another good debating topic!

shel90 said:
Hahahaha!!!! That is sooo true. This is becoming too funny cuz I am picturing the invitation saying "You and an uninvited guest are invited to our wedding."

Or an invitation saying to the uninvited guest "If u decide to crash our wedding, you need to pay $100 for food and drinks or bring a gift not to take advantage of the bride and groom."

I am not saying all thise to offend anyone but I am just laughing by conjuring these images in my head. Nothing against anyone here...Southern started my crazy thoughts with his POV about standing in the rain!!! LOL!


I agree with Lucia and Reba...invited guests arent expected to bring gifts for money but I guess in Germany it is different.
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Don't you read my correct post to Southern, FesityChick and Reba's post?

No, I'm not offend but :roll: your post.

I see from this link, I provide at other thread that Germany and America is the same... :) Most Americans do like that at present time (see this link). I'm not surprised when I saw those links because a lot Americans, I work with and some ADers... did the same thing what Europeans did... I accept that each person is different.

http://www.alldeaf.com/738225-post187.html


One thing is different between Germany and America is: Accord Invitation, an invited guest allow to bring a guest and cover the gift for guest. We (Eureopans) don't do like that. We (I and my boyfriend, fiancee, hubby or family) recieve invitation from bride and groom, that's all. We together share the gift, gift card or card enclosed money or whatever.... for bride and groom.
 
Reba said:
I guess people who congratulate the couple in public after the wedding are called public well-wishers, or community well-wishers. But "uninvited guest" doesn't make sense.
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I forget to edit to add your post in my previous post.

Every EU countries do like that as public well-wisher to congrat bride and groom out of the church... Sometimes they gave them card or gift... It's volunarlity... I remember other thread of last year that public well-wishers are not acceptance in America unless public well-wishers must get an invitation which is total different as in EU countries. American will consider public well-wishers as rude and bad manner because they didn't receive invitation to attend public well-wishers outside of the church.

Remember this thread?
http://www.alldeaf.com/deaf-events-meets/32463-who-would-go-watch-rr-angel-wedding-july-2007-a.html

That's why I find the word "uninvited guest"...
 
Cheri said:
If your guest is there for you, that means you're going to share your plate with the guest even your glass of wine? :giggle:

I'm sorry, but If you don't even pay your guest's way to the wedding, even the food, the drinks, the cake, I think you should be responsible for the gift for the guest that you brought to the wedding, It would be more polite that way. But, that's you I guess. ;)
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So, I guess I'll have to tell my "girlfriend" that she can't come because she doesn't know the people getting married. I'll just tell her that since I know the people getting married, I'm going and I'll be getting the gift. She can stay home and wait for me.
 
Liebling:-))) said:
Respectfully disagree... that guest is for the wedding, not you because bride and groom OFFER you to bring a guest to keep you company. They invite you and a guest... Without their invitation, a guest would not be around.
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I don't literally mean that the guest is there for me, but if you were to be technical, who would that guest be there for? Remember, that guest wouldn't have gone unless that guest was invited... by who? Me.

Although you're right, my guest is also their guest... indirectly. However, it wouldn't be fair to expect all indirectly invited guests to be expected to bring gifts.
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Liebling:-))) said:
Top 8: Wedding Guest Etiquette Q&A
Q: How do I find out where the couple is registered? It doesn't say on the invite.

A: It shouldn't. If the couple included their registry info on the invitation it would seem as if they were asking for gifts -- and technically wedding gifts are not mandatory. Check to see if the couple has listed their website on the invite. If so, chances are they've indicated where they're registered somewhere on that. If so, their registry information is probably on their site. If not, start asking around -- try members of the couple's wedding party, the couple's family, and if all else fails, the couple themselves.
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I've seen this happen before with weddings and baby showers. After I saw the registry for a couple weddings and baby showers, I figured out the rest... without being told of a registry. I simply looked at places that you would expect gifts to be at... which is usually at department stores at the mall (or Babies-R-Us for baby showers).
Q. I recently received an invitation to a wedding reception but not the ceremony. Apparently the church is very small. Is this acceptable?

A. More and more couples are opting to have intimate family ceremonies with a small guest list and then hosting larger receptions that include all their relatives and friends. You may feel like you're missing out on the most important part by just going to the reception, but at least you'll be there to raise your glass to the bride and groom. It is acceptable to only extend an invite to the reception. But it is never acceptable to only extend an invitation to the ceremony if you're also having a reception.
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This happens. My brother's wedding was like this. There were like 30 people at the wedding and 300 people at the reception.
Q: What if there's no RSVP-by date on the invite? How long do I have?

