that


take care of yourself that comes first! stop think of others.
 
I have to comment

Lana, Even tho I am away and in "mend" I read your words and I have to reply. I can feel the pain he has already inflicted on you. I know that pain as well. You say he makes you feel like...... well you know you are not any of that. He has hurt you body, mind and most of all spirit. If he chose not to value you in the past and cheated, he was more interested in his own personal, physical and self esteem needs then yours. Please, I can tell you are caught in what is called the cycle of "abuse". It doesn't always mean he hits you, he may not, but what you described so painfully as his loving you and things being good and then fights and accusations and you turning it all on yourself....that's the cycle. You want to stay in touch with his MOM I understand that you have formed a bond over time with her but she knows her son. You need to be honest with her and make the break, Perhaps she will stay in contact discreetly, but that should not be necessary. Let her decide, You, my friend will go on suffering and this will affect you in so many ways, I am sure you know what I am talking about. Your own self esteem is most important, I don't know you, but do know these circumstances, I am afraid you need to find the courage in yourself to face the most painful decision and "let him go". You make the decision, you take control , I know its gonna be hard but take back a little of your own oersonal power and start with telling him who you are!! Do some serious work on YOU. You have been damaged by this person, you don't really want him, you want him to want YOU! It would validate you, you believe, but it will NOT! You will never be able to stop the cycle, that's his hell, let him live in it. You Deserve better and you know it, stop hoping for a miracle, please. Face the reality of the sitution and stop pretending. I wish you strength and I pray you find it, ONLY YOU...can put an end to this situation, please think about what I have said and take back some of what he has stolen from you. You are a blessed child and allowing someone to create such pain and turmoil in your life can not be your path! Peace sister, Be brave, Do what YOU already know you must! Happiness will find you when the time is right,smile, hugs, please know you are surrounded by others who will love you for the gift you are...
Peace to you..Midnight
 
Lana,

It is a vicious cycle. You will go back to him and have the honeymoon period then the same old shit will hit the fan when things starts to get stressed again.

He had his chances and you keep Forgiving him.... in another word you keep enabling him to do this to you. I am sorry but if you do go back with him.. you will be setting yourself up for another heartbreak.

Are you that co dependent on him, or is it to please his mother? Seems like you are also in fear of losing his mothers friendship also.

Hate to tell you.. but everything you are stating in this thread is a classic sign of Co dependancy to an abusive relationship. You love him but he does not love you back. Hurting someone over and over is NOT love.
 
When I married my husband I starting hearing his famliy say " I would be good for him!" When I heard this I was Bullshit! People where giving my husband the message if he does anything wrong it would be 'my fault for not keeping him out of trouble'!! My ex husband drank and his famliy where enabling him. I did not do this, so in my ex husband pickled brain I was the blame or my daughter was the blame when he lost something etc. After nine years of this shit, I showed my husband the front door and called a lawyer! You should not let anyone made you feel like you're worthless , like someone else said... RUN as fast as you can and tell your friends to NOT tell your ex boyfriend where you're living. It got really ugly with my ex husband we both where putting on another down , he said my mind was too fast for him, hey that was not my fault he could not keep up with me. This was one of many problems with us. I know it hard to be on your own , but you'll feel a lot better getting away from the insults , have you looked into centers for abused women? They can help find an place to live, mental abused is just as bad physical abused, and some people think it's worst.
Take care of Number # One, and that it YOU!! I hope things will work out
for you.
 
You can forgive a person and still move on. Does not mean you have to forgive him and get back with him.
Since you stated you are a forgiving person. Forgive him and move on with your life. Let him move on with his.

And if you take him back!! the cheating he does.. Ewwww you do not know what he is giving you.
 
Babyblue said:
You can forgive a person and still move on. Does not mean you have to forgive him and get back with him.
Since you stated you are a forgiving person. Forgive him and move on with your life. Let him move on with his.

