Relationships. Pasts, Communication

good posting DD -

I'm sure a lot of us have been through those kind of things. That's also why I'm not trusting a lot of people - I stick with who are my true friends that I could trust in them. :grouphug:
 
I'm an occasional blip on that same radar, too, Opal!
 
I agree with you DD. It happened to me too and I just laughed it off and move on. Then one day someone found out that this person aint worth at all.
 
DreamDeaf said:
There's another theory I have - the reason why people love to talk behind other peoples' back is because they want to feel important - by telling what they know about certain people, they think they have the power over that person.

I don't understand why some people do that. It makes me mad, because when a person do that behind other people, it will only reveal about that person I could recognize sooo easy... umm, I mean that " mirror " will reflect that person's personality exactly the same it talks about THAT person, not people.... because, it don't fit since people's mouth don't open. Once that person opens mouth, it bounces back to that person that " talks " is all about that person. For example : When that person PM me and tell me that someone told that person about my pic that I am soo ugly, or a cheater, or whatever... it realllly talks about that person who isn't very attractive or a cheater or whatever, not me. I even know that it is NOT about someone else, either ( other person ).


However, IMHO, when you do that, you tear yourself down as a petty, small-minded and vindictive person.

Just because you know certain things and feel its your duty, it's rather pitful that you can't feel good unless you can ruin someone's reputation - but in the end, you ruin your own repuation AND probably ruining other peoples' reputations when you tell them what you know, and then they tell other people.

After what that person did PM'd me last year, I don't spill to someone else what that person told me until you created this thread, then I finally shared what I already know about that person.

Like for instance, Person A tells Person B who tells Person C, who in turns to Named Person and tells that one what's going on... and Named Person will be all too willing to turn the tables back on Person A. In the end, all of them looks foolish, petty and rather pitful.

I mean, who in the heck cares about what happens in someone's past? The past is the past, and stays in the past.

Right. And, what if a person changes than before after learnin' all these mistakes ? A person can always ask for forgiveness, if a person wants to change and, then move on to a new life.

If you think it makes you feel good, you won't be feeling so good when that person turns on you - and makes a bad situation worse.
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Wanna to know the truth ? That person labeled me as a cheater and ugly until I uploaded a pic of myself with a Christmas hat for my avatar in Dec. 2006... and, then that person started tellin' me that I am so pretty. Go figure !
 
CR, when I saw ur avatar with your santa cap, it made me smile...u looked cute! Good christmas cheer you had for everyone. Whoever made that comment on you being ugly was mistaken, obviously since after that person saw pic of you commented that u were pretty...lol

Good vent, DD...I totally agree with you. I hate seeing people who were totally in love being ruined just because other people told that partner the other partner's bad past. Give that couple a chance to get to know each other and eventually with time, the feelings for each other will deepen and they will tell each other their bad pasts on their own. When love is that strong, they can go thru anything, good or bad. That's why it's never wise to inform one of the partners about the other partner's bad past...that's for them to decide.
 
Peachy Lady said:
CR, when I saw ur avatar with your santa cap, it made me smile...u looked cute! Good christmas cheer you had for everyone. Whoever made that comment on you being ugly was mistaken, obviously since after that person saw pic of you commented that u were pretty...lol
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Thanks. I am glad it made you smile. Christmas is one of my favorite holidays ! :)

Yeah, I hate it when people named-callin' other people. It will make them soo U G L Y for callin' other people names. It ain't make them pretty. :squint:
 
This is a very interesting thread and it shall be taken w/ grain of compassion as well.

We all have been there one way or other. While I do agree that the past is best to be left alone and not to be meddled with. I am sure that we all have our own secrets to deal with and much less, there is no need to open the "Pandora's Box" only to make it worse.

Sticks and Stones may break my body but it doesn't break my soul. Words and among others can tarnish a reputation but only if you want to preserve yourself, it is best to be wise and use your common sense rather than being the one that can be so vindictive.
 
Ive been there done that. One of my exes were stalking after me for almost two yrs. When she found out that I have a gf SpicyGirl. She decided to harrassed her and feed her the bad thing abt me. I kept ignored her but ex kept email and tmail her for 5 months. Also harrassed me as well.

One day, she got tmail from ex, I said to her CHANGE TMAIL address. I am too tired of her bothering my gf. So my girl finally changed it but still bother thru email. Ex kept create new email addresses to bother us. I said to my girl that's it. I am going to block outsiders for good and create a new one for myself. So I did and it works. Ex couldnt know my new email address. My girl and I felt so much in peace.

