Deaf culture - do's and don'ts, etc. Let's make a list!

[iaskedalice09]

Oh my God, my dad mimics my speech all the time! I tell him it is rude and I do not appreciate it but then he says "how will you learn if no one tells you." There is a difference between asking specifically (e.g., "I thought you said x for y") and mocking.

And this goes for everyone, but don't take things for granted. I still have vision to sign and lipread but I am blind in one eye (only have light/dark) and normal 20/40 corrected vision. Technically I could be considered deafblind but I don't want to think about that. I am Deaf always. Another annoying thing I see with hearies is that they assume we are savages and social morons..."you call adults by their first names? That's rude!" no, it's a different language and different culture. Personally I think paying attention and honesty are far more important that mr./mrs./ms.

 

[shel90]

my bitchy step-cousin/co-worker was chunking raw pieces of chicken breast at me the other day to get my attention. I tried to ignore her, that is until she lobbed one right on my hand where I was working. I was so tempted to chunk it back at her, but I couldn't as my supervisor was standing there.

Also because Im losing my hearing Im also finding it more difficult to clearly articulate my words. When I asked a co-worker if I could get on her football squares she misunderstood and thought I had said I won her football squares and demanded money. I was no hon, I wouldnt do that! I said I wanted to be on your football squares, is the game being played on Monday?

Also Im missing sounds that I used to be able to hear, like the occassional buzz of my lamp. Now my daughter has to get my attention to tell me that the lamp is buzzing again, so I have to hit it to get it to stop buzzing.

raw chicken? That's so gross! I would chunk a whole raw chicken right back at her after work so I wouldnt get fired. What's wrong with some people?

I told my husband to never ever throw things at me to get my attention. It feels degrading somewhat.

 

[Kaitin]

Oh my God, my dad mimics my speech all the time! I tell him it is rude and I do not appreciate it but then he says "how will you learn if no one tells you." There is a difference between asking specifically (e.g., "I thought you said x for y") and mocking.

:jaw:


Your dad?? Wow. My brother mimicked my speech and then my dad heard him - my dad was so angry. I don't know what my dad said or did because he went in another room with my brother but my brother never mimicked me again. I'm sorry your dad does this!

 

[vallee]

I agree with all of these - most importantly don't touch my HA/CIs. I had people ask can you put on my HA to see what they sound like.


I also hate when people call after me as I am walking down the hallway and then ask my why did I not hear them?

 

[Dixie]

I would have chunked a whole chicken at her afterwork if I could actually get out of the building with a whole unprocessed chicken! I think I may ask mom to 'purchase' a whole chicken from her plant and I will come and get it, then I will take the whole raw bird with me to work, then after she goes inside, place the whole bird squarely on her antenna! I think she'd get the hint loud and clear, but at the same time I would probably have charges pressed against me for vehicular vandalism.

 

[Byrdie714]

Deaf Culture do's and don'ts......

This is going to be a fun list....

1. If you are Deaf and with your HOH friend, DO NOT ask your HOH friend to play the "interpreter" role if you are at a bar, or doctor's office, etc. It's uncomfortable and the HOH individual may miss something important that is being said.

2. If you don't understand a particular sign, ask. It may be just a regional sign, plus it's fun to learn new signs from different places.

3. Don't ask about one's decibel hearing loss. For every $1.00 I been asked that question, I would be a rich person!

4. If you are at a Deaf function and see a friend you haven't seen in awhile, acknowledge them BUT don't go..." Oh My God..You're FAT!" or
"You're skinny!" or "You're _______________ (fill in the blanks)" It can be portrayed as being rude, especially if it is an weight issue or relationship issue.
(One deaf friend told me that it was part of Our culture and I told her that it was RUDE culture.) :rl:

5. Another cultural no-no is when an HOH meets another HOH and decides to "test" their hearing and speaking capabilities. You won't win any friends by behaving this way and you may end up embarrasing yourself when the HOH person speaks and hears better than you. So would you rather have a friend or be embarrassed?

6. Don't ask to wear another person's HA's to see what it is like. Afterall ear mites can be transmitted via earmold to ear canal. Do you want an earful of mites?

7. Don't share too much information about yourself unless asked. (Sometimes some of us deafies don't care that your sister is married for the
4th time to a guy by the name of Joe John and that 6 of her kids are from different fathers'. OR Subjecting us to your latest medical procedures in detail that was done to you.)

8. As a deaf business owner, don't ask for a discount because we are from the same "deaf tribe". We do have to make a living, you know?

9. If another deaf person doesn't say 'Hi' to you, don't get mad, just leave them be. Afterall our mind might be somewhere else or we just want to be left alone.

