Deaf children's parents must decide on surgery

[Cheri]

My son was born deaf. We are hearing and had no concept of the Deaf community at that time. The doctor suggested CI (7 years ago - my son is now 9). My husband and I did a lot of research and decided against it for the following reasons. I wanted to communicate with my son NOW. The program would require that no sign language be used so that my son could learn how to talk. It involved extensive speech therapy, and I want my son to be a kid - he should be outside playing, not stuck for hours in therapy. Also, any residual hearing he had would be destroyed by the implant, so if it wasn't successful, his hearing aids would be useless - there would be no going back. I have heard of too many failures with the CI (mostly due to the extensive therapy required), to feel good about going with this procedure.

We also wanted our son to grow up with every option available to him - so he could make an informed decision when he got older. We are determined to support him whether he decided to be part of the Deaf community, or get a CI and live in the hearing world. I was not about to make a permanent decision (CI) for him this early in life.

My son is now a happy 9 year old in the 4th grade. My whole family has learned sign language, and my son decided he wanted speech therapy. He feels like he can do whatever he puts his mind to, and he enjoys a challenge - that is why he wanted the therapy. He is smart and very confident. Our decision to embrace his Deafness has really helped him blossom. This was the right decision for my son - he feels empowered. I really don't think he would be excelling like he is, if we had chosen the CI.

That's my two cents...

That is exactly how I feel too. My Dad also took me to speech therapy too and I speak very well ask anyone that knows me. But, some say my English written grammar isn't' all that excellent, because I didn't have a best education until high school.

 

[Vance]

We also wanted our son to grow up with every option available to him - so he could make an informed decision when he got older. We are determined to support him whether he decided to be part of the Deaf community, or get a CI and live in the hearing world. I was not about to make a permanent decision (CI) for him this early in life.

In my opinion, you just made a right decision for your child.

My son is now a happy 9 year old in the 4th grade. My whole family has learned sign language, and my son decided he wanted speech therapy. He feels like he can do whatever he puts his mind to, and he enjoys a challenge - that is why he wanted the therapy. He is smart and very confident. Our decision to embrace his Deafness has really helped him blossom. This was the right decision for my son - he feels empowered. I really don't think he would be excelling like he is, if we had chosen the CI.

That's my two cents...

There is always a way for anything included deafness. You just gave him the power to make the decision for himself. That's good! Now he know that he will be able to do anything he puts his mind to because of that 'power' you gave him. Very good post!

 

[TiaraPrincess]

garretmom, you made a great decision with your own son. That's fantastic, and I think you're doing a good job.

To the others. That's an example of parents doing their own research and decide for their own kid. In my own interpretation, I think God leads you to different research and different options. In that case, for garretmom, I think God told her not to or that she had a choice. She decided it wouldn't be good for her son's lifestyle. That's fantastic. However, it's not good to put down other parents of CI children (no, garretmom, I am not saying that you are putting down. You speak from your own experience) because there are many doing good as well. There are good and bad in both sides of the coin.

 

[Opal]

*I am confused*

What does parents responsibility has to do with having a child get a CI? It is not required for a child to get a CI, It was actually the parents call to decide that for a child.

Let me give you a off topic statement, Ok When I was 16 My parents wanted me to have an abortion, because I was too young to have a baby. They force me to get an abortion and I had no choice to get one. I was really upset at the facts that My Parent forced me to have an abortion Does that mean a Parent know what is best for their children? Even through I wasn't happy with having an abortion. There was other options to have it done the other way like giving it up for adoption instead of abortion but they choose abortion. It's the same way with Parents making choice for a child when it comes to CI, When it involved the child's life meaning the child will be the one wearing the CI not the Parent, Why should a Parent play a big role in the child's life without discussing it with a child.

Now I am confused!!!

What does having a forced abortion which is terrible, have to do with C.I.

C.I. is of a benefit to assist in life, having a child is a huge responsibility.

I can't see the connection.

