Could someone deliver me from my ignorant distaste?

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Amada

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This may seem like an incredibly odd title for any sort of message, but I am prejudiced against most deaf people that I see. Maybe it's just who I'm limited to seeing, but they get me rather flustered at times. When I'm sitting in the computer lab at my college, all of the deaf people I see make funny noises when they communicate with eachother which is more distracting than the whispers from other people and gets on my nerves rather quickly. Also, if I happen to sit at a table that they decide to hang around, several of them (more than there are seats available) will come and sit around in a group while talking in ASL and occasionally make noises. It's hard to ignore them in a nice way, so I usually get up and move so I can continue with my homework. They'll talk to eachother through doors and across the room, making it even harder to avoid them. I'm sure that if somebody started to wave their arms randomly in the air above their seat it would be just as equally distracting. They also do it in other parts of the library. I feel ignorant and I'm shameful for being discontent with them and wanting them to go away to some special school. Is there anything I can do to make them less annoying? Should I be aware of some common flaw in deaf people? Also, are they at all aware that they make these annoying sounds in an area where most people are quiet? Are they aware of the noises they make? This is not meant to be hateful or offensive in any way, I am just burdened by my discontent with these people and hoped that I could seek enlightenment through the council of others. Thank you (Please also take note that I am a new user and after scanning the other list of forums could not find a more suitable place to ask such a question, so I apologize if I misplaced this question in the first place). (Edit: Typographical error and submission of an additional question)
 
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Some deaf don't realized they are sounding bad... U have to understand and accept who they are... It just the way they were raise to talk that way... With me it does not bother me that some of my friends do not speak only use ASL... There are some annoying deaf people that talk about nonsense stuff in the world that is not important... I still be nice in a way of making them feel conformable. Not being able to judge them for who they are cuz that is who they are...God gives you a reason to live on earth and made you for who you are and we have to accept that person as a family as a friend...


If it bothers you so much that means u not giving ur half way chance to meet them talk to them learn from them... Ull get ur answers.:)
 
Hmm...

This reminded me of a story... last month I met up with two other deaf friends in a bookstore.
We were having a debate about education in deaf community and somehow one thing led to another and we ended up cracking jokes about necrophile (ah, don't ask me how did it get into our debate) and we were REALLY trying to silence ourselves with outrageous laugther in us.... Mostly we were giggling with our hands covered our mouths... we were REALLY trying to shush ourselves... suppressed ourselves. Then we finally got ourselves under control and we were about to continue our debate with calmed rationality in us.... until a guy sitting next to us poked me. I was startled and taken back by this man- he appeared to be in late 40s and had salt-n-pepper hair with an eyeglasses sliding down on his nose.
He made this horrible scowled look on his face and he scrunched his eyebrows when he pleaded me to tell my friends to lower their "noise pollution"... and tried to gesture to make sure I understand him. I wryly nodded and apologized but...

... We ended up giggling uncontrollably and we FELT so bad but we just couldn't help it.
You see, to us it was hilarious that this man was telling us to be quiet and we were about to back down from that brink of losing ourselves and he thought that was bad??? YEESH, he should have waited until we ACTUALLY let ourselves loose and he would shut up and rather to listen our giggling session!

So we were leaving because we just felt so guilty for laughing and decided to give his peace... BUT... he got up and processed to leave too. We felt offended that he left. We were willing to leave in peace but he left anyway. :sure: He just wasted his time and ours by telling us to be quiet if he left anyway. that is STUPID. We ended up poking fun at that man outside of the bookstore (they have giant windows as their walls so that man could see us).

Most of the time, deaf people didn't realize how much noises they did make. BUt with the arms flinging around as you mentioned.. well it is their language.
It is the same thing if I told you to stop moving your jaws around because it is such a distraction to see your tongue waving around in your mouth and pearly white teeth blinding me.

