Forgive and Forget about the Past?

[Oceanbreeze]

So, does that give you or anyone a right to attack on one person without looking it from both sides?.... hmmm....


Beside no one can change a person, and you and I know that!

I AM looking at it from both sides. Just not the same side as YOU.

 

[Angel]

^Angel^, I do try to respect what people want to say.. and what they really mean... I just don't like how people make a fight out of what could be a misunderstanding. I mean, when do people stop and ask each other... "Wait a minute.. is this what you really meant?" Yanno?? I have new quotes in my signature that I try to live by, if you wanna read them!

Hey, feel free to disagree with me.

There wouldn't be a fight if a group of member decide to come in here and attack and blame ONE member here and not looking at themselves, as I remember you told me that we can't change other people but only can change ourselves...


That's why I don't see myself jumping all over Sweetmind for what she's strongly believes in but that doesn't make it okay to attack her for what she sees or believe in and put blame upon her like she is the only member who doing so.....hmm doesn't sounds right to me...

 

[Dale]

I AM looking at it from both sides. Just not the same side as YOU.

d-Deafinitions:

'Look At It From Both sides' = 'See It My Way Or Shut Up'

'Agree to Disagree' = 'Agree with Me or Shut Up'

 

[Angel]

I AM looking at it from both sides. Just not the same side as YOU.

Yeah right!

 

[Oceanbreeze]

d-Deafinitions:

'Look At It From Both sides' = 'See It My Way Or Shut Up'

'Agree to Disagree' = 'Agree with Me or Shut Up'

 

[Malfoyish]

There wouldn't be a fight if a group of member decide to come in here and attack and blame ONE member here and not looking at themselves, as I remember you told me that we can't change other people but only can change ourselves...


That's why I don't see myself jumping all over Sweetmind for what she's strongly believes in but that doesn't make it okay to attack her for what she sees or believe in and put blame upon her like she is the only member who doing so.....hmm doesn't sounds right to me...

I will tell you what I find very interesting - this is just from MY perspective, too...

I believe in my posts just as strongly as Sweetmind believes in hers. I wasn't the first to resort to name calling or "audist attitude" comments. If you'll read over all the rest, you'll see that it was Sweetmind's negativity that brought forth some of the things I've said. Not attacks, because I wasn't jumping all over HER, I was just explaining MY reasons for disagreeing with her. I'm mature enough to do it that way.

But you'll believe what you want to, anyway.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Liebling, I respect your opinion. I really do. Thank you for posting. I mean no offense to you or to anyone in my response.

No I know you offense nobody here. I only want to say that it´s between 2 members, not us that´s all.

The problem is - even if you're going to complain about people and not posts, THIS is not the place for it...I mean, think about it - if, say, I had a problem with you, would you rather I put it out in public for people whom it does NOT concern to see, or would you rather I keep it private between you and me, like in IM's or email?

I think we both know the answer to that.

Yes I has to agree with you on this. I would not do that to public if I has problem with you but PM or AIM...

But... One point, I´m disagree to this thread, the creator created because it would create more problems. IF I don´t like what you said to me in the public then I press bad report on you and said something short direct to you and done with you at PM or AIM.

The OTHER problem is - the person Sweetmind has an issue with is a member of this forum, and she's NAMED that person many times. People who have been following the drama know very well who she's referring to. So, my question is this - do you honestly think it's a good idea for Sweetmind to post past happenings here where that member can see it? In my book, that's no better than harassment. Defamation of character, even. It's illegal and there is NO need for further problems.

Yes I have seen Sweetmind and Eve´s posts in Introduce section. Their posts were not acceptance and removed. Eve KNEW for long time what person Sweetmind is but why Eve made her post to welcome her then? I was like wow when I saw Eve´s post to welcome her because I KNEW it would create more problems. I would not welcome Sweetmind but ignore her and go other threads to make post in general way when I were Eve because I know what Sweetmind is.

I know Eve had apologised Sweetmind many times but Sweetmind choose to not forgive her. We can´t do anything to change Sweetmind´s mind. It´s her. Simple leave her and move on... Simple is Eve and Sweetmind go their own way.

Tamara's right, people...it's about the present, not the past.