 

[Opal]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tamara
Everyone has the right to their own opinion.

If C.I. was available when I was young and my parents did not choose to help me, I would be very very pissed off. You enforce your beliefs and opinions on your children every day by trying to bring them up as morally and honest as you can. Just by talking with your children you are always trying to instil a sense of honour, well being, caring, loving, understanding, etc in your children.

You would not be human if you didn't. Everyone does what they believe is their very very best for their children. People do make mistakes but they will learn and constantly improve from this. As I said earlier you are legally responsible for your children so you must make some decisions for them. One of the greatest decisions is to bring a child into the world in the first place and it only gets tougher from there. Maybe you should consider waiting till the child is old enough and ask them if they want to be born!!!!!!

This could go around in circles but we have to respect everyones right to their own opinion.

LIEBLING))

Sorry, I'm disagree with you.

I'm sorry, you have confused me.

Are you saying I don't have the right to my own opinion?????

 

[Opal]

As a student of Osteopathic University, I have the access to many medical journals. I found this recent article from Germany that our immune system are designed to reject any artificial objects in our bodies. It explained how it will affect us if we implant any kind of artificial objects in our bodies.. like pacemaker, transported organ, etc (included CI).. our immune system will constantly attack it, in other words, our immune system will be permanently weakened as long as artificial or 'foreign' object in our bodies.

Immune system requires the massive enzymes to manufactured in our bodies, enzymes is not unlimited resources in our body. Once enzymes is to be depleted, we will be aging faster than normal and depleted enzymes cannot be restored.

The article explained about people who have the artificial objects (pacemaker, replacement bones, transported organs, etc) in their bodies tend to be aged faster than normal and often to live a short life. They found out by perform the surgeries & enzymes labs. As I said in other topic, every action have its own consequences. Our immune system are not dumb. It simply does not want any artificial or foreign object in our bodies. Cancers often to be formulated from it.

That's why whoever have transported organs must taking the suppression drugs to prevent their immune system from attacking the transported organs. If they did not take these immune suppression drug, they will be die from their own immune systems. Can you find the irony in that?

Anyway, I shared what I learned from the medical article (In fact, many medical & health books/journals mentioned about artificial objects result, enzymes, immune system, etc).

it is not my intention to persuade anyone from considering the CI surgery, it is my intention to share the unbiased facts for anyone to take the cons & pro into accounts.

Yes it's terrible isn't it. How dare they give people pacemakers and transplant organs, just to save peoples lives.

My friends mother would have been dead fifteen years ago without a kidney transplant but is still alive and well.

Isn't that terrible!!!!!!

**sarcasm**

I do not beleive that cancer is "often" formulated by it or the doctors wouldn't do it.

Would you please post a link to this article so we can see the "facts" for ourselves.

 

[Opal]

I was looking up some web sites about children with CI implants, and I can see that implanting CI on younger children would be more benefical for them, the earliest you could implant your child, the better your child is able to hear more, speak, and develop their language skills....as for myself, I've noticed most of the time I am unable to speak words with clarity ( clearly ) , for an example, when it comes to words that I haven't learned how to properly pronounce after getting help through a speech therapist while I was in school, there are some words now that I might struggle with or don't realize that I'm not saying right and when I can't even say some words correctly, I've noticed that my older son and Roadrunner helps me by showing me how to say these words right.....since I am unable to hear and hear their voices, that is another reason how to look at this, if you are unable to hear quite as well without the use of CI , then how would you be able to learn to speak the words clearly which you haven't heard so often?....

Now, after reading several more information about children with CI, the more I read and learn, the more I think it's better for a child to have an implant during their early years of life, since it will be likely helpful and benefical, especially in developing their language skills....

For myself, I would rather that my parents after they have carefully researched information, ideas and also opinions regarding CI, then I would likely be comfortable with their decision by implanting me with a CI...So for the reason why I am feeling this now is because I wonder what it would be like to hear on the phone, to hear my children ( to hear their laughter and their cute little voices ), also to be able hear the sounds others I see expressing an enjoyment or pleasure with hearing, for example, the waves rolling in on the beach, people talking, songs that others love hearing and etc....I would do the same thing if I had Deaf children because I would want my Deaf children have the best that life can offer!!

