About Parents?

[hearingaidmama]

It is not just this thread. It is this thread plus two more threads, plus several "coincidences" that have occurred today. It is also almost verbatim word and phrase usage. Our suspicions are not based on a single thing; it is several things that have fallen into place and added up to something other than a new parent posting an honest inquiry.

Even those members who have not posted in this thread are seeing suspicious occurrances in more than one area of the forum over the past 24 hours. There is just too much to ignore. We ignored our suspicions once before when something very odd was occurring. Most of us learned from that experience to trust our guts when something jumps out at you and screams "fraud".

Additionally; this parent was not here to find information. Her decision, based on her posts, has already been made regarding her child. She wasn't trying to find other parents of HOH kids; she is being served through Clarke school by her own admission. She has plenty of access to parents of other HOH kids at Clarke.

There is just too much that isn't adding up, DD. It is not a matter of being jaded. It is a matter of not being gullible. When this many people see the same thing, chances are better that their perceptions are correct than they are incorrect.

I am a real person behind this computer with a real daughter that wears hearing aids. Sure, may I seem uneducated about things? Absolutley. Does it mean I'm some imposter that's been bugging you all? No.

I've recieved a few e-mails apologizing for all your behavior and I appreciate it. I've been told my more than one person to stick around and you'll all just frop it eventually. I'm sticking around the get from this forum what I can but I sure hope I can navigate away from all you.

I've told you numerous times but I will say it again. I am interested in meeting other parents with children who are deaf or HOH. Yes, my daughter does recieve early intervention though Clarke school. (in HOME!!! for the 9th time), Were you under the assumption that they brought entire classes of children and parents to our home every week? Think about it, seriously.

Call me out on whatever you'd like, I'll prove you wrong.

 

[dogmom]

meant kindly - how you receive is up to you....

no need to to play the victim role. Part of learning is to be able to see others viewpoints and not focus on oneself and one's own expectations.

one aspect of the Deaf community is bluntness. your perspective from here might be "rude" but you are here now, not where you usually are.

this is a Deaf forum, therefore ASL is an intrinsic part of being here. Part of understanding the community which your daughter has been born into <for who she is, is beyond yourself> is respecting the language and culture of the community.

 

[CSign]

I'm laughing because...... Everyone assumes this person is FJ, CSign, or whoever.... As if the stuff they say is unique. Don't a lot of hearing parents think like that, anyway? So why assume that they MUST be one of the hearing parents on AD?

Oh well. If she's for real, that's a darn shame for her kid. No parent would want to let their child associate with the deaf community if it's like this.

I understand that she said a lot of "venom" but I still haven't seen any explanation to her for WHY it was venom. No newcomer would know why. All I hear is some variation of "You eff'ed up."

It's glaringly obvious that there are incredibly jaded people here. What can I do to help breathe some life into you to exercise your patience for those who come here with wrong ideas?

Wow, I wasn't sure in the other thread if I was one of the people you were thinking of. Now it's pretty clear to me.

I have better things to do than go and create new accounts to post under different names. I also have no interest in "stirring up controversy", I'm interested in participating in productive conversations.

 

[rebeccalj]

meant kindly - how you receive is up to you....

no need to to play the victim role. Part of learning is to be able to see others viewpoints and not focus on oneself and one's own expectations.

one aspect of the Deaf community is bluntness. your perspective from here might be "rude" but you are here now, not where you usually are.

this is a Deaf forum, therefore ASL is an intrinsic part of being here. Part of understanding the community which your daughter has been born into <for who she is, is beyond yourself> is respecting the language and culture of the community.

I was going to mention bluntness is alive and well in our community but she seemed very defensive after one post like that and, when I read the reply, I thought to myself, "Uhoh, she's not used to this."

 

[dogmom]

true that.

When I first came in here I was somewhat used to bluntness since my husband and my mom are both very much. Still had to work on my own stuff so I could learn on here.

 

[Cheetah]

Wow, just wow. I had to read the entire thread twice. I think DD made a really good point. I also cannot discount the fact that HAM (Hearingaidmama) is solely focused on having her beliefs validated here. HAM may be interested to know that I grew up exactly the way her daughter is starting out. With a moderate hearing loss in the high frequencies. My hearing loss was progressive. My parents were extremely ignorant as to what I was going through and I had no ability to communicate with them to make them understand. Yes, I could talk and hear... but I lacked the knowledge to share my experiences with them.

They did not know that I came home from school every day and cried in my room.

They did not know that I saw things happening around me and I could not understand why.

They did not know. Why? Because they did not ask.

