Evil Mother nor Evil Father,

[suthrnphoduck]

Cheri and Angel, sorry you guys have to go through this. All I know is that I have 3 older hearing brothers, my dad was deaf and my mom is hoh. I am hoh and only girl. We were all treated with a lot of love, the same for everyone.

It is just hard for me to comprehend that this sort of thing happens, but it does. I have a good hearing friend and her family (all hearing) were not treated good equally.

Just be proud that you are both good moms and that yall learn from firsthand experience that you won't treat your children that way. Yall are in my prayers.

 

[Autumn Tree]

Sorry you and Angel had to deal with a mother who is unable to accept your deafness. I agree with other people...you guys just had to move on and have a good life with your beloved ones. There will always be some good things happpening to you two when you're not looking!

 

[Maria]

Sorry to hear that both of you had to go through this. I had my own share, too - my biological mother and I aren't that very close. For more than 10 years, she never sent me anythin' for Christmas. She don't even visit all my 4 children when I gave birth of them at the hospital. She only visited my young sister when my young sister gave birth of her 2 daughters. It explained why I traveled alot to get away from reunionin' with her and her family.

I know the bible says to love your enemy. I know - it is not easy for me to accept it, but I have to learn to accept them the way they are and still love them anyways.

Hang in there, girls. I am sure both of you will live and move on. Your children need you the most.

 

[Opal]

I understand what you saying, but my mother treats my hearing sister like a princess, and even her granddaughters too. My mom never treat Angel and I equally with my other sister. It's always a completion. When she brought Christmas gifts to the children, I noticed that my nieces has a lot more and a lot nicer gifts than my children and my other nephews. I know she doing this because, she blames us for being her daughters, When she wants perfect children, not children who are disability even deaf.

Have you told your feelings for being treating unfair by your Mother to your real full blood sister?

I think the only way your Mother will get the message if your hearing sister tell her its wrong and concern about your feelings? Otherwise your Mother thinks its ok as long as your hearing sister knows the situations, and she didn't bother to argue back with her!

 

[Tousi]

Cheri and Angel, I remember you mentioning this issue in the past and I am just beyond words here. This has been going on for 35 years so I assume that even your hearing sister's intervention has been in vain all this time, too.

Anything I say cannot wash away all these years of misery so I will just say, God bless you and Merry Christmas. I know your'e strong and have your own lives to deal with and from the looks of it, you are doing a good job as people and as Mothers and until/if your mother, the person who gave you life ever comes to her senses, it might be best to close that sad chapter of your lives.

 

[Casperman]

favorism

Sounds like your mother have her own favorsim and thinks Yall aint perfect engough for her.. Thats SAD... she gave birth to yall she shld accept what yall are.... i seen cases like that in past... im from a deaf family BUT my parents did helped some deaf kids from hearing family that rejected them. it was painful and hurtful on the rejects I could say more but i cant. too personal..

Important thing, yall have eachother and YOUR dad to be there for yall and the kids just put your mom out of yalls life and wash ur hands with soap....

 

[Cheri]

.. she gave birth to yall she shld accept what yall are..

Well, She believes that we were switched at birth that someone else has her daughters and we are someone else's daugthers. :roll: Her words always so evil.

 

[Cheri]

Have you told your feelings for being treating unfair by your Mother to your real full blood sister?

Oh she knows, she had witness it all her life pretty much, and knows our mother wouldn't change, that's just who she is as a person and nobody can change her not even my other sister. She had shut her out of her life too, the day she got married for about 3 years or thought, I was the stupid one who told my sisters let's forget the past and give her another chance. Did it change for the better? Nope.

 

[Casperman]

Whoa!

Well, She believes that we were switched at birth that someone else has her daughters and we are someone else's daugthers. :roll: Her words always so evil.

Whoa!!! that is so evil.... Challange her to a DNA and make her gasp!! but i dont know if it will work or not

 

[Miss-Delectable]

Cheri and Angel,
I'm flabbersgated that a mother'd treat her deaf kids atrociously. Well, it seems like you both have turned out for the better without her. So, perhap, it's better to move on without her in your lives.

 

[horselover61]

I am so sorry to hear this. But remmy this you have Angel, RR and your Dad and his new family. They are important to you. Keep it that way and dont worry about your mom. You gotta thanks for the ppl who love you so much more then what your mom have offer.