I'm sorry Liebling and Cheri, but I do hope you can understand why I changed my view on this....Also it can be a good thing ( in some cases, a very good thing ) when both parents and children could make decisions together, but when there is proof that a child younger than 7 really can truly benefit hearing which will help in the long run ( the language skills, etc. ) and also lead a happier life for each of them....

Once again, I'm sorry

I am very impressed to see that someone has spent the time to research the facts.

Kudos to you for taking the time and making an informed decision!!!!

 

[Opal]

Um, discipline and teaching about responsibility is NOT enfoce your beliefs & opinions on children. Perform an CI surgery on your kid WITHOUT their approval (by that, I mean old enough to understand what, why and how PLUS knowing the cons and pros about CI) is totally immoral. To kids, parents are their 'God', they trust their parents completely and expect them to do whatever they think it is right for them. Kids have many different adults to offer their opinions (parents, teachers, coaches, policemen, etc etc...) hence they have been stimulated by different opinions, that's how it will define them, their characters, their personalities, etc

Important note: expect them to do whatever they think it is right for them

Ok I did not know you were going to get so pedantic on words.

A few years ago one of my children had a badly abscessed tooth at the age of seven. She didn't want to have the dentist fix it and I forced her because as her parent I knew it was in her best interest. If that makes me a bad mother in your eyes, I don't care for your opinion.

You really don't understand what I mean.

When you are growing up, you are right you look to your parents to do everything right for you. In this manner you are influenced by your parents and your beleifs and ideals will follow to a degree what your parents teach you or even just by listen to your parents talk together or with friends you learn what is right or wrong. If parents tell their children C.I. is bad and it shouldn't be done until they are older the children will believe their parents that C.I. is bad. At the age of 2,3 or 7 there is no way possible they can fully understand the effects of the C.I. and they would not be able to research it the way their parents can.

I'm am sorry for saying forced when I meant influence but also at times as a parent you do force a child to do what is right.

I studied the child psychology, behaviors, etc etc for my work at deaf school sometimes ago. I believe I know what I am talking about. Now about that note, you probably don't realize that CI surgery is not temporary effect, it is permanent effect. It will alter their psychology for good or bad, you don't know what will your child(ren) think, feel or whatever once you allow the doctors to perform the CI surgery on them without their approval (read my definiton of approval above). Again, they expect you to do whatever you think it is right for them... They accepted based on one-sided opinion, named, yours.

Studying child psychology, it's not the same as having your own and working with them every day and night, all day and all night!!!

Correction: You would not be human if you did.

Correction: You would not be human if you didn't. I'm sorry I meant what I said. You would not be deserving of being human if you did not do the very best you could for your children and it is your responsibilty to research the facts and make the best decision.

Maybe you should consider waiting until you finally acknowledge the reality and ask yourself if you and your lover are responsible enough to not impose your desire & beliefs on your kid when you guys bring a kid into the world.

To me, it is like giving a car key to 8 years old kid and tell that kid to drive away and be free in a dangerous traveling equipment a.k.a. car in the freeway. That's how one-sided opinion is.

I am sorry I didn't know that you wouldn't understand sarcasm so I will spell it out. Your opinion is as one sided as any I have seen. Giving the keys to an eight year old. Thats something someone stupid enough to think parents shouldn't look after, teach and control their children would do.

I am still stand with my statement, it is immoral. It is permanent effect unlikely others. It is not life-saving decision. It is strongly based on parent's DESIRE. Not opinion. Not life-saving. Not belief. Not so-called 'increase its life quality'. It is plainly desire. I met many CI vitcims who cursed their parents for CI surgeries. That's when I realize that I don't want to impose my desire on my kid until he/she is old enough to make their own decision and take the responsibility for their actions. Thanks to these CI victims for giving me an opportunity to see the effects on kids who have no choice but accepted their parents' desire.