HAM - all I ask is that you stick around and learn. Learn what your daughter may need to know. Learn what society does to the Deaf. Learn how to be a role model for your daughter. Learn how to make it O.K. to make mistakes.

This thread has reminded me that I still have a lot of anger. So much so that I almost could not write. I won't tell you what you have to do, I will tell you what I needed growing up. Despite my "good hearing" I missed a lot of important social clues. I needed a more natural language, a language that does not discriminate against me, a language that opens up the doors to life. I needed ASL. A simple thing. Yet impossible for me to communicate. Until now.

If you feel yourself unfortunate to take a beating on this forum. Consider how many of us take a beating everyday and yet we consider ourselves fortunate.

 

[jillio]

I am a real person behind this computer with a real daughter that wears hearing aids. Sure, may I seem uneducated about things? Absolutley. Does it mean I'm some imposter that's been bugging you all? No.

I've recieved a few e-mails apologizing for all your behavior and I appreciate it. I've been told my more than one person to stick around and you'll all just frop it eventually. I'm sticking around the get from this forum what I can but I sure hope I can navigate away from all you.

I've told you numerous times but I will say it again. I am interested in meeting other parents with children who are deaf or HOH. Yes, my daughter does recieve early intervention though Clarke school. (in HOME!!! for the 9th time), Were you under the assumption that they brought entire classes of children and parents to our home every week? Think about it, seriously.

Call me out on whatever you'd like, I'll prove you wrong.

I'll address this post by each point.

Seeming uneducated about things has virtually nothing to do with our suspicions. The fact that you appeared to be reading from a script to the degree that what you would say in a next post was predicted several minutes before you posted it.

Re: being in touch with other parents. Clarke may be providing your intervention services at home, but they do have other children enrolled, which means other parents. I am curious as to why you don't reach out to become involved with other parents of children who are enrolled in the same school as your daughter is and are in your immediate area. When I, for instance, wanted contact with other parents of deaf children when my son was a toddler, I hooked up with both parents of children in his early intervention program, and I introduced myself to Deaf people close to my community. Throughout his school years, I made certain that I had contact with other parents and other students. I didn't go to an internet forum as a substitute for personal contact with the deaf community. Your early intervention services may be provided at home, but what exactly is preventing you from contacting other parents in your area to arrange play dates, activities, and get togethers? It just doesn't make sense that you have no contact with other parents of deaf children, particularly since the area you are in has not only Clarke School, but a School for the Deaf, as well.

You obviously are not here for advice. You have made your decision to raise your daughter in an oral / auditory environment and hopefully to mainstream her. Your decisions have been made. A forum for the Deaf is not the place to turn for support when you refuse to listen to what the Deaf have to say regarding living as a deaf child and what their needs were. Why AllDeaf for support? There are other forums dedicated to supporting parents who insist on an oral / aural environment for a deaf child. This is not one of them, and it appears that you knew that from the very beginning, given the sequence and the wording of your posts. So, why AllDeaf?

You'll prove us wrong? There is another red flag. Why is it so important to you to prove a bunch of strangers that you claim have been nothing but rude and nasty to you wrong. If you believe you have been treated so unfairly, the logical and reasonable thing to do would be to leave. You have no committments to anyone here. You didn't pay for your membership here, so it can't be a matter of getting your money's worth out of a membership fee. We are strangers to you, and have no effect on you one way or the other. So why this need to prove us wrong?

I'm certain that the vast majority of us could name the people who sent you emails and told you to stick around, just as what you would say was so easily predicted yesterday.

You may be a real person with a daughter who wears hearing aids, but your motive and your reasons for being here are anything but real. If you are a real person with a daughter who wears hearing aids, you were recruited to post here about a specific topic: oral aural environment and AVT. And if you were recruited, it is quite obvious who did the recruiting. You already have contact with at least one parent of a deaf child. That much is obvious. There are far too many things that simply don't add up, far too many similarities to be coincidence, and far too many very predictable statements. If you believe you are going to stick around just to prove us wrong, you probably should get started on that. It is going to be a much more difficult job than you think it is.

 

[Daredevel7]

Wow, I wasn't sure in the other thread if I was one of the people you were thinking of. Now it's pretty clear to me.

I have better things to do than go and create new accounts to post under different names. I also have no interest in "stirring up controversy", I'm interested in participating in productive conversations.

Are you talking to me? If so, I wasn't thinking about you. OTHERS were assuming that hearingaidmama was an ADer (FJ, you, Bob, or whoever). I was pointing out the flaw in their reasoning, saying that many other parents have similar thinking. Relax, I was actually defending you. I don't think you'd do something like that.

 

[jillio]

Wow, I wasn't sure in the other thread if I was one of the people you were thinking of. Now it's pretty clear to me.

