Mom Makes Daughter Stand on Street Corner

[Reba]

...Yes, we (parents) are supposing to teach our children to value their mistakes instead of being ashamed of them or punish them or to embarrass them to public for the mistakes what they made.

Sometimes a little shame is a good thing.

Why shouldn't people be ashamed of bad behavior? Should they be proud of bad behavior?

There is not enough shame in this world. That's why people don't mind doing "whatever".

 

[DarrenD]

my mom did something like this when i was little... when i was fighting wth her i somehow got angry enough to call her "bitch" i must be like 12 years old or so.. and mom went to get a shirt and it said "i called my mom a bitch because i am too lazy to do my homework" and made me wear it then took me to mall. she even gave me 20 bucks to me and told me to buy anything i want.. she followed me all over ... no store will give me anything i want to buy. NONE so after that experience i respected my mom even more and never called her names. and it kinda stays with me i cant really insult anybody in their faces and when i do i always feel soooo guilty.

the point is... that mother did everything she could and if it works.. well.. it works.

i think tough love is best way when it comes to rebelious teendagers (my opinion)

I love it!

But I'm not sure where I stand with the standing on the corner thing...I guess as long as the woman was with her she wouldn't have come to harm, and psychological damage? Shock therapy like that could work as long as there was no physical violence involved.

 

[Miss-Delectable]

Sometimes, parents had no choice, but to resort to 'tough love' method if other methods failed.

Personally, I can't say I agree or disagree because the point is her mother did what she thought was the best.

 

[Ox Red xO]

wOw.. it worked for the girl, she improves her grades.. then i appluase for the mother for what she did..

 

[Liebling:-)))]

wOw.. it worked for the girl, she improves her grades.. then i appluase for the mother for what she did..

Sure but how long?

Does Punishing Children Work?

Does punishing children work? It definitely helps parents to believe that they are in control of their child. They are able to relax for a while until the next misdeed. Does punishment change children's behavior? Yes, but only for a brief time. Usually children will continue to do the same things they were punished for, if they think they can get away with it.

One of the troubles with punishment as a way to teach children proper social behavior, aside from the infliction of pain, is that it makes children feel weak, impotent and incapable. Punishment teaches children to look to external authority to decide for them how they should behave, rather than looking to themselves. They do not learn how, in collaboration with others, to make choices; they do not learn how to decide what is good for them and for those who are important to them. What they learn instead is to submit to authority and power, to obey. By being punished and treated as inferior beings, they become inferior beings - they do not develop the power of the human individual to love and trust. Children who are regularly punished learn to fear their parents. They learn the behaviors that their parents like and don't like and also, how to hide these behaviors from their parents. They develop "proper" behavior out of fear, not choice.

Some children openly defy their punitive parents. These children usually end up getting into worse trouble with their parents, and with other authorities as they mature. Most children, however, go underground. In order to protect themselves from parental power they develop a "good", submissive-to-authority, social pose to hide their secret misbehaviors and improper thoughts and feelings. Their social behavior is not genuine because it has little to do with who they really are. Once out of the realm of authoritarian control, they adopt new ways and new codes consistent with the values and priorities of their peers. They go in any direction the wind blows to avoid disapproval and to gain approval. The lack of respect their parents had for them has prevented them from developing respect for themselves.

From being punished, children learn to distrust and fear their parents. Other than that, children and parents learn nothing.

http://www.naturalchild.com/james_kimmel/punishment.html

 

[Liebling:-)))]

I think this was okay to me. The mother was THERE and she was trying to teach her the hard way to get her to learn the lesson. The mother was THERE, and I think it was okay to me, and now the daughter learned her lesson and humilated and she acted out and brought up good grades and everything.

Sure but how long?

I remember my mother kicked me out the house when I lied to her, and brought home a F in report card on Biology and she threw fit. She told me to get out the house and start looking for place to stay. She said, if I bring my grades up in A and B, she will let me stay home.. If I bring home C, D, or F she will kick me out the house and I have to look for a place of my own. Now I have reached 3.8 GPA in high school and then I went away to college for one year and I had no desire for school, and had a long talk with my mom that I want to work instead of study, so she let me take a break from college and found 3 jobs and making money for myself before I got married (the first one). I would do the same thing with my son when he get in high school. Show the hard way to become a better person with good brain.