It is immoral not to do the best for your children in any opinion.

You claim to have met many C.I. victims but we don't seem to see many of them jumping up and down here, only hearsay. Please get some of these "victims" to come online and explain there stories as I would like to hear more than hearsay.

I am entitled to my opinions as much as you are entitled to your opinions. Nothing more or less than that. If you want to have doctors to perform CI surgery on your kid based on your desire, it is your business but you will need to prepare yourself for the consequences. Every decision have its own consequence. That's law.

Your so right, this is what I have been saying. It was my opinion only that you jumped on. It doesn't matter whether the child is 2,3 or 7 it is your decision and you must be prepared for the consequence. It's is law that you are responsible for your children until they are sixteen or eighteen so any decision up until that age is the parents whether they discuss it or not at the end of the day it is the parents decision.

Anyway, I shared my opinion as what you did in your post. I must admit... I am glad that I have a mom like my mother.. she have enough common sense to not impose her desires, opinions or beliefs on me. She know it is immoral. Thank you, God for giving me a such wonderful mom like my mother.

I too thank god for my wonderful mother. She brought me up to know the difference between morality and immorality and she had enough common sense to teach me. It's funny how opinions differ.

 

[Cheri]

Now I am confused!!!

What does having a forced abortion which is terrible, have to do with C.I.

C.I. is of a benefit to assist in life, having a child is a huge responsibility.

I can't see the connection.

What I am saying is CI Is not Required. Having a child is a huge responsibility what does that have to do with having to require to get a CI?

 

[Cheri]

You claim to have met many C.I. victims but we don't seem to see many of them jumping up and down here, only hearsay. Please get some of these "victims" to come online and explain there stories as I would like to hear more than hearsay.

What you do not know is that some CI implants do not believe a parent should force a baby or child to have a CI.

If that makes me a bad mother in your eyes, I don't care for your opinion.

Nobody said you are a 'bad mother' stop playing a victim here.

You would not be deserving of being human if you did not do the very best you could for your children and it is your responsibilty to research the facts and make the best decision.

Now, You said we would not deserved to be human if we did not do research you trying to put your briefs on us, watch what you said or you are going to get it back.

It's is law that you are responsible for your children until they are sixteen or eighteen so any decision up until that age is the parents whether they discuss it or not at the end of the day it is the parents decision.

If children do not want a cochlear implant, So, the parents have the final authority to force them to do so?

 

[Angel]

Tamara,

As parents we did not do everything "just right." There is room for parents to make many mistakes, for we are learning as we raise our children. Children must learn to be faithful and obedient, while parents must learn to exercise their leadership in a wise and loving manner....Our children remember some of the mistakes we made, just as we remember some of theirs...It is important to never force your child to do anything, as a parents we are to sit down and discuss whatever issue it may be with our child, listen to what your child say on this, understand where your child is coming from, don't run your child over because your child will know you're not listening to him/her, never get angry no matter what your child say about this...That's what being a parents is all about....

No one is a bad parents when it comes to making a choice for your child, but we do make mistakes as a parents that is a fact....

 

[Angel]

Sorry, I'm disagree with you.

I'm sorry, you have confused me.

Are you saying I don't have the right to my own opinion?????

Liebling only said she disagree with you, she did not say you don't have the right for your opinion...

 

[Cheri]

Tamara,

As parents we did not do everything "just right." There is room for parents to make many mistakes, for we are learning as we raise our children. Children must learn to be faithful and obedient, while parents must learn to exercise their leadership in a wise and loving manner....Our children remember some of the mistakes we made, just as we remember some of theirs...It is important to never force your child to do anything, as a parents we are to sit down and discuss whatever issue it may be with our child, listen to what your child say on this, understand where your child is coming from, don't run your child over because your child will know you're not listening to him/her, never get angry no matter what your child say about this...That's what being a parents is all about....

