Listening And Hearing, Not The Same For Children With CI

[Daredevel7]

And... that's when the reality of deaf education comes in.

Willsmom, I think you are doing great. Just do the best you can and keep some of the good advice here in mind. Realistically, you may not be able to implement them, but you can be on the look out for possible later opportunities.

 

[deafskeptic]

I get everyone is not purposely trying to seem critical but it does come
Across that way - no offense. I am everything I can but there are limits. My husband works all day and I dont have any "deaf community" anywhere remotely near where we live. I had to teach myself ASL I know how to sign words but the grammatical structure is so different from English it makes it very hard. We don't have deaf schools closest one is 10 hours away, so what is best for him is to try and get him to learn both languages and learn as we go.

Wow, you have your work cut out for you. I hope you can find your way around your dilemma.

 

[jillio]

I get everyone is not purposely trying to seem critical but it does come
Across that way - no offense. I am everything I can but there are limits. My husband works all day and I dont have any "deaf community" anywhere remotely near where we live. I had to teach myself ASL I know how to sign words but the grammatical structure is so different from English it makes it very hard. We don't have deaf schools closest one is 10 hours away, so what is best for him is to try and get him to learn both languages and learn as we go.

We understand that. We are not expecting that you begin to immediately change your whole way of life. These are things that can be incorporated as you go.

I also understand that it feels like criticism. As hearing parents, we enter into a totally unfamilar world when told we have a deaf child. We are unsure of what to do or how to do it. We want to do everything possible for our child, but are always afraid that we will not be doing something right. That tendency to take things as criticism when they are not is very natural in the beginning.

Let us here at AD serve as your deaf community. I was lucky in that I had access to a fairly large deaf community about 20 miles from where we lived when my son was Will's age. I heard the same things from them that we are saying here on AD. And to be honest, I felt criticised in the beginning, too. Then I realized that they were only trying to do for me what I had asked them to: teach me what it means to be a deaf child. It was just my own insecurity about being able to raise a deaf child that made me take things too personally sometimes.

One of the things I did when I was learning ASL was to purchase The ASL Phrase Book by Lou Fant. Rather than having just single word translations of signs, like most of the dictionaries, it has commonly used phrases. It really helps to get a handle on the syntax, and you are using full sentences much more quickly than trying to learn sign by sign.

Also, to help everyone in the family build up their ASL vocab, I took flash cards that had a word, and then the picture of the thing the word represents, and ran copies of the signs from an ASL dictionary. I then pasted the signs onto the flash cards, and hung them on everything in the house, lol. There was an added advantage: not only did family members increase their sign vocab, my son learned pre-reading skills from the practice. He was reading words by the time he was 3 1/2 because he learned to associate the fact that sign and printed word were just different symbols for the thing being talked about.

 

[jillio]

Just wanted to add, willsmom...we have discussions about ASL and the syntax, regional signs, etc. all the time on AD. If you have questions, just go to the Sign language subforum and post them. Everyone is more than willing to help.

Right now, this thread has some very good explanations of how to arrange signs in ASL order:

http://www.alldeaf.com/general-chat/90895-languages-3.html#post1831174

 

[Jane B.]

My eye exam last week was a different doc than my current glasses are from, and he said my left lens (in the glasses) was a bit too strong. Huh. Don't know if my eyes are getting better (seems unlikely!) or the previous doc made a bit of a mistake. Anyway, new glasses on the way. I'm also ordering prescription swim goggles, too. That will be a first for me.

Well . . . it is known that most people's vision moves out as we age. I suppose it could be a good thing for those of us that are near sighted.

The prescription swim goggles are new to me just recently having started hearing about them. It did make we think way back though. A gal I grew up with is VERY nearsighted and started wearing glasses at age 2! As kids she would always wear an older pair in the swimming pool. One time we were doing bobs at the edge of our deep pool section (8½ feet deep) of the city pool when someone came along and kicked as we were down. One lens came out of her glasses and I got the job of diving for it, got it and went into bathhouse to get her other pair of glasses for her. As an adult she eventually got an even better correction with contacts although before she got them her Dr. had doubts about her being able to tolerate them because of how thick they needed to be.

 

[jillio]

Could we please keep this to hearing loss? That is the topic.

 

[Jane B.]

We understand that. We are not expecting that you begin to immediately change your whole way of life. These are things that can be incorporated as you go.

I also understand that it feels like criticism. As hearing parents, we enter into a totally unfamilar world when told we have a deaf child. We are unsure of what to do or how to do it. We want to do everything possible for our child, but are always afraid that we will not be doing something right. That tendency to take things as criticism when they are not is very natural in the beginning.

Let us here at AD serve as your deaf community. I was lucky in that I had access to a fairly large deaf community about 20 miles from where we lived when my son was Will's age. I heard the same things from them that we are saying here on AD. And to be honest, I felt criticised in the beginning, too. Then I realized that they were only trying to do for me what I had asked them to: teach me what it means to be a deaf child. It was just my own insecurity about being able to raise a deaf child that made me take things too personally sometimes.

One of the things I did when I was learning ASL was to purchase The ASL Phrase Book by Lou Fant. Rather than having just single word translations of signs, like most of the dictionaries, it has commonly used phrases. It really helps to get a handle on the syntax, and you are using full sentences much more quickly than trying to learn sign by sign.

