Advice please: son doesn't want to wear HAs

Buffalo said:
..... I have read that a mother was upset when her boy was implanted on the wrong ear (his good ear that he can hear).
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"good ear.." .. do you mean an ear that is working fine, or do you mean the better of the two HOH ears...
 
I rarely weigh in

I usually steer clear of these type of debates, since I am LDA and have no children. My thoughts...

I note that all deaf responders do not say they wish they had learned to use their HAs more. I do not see them saying they wish they had used English as their first language. I do not see them saying they enjoyed being mainstreamed with hearing children. I do not see them wishing their parents had tried to mold them into hearing-based young adults, so they would "fit in" with the others. I do not see them feeling completely 100% included in all family activities.

I note that they preferred deaf schools. I see them saying that ASL, early and often, is by far the best choice; and probably the only choice for American students. I see them wishing their entire families had taken the time to learn ASL. I see them regretting the time wasted, trying to hear. I see them wishing their parents had shown them, over and over, how proud they were that their child was deaf.

I am just a HOH guy. I do not pretend to be deaf, nor do I insinuate that I am. I am happy to be in their midst; sharing, mingling, learning. They are a group of people that have opinions and experiences that always amaze me. To write about the experiences of the deaf world, one must be deaf. To listen to them, one must be open to a wisdom, gained from experiences, that must be lived through. Only then can we begin to understand what they have learned.

To Rivenoak: I can feel your love for your child in your words. At the moment when you decided to let your child choose whether or not to wear the HAs, you showed a love that a person can only acquire by having children. Good luck to you and your family.
 
saywhatkid said:
I usually steer clear of these type of debates, since I am LDA and have no children. My thoughts...

I note that all deaf responders do not say they wish they had learned to use their HAs more. I do not see them saying they wish they had used English as their first language. I do not see them saying they enjoyed being mainstreamed with hearing children. I do not see them wishing their parents had tried to mold them into hearing-based young adults, so they would "fit in" with the others. I do not see them feeling completely 100% included in all family activities.

I note that they preferred deaf schools. I see them saying that ASL, early and often, is by far the best choice; and probably the only choice for American students. I see them wishing their entire families had taken the time to learn ASL. I see them regretting the time wasted, trying to hear. I see them wishing their parents had shown them, over and over, how proud they were that their child was deaf.

.
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And the term deaf also includes HOH kids!!!!!!! I see parents of today's kids going on and on that " oh technology has changed." YES, there's going to be a lot less voice off unaided/unCId kids out there ....but a lot of hoh kids still deal with the exact same downsides of an auditory verbal approach.
 
saywhatkid said:
I usually steer clear of these type of debates, since I am LDA and have no children. My thoughts...

I note that all deaf responders do not say they wish they had learned to use their HAs more. I do not see them saying they wish they had used English as their first language. I do not see them saying they enjoyed being mainstreamed with hearing children. I do not see them wishing their parents had tried to mold them into hearing-based young adults, so they would "fit in" with the others. I do not see them feeling completely 100% included in all family activities.

I note that they preferred deaf schools. I see them saying that ASL, early and often, is by far the best choice; and probably the only choice for American students. I see them wishing their entire families had taken the time to learn ASL. I see them regretting the time wasted, trying to hear. I see them wishing their parents had shown them, over and over, how proud they were that their child was deaf.

I am just a HOH guy. I do not pretend to be deaf, nor do I insinuate that I am. I am happy to be in their midst; sharing, mingling, learning. They are a group of people that have opinions and experiences that always amaze me. To write about the experiences of the deaf world, one must be deaf. To listen to them, one must be open to a wisdom, gained from experiences, that must be lived through. Only then can we begin to understand what they have learned.

To Rivenoak: I can feel your love for your child in your words. At the moment when you decided to let your child choose whether or not to wear the HAs, you showed a love that a person can only acquire by having children. Good luck to you and your family.
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saywhatkid,

While I agree that you have succinctly stated the majority viewpoint on this forum, there are a few adults here who are fine with having been mainstreamed, having an oral language as their first language and are ok with their HAs and CIs. But you are right that on this forum there is a certain viewpoint but if you went elsewhere, say to AGB, the majority of deaf adults there would express a viewpoint that for the most part would be the polar opposite.

So what is a parent looking for information to do? Gather information from as many sources as possible and use their common sense and intellect to filter that information. While there are many opinions not all deserve equal weight. There are factors to consider, do I know the person giving the opinion, does it make sense, is it valid, is the person's experiences similar to child's or different? For my wife and I we met and talked to many different people but the people whose opinion we gave more weight to were those deaf adults with cis as they were experiencing and living with the very device that we were considering for our child. They were the only people who could tell us how it made a difference in their lives, what they experienced before and what they were experiencing with their implants. The almost universal response from them was that it had a positive impact on their lives, that it made their lives easier and that if they could, they wished they could have gotten their cochlear implant as a child like our daughter.

We chose a certain path for our daughter and by virtue of choosing that path we did not choose other ones. That does not make those paths wrong or lessen the experiences of those whose advice and opinions we did not choose.

