Adjustment to late onset deafness

Hello, glad to have found the right thread. My loss started around 10 years ago and now at 50, I pretty much have ringing in my left ear and moderate loss in the right.

The thing that bothers me the most is how I am treated. I had a very successful software career but left a few months ago. I felt colleagues were using my deafness to their advantage to exclude me.

I am taking a class now for small business and it has been terrible. I am so exhausted at the end of the day and the teacher is rude and patronising to me. She thinks shouting is enough accommodation for "my" problem
 
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Nicegirl, hearing people cannot fathom life without sound, so you will find them very ignorant for the most part on how things are for you. Ignorance often creates a fear of whatever it is they do not know, therefore they intentionally or unintentionally try to intimidate whatever it is that they are uncertain of to give them a false sense of control and security. Educating them is what overcomes this. I would suggest that you make a clear statement as to what you will need to complete the task at hand. If you need a note taker or clear easy to follow written notes, or you need to sit up front, or even an Auslan interpreter later on. It is your right to request these. If these are not provided for you then take it up with your local Deaf Society. They have people who can help you, even advocate attorneys.





Welcome to AllDeaf! I'm a fellow Aussie btw :)
 
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BecLak said:
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Nicegirl, hearing people cannot fathom life without sound, so you will find them very ignorant for the most part on how things are for you. Ignorance often creates a fear of whatever it is they do not know, therefore they intentionally or unintentionally try to intimidate whatever it is that they are uncertain of to give them a false sense of control and security. Educating them is what overcomes this. I would suggest that you make a clear statement as to what you will need to complete the task at hand. If you need a note taker or clear easy to follow written notes, or you need to sit up front, or even an Auslan interpreter later on. It is your right to request these. If these are not provided for you then take it up with your local Deaf Society. They have people who can help you, even advocate attorneys.





Welcome to AllDeaf! I'm a fellow Aussie btw :)
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Thank you for the warm welcome my fellow Aussie BecLak! I have written the deaf society to find out what is available.

It is sad in a way but lucky for me, she mostly reads from the book so I can follow along in the book. :) It is interesting there is a man in the class who doesn't know English very well and she is very patient with him.

I watched the video you posted up of Dr. Don about why he went voice off. I get why he does.

I have to give the hearies a tiny bit of slack because people really aren't taught to communicate well in the first place. Most people are just lazy communicators with mumbling, not directly looking at who they are talking to, and just waiting for their moment to speak instead of actually listening to the other person.
 
I just read all 47 pages from the beginning over the past few days. The stories in here are amazing and the support is fantastic!! I have tinnitus (really high pitched tone) that seems to be inside my head so maybe that means it's both ears or something and my left ear buzzes and freaks out with even volumes of excited conversations (I have custom plugs that I wear in loud places to keep the buzzing at bay.). I also hear my pulse in that ear sometimes. Very annoying. Doesn't happen often though, thank God.

Recently it's been difficult to understand customers at work (I work in an AC Moore doing Custom Framing right now) and everyone seems to be mumbling. I found myself lipreading when my boyfriend, his mother, and I went to a cafe at his school recently. They were conversing just fine with each other and the guy at the table across form us overheard the conversation and came over to join in but I couldn't make out anything anyone was saying! Sometimes I can hear everything just fine, sometimes I can't hear anything (usually in noisy places). I don't know what's going on but I am glad this thread is here. Even as a hearie with maybe, possibly new hearing issues, it was a huge comfort to see how others are reacting to the frustration of spoken conversation! (Thank you all!! :ty:)
 
ambrosia said:
Is it just me or the more people that around the more alone you feel?

