The wedding vows

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Cheri

Prayers for my dad.
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I've seen people rush into marriage, say the vows to eachother "I, "person's name" take thee "other person's name" to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till in death we part, and with this ring I thee wed"

Some people do not take those vows seriously or pay attention to the words they speak at their wedding, then they end up getting divorce within a week, or two or a month or a year of just five to ten yrs. How is it different than just living with someone as in realtionship than being married with a pieces of paper of ownship to someone who wouldn't follow the vows that they have said to each other?

I am so curious what you all marriage or divorce people think of this. Why do people get married even if it doesn't last long?
 
Cheri said:
I've seen people rush into marriage, say the vows to eachother "I, "person's name" take thee "other person's name" to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till in death we part, and with this ring I thee wed"

Some people do not take those vows seriously or pay attention to the words they speak at their wedding, then they end up getting divorce within a week, or two or a month or a year of just five to ten yrs. How is it different than just living with someone as in realtionship than being married with a pieces of paper of ownship to someone who wouldn't follow the vows that they have said to each other?

I am so curious what you all marriage or divorce people think of this. Why do people get married even if it doesn't last long?
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I was a good paying attention to husband's vow. Then, he end up having affair and abuse me. I got divorce him. I realized, I shouldn't be rush to getting married him.

At this time, we become more serious and steady for years. We make a beautiful plan as second thoughts. Second marriage would be last long till we will die. ;)
 
Some people dont know what marriage means..

Marriage is meant to last forever... for better or worse.. except in the cases of adultery, I agree..

A lot of people give up easily without fighting.. "oh, Im not happy enough', etc.. but its WORK, its commitment to make it last forever!

Ive been married for a yr and a half.. but when I married my husband, I had forever in mind.
 
Those are verbal vows... not put in writing. They're part of a wedding which is traditional, not required. You don't have to have a wedding to get married. You could have a wedding and not be legally married either. It's all a matter of having forms filled out through the Justice of the Peace. :deal:
 
Reminder: Marriage isnt just a piece of paper, it may be legally.. but marriage is in God's eyes with his blessing and his power to join two people into one spirtually. Its beautiful.
 
I was married to my first husband for 19 years and had to get divorced because of abuse. He was verbally abusing me every day among other things that I do not want to say here in AD. When I married him, I intended being married to him forever, for better or worse, well and sick, etc. But being abused is no excuse to stay married becaue we are supposed to love and RESPECT each other. Three years later, I married to a wonderful second husband who not even once hit or talked down at me. We are still very much in love after being married for one and a half years.
 
Peachy Lady said:
I was married to my first husband for 19 years and had to get divorced because of abuse. He was verbally abusing me every day among other things that I do not want to say here in AD. When I married him, I intended being married to him forever, for better or worse, well and sick, etc. But being abused is no excuse to stay married becaue we are supposed to love and RESPECT each other. Three years later, I married to a wonderful second husband who not even once hit or talked down at me. We are still very much in love after being married for one and a half years.
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wow!! i am very sowwy to hear abt that but i am glad that u love ur 2nd hubby than before.. :hug:
 
ofc i was good fathiful with my ex hubby's vow, we married one yr n half. so he beat me up and cheated on me many time.. so i decided left him.. i was hard time over with him , took me moved on for 2 yrs.. wow!!! cuz of i loved him so much in my heart but now i am doing better MUCH! smile!
 
True, since marriage is suppose to last forever for better or for worse yet, when a marriage is involved in an abusive relationship, and having children being involved in this so call marriage of theirs, it does effect them a whole lot, and they can be hurt by the things that's going on into the marriage of theirs, the wise thing to do is leave the abusive marriage to save yourself and children's lives from any danger they may be in....
 
VamPyroX said:
Those are verbal vows... not put in writing. They're part of a wedding which is traditional, not required. You don't have to have a wedding to get married. You could have a wedding and not be legally married either. It's all a matter of having forms filled out through the Justice of the Peace. :deal:
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Ever heard of common law marriages? I'd say traditional weddings are more fun than that... :P

Anyway, about marriages via a piece of paper... THAT paper will protect your rights and your shared property. What if your boyfriend died suddenly, and the house's in his name legally... BUT you paid for half of it, and you two agreed that both of you ARE owners of the house? HIS family WILL get it, and they could be real assholes and ignore you and all the payments you've made... they wont care about the agreement you've made with your bf.

And.... what if your bf/gf was in a coma, AND his family would have the say in pulling the plug, but you WANT to give him a fighting chance more longer? Nope, you wouldnt have a say in this matter.

With marriages, you will be entitled to a lot of things you've worked with your partner. Of COURSE... I would hope these marriages ARE love matches based on mutual respect. ;)
 
Liza said:
Ever heard of common law marriages? I'd say traditional weddings are more fun than that... :P

Anyway, about marriages via a piece of paper... THAT paper will protect your rights and your shared property. What if your boyfriend died suddenly, and the house's in his name legally... BUT you paid for half of it, and you two agreed that both of you ARE owners of the house? HIS family WILL get it, and they could be real assholes and ignore you and all the payments you've made... they wont care about the agreement you've made with your bf.

And.... what if your bf/gf was in a coma, AND his family would have the say in pulling the plug, but you WANT to give him a fighting chance more longer? Nope, you wouldnt have a say in this matter.

With marriages, you will be entitled to a lot of things you've worked with your partner. Of COURSE... I would hope these marriages ARE love matches based on mutual respect. ;)
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Exactly!!!
I often saw alot of problems like what you mentioned in Germany when they living together instead of getting married. Fews I know very well lost everything to their partners´s parents/relatives because they are not married which they bought their own home.

***nodding agree***
Coma situation, I often heard is really terrible!


I beleive is married for love and respect.
 
