Adjustment to late onset deafness

ambrosia said:
But even from the beginning of losing my hearing I have found that one of the worst feelings about hearing loss has been crowds. Is it just me or the more people that around the more alone you feel?
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It is not just you. This is why I avoid hearing functions as much as possible.

Like I mentioned in another post, it is much harder for late-deafened folks, as those of us who lost it at a young age have learned to adapt over the years.
 
ambrosia, I agree with you and green427 - when I am at a crowded "social" event, I feel incredibly lonely. It's so painful that I avoid them now.
 
New guy

I suspect my hearing was not always very good but it has really gone south in the last few years. Luckily or ironically it was a year after I retired. The hearing aids worked for a while. Never worried about how they looked, told the audiologist I would stick a horn in my ear if it would let me hear better. I live in a rural area so I don't think ASL would do me much good. I never realized how important music was to me. My wife is having trouble adjusting and sometimes reacts like I am just trying to be a problem (I won't put up with that). There are a few other issues, half my face is paralized.

My biggest problem is feeling like I am useless. I have always been a service/productive person and don't know how I can do that with my hearing loss.
 
scary

defgrl said:
There are times when I seem to "hear better" than at others. Sometimes my tinnitus is "very loud" and other times it hardly bothers me. Sometimes a HA helps and sometimes it doesn't. I wish people who can hear "normally" would at least TRY to understand a little bit.

I think it is "nutty" when Hearing people INSIST that I am Hearing, and then I will go complain about it to somebody in Signs with voice off. My signing is getting closer and closer to ASL. I am glad since I got dx'ed with sensori-neural hearing loss. I was VERY scared at first, but I am dealing with it. I feel a lot better since I decided to "ID" as HOH.:aw:
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I spent a year in Vietnam, jumped out of perfectly good airplanes and more. But losing your hearing IS scary.

When I tell people I can't hear them and the keep talking, I just kind of chuckle inside. They are really talking to themselves.
 
Sallylou, I feel the isolation also. Since I always enjoyed solitude it probably isn't as bad for me, but I do miss talking to people. Maybe this forum will be of some help.
 
matteb said:
Sallylou, I feel the isolation also. Since I always enjoyed solitude it probably isn't as bad for me, but I do miss talking to people. Maybe this forum will be of some help.
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I am not late deafened, but I have facial paralysis also, from a syndrome relating to deafness, just so you know you are not the only one.

:) I saw some shirts from the Moebius syndrome foundation that say, "I'm smiling on the inside!" and I thought that would be a cool thing to have.
 
privilege

sallylou said:
It's easy to ignore privilege when you have it. I have white privilege. I have certain advantages because I'm white. That's how it is in our society.

Here's a list of male privilege:

Alas, a blog The Male Privilege Checklist

One of the most obvious privileges that men have the ability to go out in public at any time of the day without fear of being harassed or raped. I never walk my dog alone at night. I'm wary of men when I'm alone. I've been followed by a strange man while driving home and so have some of my girlfriends. I've had girlfriends who were hit by their husbands. I'm sure that if you're in law enforcement, you have seen a lot of this.
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I don't think it is just white or male. Best line I heard was "some people were born on second base and think they hit a double".
 
i can feel panic in big crowd feel big whooshing like on outside looking in.i had my first seziour on platform rush hour time on london underground from that moment on i get shudders in crowds.horrible...going to para olympic opening next week and i dreading and feel sick at thought of those crowds
 
My name is Steve. I have sensorineural hearing loss that I just discovered recently. Apparently it has been occurring for years. I just thought people were talking in progressively lower whispers each year. I've "coped" but I'm sick of trying so hard just to understand.

I'm learning ASL and hope to be able to sign in 100 years or so. I'm kind of afraid to even post...afraid that I'll offend without knowing! My doctor said that there are implants that will help, but I don't see the point. I can function at work. Socially its more difficult.

Rather than exhausting myself try to hear, I want to be able to sign with other hoh and deaf people. This site is really great. Too bad it doesn't help me learning ASL.
 