I am going thru same thing. It is not my mom but my sister. She betrayed me so much and hurt my mom. So my mom did something that got my sister pissed. So there she have it. I am not going get into detail about it.

Remmy you got Angel, RR and Dad and his new family. Keep it up with them. You are lucky to have Dad in your life knowing that he loves you no matter what. That goes with your step mom too. Please cherish your moment with them.

 

[Reba]

Well, She believes that we were switched at birth that someone else has her daughters and we are someone else's daugthers. :roll: Her words always so evil.

It sounds like your mom has some deep mental problems and denial. She may actually be feeling guilt about you and Angel's deafness. Sometimes guilt gets disguised as other negative feelings and behaviors.

I am sorry to say but you might have to accept the fact that you might never have a "normal" relationship with her. It is very painful and sad but just remember, it is a problem of your mother, not you. It is something she will have to face herself, and she is the real loser in this situation. She is cutting herself out from the joy of knowing your sons, and developing a wonderful relationship with them. She is missing so much.

You will probably have to explain to your sons that grandma has a mental problem, and that is something wrong with her. Tell your sons that there is no reason for them to feel unloved or unworthy--they are not doing anything wrong, they are great boys. It is grandma's problem. Don't hate her; feel sorry for her. The kids might not get all the presents but think about grandma--she is losing even more--she doesn't get the love and fellowship that she could enjoy. Also, teach your kids to pray for her; that is something positive that they can do.

The important thing to do is focus on the positive members of our family, especially your own children. It sounds like you have a good relationship with your dad and step-mom, so just focus on that.

Also, I hope you are feeling all the positive support you get from AllDeaf members. Thru the posts and prayers here, you are getting much support.

God bless you.

 

[horselover61]

Amen!!!

It sounds like your mom has some deep mental problems and denial. She may actually be feeling guilt about you and Angel's deafness. Sometimes guilt gets disguised as other negative feelings and behaviors.

I am sorry to say but you might have to accept the fact that you might never have a "normal" relationship with her. It is very painful and sad but just remember, it is a problem of your mother, not you. It is something she will have to face herself, and she is the real loser in this situation. She is cutting herself out from the joy of knowing your sons, and developing a wonderful relationship with them. She is missing so much.

You will probably have to explain to your sons that grandma has a mental problem, and that is something wrong with her. Tell your sons that there is no reason for them to feel unloved or unworthy--they are not doing anything wrong, they are great boys. It is grandma's problem. Don't hate her; feel sorry for her. The kids might not get all the presents but think about grandma--she is losing even more--she doesn't get the love and fellowship that she could enjoy. Also, teach your kids to pray for her; that is something positive that they can do.

The important thing to do is focus on the positive members of our family, especially your own children. It sounds like you have a good relationship with your dad and step-mom, so just focus on that.

Also, I hope you are feeling all the positive support you get from AllDeaf members. Thru the posts and prayers here, you are getting much support.

God bless you.

 

[Cheri]

Thanks all for the wonderful feedback's.

 

[horselover61]

Thanks all for the wonderful feedback's.

Ohhhhhh you're welcome!!!

 

[Liebling:-)))]

I was thinking about this thread last night, and if I were one of your hearing siblings, I'd probably do something like this: I'd talk with my spouse, if I had one, and the two of us would send back any gifts we received from your parents unopened. The message would be very clear: Mess with one of us, mess with us all. I wouldn't do this to any children I might have, of course, in order to set an example that involving children in such matters is wrong. But then I would contribute (along with any other siblings I could get involved) to buy your families and children additional gifts to make up for what the parents didn't get.

I really hope your siblings step up to the plate.

I don´t think it would be good idea but it would make worst.

I´m with Reba.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

First of all, I´m very sorry how you & your sister feel like this. As what you says that you both forgave her dozen of times... I think it´s no good idea to connect with her because her behavior hurt you & your family so much. I would break my contact with her for my family´s sake when I were you. You will be surprised after break contact with her that you will be more happier with your boys and your Dad & step-mom.

I would say the same thing as Reba here. Yes, I saw your post for a first time yesterday but Reba beat me to this. I would like to add some more.

