jillio
New Member
- Joined
- Jun 14, 2006
- Messages
- 60,232
- Reaction score
- 19
I have noticed a pattern here and elsewhere that leads me to ask a question. I would like to have honest answers, but will not accept name calling, bullying, or insult in this thread, and will promptly report any posts that contain such. I would also remind everyone that honesty sometimes can be uncomfortable, so if you can't stand someone being honest, it is best that you don't participate in this thread. That said, here goes:
I have noticed on more than one occasion that hearing parents of deaf children have accused the deaf/Deaf community of being unreceptive toward their CI implanted child.I have seen hearing parents accuse the deaf/Deaf community of trying to set their deaf child apart based on the fact that they are implanted. It always, in any discussion of implantation of deaf children, comes down to, "The Deaf community has rejected my child because I chose to give him/her the gift of sound!" The Deaf community, in the end, is always blamed for the lack of contact with other deaf/Deaf that the child has.
I have been around long enough to remember the early days of the CI, and will agree that the deaf/Deaf community has not always been open to the idea of implantation...either for adults or children. I have also seen this attitude change and become more and more accepting toward those that make the choice for themselves or their child. I can honestly say that I do not know a single deaf individual that would, today, reject a deaf child or that child's hearing parents, simply because that child has a CI. I do not know a single deaf individual today that would reject another deaf adult simply because they had chosen to undergo a surgical procedure to provide access to sound, even if it is not a personal choice they would make for themselves. Yet, I continue to hear hearing parents of deaf children claim that the deaf/Deaf community rejected them because their child was implanted.
Here is my question: Is it really the deaf/Deaf community that is rejecting hearing parents and deaf children with CI, or is it the hearing parents themselves who are continuing to set their child apart from the deaf/Deaf community?
In discussions of education, I am still seeing hearing parents make statements such as, "Well, the experience of a deaf adult does not apply to my child, because my child is different. He/she has an implant. It is not the same as it used to be." In discussions of language, I am still seeing hearing parents say, "Well, my child no longer needs sign language, because my child now has a CI, and he/she can hear more than children with HA could ever hear." In discussions of the psycho-social issues of growing up as a deaf child in a hearing environment, I am still seeing parents make the statement, "Well my child will easily integrate into the mainstream because my child has a CI. Better hearing and better oral skills will mean that he/she will not experience the same problems as an adult who grew up without a CI."
For 20 years, I have been hearing these very same comments come from a wide variety of hearing parents of implanted children. And for the same 20 years, I have seen the deaf/Deaf community try to reach out to these parents, relate the painful and negative experiences they have lived through and overcome, only to see these hearing parents of implanted children reply, "Well, I'm sorry, but it will be different for my child." What I have not seen, over the past 20 years, is a great deal of difference in the educational achievement, the linguitic competency, or the psycho-social well being of these kids. I have not seen that it is different for the deaf child with a CI any more than it is different for the deaf child that grew up with a digital hearing aid instead of an analogue.
I see the deaf/Deaf community wanting to accept these kids, and to give these kids a connection that will make a difference in their lives. I see the hearing parents rejecting that with the same pattern of thinking that has continued year after year after year. "So what if my kid is deaf. Its going to be different for them. I am going to to everything in my power to make sure that they have all the advantage that technology can offer, so their experience will be different." I see the deaf/Deaf community reaching out to these children and their hearing parents. I see the hearing parents pushing the deaf community away, believing that what they have to offer is not something their child needs because the same as hearing parents for years and years have wanted to believe, "My child is different." The pattern is obvious, and it is not new. It is the same pattern that has always been there, from the days of analogue HA to digital HA to Cochlear Implant.
What hasn't changed very much at all is the experience of the deaf child. We have seen more and more deaf children with CIs mainstreamed, but we have not seen a decreased need for accommdations that deaf children have always needed in the mainstream. We see deaf children with CIs growing into deaf adults with CIs, but we have not seen a decrease in the number that develop close and abiding friendships with other deaf once they are out of their hearing parent's home. We have seen deaf children with CI learning sign language as adults because their hearing parents insisted on an oral only environment, and we are still seeing reports of them saying they wished they had been given ASL as children. We see deaf children with CI gowing up and getting married, and we still continiue to see that a deaf adult (no matter what technology they use) will still be more likely to marry another adult with hearing loss than a hearing partner. We are seeing deaf children with CIs graduate from high school, despite having been mainstreamed their entire educational career, with literacy rates that fall well below the norm for the hearing students. We see deaf children with CIs grow into deaf adults with CI and still remain underemployed. We see deaf children with CIs enter into their adoloescent years unprepared to complete the transition of separation from the parent, and continue to experience social problems and relationship problems that destroy their self esteem and their sense of identity. We still see deaf adults that have been implanted for many many years that complain of being caught between hearing and deaf worlds, and not feeling as if they belong to either. They are still telling us that they do not fit with the hearing because, despite the advantage of a CI, they were never able to integrate with that group because they missed too much of what went on. They are uncomfortable with the deaf because they were never given the opportunity to associate with other deaf, to learn a visual language, to find the bond of being the same as those with whom they spend their time. As a consequence, they are not "different" than one group, and "alike" another. The feel different with both groups and where ever they go. We see deaf children with CI growing into deaf adults who have no idea what their career options are, because they have never been given the opportunity to observe successful deaf role models in all walks of life. They only know that, because they have a CI, they still can't do some of the same things that their hearing peers can do, but see it as more restricting on their choices because they have never been given an example of what a deaf adult can do, and what deaf adults all over the country do, on a daily basis.