Glad to find this thread. I was recently diagnosed as HOH with progressive loss. I never had even an idea that I heard differently than others. I actually thought I was slow and had to work harder than everyone else just to get to the starting line. It never occurred to me that it took more effort because I heard less. I blamed myself for not being good enough.

(oops, I replied twice)
 
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Glad to "hear" I'm not alone ;-)

Hi Steve, you and I have a similar story. I am wondering if it may be 150 years before I can communicate using ASL. I am a pretty good lip reader, but you are right - trying to understand and interact is tiresome and often more trouble than it is worth (for me).

Not sure where you are from (I am in Normal, IL) - have you ever found any local resources that bring HOH/Deaf individuals together in your community? I am trying to figure out where I should look to find a place to "fit in" since I seem to have greater difficulty in social situations. My husband helps (SOME), but it is a lot to ask of him.

Any ideas? tlk
 
I completely understand!

matteb said:
I suspect my hearing was not always very good but it has really gone south in the last few years. Luckily or ironically it was a year after I retired. The hearing aids worked for a while. Never worried about how they looked, told the audiologist I would stick a horn in my ear if it would let me hear better. I live in a rural area so I don't think ASL would do me much good. I never realized how important music was to me. My wife is having trouble adjusting and sometimes reacts like I am just trying to be a problem (I won't put up with that). There are a few other issues, half my face is paralized.

My biggest problem is feeling like I am useless. I have always been a service/productive person and don't know how I can do that with my hearing loss.
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I totally get that useless feeling - in fact I am not sure how to re-join the working world. I recently "negotiated" a contract and actually negotiated $15 an hour LESS than what they were offering. Talk about feeling like an idiot. It was only later, upon reviewing a written trail that I discovered my error. So much for thinking using my cell phone works for me!!! LOL (kind of)!!!

Now that contract has ended and I cannot begin to figure out my next step... That useless feeling spirals into a paralysis that I am not sure how to snap out of. Have you found anything that helps you???

Inquiring minds want to know.
 
Hey Tracy...sorry its been a while, Im bad at checking in. I live in Washington DC and am taking ASL at Gallaudet. The metro area has an active Deaf community with events that even the HoH are welcome at...festivals, movies, cummunity fairs - all sorts of stuff. I havent looked for anything less "crowd-oriented." I want to get better at signing...at least enough to hold a basic conversation. The best souce ive found has been my ASL teacher, classmates, and an old friend who is HoH. Hope that helps. Hang in...
 
drphil said:
I still recall the first Canadian Hearing Society/Toronto -Hearing Help/Coping class back 20 years ago. Be assertive/don't bluff about how much you "hear". Nobody can "read your mind" on how you "understand".
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Was the Hearing Help Class useful? CHS hasn't been too helpful with me lately and they were rather discouraging about the Hearing Help Class. They told me that I wouldn't fit in those classes and that I probably know all the strategies.
 
SteveB said:
My name is Steve. I have sensorineural hearing loss that I just discovered recently. Apparently it has been occurring for years. I just thought people were talking in progressively lower whispers each year. I've "coped" but I'm sick of trying so hard just to understand.

I'm learning ASL and hope to be able to sign in 100 years or so. I'm kind of afraid to even post...afraid that I'll offend without knowing! My doctor said that there are implants that will help, but I don't see the point. I can function at work. Socially its more difficult.

Rather than exhausting myself try to hear, I want to be able to sign with other hoh and deaf people. This site is really great. Too bad it doesn't help me learning ASL.
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Hi Steve and All,

I just discovered this thread. I am 59 and am quite hard of hearing for the last ten years. Due to several factors, hearing aids have not worked for me. Even though I have found few people to sign with in person, I am still working hard to learn ASL. I finally am making headway with Bill Vicar's new online courses ASL.tc. They are fun and really have pulled together many bits and pieces of ASL from classes and online ASL learning sites for me. I highly recommend them! I still have a long way to go to be able to sign and understand enough and be more comfortable in a Deaf group, but at least I'm making clear progress.

I have lost friends and have a huge struggle with family due to my hearing loss. Thankfully my service dog, Tess, has removed lots of the fear. I have other health issues also. It is certainly exhausting to try communicating with hearing people but I have finally come to accepting it. Losing my vision would be far worse I think.
 
