Deaf in denial... help

jhintak said:
my goal is to teach him to read or write.
i CAN teach how to read and how to write, if the student is willing.
he's had a few teachers before me, and no one is willing to deal with him because of his attitude towards his studies. Had he not have his parents he'd be living in the streets. He has no skill in anything, no desire to work, and no education in language. You tell me how he'll make a living.

I can't understand him because like I said, he doesn't know how to voice. Not my original field of study. My main focus is english, and math. Not speech. But no one is willing to work with him, but me. I don't know why you feel so indignant about my desire to help him. I believe he needs to work on his primary language, before he moves on to a foreign language (speech). And honestly before he decides he wants to speak, I would suggest he learn the english grammar first. There are necessary steps to take before he jumps into that.

Plus it's not for the money. I can easily quit this job and make more somewhere else. But I'm going through with this guy because I want to help him, and because I don't know any one else who is willing to do it as patiently as I am. Don't judge me without knowing who I am.
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If he doesn't know ASL, it isn't his primary language. It is very possible that spoken language is his primary language and you just happen not to be able to understand his speech.
 
I can't understand him because like I said, he doesn't know how to voice. Not my original field of study. My main focus is english, and math. Not speech. But no one is willing to work with him, but me. I don't know why you feel so indignant about my desire to help him. I believe he needs to work on his primary language, before he moves on to a foreign language (speech). And honestly before he decides he wants to speak, I would suggest he learn the english grammar first. There are necessary steps to take before he jumps into that.
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decoding English grammar is really hard for deaf. You know how hearing people can think words in sounds. Born deaf people don't always hear words in their head (again it depends on the person) although they don't need speech to decode English. learning how to read and write before speech, well I think it is the opposite because English is written form of spoken language
 
deafgal001 said:
if he goes to deaf school, I wonder why he never learned ASL very well? is it self contained deaf school with TC? I'm assuming it is because he is speaking more than he does with signing. I'm confuse about his whole background. I hope you can help him but don't tell him he need ASL because of his speech.

as far as if he's a candidate for implant, that's for the doctors to decide because there are plenty of born deaf who had implant late in life.
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I'm assuming that it's because he didn't want to learn and he has a behavior problem... which was why he got kicked out of schools.
 
faire_jour said:
If he doesn't know ASL, it isn't his primary language. It is very possible that spoken language is his primary language and you just happen not to be able to understand his speech.
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That is what I think.
 
faire_jour said:
If he doesn't know ASL, it isn't his primary language. It is very possible that spoken language is his primary language and you just happen not to be able to understand his speech.
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I believe he had none. just a "mute" :(
 
Jiro said:
I believe he had none. just a "mute" :(
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Not what the tutor says. She said he talks to her and because she can't understand him she isn't going to work on speech and it isn't her field.

(And yes I am a little sensitive tonight as I had to have a lot of help in a restaurant from my daughter as the person taking the order could not understand me.)
 
Bottesini said:
Not what the tutor says. She said he talks to her and because she can't understand him she isn't going to work on speech and it isn't her field.

(And yes I am a little sensitive tonight as I had to have a lot of help in a restaurant from my daughter as the person taking the order could not understand me.)
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right. she was hired as his private tutor to teach him in ASL. If the parents wanted him to learn speech - they would have hired a speech therapist.
 
Really hope someone can get thru to this guy!...As I met a deaf man awhile back, in his 40's. He lived with his elderly parents. They never sent him to school, he was born deaf, and "thinks" he can "speak & talk"....His parents are hearing, his neighbors are hearing, he has no deaf interaction at all. When my friend introduced to him, I signed "hello, how are you, and my name is ------"....he became very "fidgety",,and started speaking, or trying to "speak" his name....No one can understand his speech except for his elderly parents....

I can imagine his loneliness!
 
faire_jour said:
If he doesn't know ASL, it isn't his primary language. It is very possible that spoken language is his primary language and you just happen not to be able to understand his speech.
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That seems to be true that if he does not know ASL, then it is not his first language. I am not sure how he can not voice his own speech as spoken language as he tried hard to make speech. His parents and the siblings does not communicate with him and he has an older brother, who is deaf also, goes to the Deaf school, but got involve some kind of trouble and had trouble getting along with Deaf students.

So I assume that young guy was not send to the Deaf school because of that. I have to agree with Bott that he and his older brother are under their parents' controlling power. The parents have brainwash the guy that being deaf is bad and hearing is important or vice versa.