You do not have children but I do and I have raised a deaf child who is now an adult and her experiences are not the same as the majority on this board. She did enjoy her mainstream school, in fact more than my hearing daughter. She does not feel estranged from her family but very much a part of it. I am proud of my daughter, and she knows it, but not because she is deaf but because of who she is and what she has accomplished and is accomplishing.

So yes, the experiences of the posters on this forum and other forums as well are of some value but ultimately a parent has to decide what is best for their child and not what the majority opinion happens to be.
Rick
 
rick48 said:
saywhatkid,

While I agree that you have succinctly stated the majority viewpoint on this forum, there are a few adults here who are fine with having been mainstreamed, having an oral language as their first language and are ok with their HAs and CIs. But you are right that on this forum there is a certain viewpoint but if you went elsewhere, say to AGB, the majority of deaf adults there would express a viewpoint that for the most part would be the polar opposite.

So what is a parent looking for information to do? Gather information from as many sources as possible and use their common sense and intellect to filter that information. While there are many opinions not all deserve equal weight. There are factors to consider, do I know the person giving the opinion, does it make sense, is it valid, is the person's experiences similar to child's or different? For my wife and I we met and talked to many different people but the people whose opinion we gave more weight to were those deaf adults with cis as they were experiencing and living with the very device that we were considering for our child. They were the only people who could tell us how it made a difference in their lives, what they experienced before and what they were experiencing with their implants. The almost universal response from them was that it had a positive impact on their lives, that it made their lives easier and that if they could, they wished they could have gotten their cochlear implant as a child like our daughter.

We chose a certain path for our daughter and by virtue of choosing that path we did not choose other ones. That does not make those paths wrong or lessen the experiences of those whose advice and opinions we did not choose.

You do not have children but I do and I have raised a deaf child who is now an adult and her experiences are not the same as the majority on this board. She did enjoy her mainstream school, in fact more than my hearing daughter. She does not feel estranged from her family but very much a part of it. I am proud of my daughter, and she knows it, but not because she is deaf but because of who she is and what she has accomplished and is accomplishing.

So yes, the experiences of the posters on this forum and other forums as well are of some value but ultimately a parent has to decide what is best for their child and not what the majority opinion happens to be.
Rick
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Why is your daughter learning ASL?
 
Why are you asking and why do you want to know? BTW she is not learning it as she knows it.
 
rick48 said:
saywhatkid,

While I agree that you have succinctly stated the majority viewpoint on this forum, there are a few adults here who are fine with having been mainstreamed, having an oral language as their first language and are ok with their HAs and CIs. But you are right that on this forum there is a certain viewpoint but if you went elsewhere, say to AGB, the majority of deaf adults there would express a viewpoint that for the most part would be the polar opposite.

So what is a parent looking for information to do? Gather information from as many sources as possible and use their common sense and intellect to filter that information. While there are many opinions not all deserve equal weight. There are factors to consider, do I know the person giving the opinion, does it make sense, is it valid, is the person's experiences similar to child's or different? For my wife and I we met and talked to many different people but the people whose opinion we gave more weight to were those deaf adults with cis as they were experiencing and living with the very device that we were considering for our child. They were the only people who could tell us how it made a difference in their lives, what they experienced before and what they were experiencing with their implants. The almost universal response from them was that it had a positive impact on their lives, that it made their lives easier and that if they could, they wished they could have gotten their cochlear implant as a child like our daughter.

We chose a certain path for our daughter and by virtue of choosing that path we did not choose other ones. That does not make those paths wrong or lessen the experiences of those whose advice and opinions we did not choose.

You do not have children but I do and I have raised a deaf child who is now an adult and her experiences are not the same as the majority on this board. She did enjoy her mainstream school, in fact more than my hearing daughter. She does not feel estranged from her family but very much a part of it. I am proud of my daughter, and she knows it, but not because she is deaf but because of who she is and what she has accomplished and is accomplishing.

So yes, the experiences of the posters on this forum and other forums as well are of some value but ultimately a parent has to decide what is best for their child and not what the majority opinion happens to be.
Rick
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I would certainly welcome her to post about her experiences. It would carry more weight than anything you or I could say here.
 
posts from hell said:
Ah, there ya go. Point made.
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Yes, the point being that there are children who have been implanted and who utilize spoken English as their first language who have grown up, graduated college, and are now working, getting married and are enjoying their lives. Once again it proves that there is no one, or "best" way to raise or educate a deaf child and that while parents may choose different paths, their goals for their children are the same.

You had better disagree with me or you will have hell to pay with your cohorts.
 
saywhatkid said:
I would certainly welcome her to post about her experiences. It would carry more weight than anything you or I could say here.
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We each bring something of value to the table, for you it is your experiences as a late deafened adult and for me, my experiences raising a child with a cochlear implant from infancy to adulthood.

Rick
 
rick48 said:
Yes, the point being that there are children who have been implanted and who utilize spoken English as their first language who have grown up, graduated college, and are now working, getting married and are enjoying their lives. Once again it proves that there is no one, or "best" way to raise or educate a deaf child and that while parents may choose different paths, their goals for their children are the same.

