For those who love spam!!

butterflygal

butterflygal

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:barf: :spam:

http://www.kbeamer.com/spam_haiku.html

The therapy has failed. I continue to collect haiku poetry written about Spam. - Keola Beamer


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Silent, former pig
one communal awareness
myriad pink bricks

Blue can of steel
what promise do you hold?
salt flesh so ripe

Can of metal, slick
soft center, so cool, moistening
I yearn for your salt

Twist, pull the sharp lid
Jerks and cuts me deeply but
Spam, aaah, my poultice.

You wait to feed me
stoic vigil on the shelf
ah my vibrant pink

Jelly for mortar
seven hundred tins and more
I build a Spam house

My friend pork shoulder
I return to you. this time
I've brought mayonnaise

Above all others
porcine treat without equal
there is but one Spam

Clad in metal, proud
no mere salt-curing for you
you are not bacon

And who dares mock Spam?
you? you? you are not worthy
of one rich pink fleck

Grotesque pinkish mass
In a blue can on a shelf
Quivering alone

Like some spongy rock
A granite, my piece of Spam
In sunlight on my plate

Oh Argentina!
Your little tin of meat soars
Above the pampas

The color of Spam
is natural as the sky:
A block of sunrise

Little slab of meat
In a wash of clear jelly
Now I heat the pan

Oh tin of pink meat
I ponder what you may be:
Snout or ear or feet?

In the cool morning
I fry up a slab of Spam
A dog barks next door

Pink tender morsel
Glistening with salty gel
What the hell is it?

Ears, snouts, and innards,
A homogenous mass
Pass another slice

Cube of cold pinkness
Yellow specks of porcine fat
Give me a spork please

Old man seeks doctor
"I eat Spam daily", he says.
Angioplasty

Highly unnatural
The tortured shape of this "food"
A small pink coffin

Slicing your sweet self
Salivating in suspense
Sizzle, sizzle...Spam

Pink beefy temptress
I can no longer remain
Vegetarian

Queasy, greasy SPAM
Slithers without propulsion
Across a white plate.

Born in World War Two
Hogs marching off to battle
Dressed in tin armor.

The blue can is square
Why not a circular can?
Too much like dog food.

When I was a kid
Mom would make SPAM casserole
Now she denies it. If you cut open
A SPAM can with a jigsaw
The blade will smell weird.

Myrrh, frankincense, and
SPAM: the gifts of two wise men
and one complete fool.

Bright lights and cruel cops
grill the suspect pork product
It doesn't confess.

Old retired jocks to
star in ads for new SPAM Lite
"Tastes filling!" "Less great!"

After scrutiny,
methinks it is doggie food
I eat on all fours.

In mud you frolicked
Till they cut, cleaned and canned you
How now, ground sow?

Cold SPAM canapes
Served up by John Belushi-
Martha Stewart's Hell!

Slice the cold, pink block
Apply to sucking chest wound
Don't need stitches now.

"Slow down," she whispered
now guiding my trembling hands
"Turn the key slowly."

Silken pig tofu
The color of spanked buttocks
Blushing at my knife.

SPAM, too, needs a wife
What consort for my Pork Prince?
Ah! The Velveeta!

SPAM glistens pinkly;
Cat taps it with wary paw
To see if it's dead.

I put my shoes on
But remembered far too late
My secret SPAM stash.

Special Thanks to friends Benny Rietveld, Cynthia Gentry & Kent Brisby

- Keola Beamer
 
To be honest I hate spam one time I tried to eat it and it taste horrible *vomiting noises* have u notice they also have those little hot-dogs in water cans? I forgot what they call but those are also Gross out too.
 
:barf: to :spam:

Cannot deal with nasty taste! Last time, I tasted was 16 years ago from my grandma's cooking.
 
Begins to sing: Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam! Spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam. Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Spam spam spam spam!
(from the Monty Python sketch)
 
Never like spam until a few years ago. Now like fried in slices, especially smoke flavor spam.
YUM YUM
 
Cheri said:
To be honest I hate spam one time I tried to eat it and it taste horrible *vomiting noises* have u notice they also have those little hot-dogs in water cans? I forgot what they call but those are also Gross out too.
Click to expand...

Cheri, those little hot dogs in water cans are called "vienna sausages". :) I like them myself. :)
 
Here are some facts about Spam :) :

From URL: http://www.cs.berkeley.edu/~ddgarcia/spam.html#Useless

• In America, it's consumed at the rate of 3.8 cans a second by more than 60 million Americans.
• It's trademarked in 92 countries, and sold in 45, from Anguilla to Zimbabwe
• If laid end-to-end, 5 billion cans would encircle the earth 12 1/2 times
• 5 billion cans of SPAM would feed a family of four, three meals a day, for 4,566,210 years
• You can grill more than 29 billion Spamburgers with it, and that supply would last 5.4 days if everyone on Earth ate one spamburger for dinner each night
• Each year, 100 million pounds (45 million kg) of Spam are sold around the world.
• SPAM is made in two U.S. locations - Austin, Minnesota, and Fremont, Nebraska - and seven other countries: England, Australia, Denmark, Philippines, Japan, Taiwan, and South Korea.
• The average consumers of Spam are families with several children, especially in the southeastern U.S.
• In 1989, the U.S. armed forces bought 3.3 million pounds of SPAM.
• Hawaii, Alaska, Arkansas, Texas, and Alabama rate the highest in spam consumption respectively.
• Among the 50 foreign countries where Spam is sold, the UK and South Korea are the largest markets.
• In South Korea, SPAM is considered an upscale food and one of the most popular American imports. The Wall Street Journal recently spotted a Seoul executive in search of the perfect gift. The executive deliberately skipped over traditional gift items such as wine and chocolates in favor of SPAM, explaining, "It is an impressive gift."
• Hormel PR man Allen Krejci says: "SPAM has endured because of its convenience and versatility. You can eat it hot or cold. You slice, dice, or cube it. You can eat it for breakfast, lunch, dinner, or snacks. In fact, the only thing that limits your use of SPAM is your imagination."
• Nikita Krushchev once credited SPAM with the survival of the WWII Russian army. ''Without SPAM, we wouldn't have been able to feed our army,'' he said.
• Senator Robert Byrd of West Virginia eats a sandwich of SPAM and mayonnaise on white bread three times a week.
• Number of miles a snowmobile must drive at -30 F to fully brown a can of Spam wired to the engine: 35 (Source: The Iditarod [heard on a Madison, WI radio report for "National Canned Luncheon Meat Day, '96])
 
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