Advice for a hearing parent?

[TJBay]

My wife and I are both hearing. Our daughter, who is now 18 months old, was born deaf. We've both been learning ASL since we found out and plan to use it as her primary language. She does have a cochlear implant on one side, but her cochlear nerve is small and we aren't sure how much she'll get from it.

I'm always intrigued when I watch Deaf adults interact with my daughter. There are many subtle things they do that seem obvious once I see them, but hadn't come naturally to me. I'm just used to interacting with people with my voice, I think, and visual communication is still new to me. I was hoping some other parents who use ASL with their children might have some pointers.

I also wonder about some things, like should I be fingerspelling to her? I know she probably won't understand it at this point, but I imagine if she were hearing, I might use complex words sometimes even if she wouldn't understand. I wouldn't know what else to do with people's names, anyway. Would I just use a temporary name sign for them? What do I do if I don't know the sign for something?

 

[CSign]

Finger spelling is a great tool to use, even though she's young. It will become even more beneficial for her as she gets older, as it will help her with the spelling of different words. Also, if you don't know the sign for something, you can always finger spell the word to still give her that visual input.

 

[PositiveSigner]

Any visual communication is better than nothing. I have heard that hearing children of Deaf adults tend to be excellent at recognizing fingerspelled words because they've gotten so much of it their whole life.

Also, home sign is when you make up a sign for something just for use in the family. My ASL teacher interprets a play by fingerspelling the person's name and then assigning a common initialize sign name for them. For the rest of the performance she uses that sign name when the character is speaking. She said that the Deaf audience is able to enjoy it more when she does that instead of fingerspelling.

 

[TJBay]

Oops, I meant to post this in the Parenting forum. Is there any way to change it? I don't see a way to message a mod.

 

[naisho]

Oops, I meant to post this in the Parenting forum. Is there any way to change it? I don't see a way to message a mod.

You can have it in the parenting forum if you wish. However, that's generally (unofficially considered) a section used for any kind of discussion pertaining to parenting and children, regardless if they are deaf or hearing.

If you are looking for specifically discussions regarding sign language development with children, I'd say this section (Sign Language & Oralism), Hearing Aids & Cochlear Implants, or Deaf Education are more suited for your needs.

Let me know if you've a final decision where you'd like the thread.

 

[TJBay]

It isn't only sign language I'm wondering about, but that's obviously a major component. I'm fairly new here to the community here, though, so I'll defer to your judgement on where it best belongs.

 

[deafdyke]

Good on you for coming here and also pursuing ASL for your daughter!
She will do well.

 

[Mountain Man]

Thing about fingerspelling, it's just a series of signs and a natural part of the language just like any other sign. When you point to a bus and fingerspell B-U-S, your daughter is not seeing individual English letters but a series of signs that reference the vehicle.

If you are serious about ASL being your daughter's primary language then I would recommend that you take some formal ASL classes (preferably through a reputable program) and find ways to immerse your daughter in the Deaf community where she will be able to interact with native signers. Also, be sure to use sign language as much as possible at home.

My own experience to this end has been extremely positive. I have a 6-year old son who was born deaf, and my wife and I have made a concerted effort over the years to have a bi-lingual household. I took a couple years of ASL and interpreting courses at my local community college, and my wife is beginning her training this summer in order to improve her skills. At this point, using sign language is a very natural part of our lives to the point that we will often go "voice off" on family outings. It is the most adorable thing in the world to see my three children happily signing away to each other.

 

[TJBay]

We are doing both. Taking classes / tutoring from a Deaf teacher and making friends in our local Deaf community. We've met some wonderful people in it already.

Are your other two children hearing? Are they older or younger than your son? We plan to have more and I'm curious about the dynamics of bilingual household. I imagine we'll have rules about voice-off during meals and other times the whole family is together, but we'll want to speak, sing songs, etc. with our other kids if they are hearing. But we don't want to leave our daughter out, either. It seems pretty complicated.

 

[Cloggy]

.......
I also wonder about some things, like should I be fingerspelling to her? I know she probably won't understand it at this point, but I imagine if she were hearing, I might use complex words sometimes even if she wouldn't understand. I wouldn't know what else to do with people's names, anyway. Would I just use a temporary name sign for them? What do I do if I don't know the sign for something?

