Left out of the fun again..

Booger_Bender said:
I know what you mean. My fiancee is misguided about Deaf culture but I love her. It's complicated. Thing is, I have perfect speech yet 100% Deaf. I blend in with hearing society very easily. Often times I'm treated like an Ignorant hearing. It's sickening.
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If your fiance is misguided about Deaf culture, she is also misguided about you. Education is essential, before it becomes rejection. Good luck.
 
whatdidyousay! said:
We're hearing only one side of the story, I would love to hear the fiancé
tell what she think about this. Does she not care or does she just not get it and it she willing to work on their relationship.
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True. Two sides to every story and truth is always somewhere in the middle.
 
Booger_Bender said:
I know what you mean. My fiancee is misguided about Deaf culture but I love her. It's complicated. Thing is, I have perfect speech yet 100% Deaf. I blend in with hearing society very easily. Often times I'm treated like an Ignorant hearing. It's sickening.
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so why don't you start living like a deaf person?

You're living like a hearing person. of course you're treated like an ignorant hearing person so...
 
I have different opinion in term of "investment". I wouldn't go to the movie where there's no caption available. Would it be worth to spend money where you don't understand any sh*t about this movie? I would love to go the movie where they have awesome sound systems and very very large screen, and that is it... but where's my emotions. I'm not getting any feeling about this movie. So, it's not worth for me to spend money on it. Same way if you go to school and you spend $3000 for one course. You attend class where there's no interpretor, note taker or anything like that. You still attend school and you learn nothing... is it worth spending $3000?? Same concept.

In some way I agree with your fiance' but in aother way...she should've stand by you, if friends decided go to movie where there's no caption available, she would have look for available captioned movies and tell them that let make plan going to that movie. If they refuse and decided to go to non-captioned movie...because they can't wait that long, she would have not join them. This will show how much she care about deafness.

Movie Theater sucks... it's not easy to fit schedule and there's no close by. From where I live, I have drive half hour out just to go see that movie...gas plus tickets... sucks.. So, I prefer my home theater system where I can crank 5000 mega watts of sounds... now that is awesome.
 
SneakerNet said:
I have different opinion in term of "investment". I wouldn't go to the movie where there's no caption available. Would it be worth to spend money where you don't understand any sh*t about this movie? I would love to go the movie where they have awesome sound systems and very very large screen, and that is it... but where's my emotions. I'm not getting any feeling about this movie. So, it's not worth for me to spend money on it. Same way if you go to school and you spend $3000 for one course. You attend class where there's no interpretor, note taker or anything like that. You still attend school and you learn nothing... is it worth spending $3000?? Same concept.

In some way I agree with your fiance' but in aother way...she should've stand by you, if friends decided go to movie where there's no caption available, she would have look for available captioned movies and tell them that let make plan going to that movie. If they refuse and decided to go to non-captioned movie...because they can't wait that long, she would have not join them. This will show how much she care about deafness.

Movie Theater sucks... it's not easy to fit schedule and there's no close by. From where I live, I have drive half hour out just to go see that movie...gas plus tickets... sucks.. So, I prefer my home theater system where I can crank 5000 mega watts of sounds... now that is awesome.
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Maybe there was justice in the gang getting head lice from the theater. :giggle:
 
Beowulf said:
Maybe there was justice in the gang getting head lice from the theater. :giggle:
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I rather throw hundreds of shaved rats with tattoo on it says "Where's captions!!!". For sure theater will closed immediatly....due to infestation.
 
What was the message your girl/her friends received from you about attending the cinema in the past?

You don't state much history regarding if you've gone to the cinema before with others. I thought I'd share my experience.

In the past, when invited to movies from hearing friends, I politely decline because I know there will not be any closed captions. I explain this to them, however, I do make it clear that I value their friendship and I'm interested in any events that happen before/after the movie.

Now that is has been several years, they no longer invite me to movies and I am not offended. Why ask the question if they think they already know the answer (which may have been the case for your friends)?

Now that my local movie theater finally have some movies closed captions, I have to play a gentle assertive role and inform my friends about closed captions availability and express interest in the movies coming out. They have been pretty awesome about it even though sometimes it is an earlier showing.

You have to make it clear to her that going to the cinema is important to you, if that is the case. If you feel left out in other ways, then cinema experience is only the tip of the iceberg.

I've been upset about things similar, but I realize that we have to play advocate for ourselves.
 
Like someone said, theres always two sides to a story, but you should tell her about feeling left out. From how your story sounds its coming off like shes a bit cold, and not understanding, but I don't know her so.. Like many others have said, why are you with her if there is no understanding? Communication is the key to ALL relationships. Maybe some evaluating needs to go.
 
paperclip said:
What was the message your girl/her friends received from you about attending the cinema in the past?