And music, that is a super bummer. I used to be HUGE on karaoke in my early 20's!! But I see some hope!! I'm getting some new aids soon, so I'm hoping I'm going to perk up!! crossing my fingers that the new aids will not disappoint!!
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This is one of the most isolating components of hearing loss. I go through this all the time and it's a major factor why I don't go out to eat with coworkers or off the bar (aside from the fact that I don't drink). I just really can't hear in crowds. When I graduated from school I thought "Great! I'll never have to do group work again!" But now I'm in training with a new job with all students and I'm 45. I feel like the third wheel at a Britney Spears concert and I'm waiting for Gladys Knight. We do a lot of group work, which I hate. It's so frustrating. Aside from the fact that this is so new and I'm clueless about what to look for, I'm just not hearing anyone. It's like not being able to read music and the professor is leaning over your shoulder, asking you to start from the middle of the page, and you've no idea what she's talking about so you just play anything, hoping that you'll hit the mark.

The more people there are, the more isolating it feels. The first thing I noticed when my hearing in my right ear worsen was music - not hearing it as I had. Getting digitals for the first time in my life didn't help either because nothing sounded the same. I honestly felt like my life as I knew it would never return or be the same again. The Widex hearing aids I bought has helped, but there's no silver bullet.

Laura
 
I'm not sure if I fit here but I'm a "late-HOH". I'll introduce myself either way and leave it up to you guys whether to kick me out or not. :)

Hi! I'm Kristin. I'm a 23-year-old musician (violin/music therapy) with really high-pitched, constant tinnitus in both ears (8000 Hz. Maxed out on the white noise to drown it out but had more luck with a more focused pitch), lower pitch in both less frequently and mild loss in my left ear and *juuuuust* normal in my right. I had above-average hearing just 6 months ago. Seems hearing loss runs in the family (on both sides) so now we need to figure out if it is a one-time fall or a progressive thing. Next appointment on the 21st. Good thing I was already learning ASL, I guess. o_O

I read every single page of this thread while I was waiting for my last appointment. Everything everyone said was such a comfort to me because I wasn't the only one feeling frustrated and annoyed and confused. I posted about it a few posts up but I just wanted to say "thanks" again to all of you for contributing to this thread!
 
Hey everyone new here

I posted this on a different forum but I think this would be better. . . .I am 31 years old and I lost my hearing about 6 months ago due to a brain trauma. I have been having trouble coping. My family doesn't know much about it and tend to be almost skidish around me. They are not exactly supportive or not supportive. My boyfriend has been supportive but I almost feel like he doesn't know me anymore. I read a lot about Deaf culture and finding my voice. That is one reason I am here. In addition, I have enrolled in a local college for ASL classes. Most of the students in the class are hearing which has made communication difficult and it is very basic. I can speak but some of the blogs I have been reading say that one way to help is to stop speaking. This intrigued me. One reason is that I find when I when I go to stores and speak the people behind the counter turn their backs or talk with their heads down. They don't realize I can't hear them. This makes communication difficult. I find myself needing to call their attention to the fact that I can't hear them and asking them to speak slower. At times I feel embarrassed. I read lips fairly well but always have . I trained myself in it a long time ago. It was a little game I would play on my students and my parents. :) I have accepted that the damage to my brain is irreparable. I don't want to accept this as a disability. I want to understand how I can now simply see myself as having different abilities as some do. I find myself not going to stores much anymore. I order almost everything online. I have even been limiting my encounters with people. I am looking for any and all feedback.
 
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I've slowly lost my hearing over a number of years (I'm 20), I can hear a bit out of one ear but I've generally given up trying to communicate with people because it's too difficult. I had a girlfriend but she left me, I know mostly it was because I couldn't hear her and she couldn't deal with it, but she would never tell me that to my face.

I've tried to learn ASL but I don't have money to take a community college course, and when I did once it was all hearing people taking the class out of interest, so there was little communication in ASL apart from the teaching as everyone spoke English.

I'm okay and adjusting alright, I'm not too lonely or anything and I've always been okay with some isolation, the hardest part is not being able to communicate my thoughts with anybody. I can't call my parents and they can't text (their eyes are bad), and in public everyone thinks I'm ignoring them when I just can't hear them.