Yes, I can tell thru your description over your mom in the previous posts that she has an emotional problems (mental problem). I beleive that your mom feel guilt and hate herself after learn that you both are deaf. Why they found out you are deaf at age 5, not earlier?... I beleive she suffer guilt and made negative herself why she didn´t notice it an earlier...

You can´t convince your mother... She´s sick woman and need a help, not you. I´m sorry to say this but you have two choice...
Accept what she is or break your contact with her.

Question:

1. What your sons react about their Grandma´s presents? Are they happy?

2. Have they notice something odd about their Grandma´s love & affection? Have they any problem with her?

I know it´s cruel and unfair for you & your sister to face what kind of presents the children of hearing siblings get differently as your children but you has to accept the fact when your sons are happy with the presents, they received from their Grandma & also have no problem with her.

I would suggest you to keep away from her if your children are unhappy and problem with her... Break contact with her before it goes worst.

The reason we decided to break our contact with my hubby´s father is because he cause a lot of pain on us & my children when my children are small which it´s unacceptance. Before one year anniversary of my MIL´s death, my hubby tried to talk him like man is man for our children´s sake but it doesn´t work. (my hubby & his father doesnt get on well for long time)... it´s unfair to upset my children alot... We decided to break our contact with him to start a new life without involve with him... We feel happier which it´s 8 years now... It would be worst if we still contact with him... a lot of pain on my children.. it would get my children aggressive etc... That´s why we want to save it after see what person my father-in-law is after death of MIL. We thought our break contact would get him think twice but he didn´t... We accept the fact that he is not interesting of us and Grandchildren. We saw him few months ago but he treat us as stranger... It´s his LOSS....

Like what I said it´s his problem, not us... I know you will never have a good chance to be normal relationship with her. It´s her problem, not you & your sister.

The important thing for you is focus on the positive things is your boys, your Dad & stepmom...

I find rather sad that your hearing sister is middle between real mom and you/your deaf sister. I would do something when I were hearing sister is be treat fair on you/your sister & mom...

 

[moonflower]

cheri
that is awful i feel so awful for ya to have a evil mother
i wish you have good family like mine
but don't forget you have angel and RR and your children too smile
they are your family

i was lucky everyone in my family love me who i am they don't look at me like
poor little me attitude

i prove them that i can do anything i did
sometimes i have plm with dad he can't communcate with me but i don't care
he always comes to me whatever he needs me i am there to help

 

[CODAchild]

I understand what you saying, but my mother treats my hearing sister like a princess, and even her granddaughters too. My mom never treat Angel and I equally with my other sister. It's always a completion. When she brought Christmas gifts to the children, I noticed that my nieces has a lot more and a lot nicer gifts than my children and my other nephews. I know she doing this because, she blames us for being her daughters, When she wants perfect children, not children who are disability even deaf.

Cherie I am so sorry for what you had to go through onChristmas day with your mom. Manny my husband is the only deaf person in his family, and his Mom never bothered to learn to sign for Manny, so when Manny goes to see his MOm, it isn't a visit, he just sits in the living room watching TV because he cannot understand the conversation that is going around him. But, through his dad, Manny found out that his mother had been feeling guilt because she may have done something wrong while she was pregnant with Manny, to cause him to be born deaf.

I am now wondering if the same thing is going on with your mom too. Could she be feeling guilty because she thinks she may have done something wrong while she had been carrying both of you, and to be born deaf, instead of handling it in a better way and being thankful that you and your sister are healthy, she finds it easier to just reject the both of you. I don't know, I am just guessing here.

all in all, you have been such a wonderful Mom to both your boys, you give them everything they need, and that is what it's important, is that you're there to support them, and feed them, clothe them, and make sure they get a good education. you cannot say that for you Mom dearheart.

You're in my heart and in my thoughts, and be strong and don't let her get you down, just ignore her, and go on being the wonderful person that you are.

 

[racheleggert]

I am so sorrry Cheri and Angel... Since your mom treat u badly.. don't invite her to your wedding (I know that Angel and RR will married soon)... I have same situation with my ex father (birth father)... he treat his girlfriend's 5 kids better than me and my siblings, so thats why I left him for good, not contact him, don't see him... thank god I found someone else to be my father. He even doesn't send cards for b days or holidays... it sounds like your mom is a deadbeat parent, am I correct? I even wouldn't bother to invite him to my wedding....