Oh its awful to hear about your bad experiences with marriage. I agree, abuse is a good reason to flee from the marriage. My real father abused us terribly growing up, and my mom got out of it and we had a wonderful life. My husband knows that I would leave him asap if he cheated on me or abused me, but every other problem we have, we will give our all to solve. Marriage IS tough, wheeew... but its special. ;)
 
TweetyBird said:
ofc i was good fathiful with my ex hubby's vow, we married one yr n half. so he beat me up and cheated on me many time.. so i decided left him.. i was hard time over with him , took me moved on for 2 yrs.. wow!!! cuz of i loved him so much in my heart but now i am doing better MUCH! smile!
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I can understand how you feel, TB. I loved my ex husband too at that time, but I just couldn't take any more of his abuses. It took me long time to get over him too but I was able to fall in love again, thankfully...to my new husband. My heart was completly torn apart and I was a big mess emotionally when we split that I wasn't even sure if I would be able to fall in love completely again...but love took me by surprise. Ain't life grand? Having friends was so important when I was separated...Roadrunner offered his shoulder and ears for me to cry and vent online for long time and became my good friend, then more and more online friends too like Angel, Cheri, etc. I became stronger emotionally again and then later on I was able to fall in love with my husband, then shortly after that, Angel won Roadrunner's heart big time. :cuddle: I love them all to pieces!
 
^Angel^ said:
True, since marriage is suppose to last forever for better or for worse yet, when a marriage is involved in an abusive relationship, and having children being involved in this so call marriage of theirs, it does effect them a whole lot, and they can be hurt by the things that's going on into the marriage of theirs, the wise thing to do is leave the abusive marriage to save yourself and children's lives from any danger they may be in....
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I completely agree with you!
 
Cheri, you mind me if I offtopic..?
BewitchedKitten said:
Oh its awful to hear about your bad experiences with marriage. I agree, abuse is a good reason to flee from the marriage. My real father abused us terribly growing up, and my mom got out of it and we had a wonderful life. My husband knows that I would leave him asap if he cheated on me or abused me, but every other problem we have, we will give our all to solve. Marriage IS tough, wheeew... but its special. ;)
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Kitten, for some reason I think marriage shouldn't be tough to manage.. I often found it disturbing when men/women have to tough it out. Yeah, I am aware that argument (as in 'right way'.. i.e. no insults, it is unnecessary) is part of marriage or 'normal' but 'tough'. I am unsure about your interpretation of 'tough'. Care to elaborate about it a bit?

Back to topic, Cheri, good topic. I really cannot answer that for other people but I can answer for myself.. Keep that in mind that I never have any marriage experience so I cannot say anything more than what I know. I personally would take the vows seriously, I mean, to keep these vows in my heart that I have to do for my lover as marriage and common sense require me to do so.
 
BewitchedKitten said:
Some people dont know what marriage means..

Marriage is meant to last forever... for better or worse.. except in the cases of adultery, I agree..

A lot of people give up easily without fighting.. "oh, Im not happy enough', etc.. but its WORK, its commitment to make it last forever!

Ive been married for a yr and a half.. but when I married my husband, I had forever in mind.
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Sorry but don't take this wrong that I pick on you. Just that I am curious about your views. Yeah, marriage is meant to last forever for better or worse... not only cases of adultery. Happiness is very important for women. Being validated by men is very important too (Thanks to meg for this thought-provoking advice, I start to understand a bit better about women and validated issue). Men may not treat you (and women) any worse (I am speaking of adultery) but you probably will not have the happiness if you are not being validated by your lover or different things that you usually recieve the happiness from. I mean, what is good to have a marriage if anyone don't have any happiness with their lover?

In my parents' case, there is never adultery but she isn't happy for almost ten years (14 years-marriage) with my dad.. I mean, he neglected her, didn't listen to her feelings & frustrations, didn't pay attention to her needs.. use her for sex. etc etc. Adultery is almost nothing when compare to these cases.

Happiness is the key in any kind of marriage. Most of men sometimes really need to stuck the splintered wood up their anus and sit down then quiet and listen to their lovers' needs without providing any retarded advices/solutions to 'fix' their issues.
 
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Well, marriage life is down and up. It´s normal when you are married for a long time. It doesnt mean that you end divorce because of this but you can keep your marriage work is show love and respect each other.

The marriage life is not "fairy tale" what everyone thought. The marriage life means is take responsible each other with budget with money to do with house mortaged, bills, etc etc etc etc....... then start family then etc etc etc... We can make our love stronger only if we show our respect each other. We can make something romantic when the children are not around.

I had been married for over 19 years now. It´ll be 20 years this Sept. It´s long time.
 
Peachy Lady said:
I can understand how you feel, TB. I loved my ex husband too at that time, but I just couldn't take any more of his abuses. It took me long time to get over him too but I was able to fall in love again, thankfully...to my new husband. My heart was completly torn apart and I was a big mess emotionally when we split that I wasn't even sure if I would be able to fall in love completely again...but love took me by surprise. Ain't life grand? Having friends was so important when I was separated...Roadrunner offered his shoulder and ears for me to cry and vent online for long time and became my good friend, then more and more online friends too like Angel, Cheri, etc. I became stronger emotionally again and then later on I was able to fall in love with my husband, then shortly after that, Angel won Roadrunner's heart big time. :cuddle: I love them all to pieces!
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wow i am glad that Angel, cheri and RR been there for u and they helped u then u became strong more woman! now u got new hubby!!! GOD BLESS YOU! when i has hard time, i didnt talk anyone abt that.. so i cried everynight when i went bed.. cuz of i felt that i am alone in bed without hubby and i been hard time with 2 yrs to moved on finally.. wow.. ofc i am happy who am i now... smile..
 
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