Deaf in denial... help

you ll have to teach him thru pictures and then as you show him pictures you have to sign it to him rather he likes it or not eventually he ll start picking up on it receptively i suppose. tough for you because you are doing two things for the price of one... teaching him to sign and tutoring.. mostly people have language when they are being taught which makes it easier .. kudos to you.
 
jhintak - have you looked at the communication, language and literacy option of Cued Speech?
 
jhintak, you are obviously a very compassionate person. Please don't take this advice the wrong way. I'm not criticizing your desire to help.

This situation is beyond the capacity of one person's help. There are several issues here, including possible mental health issues. Isolated people are often depressed. The proper person to deal with this is a licensed social worker. A social worker knows the system and how to help people. Someone needs to be in charge to coordinate services. Call your county to find a social worker.
 
Hi! Your situation sounds difficult. What subjects were you hired to tutor him in? English and math? If so, you sound like a great teacher from your posts. At the same time, it sounds as if his family has done nothing to communicate properly with this poor boy. It almost feels like a call to adult county social services wouldn't be out of order, if for no other reason than to evaluate the situation of someone who really can't communicate with real life. What does the family hope to accomplish from here on out? I think these kinds of questions need to be dealt with him and his family. I'm deaf and I can't fathom the idea of not having one solid form of communication, whether its writing, or speaking, or signing. And he has none of these in fluency?
 
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The parents have brainwash the guy that being deaf is bad and hearing is important or vice versa.

This is a very strange attitude from the deaf guy who refuse to learn ASL and refuse to accept his deafness. :hmm:

Hell, yeah it's even worse than this... Lou Ferrigno has the same issue - refuse to learn sign language and refuse to acknowledge or accept his hearing loss but what reallllllyyyyy ticked me off was after I personally meeting him in person in August 2009 and later found out in September and October 2009 that he went to ASL Expo in San Diego and Deaf Expo in Ponoma, California. I was like what the fuck in the world had he been to these deaf events whereas he doesn't know ASL and doesn't want anything to do with deaf culture or people with deafness like himself?

Yes, I learned even more about his personal background after meeting him for the first time...it has to be believed that he was being brainwashed while growing up that learning ASL and being HoH is bad. Really sad that he's 55 years old still whining over his hearing loss shit on tv interviews make us scoffs at him, and he hasn't even changed for the better with respect towards deaf people/fans in general like myself and my boyfriend. We cannot forget how awfully shit he treated us in Toronto.

Needless to say, Lou must be too stupid as fuck to embarrass us in the Deaf society when he accepted the offer to play a mute Hulk in 1978.
 
Is English his first language? Was he born in the USA?

And yes, he might be a candidate for a cochlear implant. It could help fine tune his speech.
 
gone

looks like the OP left the thread. after she got slapped down by a poster here.
 
Okay okay, first lets get this gender situation corrected. I'm a guy. please, refer me as "he." thank you very much. sorry if this truth disappoints anyone...

And no i have not left, i was busy past week. I don't always have time to be on the internet, you know. There is what is called, an outside world. Not just the world wide web.

English is NOT his primary language. Who decided that? He doesn't even know english. How would that be a primary? He knows ASL waaay more. But just not enough to understand deeper concepts. I was born in Brazil, moved to the US, but I'm korean. So my 'mother tongue' was korean. then my 'primary' became portuguese. As I moved here, my primary became 'english', and now I know more ASL than korean. English is my 'primary' because I can understand it, read it, express it, translate and interpret it than any other language. English is not his primary.

Yes, i'm not specialized to teach ASL, but how can I teach english if he doesn't know what the word is in his own PRIMARY language? For example: get one hand to do the number 1 sign, but signifying a person. now with your other hand, make a shape of a open palm but closed fingers. now move that hand up and down facing the other hand with the "1". this is roughly translated as "qualities" "who that person is". How do you teach the word "quality" in english if he doesn't know the sign? Dictionaries use other words in english to describe an english word. But how will he learn it if he doesn't know english to begin with? So, yes, ASL IS his primary. Not english. I know what I'm talking about, and I don't need criticism.

Whether or not he's a candidate for a surgery, I have no idea. I spoke to his dad today and he said he's going to get a "counselor" regarding that situation. So it looks like he's going to check it out. Hope that goes well.

As for his "depression" at least from my observation according to your guy's inputs.. I told his dad he's very sad and gets frustrated often. And he knew. So I can't really do anything beyond that. I'm not the family, and I'm only assigned to teach english and math. So like some of you said, I'm just going to stick to teaching that. I can't control what the family wants and doesn't want, so as much as I'd love to look for help and other specialized people in the field, I wouldn't be able to because his dad knows of what's goin on. He just decided not to do anything about it, and wants me to just befriend him and keep him happy.