Well, I would accept apology from you but I can´t forget... I would not mad on you to this public because I know it´s none of anyone´s business but you and me. But, can you image what/how I feel if you post picture of my children to strange internet outside of forums...? You never know any preverts around.. It´s scary... Do you expect me to say this 6 years old issues are dead and finish because it belongs past? I would not angry and bitter toward you on the public but I can´t forget when I see you around but I has to accept that I get move on because I know you did apologised me many times. I made general posts with you instead of bitter toward you... I know but we can´t do anything to change Sweetmind´s mind. We all are different people.

I has to disagree what Tamara did her thread here because it is suppose between 2 members. It´s up to Admin. or Moderator to remove their unnecassary posts what they did already in Introduce thread... If Tamara don´t like what she see then press bad report on them... This is a simple.

As for Sweetmind's posts - this IS a message board, we are here to agree to disagree. People aren't going to like it, but they'll do so respectfully because that is what the rules state.

Yes, that´s right. I has to agree with you on this but I made general post if I agree to disagree with you or others... I can see it´s not just Sweetmind but other members, too. I would say something to stop if anyone are mad with my posts instead of create more problems... I would say something if they choose to disrespect me... Remember, everyone are different characters... some touchy, some upset easily, some dont like jokes, some don´t like debate, offend etc... etc... I had an experience to deal with those people like this...

 

[Oceanbreeze]

Yeah right!

Yeah, right.

 

[Eve]

Yes I have seen Sweetmind and Eve´s posts in Introduce section. Their posts were not acceptance and removed. Eve KNEW for long time what person Sweetmind is but why Eve made her post to welcome her then? I was like wow when I saw Eve´s post to welcome her because I KNEW it would create more problems. I would not welcome Sweetmind but ignore her and go other threads to make post in general way when I were Eve because I know what Sweetmind is.

Sorry, but I do not see how saying “welcome” could possibly incite such negativity.

Simple is Eve and Sweetmind go their own way.

Here, I can agree with you.

I has to disagree what Tamara did her thread here because it is suppose between 2 members. It´s up to Admin. or Moderator to remove their unnecassary posts what they did already in Introduce thread... If Tamara don´t like what she see then press bad report on them... This is a simple.

Actually, it was made everyone’s business when someone decided to air the issue publically, not once, not twice, but three or more times. Several members did notify administration and nothing was done. Therefore it became a problem that the other members became subjected to. But, I do agree that this issue should be dealt with privately between SM and myself.

 

[Liza]

I believe people can change, and that people ARE decent.. it just depends on if you take the time to know them. I also think people just won't listen if they feel they are being attacked. Human nature? What about the art of listening?

Now, now, Dale.. Deafinition?? *cringes* Your pun could use some work! Militant? Audist? Oh lord.. I hate those terms... I think y'all are more similar than you think! *ducks*

Err, aren't we a bit off topic? LOL! Sorry, my fault as well.. I edited this post.. forgiving? I think it's about not having attachments, which just creates suffering. I could be wrong, too.

 

[DreamDeaf]

It's nice to be able to say forgive and forget - especially when you're telling that to other people that have had problems with others in the past -

However, it's not that easy, especially when it's still ongoing, and not only on AllDeaf, but in personal lives - gossip, rumors, lies, twisted truths, half-truths and also appearing in other forums, blogs and so on...

I know for a fact, because there is ONE twisted half-truth going on about me and MizzDeaf, and not many have asked us for our version. However, it does not bother us anymore, in fact, we feel sorry for those who would believe that part and not ask us...because they are the ones being blind to the fact that there is a second part to the story, and the only time they will know the whole thing is to ask BOTH parties for the full version.

Yes, we are aware that there are several members that do not get along with other members, and we are also aware that some are not able to forgive and/or forget what has happened in the past.

It's just not two, but quite a few.

The best way to this is to leave them to work it out among themselves, and not try to fix it for them. You may only be making it worse, because when you think you're doing a good job, you may not be telling the full story to both sides, and you may be showing favortism to one side.

However, you can be there to listen to your friend and sympathize with them. Just stay out of it, do not contact the other person, do not even say anything that could make it worse.

My advice: Leave the situation to the members having the problem, and let them work it out themselves. Eventually it will ...hopefully, fade away.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Sorry, but I do not see how saying “welcome” could possibly incite such negativity.

I know you did not made your post to welcome her in negative way but you know what Sweetmind is, that´s all.

But, I do agree that this issue should be dealt with privately between SM and myself.