Welcome..
Cool... sign language is a great way to communicate.
But fingerspelling.. The great thing about sign is that you you hardly need it...
When we used signs with our daughter we used the sign for "J" for her brother, and "stroke on the cheak" for her sister"... (Have a look here at a video where she signs.....)
In the video she aks if her sister (stroking the cheek) is coming home (finger- movement)..

btw.. do you have other children or is she the first..??

 

[Mountain Man]

But fingerspelling.. The great thing about sign is that you you hardly need it...

That is incorrect. Fingerspelling is, in fact, an integral part of the language and is used frequently by signers in the course of normal conversation.

 

[Lau2046]

We are doing both. Taking classes / tutoring from a Deaf teacher and making friends in our local Deaf community. We've met some wonderful people in it already.

Are your other two children hearing? Are they older or younger than your son? We plan to have more and I'm curious about the dynamics of bilingual household. I imagine we'll have rules about voice-off during meals and other times the whole family is together, but we'll want to speak, sing songs, etc. with our other kids if they are hearing. But we don't want to leave our daughter out, either. It seems pretty complicated.

I don't understand why there needs to be a "voice off" time. Why can't you sign and use your voice? She's so young at this point that no one can gauge what's she's hearing so I would sign and talk and treat her just like any other child. She may use ASL as a primary language but I don't get why you'd need to have rules against using your voice. I went to school at Northern Essex in my state that had a high number of deaf students and I noticed when many deaf adults were talking to their parents - many (parents) that could hear - they used their voice too, both parents and students.

BTW, if you live near a school for the Deaf, they may offer to teach families ASL for free. I know the Beverly School of the Deaf in my state does. Best of luck to you.

 

[GrendelQ]

I don't understand why there needs to be a "voice off" time.

Hi! We have voices-off time at home, and roughly half (if not more) of my daughter's day at school is voices-off. The reasoning is that if you enforce voices-off, you are ensuring that the child who is deaf is never left out of the conversation. That's important even at a very young age -- the child needs to be bathed in language. Even if the person speaking makes sure to sim-com, signing while speaking, responses and cross-talk may not be accessible to the child. And sim-comming is great in theory, but EXTREMELY difficult to do well. Most families are learning, themselves, and it's pretty near impossible for a novice signer to sim-comm well -- both languages suffer. And given that you get less than 30% of the meaning via speechreading, that's not a suitable alternative, either.

A secondary reason for enforcing a strict voices-off policy given by my daughter's teachers at her school for the deaf is that if the kids have auditory access they will nearly always exhibit a preference for speaking, and they won't develop their signing skills at the same rate as their spoken language skills. They find that unless enforced, their classes naturally gravitate towards spoken, not signed language, even though they may have limited access to sound.

 

[Bebonang]

The reason why we have voice off is because we can not hear and also don't want to talk funny in our voices. No, it is better to have voice off when we sign so not to confuse other hearing people or any one near us having making too much loud sound with funny voices. We do feel better having no voice to speak while we are signing. I love that. I do talk loud and have a funny accent and people keep telling me that I talk well. But I don't think so. When we can not hear, it is hard to understand what people are saying anyway. So what is the point trying to use voices if we don't want to use our own voices. We rely on visual better than listening. Lipreading is hard when we can not make it out. That is frustrating. So ASL is important for us to communicate including having ASL interpreters helping us understand what hearing people said.

 

[Cloggy]

That is incorrect. Fingerspelling is, in fact, an integral part of the language and is used frequently by signers in the course of normal conversation.

With adults.. I agree...
This child is 18 months.... You need to know the alphabet before you can use fingerspelling...
Fingerspelling the name of the Lottes sibling would have been pointless.

 

[CSign]

With adults.. I agree...
This child is 18 months.... You need to know the alphabet before you can use fingerspelling...
Fingerspelling the name of the Lottes sibling would have been pointless.

I tend to disagree with you about the child needing to know the alphabet before finger spelling with them. They would eventually come to recognize the shape of the name or word as a whole, rather than individual letters. When they get older and they are learning to spell, there are times when it is appropriate to finger spell the word/name clearly, or emphasize a certain part for clarity. But... If you're signing with and around a child who is deaf there is no reason not to finger spell if you don't know a sign for a particular word.