The only subtle way I can think you are able to do is that you can write them a note saying, "I know you didn't mean to make so much of noises but I just want to let you know that you are being noisy and people around here are getting cranky so FYI (for your information), keep it down so everybody can be happy and be at peace. Thanks!" and keep a smile on your face to let them know that you are not hostile towards them. I would appreciate somebody telling me if my noise level is getting higher than I thought but DO NOT POKE THEM when they were alleivating their noise pollution because it would only provoke them to be more hostile and encouraging to make more noises to make the matters worser. I would, if somebody do it to me. "HEY, THAT GUY WANTS US TO SHUT UP SO SHUT UP!!!!!" I would make it obvious to embarass that person because his approach was rude.

BUt nonetheless, just be kind and friendly to remind them that their noise level is getting SLIGHTLY out of hand, they would understand... Deaf people do have respect. :)
 
ASL is the language of the deaf -- i know a few hearies who cant handle the "distraction" i would have right off the bat said "too bad" cuz i as a deaf person have to deal with rude hearies on a regular basis and feel that i have to :bowdown: to every demand of urs -- thats not gonna happen!! i be myself, a deaf woman, if i want to be talking with my friends with signs its my communicational right as it is your communicational right to be yakking with such LOUD voices and etc -- the way i look at it -- if i didnt like u hearie folks being loud and moronic then i move, if a hearie cant handle me talking with friends in ASL then they can move themselves -- that works just fine by me *shrugs*

oh yea and i have a word that i use to describe a hearing person that is like that -- "a deaf phobe"
 
First off, let me give you credit for being so honest and wanting to learn something new. I think you are posting in the right place, ie. relationship between a deaf person and hearing person can be of any level.:D

My husband (not deaf) has commented on how other deaf people sound like they are squeaking (mouse sound?), and I thought that was funny. He says it doesn't bother him at all. I think deaf people do make excited sounds when they are animated in a signed conversation without realizing it. So go ahead and tell 'em politely to keep it down. Deaf people (and hearing people, too) still have to respect others' boundaries in a public place, IMO. So, instead of shooting daggers - it is better to just be direct with us! We definitely do not know how you feel, and I think you do have a right to speak up. If some seem offended or you are too intimidated to talk with them, talk with a supervisor who might know how to handle such a situation (if it is at a library or in a class). Some deaf people might be self defensive... but not all, though, I hope! We all have to learn to be considerate of each other, eh?

I also think posting in a deaf forum is the right step to take, so an open forum can be taken for further awareness.
 
hmmm.....

I surely can understand where you're coming from on this....What you can do is approach them in a nice way, try to tell them how you feel about them making so much noises and having their hands raised up waving around that seem to disturb you from your work or etc.....but, however you do have to understand this is how they communicate and getting someone's attention....and also they may not be aware of the noises that they're making.....

I've had my share on somewhat like this before too...Like when I was in a restaurant I would have friends with me who are hearing, and sometimes they do not understand me because I am not speaking loud enough for them to hear me.....there would be times when I would speak louder and don't relized I am talking louder until someone approached me....I also had my share with hearing people who would be rude about it too...

Most of the times, I would ignore them and walk away.....Sometimes, I would approach them and tell them how I feel and etc ....And also listening to them after they responded to what you are had to tell them.....it helps one another to respect and understand each other....

Good Luck and I hope everything works out for ya! :fingersx:
 
Are deafies the only noisy people on this planet? Anyway, I don't realise sometimes that I do make sounds. I am amazed at my parents because my father never complained to me that I am noisy. Yet, my mother complained to my sister that I was, and later on my sister made fun of me being noisy, according to my mum. I am like excuse me? and ask my mother directly why she never told me before? *sigh* Anyway, my friend and I watch movies together a lot, and he told me that I make a lot of sounds when I am watching movie, like oooh! ooooo! ahhhh! noooo! He thought it was funny that I did this, but it didn't bother him at all. This brought me back to my penpalling days when I would receive loooooooooong (45 pages) letters from my friends in Germany, and I would go nod, nod, nod, noooo! oh man! ooooo! My mother and father used to laugh because of that.

