How do you get 5 yr. old to clean up mess?

Dixie

Dixie

Farting Snowflakes
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As you are all well aware that I have a 5 year old. Well recently she has taken to going upstairs and pilfering through everything, the clothes dressers, closets, bathroom, everything.

Last night I was stunned when I came home from work at midnight to find that my room had been totally trashed within hours! My bedsheets and covers were thrown all over the floor, all of her toys had been strewn out all over the place. Clothes, dirty and clean, were scattered about and mixed beyond recognition as to what was clean and what wasn't.

I spent two hours today cleaning up just one room and getting it ready to be vacuumed with the dyson. I left the other room for her to clean up - its her playroom/guest bedroom.

In that room alone, her toys were completely out of the bins, clothes taken out of storage bins and thrown about, all of the clothes in the closet were pulled down and thrown all over the bed. Those close had been sorted by size and were planned to be put in a garage sale this weekend, but now all that work which took and entire weekend to complete is now undone.

Tonight my DD is not allowed to do anything except clean, which she put up a great fit about. She had a complete meltdown once over it, and I told her no playtime, no toys, NOTHING until everybit of it was cleaned up. I didn't care if it took her an eternity, she was going to clean it up.

After she cleans all this up - I intend to impose an extended punishment to serve as a reminder of her wrongdoing. I have thought about locking all of her playthings up for a week, but that seems a bit too draconian - although it would be memorable for the rest of her life. I am going to figure out a way to lock her out of my room while I'm away. I can tell her to stay out of my room while I'm gone, but she never remembers and makes a mess in there anyway and refuse to clean it up. I understand that 5 year olds are messy, but she absolutely refuses to clean up after herself and would rather have an all out tantrum for an hour than to clean up her mess.

Any suggestions?
 
Seems like you are doing pretty good on your own. I can't think of any other ways to impress the lesson on her.

I think she probably is missing you since you now have long hours and are gone more after your job layoff. You may need lots of patience until your life is more stable again.
 
I feel that too, she misses you! So she's misbehaving to get ur undivided attention....
 
Agree with Bott. You are doing a great job of handling the situation. The only word of caution I would give you is not to make the extended punsihment so long that she forgets why she is being punished. 5 year olds have short memories, and if she forgets the specific reason for her punishment, it looses its effectiveness.

Sound like a bit of acting our because she misses you, and she is protesting the changes that are happening in both your lives in the only way she knows how. At 5, she just can't understand why the changes are taking place. She only knows that they are, and she doesn't like it some of the time. This is another one of those parenting situations that require extreme patience. And it's okay to tell her that you understand that she is angry about the changes, but her behavior is just not acceptable.

Actually, she got what she was after...more attention from mom. When kids seek attention, negative is just as good as positive. They will take either one as long as it is attention.
 
Thanks guys, she didn't finish cleaning the room tonight, but I have left clear instructions with my mom that she is to complete it tomorrow night while I'm at work. I expect it to be completed when I return home tomorrow night. I have to stay until 11, so there's plenty of time for it to get done.

As for the extended punishment I have decided to lock up her playthings for 5 days. This way it leaves an impression on her, and as jillio said, she shouldn't forget why her toys were locked up. I only have to sub for half a day tomorrow, so there will be plenty of time to get toys put away for a few days.
 
I hope it works. If she doesnt have any toys to play with tomorrow night, she'll be more inclined to get the room cleaned up! Plus the additional 4-days of no toys might spark her to think of creative ways to entertain herself without the use of toys - whilst also not dragging everything out!
 
First off I think right now I would have taken the same course of action as you did Dixie.

I think a serious talk might also be working. Explain her the reason of your absence. Tell her that you would love to play with her once you're back home but when she messes up, you can't do that and instead have to take that time to clean up the mess. Maybe that will also ring a bell to her ;)

But you're handling the situation just fine. Punishing her by taking the toys away is probably a solution. Only time will tell.... :D

JL
 
My mom used to 'clean my room' for me... with a HUGE Black Hefty trash bag... she'd put everything that was out of place and part of the mess in there then she'd 'throw it away'... until I could learn to keep my daily belongings where they belonged... (I didn't know it at the time but she just locked them up in the basement... I thought they were GONE!)

It took me a little while to catch on to-- "Keep your room cleaned up and this won't happen" but finally I did. Plus when she'd give me back some of my things (one or two items at a time) it was like getting new stuff since it had been put up for so long!! (Thats when I realized she wasn't throwing them away-- but it was like 6 months after the fact and i had developed the behavior of cleaning up after myself!)
 
If you tell your child "clean your room" she will feel overwhelmed and not know what to do.

Instead, give her step by step instructions. First tell her that you want her to pick up her blocks and put it back in it box. Then her dolls... and when she is done with that, tell her to pick up her clothes and put them in the hamper... and viola, she cleaned her room all by herself!
 
i should mention that making a mess on a bed (like causing the bed to be unmade and such) and closets or anything that have specifically stored away and not meant as a toy without permission is off limit and you should ground her for something something like that.
 
Have you tried positive reinforcement?

Try rewarding your kid for cleaning up or keeping it clean.
 
VamPyroX said:
Have you tried positive reinforcement?

Try rewarding your kid for cleaning up or keeping it clean.
Click to expand...

That would be useful once the mess has been cleaned up. However, a parent must also be careful for rewarding behavior that is naturally expected in the family, because it is easy to give the child the message that they will be "paid" for doing what is naturally expected of them according to the family rules. Positive reinforcement for behavior that goes above and beyond the expected behavior is great. But providing positive reinforcement for that which is naturally expected can have the reverse effect of the one intended. You can very easily end up with a situation where a child refuses to follow any of the rules of the household unless they are given a reward for doing so.