A: Many invitations will specify the date by which you should respond. If you've received an invite without one, your best bet is to respond ASAP. Don't leave it on the coffee table where it might get lost amid the magazines. Instead, check your calendar, mark your reply immediately, and slip it in your bag to send out the next time you pass a mailbox. If you've put off replying for a few days or weeks because you're not sure of your schedule (or just forgot about it), make sure you send your RSVP at least 3 weeks before the date of the event.
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It's usually respectful to respond promptly with or without RSVP dates.
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:)
 
Southern said:
I don’t know where you grew up, but in the south, the guests never pay for the food they eat at the wedding. Very traditional weddings the bride’s family pays for the food and drink for all who attend the wedding. Now it is more the bride and groom both pay for the wedding. I have never heard of people having their guests pay for the food.

Now there is another southern tradition that is gaining popularity in other parts of the country thanks to TV. The groom’s cake. It is usually chocolate and not very fancy, unlike the wedding cake which is.
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Yep, traditionally... the wedding cake is vanilla or cream and the grooms cake is chocolate... often double or triple chocolate. Of all the weddings I went to, almost all of them had chocolate cake with chocolate icing and chocolate flakes and chocolate dipped strawberries. :)

Of course, this is too much for me... so I just go for the wedding cake. :)
 
Originally Posted by Southern
I don’t know where you grew up, but in the south, the guests never pay for the food they eat at the wedding. Very traditional weddings the bride’s family pays for the food and drink for all who attend the wedding. Now it is more the bride and groom both pay for the wedding. I have never heard of people having their guests pay for the food.
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Accord tradition, the bride & groom pay everything for their wedding and also with their parent's support as well.

I never heard that the guests have to pay for the foods and drink at any special occassion either. I would not go if I know that I have to pay foods and drink at their wedding because it's not right wedding. Your post sound that you had a bad experience for attend your friend's wedding to pay foods and drink like this? It amazes me because I never heard about this in my life until your post here for a first time.

Now there is another southern tradition that is gaining popularity in other parts of the country thanks to TV. The groom’s cake. It is usually chocolate and not very fancy, unlike the wedding cake which is.
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Interesting... fancy wedding cakes accord wedding tradition is very common here in Germany...

example like this.
hochzeitstorte - Google Bilder


Can you show me example picture of southern tradition wedding cake?

 
VamPyroX said:
I don't literally mean that the guest is there for me, but if you were to be technical, who would that guest be there for? Remember, that guest wouldn't have gone unless that guest was invited... by who? Me.

Although you're right, my guest is also their guest... indirectly. However, it wouldn't be fair to expect all indirectly invited guests to be expected to bring gifts.
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Yes I aware that it's you who choose a guest to accompany you at wedding but it's nice thoughtful of bride and groom to offer you to invite a guest to company you to their wedding.

I am not saying that your guest MUST buy a gift. I only say that it would be nice thoughtful of your guest to share the expense with you or buy something by his/her own to thank bride & groom for their thoughtful to offer you to take her/him to attend their wedding.

It's me... :)

P.S. Accord wedding tradition, the guests are expect to fulfill bride and groom's wishes or thank them for their thoughtful. This is so. If they have problem to fulfill bride and groom's wishes then check with couple weeks to months before wedding preparation.

I will consider as rude and bad manner if I didn't receive "thank you" card from bride and groom or any big special occassions.
 
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VamPyroX said:
So, I guess I'll have to tell my "girlfriend" that she can't come because she doesn't know the people getting married. I'll just tell her that since I know the people getting married, I'm going and I'll be getting the gift. She can stay home and wait for me.
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Well if you (guy) bring your girlfriend, wife or fiancee with you to their wedding, of course you can pay the gift to name you and her together for bride and groom... No problem... :) but if you invite a friend to accompany you to their wedding... Would you pay the gift for your friend? I would not do that... but with spouse, fiancee, partner or family is a different story.
 
Offer them the chance

Liebling:-))) said:
Well if you (guy) bring your girlfriend, wife or fiancee with you to their wedding, of course you can pay the gift to name you and her together for bride and groom... No problem... :) but if you invite a friend to accompany you to their wedding... Would you pay the gift for your friend? I would not do that... but with spouse, fiancee, partner or family is a different story.
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If the person going with you knows the wedding party...you could say, "Hey, I bought this incredible gift for them and since you are going and know them would you want to chip in on it?" Otherwise, don't put their name on the gift and let it be just from you!?? How does that sound?
 