I hate to admit it but it is a big part of the deaf culture. How we can stop it? I think it will be tough to do. I never had problems with strangers in public, though I do have problem when my hands touch other people accidentally! Whoops! I just tell them I am very sorry and did not mean it, and they always were like "oh its ok!" :)
 
I understand how you feel. Here at NTID, it's not exactly a big problem. A lot of students know when and where's the best place to be. They also know how to respect others. Sometimes, it might get out of hand... but other than that, it's good.
 
Okay, thank you for all of your honest replies! I know there are plenty of people who can hear and are more annoying than the deaf people I come across - but I have seen (better stated, heard) many more deaf people than speaking people at higher decibles, and I also know how to deal with people that can speak. If you anonymously "shhh" a person that can hear, they'll usually quiet. If you ask a deaf person to be quiet or to stop being distracting, they cannot hear you. I also do not know ASL to ask them how to be quiet, and I also fear that they'll start talking about me because I don't know ASL (if I wrote on a piece of paper for them to be quiet with a smiley face or anything of the like).

The biggest reason they get on my nerves is probably that they seem to arrive in large groups and stick together, happening about once a week, so I'm not very used to it when it happens. I have no problem with deaf people using ASL or making noises in the stairwells or the lunch room. I've never experienced it in the classroom because all of the deaf people I have had in class write stuff on paper to other students and only use ASL every-so-often in the class and when they do they usually raise their hand first so it's expected (although the interpreters were distracting and drew my fascination, but didn't annoy me).

Some deaf people seem to make noises a *lot* more than others. I'm not sure why this is. Because of this, I've wondered if when you're deaf you can sense when your throat vibrates (the only time you make a true vocalized noise your throat vibrates, although I know most people don't notice this) and if some deaf people learn to control their "voice" (well, can sort of prevent themselves from making noises). But that's probably for another topic. Again, thanks!
 
I had a discussion with da hubby last night about this, wanting to see how he would describe the noisy distractions for me, being profoundly deaf since birth. In the worst scenarios, he said it was like "seeing" other flailing hands in his face WHILE trying to read coherent signing hands. He made a demo to prove his point.

I have a theory about us deaf people shifting all of our focus on a brain area where it allows us to focus on our visual environment - usually on the other person or people we are talking with, rather than paying attention to our body - however noise it may emit. Years of this "programming" can make it a bit challenging, but I think it's doable if we know what it does to others (eg you Amada). Wanting to send us off to a special institution - that has already been done (ie residential school for the deaf, etc), and I think it makes the effect worse since we are used to an environment where we don't have to worry about being noisy. Nobody has told me to respect other people who have hearing. If the truth be known, we were told that hearing people have caused the deaf people problems and heartaches for centuries. Performed dangerous tests and experiments. Deaf people were part of the Holocaust as well as Jews, Black people and other different groups. "Minority cleansing" that required deaf couples to be forcibly sterilized that was supported by Alexander Graham Bell among other well meaning hearing people. For these reasons, some old and young Deaf people are a bit more bitter and probably would appear self defensive. Attack before getting hurt, I guess, is sort of an unconscious universal response to fears from a psychological take.

All for the sake of convenience for everybody else.. but at what cost? :D Can you also see why some deaf people prefer to hang out with other deaf people if there are some hearing people that are unwilling to take the time to understand them? I do think that is changing today and that's great.

My hearing parents did not take the time to teach me respect or self respect, nor did I live with them while I was attending a res school. We only had our deaf friends to grow up with. For some of us that are introverted, may retreat to books or TV or movies completely.

Anyway, this is not to be a sob story but perhaps to give some more insights I have garnered into some deaf people's behavior that might be considered rude that they didn't think would be rude. Different perspectives. Of course, we all are responsible for ourselves so feel free to tell any of us to shhh ;-D Sound is your world so I can see how we should have more respect for that.
 
