Understand me?

beautifull

New Member
I need help? My boyfriend is deaf and he tell me all time that I never understand him deaf. He all time say that to me. I need understand about this. We have been together for almost 2 years. I need help. I love him, but I am ready to drop him. Please help me understand more...ohh and he has a good job, but will NOT spend money with me.
 

Awauphi

Active Member
i dont undy this either.. hmm.. i wonder why he will not share money with you.. maybe he have bills to take care of? or something.. not sure what he is thinking?? or that he is selfish? i dont know..
 
J

JLFWildKat

Guest
Maybe he's spending that money on someone else? Not trying to cause trouble or nothing. But ya never know:ugh3:
 

deafmedicalpoet

New Member
Does he feel like you arent understanding him at all because of the way he reads the body language. I remmy that type of situation when I was with my deaf bf a few years ago be4 I left him because of a friend's lie about his words to me. Anyhow, I know what might be your case. Are you reading all his signs? Are you asking about money? He might be overprotective of it. Some guys are! I got to say that there is alot of small things in this world when guys act like that the woman is not understanding. My ex bf that I recently dumped was the same way, and I was like you are hearing and he was like not get the pic about how I was because well I was the same way about my money and him not understanding. I am profoundly deaf and proud of it. I think that he might have a limited amount on his paycheck or that he feels like you arent understanding him with how his life is, or how he does so much with work but doesnt earn a lot. I know that feel with life. I would recommend sitting down with him and asking him the reason about the not understanding and have him explain why he says that to you and why he isnt sharing money. He might be able to open up to you if you ask kindly whats going on with why he talks to you like that with the not understanding part. There could be reasons that are too numerous for me to talk about here but I do know where He could be coming from. Like I learn that life is never simple.
 

Dark-Half

New Member
Maybe I have a too cynical prespective but doesn't what she just said strike y'all a little gold-digger-ish? If I was in a relationship that was failing, it would of been the LAST thing on my mind.
 

beautifull

New Member
Understand me Part 2??

Thank you all for respond, but I still have problem with this...ok listen...he has never bought anything for me in 2 years, he says that he cares for my son, but never does that much with him. MY son loves him like his real father, but we keep getting less, but we give soo much to him. I have given him many things, I cook for him, I love time with him, I give him attention, bute all he gives is excuses. I am hearing, and again he is deaf. My family loves him, but his family does not like me. I think that he tells only part of the truth when we argue. ok...when I say to him why is he being mean or why is he arguing qith me..his response is "where hurt u huh"? I tell to him that he hurt me in heart because of thing he not do for me.
We do not go out, he did not buy for me or my son christmas, birthday, his did not valentines day, and he did not do special with me on my College graduation. I told him that in Dec. 2005 that I wsa finished with school , but that in MAy 2006 was the graduation, I was soo upset from all that he didn't DO...that I remind him about it a LOT.... so when my graduation came, he said that he was not going, because I didn't tell him and he uses ..."different me deaf" all the time. I feeel stupid for all of this..for still being there after he didn't do soo much..but I feel that MAYBE....just MAYBE there is a chance.. PLEASE help with me about this. I admit he tells me that I don't understand him deaf all the time, but I have friends who are of the same community and he really enjoy our time when I see them. What do????
 
J

JLFWildKat

Guest
I hate to be the out spoken one here..But sounds like to me you need to leave him..If the realtionship isn't going anywhere anymore?...Then why waste your time??..If it was like a few weeks, months, ok I can understand..But 2 years? come on..Don't love someone that's not gonna love ya back..There plenty others out there deaf or not that could be the one for you, even better maybe...BTW no I'm not deaf & nothing against him being deaf. But there's plenty others out there that'll love you just like you would love them back..Hang in there..Starting over is NOT easy I know. But you'd be so much happier & be well worth it in the end:)




Thank you all for respond, but I still have problem with this...ok listen...he has never bought anything for me in 2 years, he says that he cares for my son, but never does that much with him. MY son loves him like his real father, but we keep getting less, but we give soo much to him. I have given him many things, I cook for him, I love time with him, I give him attention, bute all he gives is excuses. I am hearing, and again he is deaf. My family loves him, but his family does not like me. I think that he tells only part of the truth when we argue. ok...when I say to him why is he being mean or why is he arguing qith me..his response is "where hurt u huh"? I tell to him that he hurt me in heart because of thing he not do for me.
We do not go out, he did not buy for me or my son christmas, birthday, his did not valentines day, and he did not do special with me on my College graduation. I told him that in Dec. 2005 that I wsa finished with school , but that in MAy 2006 was the graduation, I was soo upset from all that he didn't DO...that I remind him about it a LOT.... so when my graduation came, he said that he was not going, because I didn't tell him and he uses ..."different me deaf" all the time. I feeel stupid for all of this..for still being there after he didn't do soo much..but I feel that MAYBE....just MAYBE there is a chance.. PLEASE help with me about this. I admit he tells me that I don't understand him deaf all the time, but I have friends who are of the same community and he really enjoy our time when I see them. What do????
 