I have better things to do than go and create new accounts to post under different names. I also have no interest in "stirring up controversy", I'm interested in participating in productive conversations.

Who said anything about creating new accounts and posting under different names?

 

[jillio]

Are you talking to me? If so, I wasn't thinking about you. OTHERS were assuming that hearingaidmama was an ADer (FJ, you, Bob, or whoever). I was pointing out the flaw in their reasoning, saying that many other parents have similar thinking. Relax, I was actually defending you. I don't think you'd do something like that.

Actually, we weren't assuming that it most definately was another ADer, but someone who was under the direct instruction of another ADer. That is why the posts came off as scripted and why it was so easy to predict what the next one would be, almost verbatim.

You know, things similar to this have happened in the past. It is always the same pattern, and it is always easy to recognize. And there are many that did not bother to even address this thread that are seeing the same thing.

 

[hearingaidmama]

Wow, just wow. I had to read the entire thread twice. I think DD made a really good point. I also cannot discount the fact that HAM (Hearingaidmama) is solely focused on having her beliefs validated here. HAM may be interested to know that I grew up exactly the way her daughter is starting out. With a moderate hearing loss in the high frequencies. My hearing loss was progressive. My parents were extremely ignorant as to what I was going through and I had no ability to communicate with them to make them understand. Yes, I could talk and hear... but I lacked the knowledge to share my experiences with them.

They did not know that I came home from school every day and cried in my room.

They did not know that I saw things happening around me and I could not understand why.

They did not know. Why? Because they did not ask.

HAM - all I ask is that you stick around and learn. Learn what your daughter may need to know. Learn what society does to the Deaf. Learn how to be a role model for your daughter. Learn how to make it O.K. to make mistakes.

This thread has reminded me that I still have a lot of anger. So much so that I almost could not write. I won't tell you what you have to do, I will tell you what I needed growing up. Despite my "good hearing" I missed a lot of important social clues. I needed a more natural language, a language that does not discriminate against me, a language that opens up the doors to life. I needed ASL. A simple thing. Yet impossible for me to communicate. Until now.

If you feel yourself unfortunate to take a beating on this forum. Consider how many of us take a beating everyday and yet we consider ourselves fortunate.

This post has me almost in tears. This is exactly what I am afraid of. You all have to understand that I am brand new to all this and only want the best for my daughter. Also, that all the information I recieve is from her auditory-verbal therapist and her audiologist. They have presented the hearing aids and FM to me as "fix all" devices.

I joined this community to learn from real people with real hearing loss on what I can do to help her live a happy life.

 

[Daredevel7]

Actually, we weren't assuming that it most definately was an ADer, but someone who was under the direct instruction of an ADer. That is why the posts came off as scripted and why it was so easy to predict what the next one would be, almost verbatim.

Alright, well, same idea.

 

[jillio]

Wow, just wow. I had to read the entire thread twice. I think DD made a really good point. I also cannot discount the fact that HAM (Hearingaidmama) is solely focused on having her beliefs validated here. HAM may be interested to know that I grew up exactly the way her daughter is starting out. With a moderate hearing loss in the high frequencies. My hearing loss was progressive. My parents were extremely ignorant as to what I was going through and I had no ability to communicate with them to make them understand. Yes, I could talk and hear... but I lacked the knowledge to share my experiences with them.

They did not know that I came home from school every day and cried in my room.

They did not know that I saw things happening around me and I could not understand why.

They did not know. Why? Because they did not ask.

HAM - all I ask is that you stick around and learn. Learn what your daughter may need to know. Learn what society does to the Deaf. Learn how to be a role model for your daughter. Learn how to make it O.K. to make mistakes.

This thread has reminded me that I still have a lot of anger. So much so that I almost could not write. I won't tell you what you have to do, I will tell you what I needed growing up. Despite my "good hearing" I missed a lot of important social clues. I needed a more natural language, a language that does not discriminate against me, a language that opens up the doors to life. I needed ASL. A simple thing. Yet impossible for me to communicate. Until now.

If you feel yourself unfortunate to take a beating on this forum. Consider how many of us take a beating everyday and yet we consider ourselves fortunate.

It would be nice if there was any indication that was the case. However, HAM has already stated that she is dedicated to oral /aural only, her focus is on spoken language, she has declined to learn ASL for her child and does not see it as necessary, and is pushing for mainstream placement after pre-school. A parent who is looking at options and open to what the deaf have to tell her about growing up as a deaf child does not state, definatively, that her decisions have already been made. But, I'll give it a chance. It is very easy to ask. So I'm asking. HAM, are you open to learning sign and considering something other than an oral /aural environment and placement for your child based on what the D/deaf here tell you regardingt their negative experiences with such? Are you open to accepting and considering what the D/deaf have to say about living life as a deaf child, and what was negative and what was positive in their experience?