Would you do the same to your son?

 

[Liebling:-)))]

I agree with this mother. It's called "Tough Love".........

“Tough love” is tough but it's nothing do with love.

I'm agree everthing what the link says because it's very true.
http://www.life.ca/nl/54/natchild.html

 

[horselover61]

I agree with the mother and sure it is a tough love. I have been there with 2 teenager stepkids. They were so hard to take care of and I had a hard time to kick my exh to do something about it but he rather have someone else to take care of them. GRRRRRRRRRRR at him. But with my son no way I do it my way or no way. I will do my tough love on my son. He had made a honor roll and I have given him $5 more then his allowance. So that he was so happy and knowing that he had to work to keep up his grade. He love it. And it works too. Also make sure you tell the child that you are proud to see a good grade and that what I did.

 

[Maria]

“Tough love” is tough but it's nothing do with love.

I'm agree everthing what the link says because it's very true.
http://www.life.ca/nl/54/natchild.html

Well, did you find this mother hittin' her child or screamin'/yellin' at her child for not doin' better in school ? No. All she ever did was teachin' her child what life was like by standin' on street corner with her sign that says what child did to her mother and school. That's TOUGH LOVE, because of there's no other option. Her daughter kept doin' the same thing over and over - what her mother gonna do ? This is what her mother do just as what the article says she did to make her daughter to stand on street corner - just to show that child what her mother feels about her future the mother don't want to see her child to have a HARDSHIP life.

School is all about future job. School is not a playground. School is for an education to improve their skills/talents for their future career/job. This is what the mother is tryin' to TEACH her child.... why givin' her mother a hard time ? It needs to stop and it's time to LEARN. No head games with mother or school.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Sometimes a little shame is a good thing.

Yes the children already feel being guilty/shame after read their reports and learn from their teacher. Why should they have to face other one is from their parents? It teach the children low self-esteem more and more. The children needs parent's loving support then they would feel being safe and loved.

Why shouldn't people be ashamed of bad behavior? Should they be proud of bad behavior?

There is not enough shame in this world. That's why people don't mind doing "whatever".

No wonder why they got low self-esteem is from parent's form of discipline. Belittling them and make them feel worthless, failure, stupid, bad etc. What they saw the missing of their parents is loving understandable, attention, trust relationship etc but cold and cruelty. If parents are warm & loving, children would develop with positive way. They would feel being low-esteem and never feel confident to explore and learn positive way if the parents are cold & cruel to their children. Sure, the children do not need prefect parents but need their trust .

It's parent duty to teach children right or wrong. Discipline my children respectfully and should help the children to build good self-esteem. I don't punish my children for their bad reports because they feel guilty already from their teacher. All what I do is develop them with self-esteem and motivation instead of make them feel worthless, failure etc because they brought us bad report. Surprised that my son is happy and proud and show us his excellent report with B last Tuesday. It belongs a lot of patience that's how it make my children feel good and motivation.

I beleive to make my children feel safe is comfort/protect them when they're scared.

I felt that a girl's mother show no respect their children's feeling but worry her bad or good report. Remember that every children are different, then you can't expect them to bring you excellent report with A/B all the time.

Yes I know it's a lot of work & patience to teach children without physical punishment. Raising the children is not easy job but it's worth to develop them in positive way due good patience.

 

[CrazyMomma]

Would you do the same to your son?

Sure, I will.. My parents did to me and it works for them and if my discpliniary doesn't work for my son, I would do the same at the mother and daughter, but I will be there.

 

[CrazyMomma]

Well, did you find this mother hittin' her child or screamin'/yellin' at her child for not doin' better in school ? No. All she ever did was teachin' her child what life was like by standin' on street corner with her sign that says what child did to her mother and school. That's TOUGH LOVE, because of there's no other option. Her daughter kept doin' the same thing over and over - what her mother gonna do ? This is what her mother do just as what the article says she did to make her daughter to stand on street corner - just to show that child what her mother feels about her future the mother don't want to see her child to have a HARDSHIP life.

School is all about future job. School is not a playground. School is for an education to improve their skills/talents for their future career/job. This is what the mother is tryin' to TEACH her child.... why givin' her mother a hard time ? It needs to stop and it's time to LEARN. No head games with mother or school.

