Being left out of friends and parties

shel90 said:
What about making friends with people who you don't work with? It is always a bad mix to socialize with people from work because drama gets brought to the workplace. At my job (it is new and it is my 3rd month there), several of my co-workers are very close and they socialize outside of work. Before getting the job, I made the goal that these people will not be my friends and I wont socialize with them. Well, that was made easy because they seem to avoid me like the plague because I am deaf. Works for me. I just go to work, do my job, and go home.
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Yeah and if you don't like the person anymore it can get messy having to see them everyday at work.
 
95mainer said:
Well I consider myself a freelancer so I like to try hundreds of different things. I'm on Instagram you can see my work. @thecalebnoonan.

I recently started using this deaf app yesterday and I'm loving it!
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I tried using @thecalebnoonan and there are so many other links I am not sure which one is your.
 
95mainer said:
Have you as a deaf person who lives in hearing world (I'm talking about if you don't have any deaf friends nearby like I didn't...) always got left out of conversations, friendship, parties, etc.? How do you cope with it? It makes me angry and depressed whenever my coworkers would hang out or throw parties and I'm not invited. I've even acknowledge them that I know about the party but they then lied about there being no party or coworkers aren't going there (particularly no one I know) and then I find out next day that all of my coworkers and a lot of friends I know went to this party. Or then when my coworker got fired and she was crying and upset, I offered her to take her out to the beach just to take her mind off things. She was so glad and said yes..: then later when I was ready to pick her up after i got off work, she said never mind she's out with two of my coworkers and ahem, she never invited me. I feel very hurt by this and every time I know that I'm always being left out. I know of course it's because I'm deaf. So how do you cope with that?
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No way to know for certain if this is due to your deafness. Cliques happen in every group. But assuming it is and assuming that the hearing world is something you want to be a part of, there are a few things you could do.

1) First consider that perhaps your co-workers are just trying to avoid guilt that they feel for not being able to communicate with you better. So, you could look for ways to communicate better with them at work so that they are more at ease with conversing with you. Show them that you are fun.

2) You could search for a new group of friends. Try volunteering for a group and work hard at it. Show them that you have a lot to offer. That will win friends quickly.

3) Do the inviting. But not just one on one, invite a group over to your home or out to happy hour. Show them that you want to pursue a social relationship with them. They may assume that, because of your deafness, you are uncomfortable around them. By inviting them, you show them that you are interested in friendship.

Good luck.
 
Jane B. said:
Yes, I think it could be an age group issue as much or more than a deafness issue.
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If the OP is 19 (and lives in the States) and the coworkers are all over 21, it makes total sense that they're not inviting him out. 1) Can't go to the bars, 2) They don't want to get in trouble for having someone underage at an overage party with alcohol
 
90sWizKid said:
If the OP is 19 (and lives in the States) and the coworkers are all over 21, it makes total sense that they're not inviting him out. 1) Can't go to the bars, 2) They don't want to get in trouble for having someone underage at an overage party with alcohol
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Well everyone parties these days, they don't care what the age consent is. Also all of that coworkers I'm talking about are underage as well.
 
Same... I should probably fix that, it's not other people's fault or my deafness, I just have very particular taste in friends and a low tolerance for BS.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I317 using AllDeaf App mobile app
 
95mainer said:
I agree partly. The problem is my life is at my work. I literally do nothing but work and sleep and work and sleep. I have no social outside of work.
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Thats how it was at the last job I worked. I was working an odd shift going in between 2am-4am then getting out between 1030am-1230pm. It was awful. I could never sleep right away when I got home. So, by the time most people were getting out of work and having a social life, I was sleeping.

When I was working, for the most part, people avoided me and left me alone. When I attempted to try to have a conversation it was very brief. Try to joke around didn't help either.
 
95mainer said:
I agree partly. The problem is my life is at my work. I literally do nothing but work and sleep and work and sleep. I have no social outside of work.
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Well, you need to do more social things, even if you do them alone. It's not a bad thing, being alone gives you a lot of freedom.

Trust me, once you get laid off, that doing everything at work mentality wears off real quick.
 
whatdidyousay! said:
Yeah and if you don't like the person anymore it can get messy having to see them everyday at work.
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Oh tell me about it. At my old job, my roommate and I were part of this group of co workers. We all did a lot together for the first 5 years such as parties, happy hour, going to the beach and etc. Then, one of them, had an affair and got pregnant with my rommate's husband (now ex because of the affair) and it caused this huge rift between the group. Most of them sided with the person who went behind my roommate's back while a few of us supported my roommate. As a result, she lost her home to foreclosure since her husband moved out to live with that woman and another coworker and my roommate couldnt afford the house one her own. So, she and her two kids were about to be put on the streets when I told her that they can move in with us until she gets back on her feet. I am fine with never seeing that woman and the rest of the group again but they were all our coworkers so it made the job much much harder and stressful. Thats a hard lesson I learned about socializing with co workers so I vowed...never again. Left my old job and now at a new job and my boss has set up monthly social events for all of us and so far, I have marked "no" to all of them. My co workers at my new job are all friends out of work but I am going to be the odd person out. However, it was made easy because they are all hearing and dont sign so I have no interest in socializing with non -signers. No point to it as I would be left out so why bother?
 
I never really go to any parties or hang out with friends cuz most don't bother to invite me cuz they KNOW I'm on computer all the time lol.. but really friends always think of themselves want to except me to bring food for potluck but if they knew friends was coming they wud just can order pizza real simple don't have to cook anything :roll: happened to me before one friend tried to rip me off asking me for $$ to get food and never pay me back THAT's why I avoid hanging with friends who uses me for $$ anyway.. back to topic I don't really social with hearing freinds who works at my work but most I know had been transferred OR quit from cvs.. doesn't surprise me really.. I don't understand why CVS is not doing well those days and to remind you all they stopped selling tobbaco stuff.. but they thought they can do well without.. guess what.. they are wrong ;) and plus I had been working at cvs for 14 years so I wasn't surprised.. really I will look for other jobs soon but for now I'm just too busy to worry about that cuz I'm back in school :) before I forget.. ecomony problems and they never have enough people to have cashiers on weekends.. which is the worst part lol. that's why most probably were pissed off when their hours were cut for nor apparent reason but I advise youd on't work for cvs here in calfiornia but I am sure it will be better when out of state cvs does well I still don't understand why they brought LONGS drugstore out should left it alone and let people change maangement or ownership on that but never happened oh well.. :)
 
happens to everyone I would not get that upset they don't know you yet and 19 is under age they got take certain amount of responsibility for you ..if I was having party no holds barred I would not want a minor there.
just suck it up for now you be 21 soon enough
 
caz12 said:
happens to everyone I would not get that upset they don't know you yet and 19 is under age they got take certain amount of responsibility for you ..if I was having party no holds barred I would not want a minor there.
just suck it up for now you be 21 soon enough
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You seem to assume ALL parties include alcohol!! There are people of all ages that DO NO DRINK ALCOHOL either at all or not at every event.
 
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