peer pressure on moving to new place

DeafSCUBA98

DeafSCUBA98

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since i am living in a small town since fall of 2000... friends from a huge city of minneapolis/ st. paul (AKA twin cities) been telling me that i should move back to the cities. however, myself, notice that living in a small town, there's less backstabbing and less annoying from people who come over everyday. you know what i am talking about?

It's nice to live in a cities close to friends and hang out most of the time but things sometimes f*cked up. Every time i go over to friends house in the cities they suggust me to live in st. paul area, or whatever nearby.


Here in minnesota, Deafies tend to go over to friends house everyday, without expection, they just show up out of the blue. backstabbing eachother telling how they don't like about that person, however they do hang out with them just like 2 faces ya know what i mean?

It sure does get boring living in small town since there's only few deafies here.

What is your option on this? would you go ahead and move to big cities? if you were in my shoes?
 
uhmm good question Scuba -- but yea id prolly move to big cities and still maintain a low profile and make it clear to friends that they cannot just show up unexpectedly due to my living my own life and there are chances i would not be home if they showed up unexpectedly ie: work, college class, out clubbing or whatever -- my friends around here tends to let me know ahead of time if they plan to stop by or just make arrangements with me to meet up and that works real nicely -- as for the backstabbing that happens ANYWHERE in the usa regardless of where u are -- im in the DC metro area and the ppl i hang out with are all over 30s and VERY little gossiping/backstabbing happens -- we typically discuss politics that on occasions becomes debative
 
Whatever your choice is....you should make it clear that your house has a curfew of guests.

Like, "No one is allowed in after 10 pm until 10 am."

That was my mother's established rules when my brother had too many friends coming over. Also you would have to strictly enforce those rules for it to completely work.

If it was me...I would establish that rule if I moved around at a deaf community.

Lisa and I already got someone, a deaf adult, who always wanted to come over just to chat. We finally got straight with him about how much time we need alone without him coming over to ruin it. He still IM me before he decides to come over..which is very helpful. :D
 
I just moved from a village of 200 ppl to a city of over 100.000 ppl. I'm roommating with two deafies right now, and so far, not many deafies have been coming over. I do know that at one of my friends' place, ppl come over all the time. I am like whoa! I would definitely impose a curfew and not let ppl come over after 10 pm or so on weekdays and 12 am on weekends.
 
Stick with what you feel comfortable most with. If you don't like the backstabbing, then stay where you are. If they complain, then they aren't what you expect them to be. Good friends accept you for who you are... not complain and force you to move.
 
I can understand how u feel about this... I keep move to another place and not let them know where i am as long as they Im me for arrangment to meet each other somewhere else which it really work for me ... also, i already warn them to pay us the respect of pravicy and leave the gossip to somewhere else ... We don't want to know about other ppl's unless there is good reasons to bring it up ... That's simple...
 
As a person who lives in the twin cities, I still recommend that you move down here. I think you're missing out on a lot of opportunities, like when you say "i wish i could go to this" or something. You know I used to be semi-popular with Deafies (till i moved to co) and now theres no one but Lindsey (and another friend Sarah.) But you know how I prevent people from coming over? I dont tell them where I live. :) A bunch of people used to come over when I lived with my mom in her apt, but a lot of the time i missed them since no doorbell flash. Eric, you know that i have nothing against you, and I would love to be able to see you more often and really get to know you. You have to realize there are Deaf people out there who dont backstab (or try not to) and are honest. :) Take your pick - boredom or attempt to make new friends. :ily:
 
Myself, I wouldn't mind move to the cities, since i'm single father of 1 child, and all my family lives in twin cities. need family support me, since i live far from family, it's been hard for me to have a relaxing time, mostly i get stressful, having no time for free..

But, Job here is wonderful, nice people working with me. great friends, like to hang out with them to casino, bar, etc.. Great pay too. and i own a house here, i had only own this house for 1 year and 5 months, would miss my house badly..
My job income ratio is at median income for willmar area. i'm afraid when i move to twin cities, my job income will be below median income, which i will be more broke.

Yeah, it would be nice to live in cities since i won't miss alot of opp. I know i did miss alot of fun there.

People went like " come to the cities and move here and settle, live in townhouse or house in st. paul area, i'll help you out moving, taking support etc.." this person tend to come over to my old apt in eagan where i used to live. he comes to my apt almost everyday it's pretty annoying then it spread and more people come in like almost every weekend just to come and chat and drink cuz they're boring, and have no jobs.
 
Friends know better than just to stop by- I am more of a private person at home and they know that its my turf that they're invading. I'm a different person at home than I am at the social scene.
 
DeafSCUBA98 said:
Myself, I wouldn't mind move to the cities, since i'm single father of 1 child, and all my family lives in twin cities. need family support me, since i live far from family, it's been hard for me to have a relaxing time, mostly i get stressful, having no time for free..

But, Job here is wonderful, nice people working with me. great friends, like to hang out with them to casino, bar, etc.. Great pay too. and i own a house here, i had only own this house for 1 year and 5 months, would miss my house badly..
My job income ratio is at median income for willmar area. i'm afraid when i move to twin cities, my job income will be below median income, which i will be more broke.

Yeah, it would be nice to live in cities since i won't miss alot of opp. I know i did miss alot of fun there.

People went like " come to the cities and move here and settle, live in townhouse or house in st. paul area, i'll help you out moving, taking support etc.." this person tend to come over to my old apt in eagan where i used to live. he comes to my apt almost everyday it's pretty annoying then it spread and more people come in like almost every weekend just to come and chat and drink cuz they're boring, and have no jobs.
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as long as you're enjoying your job.. and have a place that you're proud of... nothing wrong with it... yeah the cities can be fun... but you can make a point of going over there like once a month for the weekend.. that way you don't miss it terribly
 
Cricket said:
Friends know better than just to stop by- I am more of a private person at home and they know that its my turf that they're invading. I'm a different person at home than I am at the social scene.
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So you dont think you should be who you are at home, as you are in public? My dad is like that (different at home and in public) and people call him 2 faced. He's angry and mean at home to us, and full of fun in public. People like him for his public self, but if he acted towards people as he does to me, people wldnt like him. So I make a point to be the same person in both places. Otherwise, how do you know you know a person well? :)

The problem with Minnesota is that there is something called "Minnesota Nice." That means if you are a visitor (and often times an aquaitence) then a Minnesotan will be uber-nice to you, but when you leave, trash you entirely. How wrong is that? :)

Either way, people should ask if you want company or not :D
 
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