EXACTLY!!!

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Well, did you find this mother hittin' her child or screamin'/yellin' at her child for not doin' better in school ? No. All she ever did was teachin' her child what life was like by standin' on street corner with her sign that says what child did to her mother and school. That's TOUGH LOVE, because of there's no other option. Her daughter kept doin' the same thing over and over - what her mother gonna do ? This is what her mother do just as what the article says she did to make her daughter to stand on street corner - just to show that child what her mother feels about her future the mother don't want to see her child to have a HARDSHIP life.

School is all about future job. School is not a playground. School is for an education to improve their skills/talents for their future career/job. This is what the mother is tryin' to TEACH her child.... why givin' her mother a hard time ? It needs to stop and it's time to LEARN. No head games with mother or school.

No I would not do what a mother did to a girl but focus my children's feeling first to find out why they have the problem at education/school etc. Why should a girl receive more than she already felt bad after got a report from her teacher?

The guilty/shame children needs parents' support to improve their self-esteem.

This is low esteem what a mother taught her daughter. You think she would learn her lesson? I don't think so.

 

[Cheri]

I support the mother, teenagers can be suborn you as a parent gotta put a foot down and show those teenagers what has to be done. It isn't so bad what the mother did, she did it because she wants her daughter to have a bright future.

Liebling it's not damaging her own daughter, it's giving her a wake-up call. I respect you for disagreeing with the pattern of how the mother did to the daughter, but I see no harm.

 

[Maria]

No I would not do what a mother did to a girl but focus my children's feeling first to find out why they have the problem at education/school etc. Why should a girl receive more than she already felt bad after got a report from her teacher?

The guilty/shame children needs parents' support to improve their self-esteem.

This is low esteem what a mother taught her daughter. You think she would learn her lesson? I don't think so.

Feelin' ? Why focusin' on feelin' ? Do you want a child to expect you to have a backbone and let a child to win to have a child's own way ? Do you want a child to be the boss by focusin' on a child's feelin' by controllin' mother ? That child could control mother if, that child expects the mother to focus on her/his feelin'...sayin' like "Poor me. Give me what I want. I want me, me, me. I want my own way." Gee - think about it, Lieblin'.

Not for me, a child MUST obey ME. I am the mother who feed that child, bathe that child, and everythin' I've done for to raise that child and that child MUST listen to ME. I am makin' the rules of this house, not the child. If, that child don't like my rules... then, there's always a door --->[] That child will think about it and realize that she/or he has no place to go, because everythin' is all about money. And, where could that child get the money to live on his/her own ? JOB ! That's what the school is teachin' for. Mother and father are supposed to be there to help that child - not abusin' that child.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Feelin' ? Why focusin' on feelin' ?

Your post here sounds that you don´t care about your children´s feeling but consider yourself dont you?
You don´t bother to watch children´s movement and feeling don´t you?

To me, is mainly important to focus/attend our children´s feeling first, reassuring them if they are anxious or frightened is talk with teacher because the interest of my children are important to us. My children is my true love because I gave birth to them and teach them to develop love, respect and attention because they need it.

Do you want a child to expect you to have a backbone and let a child to win to have a child's own way ? Do you want a child to be the boss by focusin' on a child's feelin' by controllin' mother ? That child could control mother if, that child expects the mother to focus on her/his feelin'...sayin' like "Poor me. Give me what I want. I want me, me, me. I want my own way." Gee - think about it, Lieblin'.

It look like that you had a bad experience with your children like this or what?

Look, my eldest son had ADD since birth which it´s mainly WORST than what a mother did with her daughter. *shake the head* It shows that she has no patience with her daughter. It´s very very very hard to raising ADD children like this - parents need REAL good nerves and patience. I check with doctors, kindergarten and teachers for tip because I love my son too much and want to help him. It took me over 2 years to work together with therapies and doctors to improve my son´s behavior when he was a little. I accompanied my son to therapy EVERY WEEK. It belong good patience. I learn AWFUL alot from therapies, parent conference, etc. etc. etc. My son is 12 years old now and show no ADD on him... Why? because I FOCUS/consider his feeling and watch his movement... - limit, diets, etc.