In my opinion of course.

 

[Lau2046]

Hi! We have voices-off time at home, and roughly half (if not more) of my daughter's day at school is voices-off. The reasoning is that if you enforce voices-off, you are ensuring that the child who is deaf is never left out of the conversation. That's important even at a very young age -- the child needs to be bathed in language. Even if the person speaking makes sure to sim-com, signing while speaking, responses and cross-talk may not be accessible to the child. And sim-comming is great in theory, but EXTREMELY difficult to do well. Most families are learning, themselves, and it's pretty near impossible for a novice signer to sim-comm well -- both languages suffer. And given that you get less than 30% of the meaning via speechreading, that's not a suitable alternative, either.

A secondary reason for enforcing a strict voices-off policy given by my daughter's teachers at her school for the deaf is that if the kids have auditory access they will nearly always exhibit a preference for speaking, and they won't develop their signing skills at the same rate as their spoken language skills. They find that unless enforced, their classes naturally gravitate towards spoken, not signed language, even though they may have limited access to sound.

Really? You learn something new every day. I had no idea....thanks for the info.

 

[Mountain Man]

With adults.. I agree...
This child is 18 months.... You need to know the alphabet before you can use fingerspelling...
Fingerspelling the name of the Lottes sibling would have been pointless.

Nope, because fingerspelling is a series of interconnected signs, just like any other sign. If a sibling's name is "Frank" and you fingerspell it, the child is not seeing individual letters but the flow and configuration of the handshapes that spell out F-R-A-N-K. It's essentially one continuous sign.

Later the child can learn what the individual letters are, but there's no reason not to expose her to fingerspelling at the same time you introduce sign language.

 

[Cloggy]

Nope, because fingerspelling is a series of interconnected signs, just like any other sign. If a sibling's name is "Frank" and you fingerspell it, the child is not seeing individual letters but the flow and configuration of the handshapes that spell out F-R-A-N-K. It's essentially one continuous sign.

Later the child can learn what the individual letters are, but there's no reason not to expose her to fingerspelling at the same time you introduce sign language.

I understand what you're saying.. I can see how a spelled word is a continuous flow to be recognized...
When introducing ourself at the sign language course we used to fingerspell our names. Just never used fingerpelling with Lote. Part because we were not fluent, partly because we used 1 sign for the people we "talked" about with her..

 

[cduskey]

I think these are all great questions about both sign and having the family be bilingual. It is difficult but can be accomplished, you just have to decide what works best for everyone. In my household, I am hearing. My oldest is hearing. My middle son is profoundly deaf but now wears a cochlear implant but is fluent in sign. My youngest daughter is profoundly deaf and had a cochlear implant but her body rejected it so she uses sign language as her only mode of communication.

I think fingerspelling is important. If you don't know a sign, I would finger spell it and then come online, or get to know a deaf person that can help. With technology, it is so easy to teach others without being in the same room. There are still times when I can't figure out a word so I will text a deaf friend and they will videotape themselves signing the word with their phone and then send it to me.

With names, we have made sure to have name signs for everyone who is around my children. My daughter is now 5 and my son 8 so they help come up with name signs for people. Before that, we either asked for the help of a deaf person or we came up with one ourselves even though I know that is sometimes frowned upon.

As for signing, I think it's very important that the entire family signs, especially if this is your daughter's main mode of communication. It is a struggle. My oldest hasn't taken to it like I would want him to but I still insist on him signing with his sister at the least. If he is only playing with his brother, I don't stress it as much since my middle son is fluent in both sign and english. If he doesn't understand someone's speech, he will ask them to sign it or ask me to interpret it for me. But at the table and things like that, we ask that everyone signs. My daughter is a great communicator but I do not want her to ever feel left out.

Honestly, the only problem we have came up with so far is church. Right now, there is a lady that goes in and signs the stories for her but eventually, I would love to have someone who can be in there the entire time for her so she can understand what everyone is doing. Of course, I can go sign for her but then I am not getting fed spiritually myself.