10. Lastly, not all Deaf people will agree to the above list.

 

[Cheri]

Good list there, Byrdie714

not only that deaf friends have asked me for a discount on food where I work, they even asked for free meals.

 

[Byrdie714]

Good list there, Byrdie714

not only that deaf friends have asked me for a discount on food where I work, they even asked for free meals.

Can I have my FREE french fries with that? j/k

Thanks for the compliment, I tried to be specific as possible....

 

[pek1]

I find it hard to belive that someone grabbed your ear!! That has not happened to me but you would think everybody would know not to do that.

I had a recent experience that I dont' remember happening before, since I stopped wearing my hearing aids. I had a customer ask me a question but I was not able to understand so I told him i'm deaf and would he repeat it again and he leaned over to my ear and repeated it. I thought that was odd, felt like he was invading my space. I pulled back and said, here is a note and pen. Please write down what you are asking me. That was a new experience for me. Also had few new things happen since I stopped wearing hearing aids but I am liking it so far. To me, it clearly puts me in a place that there is no question which is totally deaf.

It was my brother who did it, but that was years ago and he hasn't done it since. Heh, now he wears hearing aids and I occasionally harass him for not wearing them!

As for getting into the space of another . . . I only did that once and that was when I worked as a nursing assistant. The elderly woman had hearing aids and instead of screaming to her where I put it, I leaned down to her left ear, facing the opposite direction of her nose and dropped my volume and told her the hearing aids were where she told me to put them. Saves a voice, worth the cause!

Incidentally, now my dad has hearing aids since 1995 and my mother's hearing is getting there, but she says she doesn't need hearing aids and has always talked loud. Earlier this year, I had a headset that I insisted she wear. She doesn't like it rubbing her ears and is uncomfortable. She'll wear them because she knows I refuse to scream. I nearly started smoking again earlier this summer because she was just driving me nuts and that was just when my dad and I visited her at the nursing home!

 

[Kaitin]

I must add -

I am sick of hearing guys I meet always asking about "sexy" signs. Sometimes they are funny, but last night a guy was gross and asked about signs I won't say. I like interest in sign by hearing people and always like funny people. But this......... Then I smiled and said to read a book and joined my friend but didn't tell him because probably he would yell or more at the guy. My mom says this people are the reason the world has billions of people - so you can find other people and not this guy.

Gross. :roll:

 

[Chase]

Hearies wanting to know how to sign profanity and words for sex acts is uncomfortable for me, too. I don't get the questions from guys so much but I do a lot of the time from women.

One woman saw the movie The Replacements where a girl signed a proposition to a deaf football player. In another scene, the deaf man called another player a bad name. The signs were not subtitled nor captioned, and the woman wanted me to teach them to her.

Another woman saw Hear No Evil where Marlee Maitlin and a friend signed insulting names about other characters, and I was asked to repeat those signs and go through all the swear words and bad names I knew.

A third lady friend is always asking for ways to silently cuss at her boss.

Well, being the little brother of a completely deaf sister with a temper, I’ve been called a whole lot of bad names over the years, so I know lots of them, ha ha ha, but I’d rather not give those kinds of lessons.

 

[Deaf Images]

cuss words first...

More than 30 years of teaching grassroots ASL, I noticed they wanted to know cuss words more than basic words. I told them that they can learn that in the conversation signing in future. So I kept them where they should be and work their way up. That is normal curiousity, but trouble begins when the teetotalers (christians - church fearing peeps) cry foul! Oh well! We spend time after class to do that without those teetotalers!! *sigh*

 

[Chase]

That is normal curiousity, but trouble begins when the teetotalers (christians - church fearing peeps) cry foul! Oh well! We spend time after class to do that without those teetotalers!!

You are so right about normal curiousity. When I learned German while living in Germany, profanity was taught right along with with it. Same with learning Spanish by Mexican agricultural workers.

Ha ha ha, you're so funny with your judgments lumping Christians and non-drinkers into the same classes of diction. Catholics--especially Irish Catholics--brag about drinking, and believe me, many swear a lot. Lots of protestants do, too. I only hang out with non-drinkers, and they can swear a blue streak. I also know an atheist who doesn't touch liquor and doesn't curse, either.

 

[Buffalo]

Hearies wanting to know how to sign profanity and words for sex acts is uncomfortable for me, too.

I notice the same thing, too. I don't like it at all because they only stop at that level and not wanting to learn ASL.

 

[restless_heart]

Having someone takes notes for me because the teachers thought it was a good idea since I had no interputer...it was stopped to prove I could do it by myself. I made it.