Not for me, a child MUST obey ME. I am the mother who feed that child, bathe that child, and everythin' I've done for to raise that child and that child MUST listen to ME. I am makin' the rules of this house, not the child. If, that child don't like my rules... then, there's always a door --->[] That child will think about it and realize that she/or he has no place to go, because everythin' is all about money. And, where could that child get the money to live on his/her own ? JOB ! That's what the school is teachin' for. Mother and father are supposed to be there to help that child - not abusin' that child.

wow, you expect too much from your children because you born, raise and feed them don´t you? My children owe me NOTHING for that because they are my wish children, I love them what they are. I beleive to fulfil my chlidren´s wish what I can and give them freedom of their hobbies, etc.. I´m good listener and tried my best to give them advice what I can when my children want share their feeling/problem with me. I´m mother and know my chlidren very well. I see nothing wrong to respect children´s wish sometimes if they don´t feel like instead of force them to do something.

For your information, I has no problem with my children for show their respect on my rules because I fix my limit with them in firm way. I also has no problem to sit to have a good talk with my children when they have problem with school/edcuation. I also check with their teachers to find out what the problem is or ask them how my children are. Talk to my children again after communicate with their teachers or get chlidren to solve the issue with us and teacher together instead of punish them because we want to help them without give them physical punishment. Resolve the issue/problem together is a best method that my children respect us more and more in everyday. It make them feel comfortable and can talk anything open with us without fear and scared feeling because they know their parents are understandable.

I visited parent conferences, consellor, etc to get the tips because I want to help my children, also websites, too... I am surprised when I visit American websites because they said the SAME things what I learn from parent conferences, therapies, etc. I find sad that the parents refuse to get the help and get the tips from therapies, counsellors, doctors, etc. because they are too pride or think they are stupid to accept the lescure from them which it´s not true... Do that if you really want help your children.

 

[Reba]

Yes the children already feel being guilty/shame after read their reports and learn from their teacher.

How do you know? There are many children who don't care about their grades, and they are NOT ashamed.

It teach the children low self-esteem more and more. The children needs parent's loving support then they would feel being safe and loved.

Many teens have too much self-esteem. They think the world should revolve around their "needs" and feelings. They are much too self-focused.

I didn't read anything in the article that indicated that the girl felt unsafe or unloved. She knows that she has a mom that is concerned about her, and is willing to sacrifice her time and pride for the sake of her daughter.

No wonder why they got low self-esteem is from parent's form of discipline. Belittling them and make them feel worthless, failure, stupid, bad etc.

Feeling shame for doing wrong is not the same as allowing parents to belittle children. I didn't say they should tell kids that they are worthless, etc. I said that people (kids and adults) should be ashamed of doing wrong things. There is a big difference between a girl who refuses to do her homework, and a child who tries to do the homework but can't figure it out.

What they saw the missing of their parents is loving understandable, attention, trust relationship etc but cold and cruelty. If parents are warm & loving, children would develop with positive way.

Not necessarily. I know of many families that are warm and loving who have rotten children.

They would feel being low-esteem and never feel confident to explore and learn positive way if the parents are cold & cruel to their children.

That might be true where the parents are "cold & cruel". The article about the girl did not say the mom was cold or cruel. We can't judge the mom/daughter relationship because we don't know anything about it. Personally, my opinion, if the mom really was cold, she wouldn't have become so personally involved with the discipline of her daughter. She would have just ignored her daughter's behavior, or she would have dumped the problem on someone else.

I felt that a girl's mother show no respect their children's feeling but worry her bad or good report. Remember that every children are different, then you can't expect them to bring you excellent report with A/B all the time.

Like I said before, there is a big difference between children who just refuse to do their homework and skip school, and children who try and struggle with schoolwork but just can't get it. The difference is attitude and aptitude. Kids can be punished for bad attitude but should not be punished for low aptitude.

 

[Reba]

No I would not do what a mother did to a girl but focus my children's feeling first to find out why they have the problem at education/school etc. Why should a girl receive more than she already felt bad after got a report from her teacher?

How do you know that the mom didn't already have conferences with the teachers and daughter? How do you know that the mom didn't already try other methods?

The guilty/shame children needs parents' support to improve their self-esteem.

How do you know that they have low self-esteem?