You had better disagree with me or you will have hell to pay with your cohorts.
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Everyone can see through that. Again, point made. She had the desire to learn ASL later on, why is that? Why? Tell me the truth!
 
rick48 said:
We each bring something of value to the table, for you it is your experiences as a late deafened adult and for me, my experiences raising a child with a cochlear implant from infancy to adulthood.

Rick
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In your hearing perspective.
 
rick48 said:
saywhatkid,

You do not have children but I do and I have raised a deaf child who is now an adult and her experiences are not the same as the majority on this board. She did enjoy her mainstream school, in fact more than my hearing daughter. She does not feel estranged from her family but very much a part of it. I am proud of my daughter, and she knows it, but not because she is deaf but because of who she is and what she has accomplished and is accomplishing.

So yes, the experiences of the posters on this forum and other forums as well are of some value but ultimately a parent has to decide what is best for their child and not what the majority opinion happens to be.
Rick
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Rick, but bear in mind have you thought that your daughter's experiance was kind of unusual? Yes, there are kids who have done well in the mainstream, but there have always ....and I mean ALWAYS been kids who have done well in the mainstream. Your daughter was a FIRST generation CI kid who suceeded very well in the mainstream. Meaning not even resource room or major deaf ed intervention! All she had was basicly traditional hoh accomondations. Heck, from what you have said, she didn't even have SOCIAL issues. Do you know how rare that is? Social issues are a HUGE HUGE biggie....so much, that they are a perhenrianl topic at the Clarke School for the Deaf Mainstream conference. That would have been like a kid like ME, suceeding VERY well, when hearing aids were first introduced. You don't understand or seem to want to admit that a lot of your daughter's oral deaf contemporaries ended up at Clarke/CID/St. Joseph's/Tucker Maxon and so on for middle school, b/c they started struggling orally/in the mainstream. It's good that your daughter did so well.........but your daughter's experiance was NOT the norm. Hell, I don't even think it would be the norm today....I know hundreds of mainstreamed oral dhh kids who struggle with so many issues.
 
deafdyke said:
Rick, but bear in mind have you thought that your daughter's experiance was kind of unusual? Yes, there are kids who have done well in the mainstream, but there have always ....and I mean ALWAYS been kids who have done well in the mainstream. Your daughter was a FIRST generation CI kid who suceeded very well in the mainstream. Meaning not even resource room or major deaf ed intervention! All she had was basicly traditional hoh accomondations. Heck, from what you have said, she didn't even have SOCIAL issues. Do you know how rare that is? Social issues are a HUGE HUGE biggie....so much, that they are a perhenrianl topic at the Clarke School for the Deaf Mainstream conference. That would have been like a kid like ME, suceeding VERY well, when hearing aids were first introduced. You don't understand or seem to want to admit that a lot of your daughter's oral deaf contemporaries ended up at Clarke/CID/St. Joseph's/Tucker Maxon and so on for middle school, b/c they started struggling orally/in the mainstream. It's good that your daughter did so well.........but your daughter's experiance was NOT the norm. Hell, I don't even think it would be the norm today....I know hundreds of mainstreamed oral dhh kids who struggle with so many issues.
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Again, you bring up Clarke. Did you go to school there? Do you work there? Do you often attend their conferences? How are you privy to what they talk about there? Also, you keep saying that kids are transferring from the mainstream to oral deaf schools. This is actually the reverse of what is going on. They serve the majority of their students from birth to 3, and then a percentage go straight to a typical preschool, while other attend the school's preschool. By the time you start first grade, they are serving a much smaller number, and by late elementary 90% have mainstreamed. You are stating the exact opposite, which isn't the case at all.
 
rick48 said:
No the ci is not a miracle, it is not a cure for deafness, it does not make a deaf child hearing (but they can hear) but it is, for those who do not get benefits from HAs, still the best choice that currently exists to give deaf children and adults access to sound. We parents are always being told how we do not "listen" well some of you should not only "listen" to the ci kids but to those ci adults who have consistently told you how it has made thier lives easier and how they wish they had had it at a younger age.


Rick
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As a person that grew up with Hearing aids. I can related to having the tools to help me hear.

I will give it that much.
 
Deafguy25 said:
Again, you bring up Clarke. Did you go to school there? Do you work there? Do you often attend their conferences? How are you privy to what they talk about there? Also, you keep saying that kids are transferring from the mainstream to oral deaf schools. This is actually the reverse of what is going on. They serve the majority of their students from birth to 3, and then a percentage go straight to a typical preschool, while other attend the school's preschool. By the time you start first grade, they are serving a much smaller number, and by late elementary 90% have mainstreamed. You are stating the exact opposite, which isn't the case at all.
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Deafguy25,

Just remember what I told you: she just makes it up as she goes along. Don't go nuts trying to have a rationale conversation with her.
Rick
 
rick48 said:
We all have a perspective but since you have never raised a profoundly deaf child with a cochlear implant you do not have the experiences that I have had.
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Irrational reasoning. BTW - I had the opportunity to experience that. I chose not to because I have seen the cons of CI's personally.
 
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