We almost broke up bec of this bitch ex. We decided to not let this bitch into our lifes, we kept fight and stay on relationship. It works!

Only this ex fed my gf bad thing abt me, other exes didn't want to get involved. They wanted us to get know each other and see if we could stay on relationship without them telling us she is or she isnt good for you blah blah blah.. all these bs stuffs..

In generally, people want to get their attention by harrassed others or rumor abt others. So they couldnt lose friends! WRONG!! They can lose friends if they dont rumor abt others. They have no respect for others.. NONE!!
 
RedheadGrrl said:
Ive been there done that. One of my exes were stalking after me for almost two yrs. When she found out that I have a gf SpicyGirl. She decided to harrassed her and feed her the bad thing abt me. I kept ignored her but ex kept email and tmail her for 5 months. Also harrassed me as well.

One day, she got tmail from ex, I said to her CHANGE TMAIL address. I am too tired of her bothering my gf. So my girl finally changed it but still bother thru email. Ex kept create new email addresses to bother us. I said to my girl that's it. I am going to block outsiders for good and create a new one for myself. So I did and it works. Ex couldnt know my new email address. My girl and I felt so much in peace.

We almost broke up bec of this bitch ex. We decided to not let this bitch into our lifes, we kept fight and stay on relationship. It works!

Only this ex fed my gf bad thing abt me, other exes didn't want to get involved. They wanted us to get know each other and see if we could stay on relationship without them telling us she is or she isnt good for you blah blah blah.. all these bs stuffs..

In generally, people want to get their attention by harrassed others or rumor abt others. So they couldnt lose friends! WRONG!! They can lose friends if they dont rumor abt others. They have no respect for others.. NONE!!
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Right. And, I think that person who ever did hurt other person's feelin' by attemptin' to break their relationship up....is not very mature. If, that ex don't get along with other ex, then they both should go to a separate ways. If, that ex feels that he/or she should apologize for all this that have caused other person's feelin' hurt, then he/or she should create a thread to say it so and, then everyone will start to forgive and move on. Life is too short... and, what is more -- what if, ex or other person die tonight or tomorrow ? How would that affect them ? Will they feel ashamed or guilty for not askin' forgiveness or solve problems by makin' truce ? They better start thinkin' about it, because life is only one time and it will never come back after once it is gone.

Remember, TongueOfFire ? How would it affect ADers ? I am sure it shocked them and, also I am sure they were glad to befriends with her as their best memories of her in their life such as teasin', babysittin' their kids, and so on.

I truly wish that the other person would stay by showin' courage and keep chattin' with all of us, because there's only ONE person and there's no duplicate of that person anywhere. Only one unique name as is ( same with everyone here, too ). It will make us feel whole a lot better to chat with other person to filfull everyone's memories before anythin' happens and it may worth their lifetime to remember.

Soo, I would like to see everyone to treat others some respect and understandin' by walkin' in their shoes. It's not necessary to be jealous over or out to revenge for little stupid things.. all of that for what ? In fact, no body is perfect. We can try to give each other some room and take it easy by chattin' others instead of buggin' one person the whole time. Learn to forgive and move on is the only way to make a peace......
 
That's one bad thing about the deaf community sometimes. We have such a small community and usually there is always someone that knows about something we did in the past that we arent proud of. Most of the time the ugly past is not usually brought up but there are some people who just enjoy doing that to others. I agree with DreamDeaf...need to shut up and move on.

That usually happens with my brother whenever he starts dating a new girl. People would tell the girl his ugly past and tell her to watch out for this or that. What he did was 10 years ago and very old news but for some reason, it still haunts him to this day. He is really frustrated and sick of people bringing up his past. I just tell him if the girl worthy and is able to think for herself, she would tell people that what happened in the past has nothing to do with the present and to get to know my brother on her own terms. My brother said he never saw it that way.
 
Trust me, this is very common.

Everyone has his or her past. But it takes 2 to tango. I may react positively to one man, but doesnt mean I would with another guy. Everyone has their own buttons.

Everytime I start dating, an ex from the past would come hurling at me to throw me insults at this new partner.

I know it all STEMS from his or her past...it HAS nothing to do with HOW we are tango'ing at this moment. I dont need vindicitive exes telling me what took place....for all I know, it has THREEE stories...his past, her past, and current situation.
 
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