No one is a bad parents when it comes to making a choice for your child, but we do make mistakes as a parents that is a fact....

That's a fact.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Tamara,

As parents we did not do everything "just right." There is room for parents to make many mistakes, for we are learning as we raise our children. Children must learn to be faithful and obedient, while parents must learn to exercise their leadership in a wise and loving manner....Our children remember some of the mistakes we made, just as we remember some of theirs...It is important to never force your child to do anything, as a parents we are to sit down and discuss whatever issue it may be with our child, listen to what your child say on this, understand where your child is coming from, don't run your child over because your child will know you're not listening to him/her, never get angry no matter what your child say about this...That's what being a parents is all about....

No one is a bad parents when it comes to making a choice for your child, but we do make mistakes as a parents that is a fact....

It´s an exactly!!!

I do not force my children anything like dentist, doctors etc but I do is have a patience and a good talk with my children to melt their scary feeling then agree to go.

I explained my children without forcing why the dentist or doctor etc are important for their healthy. They understand and agree to go dentist reguarly. My son got his first tooth being drill last summer with no complication.
I alway sit with my chlidren when the problems come and listen their problem and share with their concern and feeling etc.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

I was looking up some web sites about children with CI implants, and I can see that implanting CI on younger children would be more benefical for them, the earliest you could implant your child, the better your child is able to hear more, speak, and develop their language skills....as for myself, I've noticed most of the time I am unable to speak words with clarity ( clearly ) , for an example, when it comes to words that I haven't learned how to properly pronounce after getting help through a speech therapist while I was in school, there are some words now that I might struggle with or don't realize that I'm not saying right and when I can't even say some words correctly, I've noticed that my older son and Roadrunner helps me by showing me how to say these words right.....since I am unable to hear and hear their voices, that is another reason how to look at this, if you are unable to hear quite as well without the use of CI , then how would you be able to learn to speak the words clearly which you haven't heard so often?....

Now, after reading several more information about children with CI, the more I read and learn, the more I think it's better for a child to have an implant during their early years of life, since it will be likely helpful and benefical, especially in developing their language skills....

For myself, I would rather that my parents after they have carefully researched information, ideas and also opinions regarding CI, then I would likely be comfortable with their decision by implanting me with a CI...So for the reason why I am feeling this now is because I wonder what it would be like to hear on the phone, to hear my children ( to hear their laughter and their cute little voices ), also to be able hear the sounds others I see expressing an enjoyment or pleasure with hearing, for example, the waves rolling in on the beach, people talking, songs that others love hearing and etc....I would do the same thing if I had Deaf children because I would want my Deaf children have the best that life can offer!!

I'm sorry Liebling and Cheri, but I do hope you can understand why I changed my view on this....Also it can be a good thing ( in some cases, a very good thing ) when both parents and children could make decisions together, but when there is proof that a child younger than 7 really can truly benefit hearing which will help in the long run ( the language skills, etc. ) and also lead a happier life for each of them....

Once again, I'm sorry

No problem, I respect your opinion.

I like your post better than others because they alway compare CI with "life risk surgery" etc. etc.

I beleive strongly that both parents and children make decision together. I dont think that from 7 years old are too late to have CI. I rather to wear my children with HA and go to speech therapy etc first.

My friend wear HA all her life since she was 6 months old. She speak like HOH and can PHONE. I suggest her about CI but she is happy with HA. I would of get CI when I were her but I respect her choice.

Yes, I still beleive that CI is the best development for hear and speech than HA since I collect the information from CI users but I still beleive to sit together with my children to support their choice over pros and cons.

I dont think CI is also helps to improve language skills because alot of deafies are good with writing skills.

No problem, I like your post but I beleive to support my children´s wish because surgery is too "risk".


I let my sons with mother care because of speech development due our deafness when they were 1 year old 3 time a week until they were 3 years old and went to Kindergarten.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

That is fine ^Angel^ I respect your opinion.


