Bi Question

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DreamDeaf

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I was working on some artist trading cards last night, and I got to thinking...

I'm an OUT bisexual femme - always have, always will be. I've always been honest to every person I've had a relationship with - I've told them I'm bi, but I do not believe in having affairs while in a relationship, no matter what sex I'm with. Many of them have understood, and were very accepting...many of them have remained friends after our relationships faded away - it's nicer that way.

Now, back on topic - this is for both sides of the coin.

What is your uppermost thought, innermost feelings, when your partner turns to you and tells you that he/she's bisexual? I'm talking to those in long-term relationships, where the partner has always thought the other partner was straight in his/her sexual orientation.

Would you feel betrayed, or just accepting of it? What emotions did you feel when that happened to you, or what do you think would happen if that did happen to you? How would you deal with it, and if it has happened already, how did you deal with it then?

For the others, who came out as bisexual, what happened when you told your partner that you were bisexual?

Just wondering - never had a problem.

Please no flaming, no bashing, no inappropriate posts. This is intended for serious discussion, please.
 
i have be honest when i date someone that i am BI , i dont have be hide from this.. i already told my bf that i am bi and he accpeted who am i... we know each other for 19 yrs.. so i already told my mom that i became bi in 2001 and she accpeted , love who am i.. :D
 
My fiance felt very betraded and is very afraid now because he doesn't have to just worry about me with guys but with girls to. I think it's perfectly fine because i'm not going to cheat on him.
 
Well, Deaf Dream,

I have to say I feel as you do. I am a lesbian who believes monogamy in relationships, and I expect my partner to be faithful to me while we are in the relationship.

Having said that, I would accept my partner's sexual orientation. It wouldn't matter to me if they were lesbian or bisexual, so long as she can commit to me during the relationship. As long as we can agree on how we want to conduct ourselves in the relationship, who she is attracted to, doesn't bother me.
 
I have few friends who are Lesbian or gay or Bi.. it does not bother me at all as long as they are happy with their lives... one of my daughters are BI...she is happy with her life.. that fine with me..
 
my partner's bi and i accept her for who she is and not what she is, shes a honest trust worthy and respectful woman i ever met, she doesn't lie and doesn't two face me, she belives that once i know the truth i will not get mad i will listen to her reason, and then explain my side of the reason the come to a compromise, that's the important thing in a relationship, as for mongomy my partner's a one person relationship, she told me she has NO feelings for guys in sexuality, but sees them as a cute person on the outter portion, but sees the women with inner and outter and sees them with respect and is very comfortable about it, so the keyword is, finding your comfortzone and showing the respect aspects of it.

in a whole shmo of this. I really love my partner with my whole heart and soul, and i accept her lifestyle no matter what!
 
It's great to see such open, honest answers here!

Phillips, why do you feel that way?
 
I was talking to someone online about this very subject - we were wondering what would happen if a person were to realize that he/she was bisexual DURING a relationship? I've never had this happen, so I was wondering how this was dealt with and to what conclusion it came to?
 
DreamDeaf said:
I was talking to someone online about this very subject - we were wondering what would happen if a person were to realize that he/she was bisexual DURING a relationship? I've never had this happen, so I was wondering how this was dealt with and to what conclusion it came to?
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well tell this person that need vent out of her or his chest how their feeling and tell her or his relationship truth..
 
This is an interesting question because there are so many instances in which gays mistreat and judge bisexuals based on the simple fact that they're bisexual. How ironic when we are arguing for greater sexual freedom and diversity for ourselves while closing the door on bisexuals. Bisexuality and monogamy are entirely compatible, as long as the person you're dating wants monogamy. Why is this so often forgotten?

As a woman who never dates guys, I'm just no attracted to them, I also know that there can be certain frustrations that come with dating a bi woman. This usually has to do with privilege. When a bi woman goes out with a man, in public but also in other settings, she experiences a good deal of heterosexual privilege; her parents are likely to think that her boyfriend is normal and treat him better than her previous female lovers, she has the opportunity in the U.S to marry him, and he can offer her access to male privilege in the form of financial stability. She can feel more comfortable talking about him at work or school.
I remember dating a bi girl once and feeling jealous when she told me of how she could bring previous boyfriends home to meet her family but I had to be hidden away. She also had more of an 'in' with straight female friends in that she could discuss men with them. This is a big deal especially when we're young. In highschool I only told friends I was bi so I could pretend I still liked boys and be included in conversations about them, and I was told by some of those friends that they were so glad that at least I still liked boys too because that way they could relate to me.

I have never understood though, the idea that I should be worried of a bi woman's potential to cheat on me with a man. What makes cheating with a man any more likely than cheating with a woman, and why should I assume she would? People cheat because they're incapable of telling the truth, or because they're jerks or because they're unsatisfied. If I'm worried that a lover will cheat its because I don't think I satisfy her, which means that this should be the focus of the issue, not the fact that she's bisexual. Or if she's a jerk, I say goodbye and don't blame bi people I meet in the future for her mistakes...
 
It is a very interesting subject for me. If my significant other was a bi, it probably would not bother me if we had a strong relationship based on monogamy. The only thing that would bother me though, is when the person would use the "bi card" to make himself look better than an "awful gay person." But again, I can't be with a person who is not out of the closet. I dislike it when I have to play along someone's denial and secret, and contributing to his self-denial of his homosexual identity. It is so energy-draining.
 
I was bi long time ago. I had a gf who was bi also. We had boyfriends. Our bfs didnt know that my bi gf and I were in relationship. We were very carefully not show any sign to our bfs. After we were off with our bfs and ourselves. I realized that we were cheating on our bfs.

I learned my lesson and wont do it again if I decided to be bi again. I couldnt do that to a person or persons. It could become attach string if I want either gf or bf while dating others. It could hurt other person. Am I making a sense?
 
Redheadgrrl, what do you mean if you decide to be BI again? You can chop & change your mind you are either BI or not.Yes I agree it is best to be honest straight away with whoever you are in a relationship with.
 
Ange. said:
Redheadgrrl, what do you mean if you decide to be BI again? You can chop & change your mind you are either BI or not.Yes I agree it is best to be honest straight away with whoever you are in a relationship with.
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If I want to change my lifestyle from lesbian to BI.. Am I allow??

BUT right now I am not BI - I am lesbian. I was bi years ago!! I like women more than men.
 
Redheadgrrl, I'm sorry if I offended you I was confused thats all.I suppose you can do whatever you like.
Ange.
 
RedheadGrrl said:
If I want to change my lifestyle from lesbian to BI.. Am I allow??

BUT right now I am not BI - I am lesbian. I was bi years ago!! I like women more than men.
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That sounds to me like you were in transition and finding out who you were. I was married and thought I was bi. Eventually I realized that I too liked women better than men and am also a lesbian.
 
I would accept my partner's sudden revelation and wonder if he wanted to discuss our boundaries in the relationship. He may have a good reason for this... like being in denial for so long that he believed he was straight. I would hope that he would be able to communicate with me about this honestly. It is also probably an opportunity that he may want to take to renegotiate the boundaries of our relationship (does he want a bf on the side while being married to me?). Of course, I can always say no if that is not for me.. and he can decide whether he wants to live with that or exit the relationship. Either way, he would still be true to himself and to me. Well, I *might* not mind if he did want a bf on the side, either gay or bi... I might like having two husbands, without having to have sex with both of them! Imagine all the repair work two men could do in the house... huhu!
 
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