Liza said:
I had a discussion with da hubby last night about this, wanting to see how he would describe the noisy distractions for me, being profoundly deaf since birth. In the worst scenarios, he said it was like "seeing" other flailing hands in his face WHILE trying to read coherent signing hands. He made a demo to prove his point.

I have a theory about us deaf people shifting all of our focus on a brain area where it allows us to focus on our visual environment - usually on the other person or people we are talking with, rather than paying attention to our body - however noise it may emit. Years of this "programming" can make it a bit challenging, but I think it's doable if we know what it does to others (eg you Amada). Wanting to send us off to a special institution - that has already been done (ie residential school for the deaf, etc), and I think it makes the effect worse since we are used to an environment where we don't have to worry about being noisy. Nobody has told me to respect other people who have hearing. If the truth be known, we were told that hearing people have caused the deaf people problems and heartaches for centuries. Performed dangerous tests and experiments. Deaf people were part of the Holocaust as well as Jews, Black people and other different groups. "Minority cleansing" that required deaf couples to be forcibly sterilized that was supported by Alexander Graham Bell among other well meaning hearing people. For these reasons, some old and young Deaf people are a bit more bitter and probably would appear self defensive. Attack before getting hurt, I guess, is sort of an unconscious universal response to fears from a psychological take.

All for the sake of convenience for everybody else.. but at what cost? :D Can you also see why some deaf people prefer to hang out with other deaf people if there are some hearing people that are unwilling to take the time to understand them? I do think that is changing today and that's great.

My hearing parents did not take the time to teach me respect or self respect, nor did I live with them while I was attending a res school. We only had our deaf friends to grow up with. For some of us that are introverted, may retreat to books or TV or movies completely.

Anyway, this is not to be a sob story but perhaps to give some more insights I have garnered into some deaf people's behavior that might be considered rude that they didn't think would be rude. Different perspectives. Of course, we all are responsible for ourselves so feel free to tell any of us to shhh ;-D Sound is your world so I can see how we should have more respect for that.
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I do understand what you're talking about and coming from. I went to a res school as well and for the greatest part of my 8 years education there, I was always found with my nose stuck in a book or watching movies. :P
 
WaterRats13 said:
I do understand what you're talking about and coming from. I went to a res school as well and for the greatest part of my 8 years education there, I was always found with my nose stuck in a book or watching movies. :P
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:) You could catch me with my nose stuck in a book, too! When I were home with my grandparents during the weekend, I always made a beeline for the local library. Of course, I were quiet as a... *gasp* mouse! Squeak, squeak... just kidding, nobody complained about me being there. ;) Phew! Just think, how devatasting I would feel if somebody told me to leave without explaining why, or giving much space for compromises - much less getting glared at and not knowing why! I totally hate that. I would rather if a person came up to me and wrote stuff on paper to make her or his wishes known or to say hello (I don't know about you but I don't mind talking with anyone!), instead of assuming I know how to lipread expertly. I've had my shares of people who just didn't know how to deal with a deaf person, but instead opted for the rude screaming thinking I could hear them with whatever was left of my hearing or they would shoot me daggers hoping I'd get the message. Yikes. That doesnt really work that way... even if I suddenly could hear today, I think it would take a long time to be rehabilitated so I can learn to recognize speech patterns and sounds. Other times, I have gotten mocked in a public place by silly teenagers and preteen boys with nothing else to do. What can I do? I just smile and ignore them. I'm not an aggressive person, altho it does hurt my feelings when these things happen. I'm sure they probably didn't realize that. Feel free to take ASL classes, or write down stuff with pen n paper if the inclination strikes you. It is a different world, like viewing the world underwater when you go scuba diving IMO.

So, pretty much we all have seen the ugly sides of both deaf people and hearing people when it comes to these things. Thanks for listening to my gripes.
 
