It it really the deaf/Deaf community?

[Daredevel7]

At this point I feel like that since I disagree with the majority I am being told that I am off topic and generalizing and misinterpreting. I am the only hearing parent (other than Jillo) in this thread, and I am being told I'm wrong! Do you want to know why or not? I am giving you reason after reason, and then being told I am wrong for those reasons. Either you want to hear why or you want to pat yourselves on the back for being right and talk bad about all those awful hearing parents.

Whoa no no no. The problem is that you're telling us that there's a lot of people from the deaf community going around giving you crap for implanting your child. I am definitely not disagreeing with you on that. I'm sure others aren't either. The thing is we can't control them. There's nothing we can do about that. It doesn't seem effective to me to have a bunch of people to agree and say "Yea! Can you believe it? Deaf people can be so crazy sometimes!" and thats it? We are trying to educate ourselves the emotional reasoning behind the catty fights here on AD between the hearing parents and the deaf people, so that we can have better discussions. Instead of telling us the times that people from the deaf community are being mean, why don't you tell us how you think this can this be stopped or reduced?

 

[jillio]

I am explaining why some parents, at least in my area, are choosing to mainstream their deaf kids instead of placing them at our bi-bi school. If those reasons are offensive, I apologize, but it doesn't make them less true.

You can explain your own reasons. You cannot explain the reasons of another. It is up to them to do so. What you see as their reasons may not be the motivation behind their decisions at all. That is why you need to stick with "I" statements instead of "they" statements.

 

[jillio]

Whoa no no no. The problem is that you're telling us that there's a lot of people from the deaf community going around giving you crap for implanting your child. I am definitely not disagreeing with you on that. I'm sure others aren't either. The thing is we can't control them. There's nothing we can do about that. It doesn't seem effective to me to have a bunch of people to agree and say "Yea! Can you believe it? Deaf people can be so crazy sometimes!" and thats it? We are trying to educate ourselves the emotional reasoning behind the catty fights here on AD between the hearing parents and the deaf people, so that we can have better discussions. Instead of telling us the times that people from the deaf community are being mean, why don't you tell us how you think this can this be stopped or reduced?

Well said, Daredevel.

 

[faire_jour]

You can explain your own reasons. You cannot explain the reasons of another. It is up to them to do so. What you see as their reasons may not be the motivation behind their decisions at all. That is why you need to stick with "I" statements instead of "they" statements.

Ok, that is why I will mainstream my child eventually. That is why my best friend did not put her child in our bi-bi school, and that is why a Deaf parent of a Deaf child just pulled their child out of the school.

 

[Mrs Bucket]

I am explaining why some parents, at least in my area, are choosing to mainstream their deaf kids instead of placing them at our bi-bi school. If those reasons are offensive, I apologize, but it doesn't make them less true.

If the parents in your area choose to mainstream their deaf children instead of placing their children in your bi-bi school, wouldn't that be their own decision?

Sometimes one needs to question their own motives if they feel the need to attack people, aye?

 

[faire_jour]

Whoa no no no. The problem is that you're telling us that there's a lot of people from the deaf community going around giving you crap for implanting your child. I am definitely not disagreeing with you on that. I'm sure others aren't either. The thing is we can't control them. There's nothing we can do about that. It doesn't seem effective to me to have a bunch of people to agree and say "Yea! Can you believe it? Deaf people can be so crazy sometimes!" and thats it? We are trying to educate ourselves the emotional reasoning behind the catty fights here on AD between the hearing parents and the deaf people, so that we can have better discussions. Instead of telling us the times that people from the deaf community are being mean, why don't you tell us how you think this can this be stopped or reduced?

I started a thread with just that objective. It was about hearing parents, their feelings and their place in the Deaf community. It spiraled out of control and got locked.

 

[jillio]

Ok, that is why I will mainstream my child eventually. That is why my best friend did not put her child in our bi-bi school, and that is why a Deaf parent of a Deaf child just pulled their child out of the school.

Again, you are relating the experiences, or rather, what you believe the experiences of others to be. If you had stopped with the first sentence, you would have been expressing your opinion. Still not relating your experience, but much better than before. But then you lapsed right back into speaking for others.

 

[jillio]

If the parents in your area choose to mainstream their deaf children instead of placing their children in your bi-bi school, wouldn't that be their own decision?

Sometimes one needs to question their own motives if they feel the need to attack people, aye?

Precisely! This bitterness and defensiveness that we keep witnessing does not come from outside oneself, but from inside oneself.

 

[jillio]

I started a thread with just that objective. It was about hearing parents, their feelings and their place in the Deaf community. It spiraled out of control and got locked.

And we are trying to prevent that from happening here.

Your suggestions on a solution to the topic, please?

 

[faire_jour]

Again, you are relating the experiences, or rather, what you believe the experiences of others to be. If you had stopped with the first sentence, you would have been expressing your opinion. Still not relating your experience, but much better than before. But then you lapsed right back into speaking for others.

So I can not even relay what they tell me? I am in no way guessing, I am expressing what they have told me. I had no idea that there were heresay rules in a public forum.