hohDougRN

New Member
Thank you all for respond, but I still have problem with this...ok listen...he has never bought anything for me in 2 years, he says that he cares for my son, but never does that much with him. MY son loves him like his real father, but we keep getting less, but we give soo much to him. I have given him many things, I cook for him, I love time with him, I give him attention, bute all he gives is excuses. I am hearing, and again he is deaf. My family loves him, but his family does not like me. I think that he tells only part of the truth when we argue. ok...when I say to him why is he being mean or why is he arguing qith me..his response is "where hurt u huh"? I tell to him that he hurt me in heart because of thing he not do for me.
We do not go out, he did not buy for me or my son christmas, birthday, his did not valentines day, and he did not do special with me on my College graduation. I told him that in Dec. 2005 that I wsa finished with school , but that in MAy 2006 was the graduation, I was soo upset from all that he didn't DO...that I remind him about it a LOT.... so when my graduation came, he said that he was not going, because I didn't tell him and he uses ..."different me deaf" all the time. I feel stupid for all of this..for still being there after he didn't do soo much..but I feel that MAYBE....just MAYBE there is a chance.. PLEASE help with me about this. I admit he tells me that I don't understand him deaf all the time, but I have friends who are of the same community and he really enjoy our time when I see them. What do????

If all this is true, it doesn't sound good. But if you have hope and a desire, you need to communicate your needs with him. My wife occasionally has a difficult time with communication with me (she's hearing) and when we need to get to the "real important" business we have to sit down and be slow and patient with one another to ensure we understand each others' needs.
 

vfr

New Member
this will make me sound like an asshole... and that fine..
his actions say you are a booty call. plain and simple! no xmas gift? b day?
throw the jerk out. he his using his deafness as a bullshit excuse.
time to get a clue!
 

Reba

Retired Terp
Premium Member
I'm trying to figure out what Beautifull sees in this guy. I didn't read anything positive or desirable about him. :dunno:
 

deafmedicalpoet

New Member
Like I said if he is unwilling to see that you are understanding....get out now of that relationship. I have gone thru a similair relationship myself for almost 2 years and I know your pain only thing is that my guy was hearing and I am deaf, he never did much for me like he said he was until after my birthday last year. Then he started complaining I wanted too much. BS!! I was acting like any other woman. He also was not very kind about my choice in having a few pets to keep me calm when not with him. I know your feel but the move you need to make is there in front of you. I would dump him if I were you. He is not worth it. PM me if you like!!
 

CutePommie

New Member
Thank you all for respond, but I still have problem with this...ok listen...he has never bought anything for me in 2 years, he says that he cares for my son, but never does that much with him. MY son loves him like his real father, but we keep getting less, but we give soo much to him. I have given him many things, I cook for him, I love time with him, I give him attention, bute all he gives is excuses. I am hearing, and again he is deaf. My family loves him, but his family does not like me. I think that he tells only part of the truth when we argue. ok...when I say to him why is he being mean or why is he arguing qith me..his response is "where hurt u huh"? I tell to him that he hurt me in heart because of thing he not do for me.
We do not go out, he did not buy for me or my son christmas, birthday, his did not valentines day, and he did not do special with me on my College graduation. I told him that in Dec. 2005 that I wsa finished with school , but that in MAy 2006 was the graduation, I was soo upset from all that he didn't DO...that I remind him about it a LOT.... so when my graduation came, he said that he was not going, because I didn't tell him and he uses ..."different me deaf" all the time. I feeel stupid for all of this..for still being there after he didn't do soo much..but I feel that MAYBE....just MAYBE there is a chance.. PLEASE help with me about this. I admit he tells me that I don't understand him deaf all the time, but I have friends who are of the same community and he really enjoy our time when I see them. What do????

Tell you what ... Just dump him as he remind me of my ex husband. Your boyfriend control over you and thinking he is getting away with it . Doesn't matter whether deaf or hearing they are all the same ... Move on and thinking of yourself and your son for change .. and good luck ... :)
 

Liebling:-)))

Sussi *7.7.86 - 18.6.09*
Premium Member
I can see from your post that you tried to talk him about your feeling for him. It seem to me that it doesn't solve anything because he want to stay that way what he is.


This is 2 choice for you...

Would you continue to stay your relationship with him forever like this when you can't accept what he is and what he wants?

If you want to stay your relationship with him then you have to accept what he is.

Remember you can't change him but himself.

If he really love you then he would consider your feeling and would try his best to improve it for you. If he refuses, then you are not for him.

You accept what he is, then is love... but from your post then you can't accept what he is then he is not for you.

I recommend you & your son go away for the weekends to think twice about your future relationship with him either you can accept what he is or not... If you can't accept then leave him and try to positive your life with your son. It will make you unhappy more if you continue to stay with him.

Remember, I do not influence your decision on this but follow your own mind and heart.

Good Luck
 

horselover61

Active Member
Sound like he is so cheap to buy anything for you or take you out for a special occasion. So dump him to the curb. He is trying to make an excuse to use you to buy things for him. He is hurting you for so long so it aint worth it.
 

Kenai

New Member
I agree with others. You're a "good enough for now" girlfriend. If he shares nothing and causes you grief, you'd be better off without him. I don't know about him buying you things equating to love or lack there of, but that's how you choose to interpret things. Just because he doesn't spend money doesn't mean he doesn't love you. It's the rest of his actions that are questionable.

From where did you graduate??
 

ScubaladyTx

New Member
Honey, I have to say.. dump on him... He isnt right guy for u....

I m sorry to say that... Hon- Im surely that there men are waiting for you out there.. :fingersx:

But, u shd be glad that u arent married to him yet..whew..


Ok- ask him what do u want from me ? then he will answer you.

Other thing, if he didnt give you a presents for b-day, xmas etc... then forget him... If he dont understand what love is.


M-:afro:
 
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