Anyway, that's my story, thanks for reading since I have little opportunity to tell people these days.
 
i spent 30years with perfect hearing then due to accident follow by brain infection went profound deaf age 30 now 60 and yes music was the saddest thing to loose but ways around it vibration....i went to rehabilitation is it possible your hearing at a level they do it in states...some people really good lip readers (i not one)had numerous lessons,but in time you pick up quite alot....we each dealt hand in life sometimes it stinks but you got live that life best you can in uk there clubs for HofH and deaf join them if in states you got more going on
 
This is just my 2nd post here. Reading the last few pages of this thread has made me understand that isolation is very common. I have had to look up a few things to try to learn the causes for the hearing loss that some of you have experienced. I don't really want to become an expert of deafness. I'd just like to overcome some of the negatives.

So, that's why I am here!

My hearing began to deteriorate when I was a child. By high school, I thought that I'd figured out that popular kids had good hearing and were tuned in to everything and everyone around them. I had to focus on one person at a time.

Communication was a problem in my first marriage. I used to say that when she whispered "sweet nothings" in my ear, that's exactly what I heard.

Returning to college after the failure of that marriage, I quickly learned that I would be in big trouble without hearing aids. The audiologist said I should have begun using them 10 years before but maybe those guys always say that ;). That was in December of 1983. So yeah, I have now used hearing aids for 29 years. I've gone thru quite a few and they are of almost value now.

Tinnitus first showed up about 15 years ago but was only noticeable when the aids were out. About 10 years ago, that began to change. To keep people from feeling sorry for me I claim to live in a quiet world. That isn't true - I feel as tho' I'm standing on an interstate, or maybe a go-cart track :roll: .

Isolation is about the best way to describe my existence. I remarried and have grown children from both marriages but everyone has real trouble communicating with Dad. I'm kind of an old guy now but still work some thru about half the year. I mostly try to avoid people hoping that something isn't said to me that I can't understand. Oh yes, I still have some hearing but comprehending speech is really, really difficult. I "faked it" for years and finally realized that I was only picking up about 10% of what was being said :/ .

That was 7 years ago when I finally really began to pull back from interacting with others. I even pulled back from a late-deafened support group. When I tried to reconnect 2 years ago, I just felt that I made a mess of it and stopped without really even starting. No one who I once knew was still involved.

With a few years experience in online hobby forums, I hope this is a good place for me to learn how to deal with so much hearing loss. I am looking forward to trying :) !
 
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AdamFencepost said:
Tinnitus first showed up about 15 years ago but was only noticeable when the aids were out.
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Hi Adam! I'm guessing at how much loss you're dealing with. Have you discontinued hearing aids? If not, Widex has an interesting feature of the hearing aid to deal with Tinnitus. The link is below:

Zen - relief for tinnitus - Widex International. Digital Hearing Aids.

I've been very pleased with the brand and have worn hearing aids my whole life, but not digitals until last year (November to be exact). I don't have Tinnitus but Widex has been a very positive experience for me. Maybe you qualify for the Fusion (Clear) 440 or the Super 440? They have wonderful devices to help with TV and dealing with social situations. It's certainly worth looking into with your audiologist. Thank you for sharing your experiences, it's never an easy adjustment.

Best,

Laura
 
Thank you, Laura.

Well, I discontinued one altho' I will wear it when I want to appear like I'm really making the effort . . .

Oddly, it was difficult to decide which one I was going to leave beside the bed. Neither have much of a noticeable benefit.

I knew nothing about the aids helping tinnitus! The only thing was that by amplifying real sound, they masked the "head noise." But, that only lasted for a few years. Now, it is really the opposite - - the noise masks the real sounds. I have trouble separating them.

I need to make an appointment soon with the audiologist. My primary care guy requested it and I've gotta go back to see him. I'm in a little bit of a resistance mode. My reaction to the last 3 or 4 aids that I've gotten has been disappointment. I am tired of feeling at some level of being exploited. But, I can blame myself because I don't want to do more than put myself in someone's care :| and come out "cured!"
 