It does make me sad that I can't help him mentally, but we'll see how it goes. I'm going to try to make him comfortable and happy around me, maybe that'll help in the long run.

Family just wants him to be able to make a living on his own some day. Parent's can't feed him all his life you know. You know what they say, Kid's are the parent's retirement funds. But in this case, they won't get much out of him besides physical service because at this rate he won't get anywhere. But there can be drastic changes in short periods of time, so I'm no judge of that.

Parents just don't want to sign much. They don't bother expanding their vocabulary, and because of their minimum knowledge in ASL, they don't speak with him very long. Just little commands like "learn, study, read," little stuff like that. KSL wouldn't help, because then my student would need to learn ANOTHER language, and he'd only get more frustrated.

He got kicked out because he caused a lot of trouble. He's self-centered. He only cares about what he wants and what he likes. And he doesn't like a lot of things. So when there's something he doesn't like or someone he doesn't like, he'll express it, and get in trouble for it. Either someone beats him up, or he gets punished for his actions. And that's why he was kicked out/pulled out of schools. And now the school he goes to is moving to another city, so he wont be able to attend that. It's an adult school.

I'd teach him speech but I don't know how to. Like someone mentioned earlier, if the parents wanted him to talk, they'd hire a specialist. But the parents want him to learn english reading and writing, and some help in other school subjects. Which is why they asked the school, which I work under, to help him out with those.

So i'm not UNDER qualified, I'm actually OVER-qualifying myself by teaching him other things. One in which I believe is more important that anything else, socializing. He has no friends. I'm the only guy he can open up to freely because I'm the only one he knows that knows sign language. I take my time to take him out to places and hang out with him. I buy him food, and everything else on my own expense. I interpret stuff on tv, i read him stuff off the internet, and countless other things. I felt pretty offended when you called me un-qualified. Not knowing my full background. That was pretty harsh. I'm the only good thing that happened to him in his life. He's never done anything else and never been to many places, but I took my time and took him out. Not for the money, but because I wanted him to progress mentally, and socially.

Sorry if there are some questions unanswered.

And any more 'help,' not criticism, will be appreciated.

Something that'll help him at least feel good about himself. I'm trying to take him out to do different sports and activities. What do you guys think?
 
Okay okay, first lets get this gender situation corrected. I'm a guy. please, refer me as "he." thank you very much. sorry if this truth disappoints anyone...

And no i have not left, i was busy past week. I don't always have time to be on the internet, you know. There is what is called, an outside world. Not just the world wide web.

English is NOT his primary language. Who decided that? He doesn't even know english. How would that be a primary? He knows ASL waaay more. But just not enough to understand deeper concepts. I was born in Brazil, moved to the US, but I'm korean. So my 'mother tongue' was korean. then my 'primary' became portuguese. As I moved here, my primary became 'english', and now I know more ASL than korean. English is my 'primary' because I can understand it, read it, express it, translate and interpret it than any other language. English is not his primary.

Yes, i'm not specialized to teach ASL, but how can I teach english if he doesn't know what the word is in his own PRIMARY language? For example: get one hand to do the number 1 sign, but signifying a person. now with your other hand, make a shape of a open palm but closed fingers. now move that hand up and down facing the other hand with the "1". this is roughly translated as "qualities" "who that person is". How do you teach the word "quality" in english if he doesn't know the sign? Dictionaries use other words in english to describe an english word. But how will he learn it if he doesn't know english to begin with? So, yes, ASL IS his primary. Not english. I know what I'm talking about, and I don't need criticism.

Whether or not he's a candidate for a surgery, I have no idea. I spoke to his dad today and he said he's going to get a "counselor" regarding that situation. So it looks like he's going to check it out. Hope that goes well.

As for his "depression" at least from my observation according to your guy's inputs.. I told his dad he's very sad and gets frustrated often. And he knew. So I can't really do anything beyond that. I'm not the family, and I'm only assigned to teach english and math. So like some of you said, I'm just going to stick to teaching that. I can't control what the family wants and doesn't want, so as much as I'd love to look for help and other specialized people in the field, I wouldn't be able to because his dad knows of what's goin on. He just decided not to do anything about it, and wants me to just befriend him and keep him happy.

It does make me sad that I can't help him mentally, but we'll see how it goes. I'm going to try to make him comfortable and happy around me, maybe that'll help in the long run.

Family just wants him to be able to make a living on his own some day. Parent's can't feed him all his life you know. You know what they say, Kid's are the parent's retirement funds. But in this case, they won't get much out of him besides physical service because at this rate he won't get anywhere. But there can be drastic changes in short periods of time, so I'm no judge of that.