You don't state much history regarding if you've gone to the cinema before with others. I thought I'd share my experience.

In the past, when invited to movies from hearing friends, I politely decline because I know there will not be any closed captions. I explain this to them, however, I do make it clear that I value their friendship and I'm interested in any events that happen before/after the movie.

Now that is has been several years, they no longer invite me to movies and I am not offended. Why ask the question if they think they already know the answer (which may have been the case for your friends)?

Now that my local movie theater finally have some movies closed captions, I have to play a gentle assertive role and inform my friends about closed captions availability and express interest in the movies coming out. They have been pretty awesome about it even though sometimes it is an earlier showing.

You have to make it clear to her that going to the cinema is important to you, if that is the case. If you feel left out in other ways, then cinema experience is only the tip of the iceberg.

I've been upset about things similar, but I realize that we have to play advocate for ourselves.
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"You have to make it clear to her that going to the cinema is important to you, if that is the case. If you feel left out in other ways, then cinema experience is only the tip of the iceberg." This what I wonder about too, does he only feel left when going to movies or it at social events too.
 
It would realllllly "tick" me off if my SO said it wasn't worth the investment....(means it's not worth the $$ for him to go) since he was deaf.....Your SO should have found out if the movie was captioned...if it wasn't, she could have said in a much nicer way that it wasn't, and that you might not like to go....

Not a very considerate girl, is she?....My guess is that ur "used" to this kind of treatment?....
 
whatdidyousay! said:
"You have to make it clear to her that going to the cinema is important to you, if that is the case. If you feel left out in other ways, then cinema experience is only the tip of the iceberg." This what I wonder about too, does he only feel left when going to movies or it at social events too.
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lol funny how far this discussion went. Well no I'm not that pessimistic however, I go to almost all events. Just things that have conflicts such as cinema and feeling left out because everyone else is hearing and you're the only Deaf person. I didn't want to make a scene. Because, I have no balance otherwise. It's their loss for excluding me. I got over it.

While it's not right, I'm waiting to see if she even acknowledges what it's like to live as Deaf for a day. She hasn't yet but, I plan to have her wear ear plugs for a day and the rule is that she can't do anything hearing. suffer for a day.
 
rockin'robin said:
It would realllllly "tick" me off if my SO said it wasn't worth the investment....(means it's not worth the $$ for him to go) since he was deaf.....Your SO should have found out if the movie was captioned...if it wasn't, she could have said in a much nicer way that it wasn't, and that you might not like to go....

Not a very considerate girl, is she?....My guess is that ur "used" to this kind of treatment?....
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I am, because, everyone in my family is hearing and none of them know ASL. I had a hard life forced to live among hearing world. It wasn't until college when I got services and assistance for me to learn. Yes, i grew up in the hearing world. much like how someone earlier said that I'm living like a hearing and treated like an ignorant fool. Rather than to dismiss the whole relationship over triffle things. I decided to go the educational route and show her just how difficult it is to live in the Deaf world day by day. Hearing people only get one day vrs living in it.

Win for me, loss for them.
 
naisho said:
Do you invite your woman-to-be and her friends to your deaf events?
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Of course, I had one event from independent living center here i Buffalo, NY they said Deaf only event. I was rather peeved. Though I understand. Since then she hesitates asking to go to clubs etc. I haven't gotten involved with the Deaf culture here because, originally I'm Californian and I don't know anyone in NY. Long story short, I do take her to events.
 
Beowulf said:
Okay, you're hurt and angry by it. What will you do about it?
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Decided to go the educational route to teacher her Deaf world by force. Let her understand what it is like to live one day without hearing, this includes every day things such as; driving a car, texting phones, going to the doctors, and such. Whatever that normal live things that hearing people do and it will teach them.
 
Ok guys, from here I can only leave it as a discussion fact. Though my part of this discussion has been resolved since I have a solution. Feel free to discuss the topic. respect everyone and keep it clean. :)
 
Banjo said:
You need to have a long talk with your fiancé because this type of treatment shouldn't be tolerated. Especially from someone you plan to marry.
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Ohhhh yes...very very very important to do that pls.
 
Regardless of whether you're left out or not, that is shame that they're too cheap to spend $10-15 on tickets and popcorns and stuffs for you!!

I cannot believe that your fiancee is this poor!!! If you want to go, you should feel free to be included.
 
better idea.. why not rent dvd movie and watch it at home cuz u can see subtitles on it then your fiancee will gulp ;) I don't go to movies cuz no privacy and not comfortable so I prefer stay home and watch movie more quiet and peaceful and I can rewind the movie if I missed part of movie and there u can't rewind cuz u have to go to restroom that's annoying... :roll:
 
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