 

[Maria]

wow, you expect too much from your children because you born, raise and feed them don´t you? My children owe me NOTHING for that because they are my wish children, I love them what they are. I beleive to fulfil my chlidren´s wish what I can and give them freedom of their hobbies, etc.. I´m good listener and tried my best to give them advice what I can when my children want share their feeling/problem with me. I´m mother and know my chlidren very well. I see nothing wrong to respect children´s wish sometimes if they don´t feel like instead of force them to do something.

For your information, I has no problem with my children for show their respect on my rules because I fix my limit with them in firm way. I also has no problem to sit to have a good talk with my children when they have problem with school/edcuation. I also check with their teachers to find out what the problem is or ask them how my children are. Talk to my children again after communicate with their teachers or get chlidren to solve the issue with us and teacher together instead of punish them because we want to help them without give them physical punishment. Resolve the issue/problem together is a best method that my children respect us more and more in everyday. It make them feel comfortable and can talk anything open with us without fear and scared feeling because they know their parents are understandable.

I visited parent conferences, consellor, etc to get the tips because I want to help my children, also websites, too... I am surprised when I visit American websites because they said the SAME things what I learn from parent conferences, therapies, etc. I find sad that the parents refuse to get the help and get the tips from therapies, counsellors, doctors, etc. because they are too pride or think they are stupid to accept the lescure from them which it´s not true... Do that if you really want help your children.

Well, all of my 4 children are fully grown up and have their own job. They have their own homes to live. And, I have my own 3 grandsons. I am very proud of my children that they are doin' so well. They thank me for teachin' them when they were growin' up. They know that I am a good mother.

I did show them to look at other kids and asked them if, they want to be like one of them - the other kids who dropped out of high school, no job ( always breakin' the law by stealin', etc., etc. ), do drugs and all. All my kids realized that if, their parents die - who will take care of them ? They have to LEARN how to support themselves if they want to pass school education. They can't depend on parents for $$ if, they don't have job after the age of 18.

Your country have the same problem as well -- not just America. All countries have the same problem. Look at Russia - there are sooo many abandoned kids on the streets and, no one would take them in. Same thing in South Africa - many kids are starvin' and no food... and the list goes on and on. Keep that in mind......

 

[Reba]

... My children owe me NOTHING for that because they are my wish children, I love them what they are. I beleive to fulfil my chlidren´s wish what I can and give them freedom of their hobbies, etc...

Part of loving children is teaching them to care about other people. If parents treat their children like the center of the universe, that is how they begin to believe that they "deserve" everything and owe nothing. They need to learn patience, delayed gratification of desires, self-control, and putting the needs of others before their desires. Those attributes are not natural or automatic. Parents have to teach those things to the kids.

That doesn't mean they have to be denied all material gifts or fun activities. It just means that there has to be balance so the kids don't expect to get everything they want, or do what they want.

For your information, I has no problem with my children for show their respect on my rules because I fix my limit with them in firm way. I also has no problem to sit to have a good talk with my children when they have problem with school/edcuation. I also check with their teachers to find out what the problem is or ask them how my children are. Talk to my children again after communicate with their teachers or get chlidren to solve the issue with us and teacher together instead of punish them because we want to help them without give them physical punishment. Resolve the issue/problem together is a best method that my children respect us more and more in everyday. It make them feel comfortable and can talk anything open with us without fear and scared feeling because they know their parents are understandable.

That's great if it works for your family. You are blessed with compliant children. Not every parent has compliant children. Many children have rebellious, lazy, and/or selfish natures, and require a firmer hand.

I know some families that have both compliant and rebellious kids. They have to use different disciplinary methods for each kid in the family. One kid only needs mom's frown to start crying. The other kid laughs at strict punishment. Each kid is different.

I visited parent conferences, consellor, etc to get the tips because I want to help my children, also websites, too... I am surprised when I visit American websites because they said the SAME things what I learn from parent conferences, therapies, etc. I find sad that the parents refuse to get the help and get the tips from therapies, counsellors, doctors, etc. because they are too pride or think they are stupid to accept the lescure from them which it´s not true... Do that if you really want help your children.[/COLOR]

Outside help is OK up to a point. Too many parents now depend on "experts" to raise their children. There is nothing wrong with parents trusting their own instincts with the children they give birth too and live with every day. Sometimes the "experts" don't know best.