Parents just don't want to sign much. They don't bother expanding their vocabulary, and because of their minimum knowledge in ASL, they don't speak with him very long. Just little commands like "learn, study, read," little stuff like that. KSL wouldn't help, because then my student would need to learn ANOTHER language, and he'd only get more frustrated.

He got kicked out because he caused a lot of trouble. He's self-centered. He only cares about what he wants and what he likes. And he doesn't like a lot of things. So when there's something he doesn't like or someone he doesn't like, he'll express it, and get in trouble for it. Either someone beats him up, or he gets punished for his actions. And that's why he was kicked out/pulled out of schools. And now the school he goes to is moving to another city, so he wont be able to attend that. It's an adult school.

I'd teach him speech but I don't know how to. Like someone mentioned earlier, if the parents wanted him to talk, they'd hire a specialist. But the parents want him to learn english reading and writing, and some help in other school subjects. Which is why they asked the school, which I work under, to help him out with those.

So i'm not UNDER qualified, I'm actually OVER-qualifying myself by teaching him other things. One in which I believe is more important that anything else, socializing. He has no friends. I'm the only guy he can open up to freely because I'm the only one he knows that knows sign language. I take my time to take him out to places and hang out with him. I buy him food, and everything else on my own expense. I interpret stuff on tv, i read him stuff off the internet, and countless other things. I felt pretty offended when you called me un-qualified. Not knowing my full background. That was pretty harsh. I'm the only good thing that happened to him in his life. He's never done anything else and never been to many places, but I took my time and took him out. Not for the money, but because I wanted him to progress mentally, and socially.

Sorry if there are some questions unanswered.

And any more 'help,' not criticism, will be appreciated.

Something that'll help him at least feel good about himself. I'm trying to take him out to do different sports and activities. What do you guys think?

Well sir, at least you have a very healthy ego. How can he fail to absorb some of this just by association? You go the extra mile! Commendable I say!!
 
Okay okay, first lets get this gender situation corrected. I'm a guy. please, refer me as "he." thank you very much. sorry if this truth disappoints anyone...

And no i have not left, i was busy past week. I don't always have time to be on the internet, you know. There is what is called, an outside world. Not just the world wide web.

English is NOT his primary language. Who decided that? He doesn't even know english. How would that be a primary? He knows ASL waaay more. But just not enough to understand deeper concepts. I was born in Brazil, moved to the US, but I'm korean. So my 'mother tongue' was korean. then my 'primary' became portuguese. As I moved here, my primary became 'english', and now I know more ASL than korean. English is my 'primary' because I can understand it, read it, express it, translate and interpret it than any other language. English is not his primary.

Yes, i'm not specialized to teach ASL, but how can I teach english if he doesn't know what the word is in his own PRIMARY language? For example: get one hand to do the number 1 sign, but signifying a person. now with your other hand, make a shape of a open palm but closed fingers. now move that hand up and down facing the other hand with the "1". this is roughly translated as "qualities" "who that person is". How do you teach the word "quality" in english if he doesn't know the sign? Dictionaries use other words in english to describe an english word. But how will he learn it if he doesn't know english to begin with? So, yes, ASL IS his primary. Not english. I know what I'm talking about, and I don't need criticism.

Whether or not he's a candidate for a surgery, I have no idea. I spoke to his dad today and he said he's going to get a "counselor" regarding that situation. So it looks like he's going to check it out. Hope that goes well.

As for his "depression" at least from my observation according to your guy's inputs.. I told his dad he's very sad and gets frustrated often. And he knew. So I can't really do anything beyond that. I'm not the family, and I'm only assigned to teach english and math. So like some of you said, I'm just going to stick to teaching that. I can't control what the family wants and doesn't want, so as much as I'd love to look for help and other specialized people in the field, I wouldn't be able to because his dad knows of what's goin on. He just decided not to do anything about it, and wants me to just befriend him and keep him happy.

It does make me sad that I can't help him mentally, but we'll see how it goes. I'm going to try to make him comfortable and happy around me, maybe that'll help in the long run.

Family just wants him to be able to make a living on his own some day. Parent's can't feed him all his life you know. You know what they say, Kid's are the parent's retirement funds. But in this case, they won't get much out of him besides physical service because at this rate he won't get anywhere. But there can be drastic changes in short periods of time, so I'm no judge of that.

Parents just don't want to sign much. They don't bother expanding their vocabulary, and because of their minimum knowledge in ASL, they don't speak with him very long. Just little commands like "learn, study, read," little stuff like that. KSL wouldn't help, because then my student would need to learn ANOTHER language, and he'd only get more frustrated.