 

[jillio]

Alright, well, same idea.

Kind of. Certainly serves the same purpose.

 

[jillio]

This post has me almost in tears. This is exactly what I am afraid of. You all have to understand that I am brand new to all this and only want the best for my daughter. Also, that all the information I recieve is from her auditory-verbal therapist and her audiologist. They have presented the hearing aids and FM to me as "fix all" devices.

I joined this community to learn from real people with real hearing loss on what I can do to help her live a happy life.

See, the last sentence of your first paragraph is raising a red flag, too, simply by the way you have worded it.

I understand that some of the newer members don't see what I, and several others who have been around for awhile are seeing. But that is simply because they have not had the same experiences with a particular faction that the rest of us have had.

So, based on Cheetah's post that touched you to tears, are you willing to consider that the audiologist and the auditory verbal therapist are hearing and know virtually nothing about what it is to be a deaf child?

 

[hearingaidmama]

It would be nice if there was any indication that was the case. However, HAM has already stated that she is dedicated to oral /aural only, her focus is on spoken language, she has declined to learn ASL for her child and does not see it as necessary, and is pushing for mainstream placement after pre-school. A parent who is looking at options and open to what the deaf have to tell her about growing up as a deaf child does not state, definatively, that her decisions have already been made.

Of course I have already have made my decision, we were given 2 options 3 months ago and I choose what I thought was best. I never said I'm unwilling to change my mind. I'm not against ASL, actually, before we even found out Natalie had hearing loss we were teaching her very basic signs as an infant (more, apple, thank you) things of that nature.

I've actually called this morning a few places to see if there are any adult classes for me to learn ASL. I am willing to chance our approach if I feel in anyway our approach would hurt her in the long term. I've gotten more than a few NICE PM's about the benefits of signing for all types of hearing loss. I have an IFSP meeting with our service coordinator set up later this week and am going to ask if there are programs available to us to teach her ASL.

So, yes, I am willing to do whatever it is to help her. Just before this forum I thought the best thing to help her was audit-verb therapy. Now, I'm not quite sure.

I still don't appreciate all the rude comments like saying I'm a snake (venom), saying "with a parent like me, she'll need therapy for the rest of her life" and things like that.

I only want the best for her and if that's ASL than bring it on, if it's not (as the audiologist thinks) than we'll go full speed into whatever is. It's harder for me because I am hearign and don't understand what it is to have hearing loss and my child isn't old enought to say "Hey mom, I want to sign."

 

[posts from hell]

I...am...confused......

Whenever I am confused, I always call.

 

[Jiro]

This post has me almost in tears. This is exactly what I am afraid of. You all have to understand that I am brand new to all this and only want the best for my daughter. Also, that all the information I recieve is from her auditory-verbal therapist and her audiologist. They have presented the hearing aids and FM to me as "fix all" devices.

I joined this community to learn from real people with real hearing loss on what I can do to help her live a happy life.

again - there are dozens of other deaf forums. why this one?

 

[jillio]

Of course I have already have made my decision, we were given 2 options 3 months ago and I choose what I thought was best. I never said I'm unwilling to change my mind. I'm not against ASL, actually, before we even found out Natalie had hearing loss we were teaching her very basic signs as an infant (more, apple, thank you) things of that nature.

I've actually called this morning a few places to see if there are any adult classes for me to learn ASL. I am willing to chance our approach if I feel in anyway our approach would hurt her in the long term. I've gotten more than a few NICE PM's about the benefits of signing for all types of hearing loss. I have an IFSP meeting with our service coordinator set up later this week and am going to ask if there are programs available to us to teach her ASL.

So, yes, I am willing to do whatever it is to help her. Just before this forum I thought the best thing to help her was audit-verb therapy. Now, I'm not quite sure.

I still don't appreciate all the rude comments like saying I'm a snake (venom), saying "with a parent like me, she'll need therapy for the rest of her life" and things like that.

I only want the best for her and if that's ASL than bring it on, if it's not (as the audiologist thinks) than we'll go full speed into whatever is. It's harder for me because I am hearign and don't understand what it is to have hearing loss and my child isn't old enought to say "Hey mom, I want to sign."

Funny, last night you stated that you might consider ASL at some future point if her hearing got worse, but didn't see it as something she needed now.

That is certainly a huge change in philosophy in less than 24 hours. So what changed your mind so quickly?

 

[Beowulf]

So, a child is deaf. Is that so terrible?