Well, we know you won't come out cured - hearing aids aren't normal sound. It appears that you need an audiologist that you can trust and one that has experience with different brands. I had one person that sold hearing aids near me and he was like a used car salesman. I just didn't really have faith in what he was telling me. I went to other people with good sound advice and they were lovely and really stood behind their product, but the brand (Starkey) wasn't working for me and that was the brand they had the most experience with.

Then I remembered the woman that sold me my last analog Starkeys from ten or more years back and I went back to her. She knew everything about Starkey, she sold them to me once (I was a happy customer). But she also sold Widex, Phonak and another brand starting with "O" I can't recall off the top of my head....:laugh2: and she was more experienced than the others. She had been in the business all her career and just knew more about the different brands than anyone in the area. She also knew how to make the adjustments I needed and that's extremely important. I recommend going to a doctor for a check up and perhaps getting a referral from them or visit a few places and go with your gut. You're smart enough to know if someone is trying to sell you what won't do, or if they're being honest.

Best of luck to you.
 
hi my name is Sandra and I have been dealing with my loss of hearing for awhile now but I have recently became almost completely deaf now I have faked for so long that I could hear that it's difficult for me to get everyone to understand I can't hear them and even harder trying to communicate with everyone who does hear I feel so frustrated and alone I need help!!!! If anyone has some advice pardon the saying I am all hears .


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southernbaileybelle said:
hi my name is Sandra and I have been dealing with my loss of hearing for awhile now but I have recently became almost completely deaf now I have faked for so long that I could hear that it's difficult for me to get everyone to understand I can't hear them and even harder trying to communicate with everyone who does hear I feel so frustrated and alone I need help!!!! If anyone has some advice pardon the saying I am all hears .


Posted from Alldeaf.com App for Android
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I am late deafened, have some insight into what you are dealing with, but everyone is different. There are a few things those close to you can do to help you. Like talking to YOU, not their hand, the wall, the cat or whatever. Can you read lips at all ? I am probably breaking all the "rules" by asking that, but it is what it is. I know what works for me, and what does not.

If you have questions you can pm me. It can get brutal if you offend someone in an open forum, odd, but true. Some people adapt easier than others I guess.
 
southernbaileybelle said:
hi my name is Sandra and I have been dealing with my loss of hearing for awhile now but I have recently became almost completely deaf now I have faked for so long that I could hear that it's difficult for me to get everyone to understand I can't hear them and even harder trying to communicate with everyone who does hear I feel so frustrated and alone I need help!!!! If anyone has some advice pardon the saying I am all hears .


Posted from Alldeaf.com App for Android
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Do you have hearing aids yet? Are you planning on getting some if you haven't?
 
TubeTJ said:
I am late deafened, have some insight into what you are dealing with, but everyone is different. There are a few things those close to you can do to help you. Like talking to YOU, not their hand, the wall, the cat or whatever. Can you read lips at all ? I am probably breaking all the "rules" by asking that, but it is what it is. I know what works for me, and what does not.

If you have questions you can pm me. It can get brutal if you offend someone in an open forum, odd, but true. Some people adapt easier than others I guess.
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Nice to see your back!!! Hope all is well and things are getting a little easier for you. Hope you stick around.:wave:
 
Hi Sandra: I would guess the first step for you-have a "hearing test" to determine exactly where you are. Which category are you:Profound? From that -what is available for you: Hearing aid?

Faking your "hearing" is hardly worthwhile.

Good luck in starting your journey-now based on your reality-Hearing wise.
 
I am in the same as you world but have no one to sign with . I am trying to learn but its hard when your the only one there.exect for my trusty dog and for th elife of me I think he only knows the sign for bones.. lol.. anytime you want we can chat. Do you sign? I have alittle few signs ,but will work on it more. I do spype,I am 61 yrs old but still a kid at heart.. birdlady 65301 Linda
 
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