Hate it when someone hollers when I said, "Please wait, I am hearing impaired..." and that I had to remind them I still can hear...yes they got confused They were just too far away to speak to me or too soft like they were whispering, that is why I said hold a minute, I am hearing impaired.

Having someone to stomp their feet to get my attention...that was my best friend's husband and her mother does that...that annoys me!!!! I told them it is not necessary.

Having someone said, 'Never mind," after I mentioned please slow down...

Having someone do everything for me because they think 'I can't hear,' like answering the phone, door, etc...

Having someone speak for me....my daughter does that all the time, I made her stop and told her I can take care of it because I am an adult.

Having someone treat me different because 'I can't hear.'

Someone may be talking to me that I didn't even know then calling me names to other people...someone had to remind them I am deaf...then they goes, ooops......I am soooo sorry, I don't mean that...

Having someone move their mouth without voice...I cannot read lips, please speak!!!

Best of all....my family and friends have not treat me any different all my life. And treat me like normal. My daughter did some but she stopped, because she 'thought' the wrong way...She even knows that I can hear the different betwn the F word and freaking word, she goes oopppps, yeah uh...well, she got caught, she stopped twisting words around to make it sound almost alike.

 

[2lilprincesses]

Profanity first and foremost

I am studying ASL (for the past year) and what drives me insane is that my co-workers, who are my age (early / mid 20's) and even the older ones, are only interested in learning the profanity. We work in a medical office and they go around signing inappropriately. Even worse, when we do have a deaf patient, they don't even take the time to acknowledge him and introduce themselves. I am just learning and they insist that I work with those patients. Well excuse me, there's nothing wrong with them!!!!! (Besides their reason for coming to a medical office).

 

[deafskeptic]

I am studying ASL (for the past year) and what drives me insane is that my co-workers, who are my age (early / mid 20's) and even the older ones, are only interested in learning the profanity. We work in a medical office and they go around signing inappropriately. Even worse, when we do have a deaf patient, they don't even take the time to acknowledge him and introduce themselves. I am just learning and they insist that I work with those patients. Well excuse me, there's nothing wrong with them!!!!! (Besides their reason for coming to a medical office).

That reminds me of when I lived in Richmond, Va. So many hearing wanted to know the cuss words only that it became a big joke in the deaf community there.

It just gives me the impression they're not interested in ASL or learning about the Deaf culture.

 

[Dixie]

I also hate it that because I am deaf/hoh that people treat me as though I am incapable of doing anything but menial work. They say oh your smart, bright, etc, but they always save the most menial work for me. Or even in one case during a class project in high school, I simply wasnt a part of the process altogether and the teacher had to 'create' a part for me in order to give me a grade. It was very degrading in my opinion. I never liked that teacher ever again.

 

[2lilprincesses]

That reminds me of when I lived in Richmond, Va. So many hearing wanted to know the cuss words only that it became a big joke in the deaf community there.

It just gives me the impression they're not interested in ASL or learning about the Deaf culture.

It drives me crazy that they take no real interest in learning the language or anything about the culture. Again, I am a hearie and still learning. Only one co-worker took the time to learn the alphabet and afew phrases such as "My name is", "Sign slow", "How are you" and a few small words. At least she can be polite enough, the others are at a loss.

What's even worse, I'm dedicated to learning and to teach my daughters a second language and understanding to a new culture, something I never really had growing up. I was out with my mom and my daughter and I sign to my daughter about everything. My mother's comment (and mind you she works in the medical field and has deaf patients) "stop doing that, people will think that something's wrong with her." OH I WAS FURIATED. I just told her, "so what, let them think that!" GRRRR! I'm sorry I want to advance my children with new language skills and the ability to accept other people, when others don't.

 

[jillio]

It drives me crazy that they take no real interest in learning the language or anything about the culture. Again, I am a hearie and still learning. Only one co-worker took the time to learn the alphabet and afew phrases such as "My name is", "Sign slow", "How are you" and a few small words. At least she can be polite enough, the others are at a loss.

What's even worse, I'm dedicated to learning and to teach my daughters a second language and understanding to a new culture, something I never really had growing up. I was out with my mom and my daughter and I sign to my daughter about everything. My mother's comment (and mind you she works in the medical field and has deaf patients) "stop doing that, people will think that something's wrong with her." OH I WAS FURIATED. I just told her, "so what, let them think that!" GRRRR! I'm sorry I want to advance my children with new language skills and the ability to accept other people, when others don't.

It will come back to haunt them. One day, the will accidentally call a deaf person an insulting obssene name, and get the crap beat out of them!