Would like to understand why deaf.....

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lynne

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:confused::confused:I am hearing,,but had a boyfriend who was deaf, we were engaged and got along well and I do sign. But he broke up with me said I do not understand deaf world. Now hes with a deaf girl. Shes not better looking Ive been told. peole say hes with her instead of me because shes deaf and Im not. Could anyone plz explain this to me? I really loved him. And had his child too. I just dont understand. Was it really because Im not deaf? Thats just so unfair. It was hard learning sign. And now I have noone to sign to. I feel such a loss. I miss him too. He acts like he hates me. Do deaf people prefer to date only other deaf people? Why? Can anyone tell me?
 
I'm sorry to hear this Lynne. I don't know what to say and it's impossible to answer your questions as every deaf person is different. I hope that over time, the pain of the break-up becomes more bearable and that life will get better easier to manage.
 
I'll take a wild guess.

He used that as excuse to break you up to move on new girl.
 
I am deaf and my husband is hearing. We married for 11 years.

Anyway, I think maybe he feel leave out that he was with you during you and he visit a hearing friends or family. You cannot sign everything what they say. Maybe your hearing friends and family don't accpet his deafness. I dont want judge you or your ex boyfriend wrong.

You can ask me anything and send me pm.
 
Volcanbaru said:
I'll take a wild guess.

He used that as excuse to break you up to move on new girl.
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I concur! Make sure, though, that you get child support from him . . . if he "shot it" he can afford the child. :D
 
lynne said:
:confused::confused:I am hearing,,but had a boyfriend who was deaf, we were engaged and got along well and I do sign. But he broke up with me said I do not understand deaf world. Now hes with a deaf girl. Shes not better looking Ive been told. peole say hes with her instead of me because shes deaf and Im not. Could anyone plz explain this to me? I really loved him. And had his child too. I just dont understand. Was it really because Im not deaf? Thats just so unfair. It was hard learning sign. And now I have noone to sign to. I feel such a loss. I miss him too. He acts like he hates me. Do deaf people prefer to date only other deaf people? Why? Can anyone tell me?
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via 8700~

lynne, I've heard your situation story is similar with others many times. Like history repeat itself, isn't it? If so, why not your life move on and find new man.

Anyway you mentioned in post your child is his? My question is that your child is hearing also?

My ex wife is hearing. In my true opinion, I prefer go with deaf lady. My fiancee is very profoundly deaf, we are togthers so happy than ever. the reason is Communcates and understanding eachothers easy. In back time, I wish date with deaf in first place. I grew up to date hearings many times, But its not toolate for me! I am glad I found the deaf lady in my life. She is my first deaf relationship in the entire life period.

Good Luck!
 
HI Lynne,

I do feel for you and I know this situation is hard. It is very rare for a couple who are deaf and hearing have a successful relationship because of language, cultural and norms. Hearing world and Deaf world are entirely different worlds. It is not easy to understand but honest with you, that is how it goes. I've had a relationship with a hearing man. I always felt left out with him and his friends. So I thought it was not worth for me to be invisible again since my family are hearing. I am married to a deaf man and we both understand each other because of we understand culture and language. (it is not because you know sign language, it is more than that)

I am sorry that you couldn't find any way to solve this (if there is, thats great)... honestly that is how it goes. I am sorry. I wish the best of luck for you and your child.

T'care.
 
Lynne, I thought you said you are hard of hearing. I am cunfused. I saw your thread that you tell us who are you and you are hard of hearing. Also you made this thread and you said you are hearing. cunfusing:confused:
 
No,not all deaf date deaf,it the matter of finding the rigth person who you want to be.I'm deaf in left ear and hard of hearing in my right ear.To understand what it is like to be deaf,you must try to understand we are are not like hearing people,we are deaf,try 4 one week,put cotton wool in your ear and do your thing and at end of the week,you tell me what it like to be deaf.
builder
 
dating

lynne said:
:confused::confused:I am hearing,,but had a boyfriend who was deaf, we were engaged and got along well and I do sign. But he broke up with me said I do not understand deaf world. Now hes with a deaf girl. Shes not better looking Ive been told. peole say hes with her instead of me because shes deaf and Im not. Could anyone plz explain this to me? I really loved him. And had his child too. I just dont understand. Was it really because Im not deaf? Thats just so unfair. It was hard learning sign. And now I have noone to sign to. I feel such a loss. I miss him too. He acts like he hates me. Do deaf people prefer to date only other deaf people? Why? Can anyone tell me?
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I'm sorry for your experience. i know it hurts. The Deaf community is a different culture. it initself is a different culture from the hearing world, yes it is very important to have understanding of the deaf culture in order to relate to them. if you go to africa, or Japan, and spend a significant amount of time their, how are you gonna be able to stay and appreciate them unless you have an appreciation towards what they believe, or why they do what they do. how are you gonna be able to appreciate and communicate in their language unless you learn of their language. So even tho that was only an example it very similiar. Maybe in your city some deaf culture classes are offered, or you can become more familiar with reading some books on the deaf culture, in order for you to appreciate how he feels it's important to educate yourself. please do not be offended, but theres probably a part of him that feels a little frustrated that he cannot communicate the culture difference. i'm sure if you educated yourself some with the culture,yes you will understand why maybe he made his decision, i'm sure it has nothing to do with your looks. i'm sure he cares about you, but you have to try and gain understanding of where his heart is.
Love you and can hear your hurt, don't be discouraged just be enlightened and challenge yourself to learn of the culture of the deaf world.
EsthersCrown*****
 
It usually depends on the individual.

For me, I have no problem with who I date... as long as we can communicate clearly. In that case, she would have to be able to sign clearly and involve me with her conversations with other people as I would do to her.

However, one problem... my family treats them as my interpreters instead of my date. It gets annoying and becomes a problem for me.

One time, I was dating a hearing gal. She was an interpreter major. My parents kept treating her like my interpreter all the time. "Tell him I said this and that." Ugh! :roll:

I've dated a few hearing gals, but out of all of them... my parents met one. Yet, they have met a few of my hearing friends and they did the same thing to them as well.

So, I've come to realize that my major preference is deaf women. That way, everyone else is forced to accept the fact that we're BOTH deaf. :)

In regards to your comment, just because you're more beautiful than her doesn't mean you're better than her. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Don't judge a book by its cover. Etc.
 
VamPyroX said:
However, one problem... my family treats them as my interpreters instead of my date. It gets annoying and becomes a problem for me.
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Funny, in my case, when I brought home a hearing boyfriend, my mother monopolizied him and totally left me out of the conversations. The next time I brought a deaf guy who is very mute. My mother was acting angry out of his sight. In my mind, I was thinking - Must I married a hearing guy just to please my family - Nah! because I am the one that will be with him in my old age so I'd better find a good guy that knows sign language. I wanted only deaf boyfriend but now because of my age and I planned on moving out of state, I could take either hearing or deaf but sign language is a must !!!!
 
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