He got kicked out because he caused a lot of trouble. He's self-centered. He only cares about what he wants and what he likes. And he doesn't like a lot of things. So when there's something he doesn't like or someone he doesn't like, he'll express it, and get in trouble for it. Either someone beats him up, or he gets punished for his actions. And that's why he was kicked out/pulled out of schools. And now the school he goes to is moving to another city, so he wont be able to attend that. It's an adult school.

I'd teach him speech but I don't know how to. Like someone mentioned earlier, if the parents wanted him to talk, they'd hire a specialist. But the parents want him to learn english reading and writing, and some help in other school subjects. Which is why they asked the school, which I work under, to help him out with those.

So i'm not UNDER qualified, I'm actually OVER-qualifying myself by teaching him other things. One in which I believe is more important that anything else, socializing. He has no friends. I'm the only guy he can open up to freely because I'm the only one he knows that knows sign language. I take my time to take him out to places and hang out with him. I buy him food, and everything else on my own expense. I interpret stuff on tv, i read him stuff off the internet, and countless other things. I felt pretty offended when you called me un-qualified. Not knowing my full background. That was pretty harsh. I'm the only good thing that happened to him in his life. He's never done anything else and never been to many places, but I took my time and took him out. Not for the money, but because I wanted him to progress mentally, and socially.

Sorry if there are some questions unanswered.

And any more 'help,' not criticism, will be appreciated.

Something that'll help him at least feel good about himself. I'm trying to take him out to do different sports and activities. What do you guys think?
I want to be blunt with you, he does not want to learn. He likes where he is at right now.
 
I have to say that Jhintak is such a sweetheart. He is trying to do his best to help him. If the deaf guy refuses, it is his loss. :-/
 
I have to say that Jhintak is such a sweetheart. He is trying to do his best to help him. If the deaf guy refuses, it is his loss. :-/

I agree totally you are right
Good point! I notice her is very sweetheart is very nice person. I can help you I can assurance to help you. I understand you are good person:ily:
 
right. she was hired as his private tutor to teach him in ASL. If the parents wanted him to learn speech - they would have hired a speech therapist.
So all the choices belong to the parents?
 
You sound really under qualified to work with a young adult who can't read or write. It also sounds like you want more for your convenience when you say he wants to speak and you can't understand him, so that is not the way you allow him to communicate.

Too bad he is apparently under his parents power still. Anybody who doesn't want to communicate with me because they can't understand my speech can get lost.

Why is it you won't quit your job and let someone more qualified work with him? Money for you? Not very altruistic.

If he is to have any life at all he needs a qualified educator to work with him.

Gotta agree here, Bott. He not only needs a qualified educator, it sounds as if he also needs a qualified therapist. From what has been posted (yes, a skewed perspective) it sounds as if this boy has some self esteem issues, some adjustment issues, and an over lying depression.
 
jhintak - have you looked at the communication, language and literacy option of Cued Speech?

Oh, puhleeze! CS is not the end all and be all that you assume it to be.:roll:
 
my goal is to teach him to read or write.
i CAN teach how to read and how to write, if the student is willing.
he's had a few teachers before me, and no one is willing to deal with him because of his attitude towards his studies. Had he not have his parents he'd be living in the streets. He has no skill in anything, no desire to work, and no education in language. You tell me how he'll make a living.

I can't understand him because like I said, he doesn't know how to voice. Not my original field of study. My main focus is english, and math. Not speech. But no one is willing to work with him, but me. I don't know why you feel so indignant about my desire to help him. I believe he needs to work on his primary language, before he moves on to a foreign language (speech). And honestly before he decides he wants to speak, I would suggest he learn the english grammar first. There are necessary steps to take before he jumps into that.

Plus it's not for the money. I can easily quit this job and make more somewhere else. But I'm going through with this guy because I want to help him, and because I don't know any one else who is willing to do it as patiently as I am. Don't judge me without knowing who I am.

You can teach a hearing student how to read and write. You have no experience or knowledge regarding the methodologies that are effective for deaf students. This is by your own admission. You need to understand your own limitations and put your desire to help second to this boy's best interest.

Sometimes, the best help you can give is to turn the boy over to professionals that are capable of addressing his needs. Stepping outside your own limitations will not help this person.
 
Is it possible that language is not his only problem? Perhaps not even his primary problem?

The young man needs help, yes, but maybe that should include a professional team assessment first. The solutions to his problems seem to be beyond the scope of AD.

Just my opinion.
 
hehe totally agree. but i still have to do my duties.

No, you don't. You can let go of your ego and make it clear that you are not capable of doing the job you are being asked to do.
 
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