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VamPyroX said:
I don't literally mean that the guest is there for me, but if you were to be technical, who would that guest be there for? Remember, that guest wouldn't have gone unless that guest was invited... by who? Me.

Although you're right, my guest is also their guest... indirectly. However, it wouldn't be fair to expect all indirectly invited guests to be expected to bring gifts.
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I think she's having trouble accepting the concept that some people actually invite guests for the sheer pleasure of their company, and allow additional guests in consideration of their primary guests, and not expect material renumeration. I think we're at an impasse of conflicting social philosophies.
 
atabr5 said:
If the person going with you knows the wedding party...you could say, "Hey, I bought this incredible gift for them and since you are going and know them would you want to chip in on it?" Otherwise, don't put their name on the gift and let it be just from you!?? How does that sound?
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Ummm, that kind of puts the guest on the spot. What if they want to say "no" but feel guilty about it? Or they might say "yes" but feel resentful for having been put on the spot.

I think if the guest of the guest asks, "Should I bring a gift?" the first guest should say, with a smile, "It's not necessary or expected but if you want to that would be sweet." Otherwise, the first guest shouldn't mention a gift.

BTW, most wedding etiquette experts and planners strongly suggest that guests NOT bring the presents to the wedding ceremony or reception. It's suggested and preferred that presents either be given during bridal showers or sent to the couple's home. In that case, a guest bringing a present to the wedding is a moot point. If the guest of the guest is attending the wedding and reception only, then there is no reason to be toting a gift in hand.

But that's only what the very experienced, professional wedding planners say. People are free to ignore the experienced experts and do whatever they want, and then later sort out all the confusion and hurt feelings.
 
atabr5 said:
If the person going with you knows the wedding party...you could say, "Hey, I bought this incredible gift for them and since you are going and know them would you want to chip in on it?" Otherwise, don't put their name on the gift and let it be just from you!?? How does that sound?
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I already stated in my previous post.
http://www.alldeaf.com/738144-post47.html

Is it what you want to question me about?
 
I do think the one who is bringing the optional guest should be responsible for the guest. Sort of like picking up the tab for dinner if the guest is asked out. Maybe the guest wants to go "dutch".. voluntarily, of course.

It's just good manners to offer good wishes to the newlyweds, in any case.
 
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Reba said:
The invitation says for you AND one guest. Your guest is invited. You send an RSVP for you and your guest. That way, the bride has an accurate count for the food at the reception. It's not rude because the bride asked you to bring a guest, if you want.
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Yes, 8 people who were invited to my wedding. They do bring their escorts. We do not expect from their gifts. Just put their guest's names in the cards. We never ask them to gift the money instead of the wedding gifts (presents). It is considered as insult them. I did let them know Bridal Regristry at the stores, what we need for a home. Did not want to see them to buy two same gifts.

We would never ask them for money, it is very rude. It sounds like that begger for the money. No Way !

We do not invite people that we never met them before. We prefer that they are true friends of ours to invite them.
 
I'd rather someone send you invitation you and guest.. that mean I can bring guest w/me along to their wedding.. If I see invitation card say only you and hubby.. means no guest on it.. just us and attend their wedding..

Vary invitation wedding..

Seen: Invitation wedding cards:
1> Mr&Mrs................and guest
2>Mr&Mrs....................
3>Mr&Mrs....................... (Not allowed bring children)

Have you seen like those invitation cards whoever send you...
 
FeistyChick said:
this is just not for angel... but for everyone too! :)

i am SO CURIOUS in everyone's opinions! NO BASHINGS, INSULTINGS OR DEGRADING! there is no right and wrong in this... it is just a matter of opinions AND ETIQUETTE!!! K??? :thumb:

if you were invited to a wedding and were allowed to bring a guest, would you EXPECT YOUR GUEST TO CONTRIBUTE TOWARDS MONEY/OR GIFT for the bride and groom??? or it is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO TAKE CARE OF THE MONEY/GIFT??? and your guest is just there to tag along and keep you company? :D
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I will never expect a gift. If they did give me a gift then it will only be a bonus. :)

As for them paying to attend the wedding, I may ask them to contribute partially (not full price) to the wedding. If they can not, they are free to pay the amount they wish.
 
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