And if you take him back!! the cheating he does.. Ewwww you do not know what he is giving you.
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I agree she can forgive him and not carry the hurt and anger around as extra baggage that will help her heal ,but I agree with you she should move one and not waste any more of her time with this guy! I posted that I knew a woman that took back her boyfriend after he 'left her'! They stayed together 16 years, and he left her again and remarried his ex wife! The woman felt like she had wasted 18 of her life with the guy, she thought they where going to grow old together. And you got a real good point , who know what kind of STD the guy is picking up!!
 
i can understand how you feel because i went through the same thing. let me tell you, you can never change an abusive man unless they seek serious therapy (which rarely happens because most abusive men are stubborn and think they don't need any help). the leopard never changes its spots.

lanapoo said:
We're fighting about how he cheated on me with few women and how he wouldn't accept the fact that I'm deaf.
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the fact that he cheated on you multiple times shows he has no respect for you. and he never will either. please trust me- you don't want to be in a relationship with a man who doesn't accept you for who you are.

lanapoo said:
That he felt that I wasn't good enough for him.
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that isn't true at all. he's not good enough for you.

lanapoo said:
His mom just has some suspicions, but I think she knows and she has been trying to keep me around because I can only seem to be able to keep him on a leash considering his behavior.

What do I do? I just want to be happy. And yet, I don't want to cut people out completely. I want them all to get better, too.
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i know you have a big heart, but it's time for you to start worrying about yourself. also, start doing what's the best for you. that means ending things with him. his mother should know that it's not your job to help him.

from the looks of it you will never find happiness in this relationship. he may act like prince charming at times but in the end of day he's nothing great.
 
I believe that Lana got the message from each of us. I know that it is not EASY to move on in life. I am sure she is aware about it.

Life can be funny. =X
 
We all want the best in other people. I don't really understand keeping in touch with guy's Mom. There is really no point in that if there is no relationship.
 
Frisky Feline said:
I believe that Lana got the message from each of us. I know that it is not EASY to move on in life. I am sure she is aware about it.

Life can be funny. =X
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She asked... and we gave her our thoughts.. I sincerely hope she gets the messages eventually. It is not easy to move on but it is the right choice to do so. She is aware of how the guy treats her, then she makes comments about how she should forgive him and give him another chance.... So that shows me that she does not actually get it.
 
Babyblue said:
She asked... and we gave her our thoughts.. I sincerely hope she gets the messages eventually. It is not easy to move on but it is the right choice to do so. She is aware of how the guy treats her, then she makes comments about how she should forgive him and give him another chance.... So that shows me that she does not actually get it.
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True. She asked. and everyone gave the tips plenty. sometimes it MAY get too far to drive lana up to the wall. I am sure that she got it but doing it is not easy. It is all about the control self. =|
 
Love can be blinding! I hope he didn't entrap u emotionally like make u feel its your fault, or that he says he will hurt Himself and it is your fault... That kind of burden is extremely selfish... I understand there's something about him that is appealing.. I only ask can u endure and put up with it? Some can, some can't.. u wanna get rid of him? Nah, don't let him have that power.. u have the power.. you can choose your path.. they can't. You have qualities that are powerful enough to handle the stuff many consider crazy.. not everybody can be a lion tamer.. wish u well.
 
Frisky Feline said:
True. She asked. and everyone gave the tips plenty. sometimes it MAY get too far to drive lana up to the wall. I am sure that she got it but doing it is not easy. It is all about the control self. =|
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Frisky,

I am sure she can post for herself. If she does not like the comments we made, or is tired of it. She knows how to request a thread to be locked. :)
 
I just read this thread..... All I can say is staying attached to his mom cuz you are crazy about her is only a open invitation to your ex to be more jealous and more dangerous. It can go many ways good and bad. If you are spending time with his mom and your ex walks in unexpectedly, are you willing to deal with the wide range of emotions of anger, disgust, dont care, or aching heart? I am beginning to suspect you are pretty young or havent experience areally bad relationship. Everybody goes through it one time or another, even if it not their own.

Just be wary if you forge ahead and keep the relationship with his mom. And good luck.:aw:
 
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