Why is this continuing to happen? Because hearing parents are saying, with ever increasing numbers as the rate of childhood implants go up, "My child is different. My child doesn't need the deaf community, because my child will function, in all ways, the same as a hearing child. My child will have better speech skills. My child will receive a mainstream education. My child will grow up with hearing kids. My child will be different from all the other deaf children that have ever grown up before!"
So, folks, is it the deaf children with CIs that are rejected by the deaf/Deaf community, or is it the hearing parent that sets the deaf child with a CI apart from the deaf/Deaf community? After 20 years of observing this phenomena, I can say, as a hearing parent with a deaf child, and someone trained to observe and see the underlying motivations behind individual behavior, that it is not the rejection of the deaf/Deaf community, but the continuation of the hearing parent that sets the deaf child with a CI apart as being different somehow based on advanced technology. The technology used to provide sound may have changed, but the soul and the needs of a deaf child have not. They are still deaf children, and they are still experiencing the same struggles that deaf children had before the first implant was ever done. Parents simply have a new excuse for believing, despite the lack of change in the outcome, that their child is different. They have a new justification for keeping their child away from the deaf/Deaf community, despite it being the greatest resource they could provide their child. It is not the deaf/Deaf community that rejects. It is the deaf/Deaf community that is continuing to be rejected.
Thoughts, please. And, again, I expect honesty, but I expect civility in the process.
I have noticed on more than one occasion that hearing parents of deaf children have accused the deaf/Deaf community of being unreceptive toward their CI implanted child.I have seen hearing parents accuse the deaf/Deaf community of trying to set their deaf child apart based on the fact that they are implanted. It always, in any discussion of implantation of deaf children, comes down to, "The Deaf community has rejected my child because I chose to give him/her the gift of sound!" The Deaf community, in the end, is always blamed for the lack of contact with other deaf/Deaf that the child has.
I have been around long enough to remember the early days of the CI, and will agree that the deaf/Deaf community has not always been open to the idea of implantation...either for adults or children. I have also seen this attitude change and become more and more accepting toward those that make the choice for themselves or their child. I can honestly say that I do not know a single deaf individual that would, today, reject a deaf child or that child's hearing parents, simply because that child has a CI. I do not know a single deaf individual today that would reject another deaf adult simply because they had chosen to undergo a surgical procedure to provide access to sound, even if it is not a personal choice they would make for themselves. Yet, I continue to hear hearing parents of deaf children claim that the deaf/Deaf community rejected them because their child was implanted.
Here is my question: Is it really the deaf/Deaf community that is rejecting hearing parents and deaf children with CI, or is it the hearing parents themselves who are continuing to set their child apart from the deaf/Deaf community?
In discussions of education, I am still seeing hearing parents make statements such as, "Well, the experience of a deaf adult does not apply to my child, because my child is different. He/she has an implant. It is not the same as it used to be." In discussions of language, I am still seeing hearing parents say, "Well, my child no longer needs sign language, because my child now has a CI, and he/she can hear more than children with HA could ever hear." In discussions of the psycho-social issues of growing up as a deaf child in a hearing environment, I am still seeing parents make the statement, "Well my child will easily integrate into the mainstream because my child has a CI. Better hearing and better oral skills will mean that he/she will not experience the same problems as an adult who grew up without a CI."
For 20 years, I have been hearing these very same comments come from a wide variety of hearing parents of implanted children. And for the same 20 years, I have seen the deaf/Deaf community try to reach out to these parents, relate the painful and negative experiences they have lived through and overcome, only to see these hearing parents of implanted children reply, "Well, I'm sorry, but it will be different for my child." What I have not seen, over the past 20 years, is a great deal of difference in the educational achievement, the linguitic competency, or the psycho-social well being of these kids. I have not seen that it is different for the deaf child with a CI any more than it is different for the deaf child that grew up with a digital hearing aid instead of an analogue.
