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I hope this hasn't been posted before....... It's long but very well worth reading
Subject:
>
> This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan
> DeVries by the Michigan Department of Environmental Quality, State of
> Michigan. This guy's response is hilarious, but read the State's letter
> before you get to the response letter.
SUBJECT: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023;
>
> T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County
>
> Dear Mr. DeVries:
>
> It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality
> that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced
> parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or
> contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:
>
> Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet
> stream of Spring Pond. A permit must be issued prior to the start of
> this type of activity. A review of the Department's files shows that no
> permits have been issued.
>
> Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in
> violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource
and
> Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being
> sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws,
> annotated.
>
> The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially
> failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at
> downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently
> hazardous and
> cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and
> desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a
> free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from
the
> stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than
> January
> 31,2003.
>
> Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so
> that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to
> comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site
> may
> result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action.
>
> We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter.
> Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.
>
> Sincerely,
>
> David L. Price District Representative
>
> Land and Water Management Division
>
>
** This is the actual response sent back: **
>
> Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N;
>
> R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County.
>
> Dear Mr. Price:
>
> Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to respond
> to. I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget,
Pierson,
> Michigan. A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of
> constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet
> stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor
supervise
> their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call
their
> skillful use of natures building materials "debris." I would like to
> challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any
> time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no
> way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness,
their
> dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their
> dam work ethic.
>
> As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must
> first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam
> activity.
>
> My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to discriminate
> against my Spring Pond Beavers or (2) do you require all beavers
throughout
> this
> State to conform to said dam request? If you are not discriminating
> against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act,
I
> request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits
> that
> have been issued. Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation
of
> Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and
> environmental
> Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections
> 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.
>
> I have several concerns. My first concern is ... aren't the beavers
> entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially
> destitute and are unable to pay for said representation, so the State will
> have to
> provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that either
> one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event causing flooding
> is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is
> required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond
Beavers
> alone
> rather than harassing them and calling their dam names.
>
> If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please
> contact the beavers, but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously
> did not pay any attention to your dam letter ... they being unable to read
> English.
>
> In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build
> their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and
> water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and
> enjoy
> Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental
> Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources
> (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).
>
> So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be
> referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until
> 1/31/2003? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there
> will be
> no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then.
>
> In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real
> environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears!
>
> Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you
> should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If
> you
> are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (The bears are
not
> careful where they dump!)
>
> Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to
> contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to
> your
> dam office.
>
> Thank You,
>
> Ryan DeVries & The Dam Beavers
>
>
Subject:
>
> This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan
> DeVries by the Michigan Department of Environmental Quality, State of
> Michigan. This guy's response is hilarious, but read the State's letter
> before you get to the response letter.
SUBJECT: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023;
>
> T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County
>
> Dear Mr. DeVries:
>
> It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality
> that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced
> parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or
> contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:
>
> Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet
> stream of Spring Pond. A permit must be issued prior to the start of
> this type of activity. A review of the Department's files shows that no
> permits have been issued.
>
> Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in
> violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource
and
> Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being
> sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws,
> annotated.
>
> The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially
> failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at
> downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently
> hazardous and
> cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and
> desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a
> free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from
the
> stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than
> January
> 31,2003.
>
> Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so
> that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to
> comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site
> may
> result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action.
>
> We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter.
> Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.
>
> Sincerely,
>
> David L. Price District Representative
>
> Land and Water Management Division
>
>
** This is the actual response sent back: **
>
> Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N;
>
> R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County.
>
> Dear Mr. Price:
>
> Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to respond
> to. I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget,
Pierson,
> Michigan. A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of
> constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet
> stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor
supervise
> their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call
their
> skillful use of natures building materials "debris." I would like to
> challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any
> time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no
> way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness,
their
> dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their
> dam work ethic.
>
> As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must
> first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam
> activity.
>
> My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to discriminate
> against my Spring Pond Beavers or (2) do you require all beavers
throughout
> this
> State to conform to said dam request? If you are not discriminating
> against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act,
I
> request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits
> that
> have been issued. Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation
of
> Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and
> environmental
> Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections
> 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.
>
> I have several concerns. My first concern is ... aren't the beavers
> entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially
> destitute and are unable to pay for said representation, so the State will
> have to
> provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that either
> one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event causing flooding
> is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is
> required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond
Beavers
> alone
> rather than harassing them and calling their dam names.
>
> If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please
> contact the beavers, but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously
> did not pay any attention to your dam letter ... they being unable to read
> English.
>
> In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build
> their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and
> water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and
> enjoy
> Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental
> Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources
> (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).
>
> So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be
> referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until
> 1/31/2003? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there
> will be
> no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then.
>
> In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real
> environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears!
>
> Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you
> should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If
> you
> are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (The bears are
not
> careful where they dump!)
>
> Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to
> contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to
> your
> dam office.
>
> Thank You,
>
> Ryan DeVries & The Dam Beavers
>
>
Mwahahahahaha!!! Tooo phunny!!!! 
Nice!!! Funny one! 