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Oh this is amazing.......the simple reason why deaf people sound squeaky or high pitched noises is because they simply cannot hear themselves! period. I know a lot of deaf people who dont wear hearing aids sound squeaky, but if they wear hearing aids and can hear themselves then their voices sound almost normal! One time, my hearing aid broke and had to take it to the dealer to get it fixed so i didnt have the hearing aid for a week, and my voice was different, my parents was astounded that my voice changed, thats because i could not hear my own voice! A lot of deaf just cannot wear hearing aids if they are 100% deaf, so of course their voices are strange sounding, they cant help that.
Im sorry if that bothers you, Amanda when deafies talk in sign language, thats life.. Alot of hearing people make noises too, i have heard them in libraries, schools, in hospitals etc places where they should be quiet but they are not..i have heard loud talking and laughing here in my office ..so what? what can we do about this noisy world, heh???? I think we deafies and hearies are equal when it comes to noises! just my 2 cents worth!
 
I was intergrated in hearing school. In grade 11, I transferred to a different high school, which happened to have a ASL deaf program. I did get to know a few of them. I noticed that while they signed, they would grunt, groan, squeak etc, and were not aware of it.
Quite a few ASL deaf do not wear hearing aids, and are unaware of how much noise they make, even if it comes from their own mouths.

Could you clear up something, are you talking about their voices when they speak, or just sounds they make while signing?
 
Sure! I'm not talking about ones that are trying to talk, but the ones that make noises while they sign (without realizing it).

And by the way, my name's Amada, not Amanda, and I'm a guy. ;p
 
Amada said:
Sure! I'm not talking about ones that are trying to talk, but the ones that make noises while they sign (without realizing it).

And by the way, my name's Amada, not Amanda, and I'm a guy. ;p
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Ok, i understand what you saying..umm..well, i do noticed a lot of hearing people make strange noises too...as i said before, we deaf and hearies are equal when it comes to noises!!!!
 
Defee said:
Oh this is amazing.......the simple reason why deaf people sound squeaky or high pitched noises is because they simply cannot hear themselves! period. I know a lot of deaf people who dont wear hearing aids sound squeaky, but if they wear hearing aids and can hear themselves then their voices sound almost normal! One time, my hearing aid broke and had to take it to the dealer to get it fixed so i didnt have the hearing aid for a week, and my voice was different, my parents was astounded that my voice changed, thats because i could not hear my own voice! A lot of deaf just cannot wear hearing aids if they are 100% deaf, so of course their voices are strange sounding, they cant help that.
Im sorry if that bothers you, Amanda when deafies talk in sign language, thats life.. Alot of hearing people make noises too, i have heard them in libraries, schools, in hospitals etc places where they should be quiet but they are not..i have heard loud talking and laughing here in my office ..so what? what can we do about this noisy world, heh???? I think we deafies and hearies are equal when it comes to noises! just my 2 cents worth!
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Oh yeah, this morning I told my sons, please do the dishes and chore around the house today because they are on winter vacation this week ! Older one said, how come you were yelling at us. I said, I did not. I just want to remind them. He said, my voice was high pitch when I was talking with my sign. :( I did not mean to yelling them because I can't hear my voice volume. Oh well !!
 
Yes, i understand, Sabrina...you dont wear hearing aid so of course you cant
hear your own voice, you cant help that..I wear hearing aid so i can hear my own voice and keep it at normal level..i m sure your boys understand that you cant help using high pitched voice, they know you didnt mean it..what that guy is saying is that the deaf make "noises" while signing..well, so what? they cant help that, i know some hearing people make noises too so i dont understand why that bothers him! it sounded like hes being discriminatory without realizing it..he didnt use any cruel words but i can read between the lines, heh! For example.. I heard people "grunt" when they pull or push something hard..same thing! get my drift?
 
but if they wear hearing aids and can hear themselves then their voices sound almost normal!
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Nope...my voice is VERY squeaky and "deaf" sounding and I've worn hearing aids since I was THREE!
 
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