I see the deaf/Deaf community wanting to accept these kids, and to give these kids a connection that will make a difference in their lives. I see the hearing parents rejecting that with the same pattern of thinking that has continued year after year after year. "So what if my kid is deaf. Its going to be different for them. I am going to to everything in my power to make sure that they have all the advantage that technology can offer, so their experience will be different." I see the deaf/Deaf community reaching out to these children and their hearing parents. I see the hearing parents pushing the deaf community away, believing that what they have to offer is not something their child needs because the same as hearing parents for years and years have wanted to believe, "My child is different." The pattern is obvious, and it is not new. It is the same pattern that has always been there, from the days of analogue HA to digital HA to Cochlear Implant.
What hasn't changed very much at all is the experience of the deaf child. We have seen more and more deaf children with CIs mainstreamed, but we have not seen a decreased need for accommdations that deaf children have always needed in the mainstream. We see deaf children with CIs growing into deaf adults with CIs, but we have not seen a decrease in the number that develop close and abiding friendships with other deaf once they are out of their hearing parent's home. We have seen deaf children with CI learning sign language as adults because their hearing parents insisted on an oral only environment, and we are still seeing reports of them saying they wished they had been given ASL as children. We see deaf children with CI gowing up and getting married, and we still continiue to see that a deaf adult (no matter what technology they use) will still be more likely to marry another adult with hearing loss than a hearing partner. We are seeing deaf children with CIs graduate from high school, despite having been mainstreamed their entire educational career, with literacy rates that fall well below the norm for the hearing students. We see deaf children with CIs grow into deaf adults with CI and still remain underemployed. We see deaf children with CIs enter into their adoloescent years unprepared to complete the transition of separation from the parent, and continue to experience social problems and relationship problems that destroy their self esteem and their sense of identity. We still see deaf adults that have been implanted for many many years that complain of being caught between hearing and deaf worlds, and not feeling as if they belong to either. They are still telling us that they do not fit with the hearing because, despite the advantage of a CI, they were never able to integrate with that group because they missed too much of what went on. They are uncomfortable with the deaf because they were never given the opportunity to associate with other deaf, to learn a visual language, to find the bond of being the same as those with whom they spend their time. As a consequence, they are not "different" than one group, and "alike" another. The feel different with both groups and where ever they go. We see deaf children with CI growing into deaf adults who have no idea what their career options are, because they have never been given the opportunity to observe successful deaf role models in all walks of life. They only know that, because they have a CI, they still can't do some of the same things that their hearing peers can do, but see it as more restricting on their choices because they have never been given an example of what a deaf adult can do, and what deaf adults all over the country do, on a daily basis.
Why is this continuing to happen? Because hearing parents are saying, with ever increasing numbers as the rate of childhood implants go up, "My child is different. My child doesn't need the deaf community, because my child will function, in all ways, the same as a hearing child. My child will have better speech skills. My child will receive a mainstream education. My child will grow up with hearing kids. My child will be different from all the other deaf children that have ever grown up before!"
So, folks, is it the deaf children with CIs that are rejected by the deaf/Deaf community, or is it the hearing parent that sets the deaf child with a CI apart from the deaf/Deaf community? After 20 years of observing this phenomena, I can say, as a hearing parent with a deaf child, and someone trained to observe and see the underlying motivations behind individual behavior, that it is not the rejection of the deaf/Deaf community, but the continuation of the hearing parent that sets the deaf child with a CI apart as being different somehow based on advanced technology. The technology used to provide sound may have changed, but the soul and the needs of a deaf child have not. They are still deaf children, and they are still experiencing the same struggles that deaf children had before the first implant was ever done. Parents simply have a new excuse for believing, despite the lack of change in the outcome, that their child is different. They have a new justification for keeping their child away from the deaf/Deaf community, despite it being the greatest resource they could provide their child. It is not the deaf/Deaf community that rejects. It is the deaf/Deaf community that is continuing to be rejected.
Thoughts, please. And, again, I expect honesty, but I expect civility in the process.
It has been suggested that I never experienced it myself because my son was not implanted, but I truly do not believe that is the case.
) causing "rejection". I went to a banquet recently and sat next to an older man who is HoH or severe (60 dB loss) but he went to the school for deaf and blind and uses ASL as his primary means of communication. He does lipread me well. He is very outgoing, and visits me often in my office, but I noticed that he was very shy and did not want to speak at all in our table. Several people were talking (a group setting) and I talked along with them. I realized that he does not have a problem with interacting with hearing people or anything but.. I wouldn't be surprised if he is inclined to not go to parties, etc. that have mostly hearing people because he is just not comfortable to be in a situation like that. There's REJECTION as in "OMG YOU ARE GETTING THE CI YOU SUCK" and there's rejection where people have a tendency to stay away from situations/groups of people that causes a lot of uneasiness, which I believe is a lot more common.