It is a shame that the guy is not getting any help beyond what he need help with his attitudes and getting a good education for him to prepare for his future of employment. This is a very strange attitude from the deaf guy who refuse to learn ASL and refuse to accept his deafness. :hmm:
 
jhintak said:
he has one brother who doesn't live with him. he's older but he doesn't bother learning sign language either. He's always been to a deaf school, but he has problems dealing with other deaf so he got kicked out of a few schools. Now he's going to a small adult deaf school. But the school got moved to another city, so it looks like he wont be going to a school for a while. His church however is all hearing, and none of them know sign language.
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Okay I put the bold on the one brother but then I put another bold for HE if you are referring to the brother but now I see you are referring to the guy who had been to the deaf school, not the brother. So now I am assuming that his brother is hearing, not deaf like him. :confused: So that is where I make mistake if that I am wrong on the upper thread relating to FJ. So the guy you had been trying to tutor had been to the deaf school and now he can not go into any school at the moment. So his life is hard as a deaf born person. OMG. I don't know what to say? :shock:
 
Jiro said:
right. she was hired as his private tutor to teach him in ASL. If the parents wanted him to learn speech - they would have hired a speech therapist.
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Where did it say that she was hired for ASL. And I thought she was employed by the schools?
 
Bebonang said:
That seems to be true that if he does not know ASL, then it is not his first language. I am not sure how he can not voice his own speech as spoken language as he tried hard to make speech. His parents and the siblings does not communicate with him and he has an older brother, who is deaf also, goes to the Deaf school, but got involve some kind of trouble and had trouble getting along with Deaf students.

So I assume that young guy was not send to the Deaf school because of that. I have to agree with Bott that he and his older brother are under their parents' controlling power. The parents have brainwash the guy that being deaf is bad and hearing is important or vice versa.

It is a shame that the guy is not getting any help beyond what he need help with his attitudes and getting a good education for him to prepare for his future of employment. This is a very strange attitude from the deaf guy who refuse to learn ASL and refuse to accept his deafness. :hmm:
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I don't think there's any controlling or brainwashing in here. It's just that nobody is interested in learning ASL to communicate with him.

correct me if I'm wrong but I think jhintak made a slight mistake in her post. I believe jhintak was saying that he has an older brother (hearing) and he has been in deaf school all his life.
 
Bottesini said:
Where did it say that she was hired for ASL. And I thought she was employed by the schools?
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no no. teach in ASL since it's what the boy knows. Not sure if I'm saying it right.... I was saying that she's teaching subjects in ASL
 
She was hired to teach him math and English as a private tutor. the deaf guy goes to a adult deaf school (I think? I never really heard of that either) now as he is 22 years old. He knows a few sign, but doesn't understand concept. He can't read and he mumbles when he speaks. I believe all his family first language is Korean (I hope that's correct). I do wonder if his family do better if they use Korean sign language since it is based from their culture?
 
Bottesini said:
Not what the tutor says. She said he talks to her and because she can't understand him she isn't going to work on speech and it isn't her field.

(And yes I am a little sensitive tonight as I had to have a lot of help in a restaurant from my daughter as the person taking the order could not understand me.)
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I'm sorry you are having a bad night :grouphug:
 
deafgal001 said:
just out of curiousity, do you write your order sometimes?
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If I am alone. Somehow, I think (idiotically) that people understand me if I am with my family. :lol:

And it isn't usually that bad. Mostly just a word or two from my family to let me know what the waitress is saying or to tell her what I said.

This was just weird where nothing went right.

But it's a good point. I should just write it down.

But in my own defense, I handed her a coupon that said exactly what I would buy. She should have had no need to talk to me.
 
I think your problem is bad and you will need a specialist or someone who knows what to do. It's like teaching an illiterate hearing person to read. It can be done, but with a deaf person like him it will be hard if he can't communicate.

It's not impossible, even Hellen Keller was able to learn to communicate. You also said he has some concept or knowledge of sign language so that may help. Tell him if he learns to read he can use the computer. Although he may already be able to do so since so much is just clicking on buttons with a mouse. I think part of the problem, if I got the story right is that his parents did not speak English at home, so that must have been more confusing to him.

The sad part is that his parents did not take an active part in learning how to communicate with him. Whatever you can do, I wish you both luck.
 
I used to work with deaf adults who does not know ASL or speak at all. Also do not know how to read or write. What I did with them, by let them to teach me their own language, mostly home signs. If this guy rather to use his voice, it is time for you to learn and understand his speaking words. Many deaf oralists are no difference too, even my hearing husband do not understand them.
 
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