Never Good Enough

D

defgrl

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I feel like nothing I do is ever good enough to please my parents. They can't even sign "ILY." I feel SO rejected, like it is "not okay" to live as a Deaf/HOH person. I don't see what the "big deal" is, especially with my mother. It's like she is afraid for me to succeed, or something. I was with someone who is Hearing, but I am not sure it is going to work out, now.

I feel happier when I spend time with Deaf people and use Sign and so forth. Frankly, I think I might like to be with someone who is Deaf/HOH, or at least who knows Sign. I mean, what's wrong with that?

defgrl
 
If your hearing partner is unwilling to use sign to communicate with you, or at least make the effort then you should send them packing.

In regards to your parents, they are the ones losing out when they refuse to communicate with you or at least make reasonable accommodations. You have something worthy to give and by refusing to communicate then they are refusing what you have to offer.
 
Dixie said:
If your hearing partner is unwilling to use sign to communicate with you, or at least make the effort then you should send them packing.

In regards to your parents, they are the ones losing out when they refuse to communicate with you or at least make reasonable accommodations. You have something worthy to give and by refusing to communicate then they are refusing what you have to offer.
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well said, Dixie....
 
I feel for you. I have gone through the same road as you. I really don't understand why hearing parents and hearing authorities have not take the time to understand that we are deaf for life. They can not "fix" us to be hearing like them. They expect us to talk, but we sound like loud funny noises in our throats. They also want us to lipread them 100% perfect. They don't know what is like to not be able to hear at all or some of hearing, but not perfect hearing. They also think that CI would help the deaf/hoh be able to hear perfectly with no trouble and would be able to understand speech without lipreading. That is what I get so upset with AGB organization wanting us not to use ASL or any other sign langauge all over the world for the deaf communities. I am really sick of their altitudes about pushing us to be with the hearing world and not understanding why we have to suffer under them all the time. It is not right to have us go through much needed accommodations like ASL interpreters and notetakers in the mainstream schools and also to have better education in the Deaf school with full access of ASL. Many hearing people just don't get it. They are the most stubborn people in the world. :(
 
You arent the only one who feels this way. Many of us go thru that and prefer the company of other deaf/hoh people after feeling unable to really fit in with hearing people.
 
Nothing wrong with that! Sounds like you mom is in denial about your deafness. Some parents have difficulty accepting their children as they are, and they expect their children to be what they want them to be. She may adjust and accept things as they are in the future. For now, make the choices that you need to make to meet your own needs. Follow your gut instinct and you'll be fine.
 
I always seem to rain on your parade, but since you have CAPD and are not actually deaf, it is not in the least surprising that your mother does not want to use sign with you.

I really wonder if your psychiatrist has communicated to your mother that this would not be in your best interest?

Of course if you want to socialize with deaf ASL users, they won't have this problem with it that people who are your family and know your situation will.
 
Bottesini said:
I always seem to rain on your parade, but since you have CAPD and are not actually deaf, it is not in the least surprising that your mother does not want to use sign with you.

I really wonder if your psychiatrist has communicated to your mother that this would not be in your best interest?

Of course if you want to socialize with deaf ASL users, they won't have this problem with it that people who are your family and know your situation will.
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Really? The OP is not deaf? What is CAPD?
 
rockdrummer said:
Thank you Cheri. So CAPD does not equal deafness then. Is that correct?
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CAPD is related to partial deafness and auditory problems, she may not hear background noises, or is unable to understand complete sentences if someone is talking from behind or if she's in a room with a crowd of hearing people. It doesn't really means she is completely deaf though.

I'll also like to add that a psychologist would know more about her condition than I would. :)
 
rockdrummer said:
I was thinking the same thing but when Bott said the OP is not deaf, then I was thinking WTF??
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Deaf or not... it's a matter of being comfortable.

If a person has a hard time understanding people (not because of deafness, but whatever else is the cause), then the other people should be willing to work with this person.

Deaf or not, not being able to understand what's being said... can be considered a handicap.
 
<squint> Oh, my God, I did not know she has CAPD. Thank you, Botts, for clearing that up for me. I thought she is deaf like us, but in a different way. It is very interesting how the hearing person has problem with her CAPD. Now I see a whole different situation with her hearing mother who do not understand why her daughter is having problem not hearing noises or hearing close up sounds. I have never thought about it like this. Very, very interesting. :hmm:
 
hello, all - while I am new hoh and have LD, I may also have CAPD, so I can add to that part of post from my own experience. Sometimes I hear some oral instructions, but what I actually get from it may only be a portion. Or it just becomes this oral "blob". Or if there's a bunch of numbers as part of the instruction, I may physically hear that, but actually process only the number "five" for example. Background noise and distraction make it worse. I also tend to do better if I can see the person's face and have visual, not just auditory input. The hearing loss and the processing problem make each other more significant. I am trying to determine if I should get officially tested for it or not because it is affecting my new job.

defgirl, I think I can understand your frustration. Find people who love you for YOU - not for who they think you should be-
 
Bebonang said:
<squint> Oh, my God, I did not know she has CAPD. Thank you, Botts, for clearing that up for me. I thought she is deaf like us, but in a different way. It is very interesting how the hearing person has problem with her CAPD. Now I see a whole different situation with her hearing mother who do not understand why her daughter is having problem not hearing noises or hearing close up sounds. I have never thought about it like this. Very, very interesting. :hmm:
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Sometimes, people think it's easier to just deny the issue and act like it never happened. That's why there are some hearing parents who don't learn sign language because they never really think about their child as being deaf or anything. They just try to go through life without thinking about it.
 
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