Also, to help everyone in the family build up their ASL vocab, I took flash cards that had a word, and then the picture of the thing the word represents, and ran copies of the signs from an ASL dictionary. I then pasted the signs onto the flash cards, and hung them on everything in the house, lol. There was an added advantage: not only did family members increase their sign vocab, my son learned pre-reading skills from the practice. He was reading words by the time he was 3 1/2 because he learned to associate the fact that sign and printed word were just different symbols for the thing being talked about.

I personally think if you would have used this "tone" from the beginning you would not have come off as so harsh! In fact it seems to be a problem with so many of your posts. Not the information BUT HOW YOU SAY IT.

 

[jillio]

I personally think if you would have used this "tone" from the beginning you would not have come off as so harsh! In fact it seems to be a problem with so many of your posts. Not the information BUT HOW YOU SAY IT.

Thank you, mother.

But the way you perceive my posts has absolutely nothing to do with the way I say it, but rather, the way you interpret it based on your own experience and perception.

What you perceive to be harsh, many, many others simply perceive as factual and honest.

 

[Bottesini]

Thank you, mother.

But the way you perceive my posts has absolutely nothing to do with the way I say it, but rather, the way you interpret it based on your own experience and perception.

What you perceive to be harsh, many, many others simply perceive as factual and honest.

That's very tactful. I was just going to say "shut up!" :P

 

[jillio]

That's very tactful. I was just going to say "shut up!" :P

See there, I am not as offensive as some would have you believe!

Frankly, I don't care how others perceive my style of communication, as long as the person I am communicating with understands what I am saying. Different people require different styles. If I haven't said it directly to you, your perception of it doesn't mean a thing.

(And that is "you" in the generic sense, but I'm certain you already knew that. You never seem to have a problem understanding my communication.)

 

[AlleyCat]

Thank you, mother.

But the way you perceive my posts has absolutely nothing to do with the way I say it, but rather, the way you interpret it based on your own experience and perception.

What you perceive to be harsh, many, many others simply perceive as factual and honest.

That's very tactful. I was just going to say "shut up!" :P

There seems to be a lot of "police-ing" lately to the point I felt I needed to say something recently as well to someone who doesn't follow their own advice.

 

[jillio]

There seems to be a lot of "police-ing" lately to the point I felt I needed to say something recently as well to someone who doesn't follow their own advice.

I have practiced restraint this morning, because this poster obviously doesn't have a clue how I feel about being yelled at.

 

[DeafCaroline]

Willsmom - it took me a year just to find someone who could teach me ASL. There are some great online resources

lifeprint.com
Westwood ASL - Welcome! - this one I really like because he teaches ASL in a notational fashion
aslpro.com

As someone who was a single mother since the age of 19 with no money, no support, I do understand you're trying your best with the resources you have. Consider us as additional resources! Where else are you going to an insight in the mind of a Deaf person?

Hang in there, don't let self-defensiveness shut you off from listening. We're actually eager to help you, not scare you off.

 

[sallylou]

I don't think that it's possible for moms to be objective and accept constructive criticism about their parenting choices. It's just a very sensitive topic. Comments are always interpreted as "you're a bad mother." Society creates this whole unattainable image of motherhood, in which women constantly fall short. Meanwhile, where are the fathers? No wonder that moms are defensive. It's like the mommy wars.

 

[posts from hell]

I don't think that it's possible for moms to be objective and accept constructive criticism about their parenting choices. It's just a very sensitive topic. Comments are always interpreted as "you're a bad mother." Society creates this whole unattainable image of motherhood, in which women constantly fall short. Meanwhile, where are the fathers? No wonder that moms are defensive. It's like the mommy wars.

Women.... Always competitive.

 

[jillio]

Women.... Always competitive.

 

[SJCSue]

True, that. They can perceive sound even before they are born.

When my niece (she is 4 years old) was a baby, she was able to sleep though her three big brothers making noise because she heard them in the womb.

 

[sallylou]

Women's competition results from patriarchal standards. Women unconsciously enforce them. In this way, we're our own worst enemies.

 

[deafdyke]

had to teach myself ASL I know how to sign words but the grammatical structure is so different from English it makes it very hard. We don't have deaf schools closest one is 10 hours away, so what is best for him is to try and get him to learn both languages and learn as we go.

Definitly. Is he getting EI services yet? He is eligable. One thing you could ask for is ASL services. I know he's on par speechwise, BUT you could argue that you want him to learn how to function both with and without his CI.
You could also e-mail NY Assocation of the Deaf, and see if they might have a mentor program where Deaf/CODA adults come to your house to serve as a language model. Also, ask around and see if there might be a local Deaf Ed program...It sucks that the closest Deaf School is about 10 hours away.....but maybe you can make it work somehow.

 

[Beach girl]

When my niece (she is 4 years old) was a baby, she was able to sleep though her three big brothers making noise because she heard them in the womb.

This is an interesting point. I have heard of research that says women should play classical music on the radio in the later stages of their pregnancy, and then that music can be used to soothe the baby after it's born. Anecdotally, I've heard some mothers say that even before the babies are born, they can sense that the babies calm down listening to that music.

I wonder if moms can ever sense that they are carrying a deaf baby, if the baby in the womb does not respond to any music or loud sounds late in the pregnancy.