 

[jillio]

So I can not even relay what they tell me? I am in no way guessing, I am expressing what they have told me. I had no idea that there were heresay rules in a public forum.

In this thread, there are. Please check the OP. And you are expressing what you have heard, but not experienced by your own admission, in an argumentative and judgemental way. I have stated at the beginning that I will not tolerate that in this discussion. Period.

 

[faire_jour]

And we are trying to prevent that from happening here.

Your suggestions on a solution to the topic, please?

My suggestion is to stop telling them what they are doing is wrong. Understand that they often have different priorites, and that they believe that they are right. They do not intend to hurt their child, they are doing what they believe will equip their child for the most success in life, and just because their methods are different from what you would chose, doesn't make them wrong.
If you value the parents they will want their children to be a part of the community.

 

[Mrs Bucket]

Precisely! This bitterness and defensiveness that we keep witnessing does not come from outside oneself, but from inside oneself.

Aye, the writing is on the wall.

faire_jour, we're not attacking you at all. Quite the opposite, we're helping you and you resist our help.

If I can point out one tiny detail here,

I took several AP classes and my husband got straight A's, we expect great things from Miss Kat and her bi-bi school will probably be unable to provide those things to her, we will probably need to eventually mainstream her. It is not because we think that she doesn't belong at the Deaf school, but because the Deaf school will be unable to educate her in the way she deserves.

Miss Kat, if I may point out, is merely a little girl. Please don't set her up for failure. Allow her to be a little girl. Education always starts at home.

 

[jillio]

My suggestion is to stop telling them what they are doing is wrong. Understand that they often have different priorites, and that they believe that they are right. They do not intend to hurt their child, they are doing what they believe will equip their child for the most success in life, and just because their methods are different from what you would chose, doesn't make them wrong.
If you value the parents they will want their children to be a part of the community.

Would you agree that a suggestion to perhaps do something a bit differently is a far way from telling someone that they are doing something wrong? I personally have seen several posters tell you exactly what you were doing right by placing your daughter in a bi-bi school and learning to sign yourself. It would appear that you are completely leaving that experience out of the equation, and obsessing over that which you feel was critical.

You continue to talk about "right and wrong". This is not a contest. It is an attempt to bridge a divide that in large part is created through judgements of "right and wrong" when it is entirely unnecessary to do so. If you continue to make it a contest of right and wrong, you will always have a battle on your hands, my dear.

 

[jillio]

Aye, the writing is on the wall.

faire_jour, we're not attacking you at all. Quite the opposite, we're helping you and you resist our help.

If I can point out one tiny detail here,



Miss Kat, if I may point out, is merely a little girl. Please don't set her up for failure. Allow her to be a little girl. Education always starts at home.

Excellent advise!

 

[doubletrouble]

Aye, the writing is on the wall.

faire_jour, we're not attacking you at all. Quite the opposite, we're helping you and you resist our help.

If I can point out one tiny detail here,



Miss Kat, if I may point out, is merely a little girl. Please don't set her up for failure. Allow her to be a little girl. Education always starts at home.

How is she setting up her daughter for failure? I don't see that at all...

 

[faire_jour]

Aye, the writing is on the wall.

faire_jour, we're not attacking you at all. Quite the opposite, we're helping you and you resist our help.

If I can point out one tiny detail here,



Miss Kat, if I may point out, is merely a little girl. Please don't set her up for failure. Allow her to be a little girl. Education always starts at home.

What on earth have I ignored? My daughter is at a Deaf school, the language of our home is ASL. We do not spend hours and hours at speech therapy, she is happy and healthy. I have no idea how I would be setting her up for failure or how I am resisting your help.

 

[faire_jour]

Would you agree that a suggestion to perhaps do something a bit differently is a far way from telling someone that they are doing something wrong? I personally have seen several posters tell you exactly what you were doing right by placing your daughter in a bi-bi school and learning to sign yourself. It would appear that you are completely leaving that experience out of the equation, and obsessing over that which you feel was critical.

*I* actually have been supported every step of the way, by a very supportive Deaf community. I thought that we were discussing the parents who have a different experience, those who "reject" the Deaf community.

 

[Daredevel7]

My suggestion is to stop telling them what they are doing is wrong. Understand that they often have different priorites, and that they believe that they are right. They do not intend to hurt their child, they are doing what they believe will equip their child for the most success in life, and just because their methods are different from what you would chose, doesn't make them wrong.
If you value the parents they will want their children to be a part of the community.

I think its fair to say that a lot of people in this thread agree with that.

We can't control what others do or say, but we can make ourselves stronger. You can take peoples comments and do either of the following: 1) Listen to it, and take it into account and if you still stand firmly by your choices, come up with a reason why you believe it is not right for your child, so that you are ready for another one of those comments. 2) Blatantly ignore it.

 

[jillio]

*I* actually have been supported every step of the way, by a very supportive Deaf community. I thought that we were discussing the parents who have a different experience, those who "reject" the Deaf community.

If that is your experience, where is all the anger at the deaf community coming from? You have made statements that the deaf community is perceived as unwelcoming and mean. That has not been your experience, though, has it? If they have supported you, don't you think you should react in kind?