Yes, see what I responsed Malfoyisch´s post that I´m agree it suppose be between you and Sweetmind, not public. I´m trying to make my post in general way without support anyone and say what I think. I know you did apologised her many times but we can´t do anything to make her change her mind about you... simple let her go and your own way...

 

[Liza]

DD - I'm really sorry that you had problems with other people, and you're probably right about not getting involved in what seems to be private stuff between two persons. I apologize. Good day, lady.

 

[DreamDeaf]

Liza - thanks for your apology - and yes it's accepted.

Now back to the topic - I must admit to being a bit confused - where did HOH/Deaf/late-deafened, oralism, ASL and audist attitudes come into? I cannot find how that got started in this thread.

I can only see where it stated that two members had problems with each other, and wasn't it best to forgive and forget?

That is my query - and isn't it going off-topic a bit if we include the audist attitude, oralism and ASL in this thread?

All I know and can say is that I am an individual that was born deaf, grew up in an oral environment, and did not learn ASL until my late 20's. And no, I do not regret growing up oral, because it has been a big asset in my job environment. I am glad for learning ASL, because it enables me to communicate with my friends, who converse in ASL.

However, I do not think it should have any bearing upon this thread. It should be focused on the forgive/forget issue, I believe.

Thanks.

 

[Malfoyish]

We are now back to my original reasons for posting ANYTHING in this thread. It evidently went off topic, and that was apparently someone else's doing - perhaps I shouldn't have fed into it, but I am seeing things said that have NO relevance to the topic at hand and if I'm guilty of going along with it, then so is everyone else who contributed.

Bottom line is, if someone spews poison - it's GOING to be responded to. Then the initial thread takes an entirely different direction.

Anyway, now that we are back on topic, I am ALL for our two members going their own way. It's not supposed to be one-sided, though. Member A is more than willing to do her part. Member B, however, would like to rehash on it in public. THIS is what does not belong here, no matter how violated or betrayed she may have felt at one point.

Eve basically said it best - it's no one's business but hers and Sweetmind's.

 

[Eve]

Now back to the topic - I must admit to being a bit confused - where did HOH/Deaf/late-deafened, oralism, ASL and audist attitudes come into? I cannot find how that got started in this thread.

You ain’t the only one, honey!

That is my query - and isn't it going off-topic a bit if we include the audist attitude, oralism and ASL in this thread?

yup!

 

[Cheri]

Anyway, now that we are back on topic, I am ALL for our two members going their own way. It's not supposed to be one-sided, though. Member A is more than willing to do her part. Member B, however, would like to rehash on it in public. THIS is what does not belong here, no matter how violated or betrayed she may have felt at one point.

Eve basically said it best - it's no one's business but hers and Sweetmind's.

I've seen my name being brought up in forums so many times that I've lost count, And nobody cares, only cares about their own friend's name being brought up in public board. I've seen Alex' name being brought up too, nobody cares. Why? All they care about are their own friends, It's the fact.

 

[Malfoyish]

I've seen my name being brought up in forums so many times that I've lost count, And nobody cares, only cares about their own friend's name being brought up in public board. I've seen Alex' name being brought up too, nobody cares. Why? All they care about are their own friends, It's the fact.

Well the fact remains that I personally have NOT seen any names brought up anywhere other than here. I'm not talking about other forums, either, I'm talking about right here and what I see here at AllDeaf.

If I SAW your name being brought up in a slanderous manner, I WOULD say something. However, I do not. If it's not my battle to fight or my business, then I stay out of it.

 

[Eve]

I've seen my name being brought up in forums so many times that I've lost count, And nobody cares, only cares about their own friend's name being brought up in public board. I've seen Alex' name being brought up too, nobody cares. Why? All they care about are their own friends, It's the fact.

If a name is dropped here in AD and the offended party is not a member here, they have every right to have that information brought to their attention in a forum that they do frequent.

 

[Cheri]

If I SAW your name being brought up in a slanderous manner, I WOULD say something. However, I do not. If it's not my battle to fight or my business, then I stay out of it.

But, Your fight is here in this thread? It has nothing to do with you therefore you jumped right in and got yourself involved. You could have just let it be between them two. I've seen both sides here, therefore I'm the one who stayed out of it, All I see few of you just bashing onto Sweetmind. Do I feel bad? Sure I do because I hate to see one person getting bashed onto so many times. If she doesn't want to forgive, Let her go.

Just my two cents.