Positive reinforcement is more useful in modifying behaviors that don't involve following rules of the house. Families are heirarchal. Children need to understand, particularly at the age of 5, that parents are the adults and they make the rules. Children follow those rules. Using positive reinforcement to manipulate child into following the parental rules kind of serves the purpose of putting the child in the position of making the rules, and the parent following them. That isn't to say that positive reinforcement is not a useful parenting technique...just that it needs to be used selectively.
 
Well said, Jillo. My boys were awful. I would spend all day picking up their messes. My back was killing me.

Took me a while to "completely put my foot down"! Worst thing was their videos and CD's, etc., on the floor. After stepping on them one time too many, I just gathered them all up, put them away and told them in 1 month they "might" get them back as long as they started cleaning their rooms better and keeping junk off the floor. Otherwise, if I stepped on another one, then to consider it broken, it would be broke and into the trash.

Same as for dirty clothes, soda cans, etc. When I look "back"...I think, my Lord, as today, their rooms are spotless and they make their own beds! And dirty clothes always in the hamper. All I have to do in there is just to dust and vacuum!

I never offered "money"! They earn their own, but whenever they do bring home that "Awesome A" from school, it's their choice where to go out to eat, or a few dollars for their savings.
 
rockin'robin said:
Well said, Jillo. My boys were awful. I would spend all day picking up their messes. My back was killing me.

Took me a while to "completely put my foot down"! Worst thing was their videos and CD's, etc., on the floor. After stepping on them one time too many, I just gathered them all up, put them away and told them in 1 month they "might" get them back as long as they started cleaning their rooms better and keeping junk off the floor. Otherwise, if I stepped on another one, then to consider it broken, it would be broke and into the trash.

.
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Did you use the big black hefty bags too???
 
Lighthouse77 said:
If you tell your child "clean your room" she will feel overwhelmed and not know what to do.

Instead, give her step by step instructions. First tell her that you want her to pick up her blocks and put it back in it box. Then her dolls... and when she is done with that, tell her to pick up her clothes and put them in the hamper... and viola, she cleaned her room all by herself!
Click to expand...

VamPyroX said:
Have you tried positive reinforcement?

Try rewarding your kid for cleaning up or keeping it clean.
Click to expand...


Positive reinforcements are best when they are that age. They are overwhelmed. Stand there and tell her to pick up certain things and tell her where they go. Work with her and she will eventually learn.

Rewarding them with with positive phrases. Such as "Good job" "yay" "That is where it goes" Etc. Not materialistic rewards. but compliments.

It works extremely well in Childcare. :D.

Direction, and positive reinforcements works best.

If you shout and just tell her to do so.. She will more likely to rebel, and seek the negative attention.
 
Might want to keep in mind that positive reinforcement could also be that she doesn't get her toys taken away. Positive reinforcement is really a quite different concept from offering a reward.
 
It is Day 3 and she is still working on the room, her toys are locked up in my closet and bagged up. She wants to argue with me when I give her direction on cleaning her room such as "Put your games back on the shelf." "match your shoes and put them in the shoe bin", etc. We finally got the majority of the toys put in the toy bins, but that was after a major meltdown in which she received a spanking.

I'm also liking the black bag thing. Get those huge ones, bag em' all up take em' over to the shop and reward her self-cleanliness by giving her stuff back one item at a time. I should tell her that once the item is in the bag consider it gone. I would love it if she eventually kept her room spot-free on her own.

I don't want to be completely draconian about it, but at the same time I want to teach her a lesson that she won't forget.
 
Dixie said:
It is Day 3 and she is still working on the room, her toys are locked up in my closet and bagged up. She wants to argue with me when I give her direction on cleaning her room such as "Put your games back on the shelf." "match your shoes and put them in the shoe bin", etc. We finally got the majority of the toys put in the toy bins, but that was after a major meltdown in which she received a spanking.

I'm also liking the black bag thing. Get those huge ones, bag em' all up take em' over to the shop and reward her self-cleanliness by giving her stuff back one item at a time. I should tell her that once the item is in the bag consider it gone. I would love it if she eventually kept her room spot-free on her own.

I don't want to be completely draconian about it, but at the same time I want to teach her a lesson that she won't forget.
Click to expand...

This makes me sad. I thought the whole thing was over the top for a five year old and this just clentched it for me :(:(:(
 
faire_jour said:
This makes me sad. I thought the whole thing was over the top for a five year old and this just clentched it for me :(:(:(
Click to expand...

I told her to pick up her toys and she refused, so I gave the order again, and she still refused. I then said get these toys put back in the bins then she just had a tantrum in which she was kicking and screaming, so I swatted her on the rump and then told her to pick up the toys or she was going to be in deeper trouble. Then she started putting the toys back in the bins.

I have no idea whats going on in her head, but I don't like spanking, but if it's to the point that being nice is no longer working, then I use it as 'positive pressure' so to speak. Using pressure (the spanking), to get her to do as told and therefore get the results I desire, her picking up the toys on the floor.

After she had the toys picked up and had calmed down, I explained to her that she had done a bad thing by taking all that stuff out when she knew not to, then didn't clean up after herself, and then when I told her to clean up her mess she still refused and disrespected me by throwing a fit which is unacceptable behavior, which resulted in her getting the spanking. It's really one event that lead to another and another, and I felt I had to put my foot down and be like "hey! this is not going to work" She's 5, she's pushing her limits, and she needs to know that rules are to be obeyed, adults are in charge for her own good, and that she must listen.
 
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