Hi Tracy,

I posted above before I scrolled down to read your replies also. I live in Vermont and other than driving 45 minutes once a week to sign with a Deaf ASL teacher and a woman he tutors, I don't have anyone other than my dog to sign with. I too wish there was a way for HOH and Deaf to come together more easily.

I can not use phone anymore. I rely on emails. I'm trying to get the nerve to practice ASL with others using Skype but feel so timid! I do better with ASL when no voice at all is used.... I am not one who is good at multitasking! lol

There are lots of younger people and college students on this site. I am most eager to connect with those who are late-deafened and over 50 or so. Maybe I would feel more comfortable signing online with older people my age???
 
Wirelessly posted

podiecat said:
SteveB said:
My name is Steve. I have sensorineural hearing loss that I just discovered recently. Apparently it has been occurring for years. I just thought people were talking in progressively lower whispers each year. I've "coped" but I'm sick of trying so hard just to understand.

I'm learning ASL and hope to be able to sign in 100 years or so. I'm kind of afraid to even post...afraid that I'll offend without knowing! My doctor said that there are implants that will help, but I don't see the point. I can function at work. Socially its more difficult.

Rather than exhausting myself try to hear, I want to be able to sign with other hoh and deaf people. This site is really great. Too bad it doesn't help me learning ASL.
Click to expand...


Hi Steve and All,

I just discovered this thread. I am 59 and am quite hard of hearing for the last ten years. Due to several factors, hearing aids have not worked for me. Even though I have found few people to sign with in person, I am still working hard to learn ASL. I finally am making headway with Bill Vicar's new online courses ASL.tc. They are fun and really have pulled together many bits and pieces of ASL from classes and online ASL learning sites for me. I highly recommend them! I still have a long way to go to be able to sign and understand enough and be more comfortable in a Deaf group, but at least I'm making clear progress.

I have lost friends and have a huge struggle with family due to my hearing loss. Thankfully my service dog, Tess, has removed lots of the fear. I have other health issues also. It is certainly exhausting to try communicating with hearing people but I have finally come to accepting it. Losing my vision would be far worse I think.
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Podiecat,

Welcome! There are more people 45 and above here on AllDeaf than you may realize. I myself, am 50 next year. Although I was born deaf, I came into the Deaf Community late. I had grown up oral and have only just started learning Sign Language 3 years and 4 months ago. I had no classes or Deaf people to turn to, I started learning online with sign videos and then with online dictionaries. but this is not enough of course. I started to introduce myself to the Deaf Community in person. That is very important. I felt very nervous at first too, but as I observed others signing and determined to study about Deaf Culture, I have learned so much and have picked up at lot without too much difficulty. The easiest way is acceptance. The quicker you can 'let go' of the 'hearing perspective' and embrace the 'Deaf perspective' - the easier it will be for you.
 
Hi BecLak,

Thanks for your reply. In the Burlington area, about 45 minutes away from me, there is a Deaf community as well as the Deaf Club at the University of Vt. I do watch the events posted on the DeafVt yahoo group but have not really seen one that 'fits'. It seems that most of the Deaf gatherings are geared toward 20s-30s socializing or families with young children. I would like to start going to the ones with young kids.

I greatly enjoy meeting up with and signing for the hour a week but I want and need more practice. I am really in between the Deaf world and hearing. I don't fit in either yet, as you mentioned, I have tried to educate myself about Deaf culture.

I also know that even though I ace the online courses it means nothing about how I will do in real life signing. I tend to forget everything I know. So yes, I need to practice more with Deaf. I have even tried posting on craigslist several times.... no replies other than meeting my close friend who does baby sign.

One thing that is frustrating for me as a relatively new signer is how different the signs are between my online courses and the Deaf community here. I get confused and then forget the signs for both locales! I'm getting there slowly though. I love practicing and communicating in silence!

I have always been extremely sensitive in every way. I can now admit that I think my severe hearing loss has been a gift in a way. It buffers me from words and more that really affected me negatively. I always did know that actions meant way more to me than cheap words! ASL seems to be a much more honest language. But living away from others who sign is frustrating and does not help my signing.
 
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