Mom of 20 year old Hard of hearing son.

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shellcona

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Hello everyone,
I am mom to a son with a mild to moderate high frequency loss, APD and fluctuating conductive loss. I also have a niece who is deaf. All of my sons life we were not given any alternatives for communication or any options for hearing aids. The reasons range from speech only communication was best to his hearing could clear up after this surgery or that medication, to hearing aids do not help high frequency loss. Now 20 years later he still has high frequency loss and struggles with verbal communication. He is now very reclusive and has a difficult time interacting with people because he can't understand them or they cannot understand him. I feel I have let him down by listening to all these experts and now I want to try and help him get his life back. We are starting ASL classes and I have made him an appointment to begin the process of looking into a hearing aid (if one is possible). I am here to get educated and be proactive.
 
Welcome. It would be good if your son himself joined us. At 20 he is an adult and it would be good for him.
 
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:welcome: to AllDeaf Forum. If you had done early to listen to your son's actions and feelings of being isolated instead of listening to hearing experts who does not know anything about deafness and ASL communications, then your son would have been happy to have friends and Deaf mentors to help him adjust to Deaf community. Now he is 20 years old and he is lost. I am glad that you have started using ASL class with him. He will feel much better and relieve that he does not have to struggle trying to make head and tail in the hearing world.

If you said that he has mild to moderate hearing loss, then it is time for him to redo his hearing test and to find the right hearing aid for him to hear environment sounds. He may not be able to pick up words. That would be up to him, but don't force him to be like the hearing person. Just let him be. He will be happy for you to let him be who he is as a hard of hearing person or at least if he prefer to be d/Deaf.

It would be nice if he come to AllDeaf Forum so that he can discuss about his deafness and his deaf perspective. We would love to have him here.

For you, you are welcome here.

I hope you enjoy reading and posting here. See you around. :wave:
 
Being involved in the life of your children and loved ones is very important. It is instrumental in determining how they will develop; or, not develop. So; it may be late, but you can still make a difference. Thought changes nothing; action does. I wish my mom were involved. I am 22; severe loss in both ears. Sensoineural; treated with two Artis 2P aids, by Siemens. I, too, am very reclusive. I have all but given up on communicating with others, unless it's at work.I shut my family out, with the exception of my brother. My mom's friend Jim tries harder to accomodate me than she does; she simply says "Talk to me when you have your hearing aids in." If i don't wear them, she will not speak to me for long. When she does, it is only with silently mouthed words and hand gestures - no ASL.

I'm beating around the bush, now. The point i want to emphasize is this: Once you begin involving yourself in his life, and modifying your communication as needed (with LOTS of patience; no exasperation!), he should start feeling better. We HoH already know we can be a burden sometimes, but it is not our fault. We, like you, simply want to be included.

Also, introduce him to AD. :) it will be therapeutic for him to realize that he is not alone. I joined only a few days ago, and i always eagerly anticipate my next visit to AD :)
 
:wave:shellconna

I'm hoh with possible APD <that not diagnosed>. I was born very premature and had speech and language problems and docs told my mom I was missing inner ear bones. I gestured much as a child and went to speech therapy for many years. I think in pictures; speech isn't easy for me. I sign some but poorly. Hub oral deaf, raised Hearing. ASL makes me feel free and less alone.
 
welcome to AD, same age here and his hearing loss is totally like my life back when I started high school LOL!!! *low tones sucks but the high tones are still good*

but hey, I may fluctuate a lot due to the earwax or just a typical progressive like loss due to getting older ;)
 
Welcome! I wish to heck I could get Ms Carol Flexor, and the other horrible "Oral is the BEST!" advocates to read your post.
You're not alone. Has he done OK academicly.....but socially he's lacking? Please don't feel bad... it's something that a lot of parents may not think about..
I'm trying to think......Are there any adult dhh summer camps? What about schooling? He might benifit from transferring to a program for dhh students, so he could be immersed in Sign and be with other dhh kids....Just a thought!
 
deafdyke said:
Welcome! I wish to heck I could get Ms Carol Flexor, and the other horrible "Oral is the BEST!" advocates to read your post.
You're not alone. Has he done OK academicly.....but socially he's lacking? Please don't feel bad... it's something that a lot of parents may not think about..
I'm trying to think......Are there any adult dhh summer camps? What about schooling? He might benifit from transferring to a program for dhh students, so he could be immersed in Sign and be with other dhh kids....Just a thought!
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Good grief, deafdyke. He is 20 years old. You make it sound like he is still a child. He is a full adult at 20 years old. After he finished with ASL class, then he will go into Deaf events like camping with Deaf people and other activities. Yes, he will immersed in signing ASL with the grown up, not the kids. :roll:
 
Thank you all for the welcome. I read my son all your posts and I got him as far as signing up. Hopefully he will introduce himself soon.
 
Just have em hook up with a deafie chick...plm solved...he will have fun, learn ASl...
 
hello....it is section of society that do suffer more.In London there unit part of the hospital for young deaf adults run by deaf doc and psycologists..you must have similar things near you
 
Bebonang said:
Good grief, deafdyke. He is 20 years old. You make it sound like he is still a child. He is a full adult at 20 years old. After he finished with ASL class, then he will go into Deaf events like camping with Deaf people and other activities. Yes, he will immersed in signing ASL with the grown up, not the kids. :roll:
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Not a young child, but yes, he just finished up being a teen. He is still young... He can still strongly benifit from stuff specificly for young people. As a matter of fact special ed, and Deaf schools serve kids up to age 21.
Educationally and legally he is an adult, but socially and emotionally he's still young, which is very common with mainstreamed/oral kids.
 
caz12 said:
you so right about that dd
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Thank you! Yeah, he wouldn't benifit from little kid style programming but he would most likely benifit from teen style programming, especially socially.
Now the question is....are there any camps for adults? I thought some deaf Christian camps offered sessions for adults....Wish there was a camp for dhh adults who missed out on dhh childhood stuff!
 
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