There is also ways to help young children to acquire speech, language, developmental, and social skills If the children are put in the right direction, meaning school education. CI could also do that too. But, how can you know for sure that your child cannot get ahead with hearing aids when you haven't let the child try it out first? If it doesn't work then I have no problem with children getting CI and having Parent supported their decision. I just cannot imaged having a baby wear a small, complex electronic device from CI. That sounds so frighten to me. How would the Parent know that babies show no ability to understand speech through hearing aids? Instead of jump the gun and go get CI, You would never know that your child could understand speech through hearing aids because you never gave it time. If children do not want a cochlear implant, do the parents have the final authority to force them to do so? I am trying to see both sides of the argument. I just still do not get the facts that how would anyone knows what a child can do before getting their CI. It is funny how nobody knows the answer for that question.

I has the same feeling as you.

I saw many deaf children here with HA but they speak very well because they are willing to learn speak. They have speech therapy etc. I talked deaf parents of deaf children about CI issues. They said that they would support their children´s wish straight way if they want to have CI.

I also talked with few hearing parents who implant their children. They are regretted what they did to their children because their children lost their respect on them for that. They realized now that it´s important to sit together with their children instead of do what they want with them. I also talked with former CI users, too. They said that they are still mad with their parents for that. I tried to make them clear that their parents only want to help them and want them sucessful in the future but their replied: "It´s my body, not my parents. It´s nothing wrong with HA and I can speak etc." There´re many nasty words against their parents. (Oh dear, I said to myself).

Some CI users are happy and some not.

I´m not expert but I has experience for see myself and collect their feeling and opinions. (pros and cons). I know CI is best but I has the feeling that it´s child alone to have a choice and of course have my support.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

garretmom and Matasgu,

I enjoy myself to read your posts. I must say it´s wonderful. It´s an exactly what I feel.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Liebling only said she disagree with you, she did not say you don't have the right for your opinion...

Exactly, I only disagree with Tamara in simple way without give the right for her opinoin because I respect her for that.

Thank you for correct Tamara


Everyone has different opinion is normal.

 

[harleymn]

ci

hey guys lets quit argue its just be able to hear other sounds , me and my son we were on tv five yrs ago, when i came home me and mom we were talking and mom was chewing on chips i said mom why are you making those loud noices chewing on those chips, her reply was she laughed, is not to take away your beliefs on asl or read lips is just make you more safe from strange sounds etc have ci for myself iam very happy i have several freinds call me to see if it works i told them hell yeah, go for it they did and they told me they were happy. Its not taking the culture away its just a better step than the hearing aids as of today.Unlike better tv, vcr and stereo telephone blah blah you know what i mean. I can understand cheri frustrated but abortion is different than ci. I dont mean to be rudeI hope everyone understand. They run several tests before they say you qualify for it.I am profound deaf i was at 65 % now iam at 35% normal hearing is 0 to 25 % . so not bad.I can hear my parents talk just fine on the cellphone but it took practice, unlike children now would be better if they had it now, just remeber there are selfish hearing we have to put up with this helps with that problems etc. Thanks angel for doing research it takes a while to understand ci. it is a great experience, I think everyone ought to ck it out.

 

[javapride]

I really do not have much to say in this subject but i can say one thing i have respect for poeple who have CI yes but i just think IMO is this god made us deaf therefore we accept, I do not want to have any CI and its my own opioion on this subject, I respect the others who do want CI and i say kudos to them sometimes it works sometimes it doesnt its all abt supporting ur friends weather u like it or not, its thier body, but for the kids i will not put my kid thru this until she/he is old enuff to understand the risk involved and the information and let them decide for themselves if they want the CI and make sure they understand clearly whats the risk and have all options available for them. and if he/she says no then its thier decision they may change thier mind later on in life and i would support them even if i am not intrested ( not against admantly but just do not feel comfortable)in getting CI. if they say yes then by all means i ll support him/her so she will know all the options.