About Parents?

[jillio]

I happen to like a lot of what Jiro posts. My comment has nothing to do with his input as a Deaf man, but everything to do with your advice as a Hearing parent.

My reply was not addressed to you. But this one is: I'm sure Jiro is just thrilled to have your approval of what he can and can't say as a Deaf individual.

Yep, I addressed the difference between me and the other hearing parents on this forum earlier.Thanks for confirming my observations.

 

[jillio]

even though her advice is in agreement with many deaf people?

Of course. Because I am a hearing parent whose primary objective is to support the D/deaf. Her primary objective is to support hearing parents. They hate it that they cannot achieve the same acceptance I have achieved, even though they keep coming back time and again trying to.

 

[Babyblue]

Very good point. I'll keep this in mind. I probably should have taken the advice of the young Chinese woman at the grocery store in Nanchang who was so insistent that that we purchase a particular formula against the advice of the American pediatrician traveling with us: because she was a Chinese child, only she could have really known how to raise a Chinese child. That formula was recalled after scores of children died in the region, but I'm sure she knew better than the so-called professionals.

In fact, this is something Deaf parents of hearing kids can take to heart, too. You can't trust your own knowledge of your children. Disregard the advice of those "professionals" you know who are Deaf. If you have educational placement questions, concerns about developing language, social issues, just reach out to the 18 year old Hearing college student mowing your lawn, or the Hearing guy with some time to kill at the bus station.

Want to know about what your hearing child experiences daily? Ask a Hearing adult. Want to know what hearing children need and want? Ask a hearing adult. Deaf experts certainly can't provide that information. Other Deaf parents, unless they are sharing what Hearing adults have shared with them, can't provide that information. Hearing adults, or hearing adolescents, are the only ones that can give an accurate picture of what it is to be a hearing child. Don't ask other Deaf parents for their advice, Don't contact Deaf professionals: ask the adolescent next door how you should raise your hearing child.

I actually thought that was a good one. She does make a point.

 

[Bottesini]

I happen to like a lot of what Jiro posts. My comment has nothing to do with his input as a Deaf man, but everything to do with your advice as a Hearing parent.

I had not really noticed you saying anything so dismissive of a Deaf perspective before.

I am really kind of shocked.

I guess I am just a little slower than everyone else.

 

[jillio]

sarcasm. love it. I actually chuckled.

Sorry but your Nanchang example doesn't work in here and I don't even need to explain it because I know you know why

As do we all. But that is her favorite tactic. Attempt sarcasm by comparing things that are not comparable.

So much effort expended on playing out personal grudges. What a shame.

 

[jillio]

I had not really noticed you saying anything so dismissive of a Deaf perspective before.

I am really kind of shocked.

I guess I am just a little slower than everyone else.

It is becoming more and more overt. It has been well hidden between the lines until the last couple of days.

 

[jillio]

I actually thought that was a good one. She does make a point.

Certainly not a valid one.

 

[jillio]

A poor attempt at sarcasm.

Yes. It just comes across as angry and vengeful. I wonder where the poster went to vent her anger before she discovered AD? Anger that controls one that much has been around for a while.

 

[Babyblue]

Certainly not a valid one.

True.. because I would never run to a hearing person and ask them how I should raise my hearing child.

I would raise my child how I would want to raise them.. not how others do.

 

[Jiro]

Jiro can give more advice regarding the parenting of a deaf child than any hearing parent, myself included, can. He was a deaf child. No one knows the needs of a deaf child in the way a Deaf adult who has been there does. Want to know about what your deaf child experieces daily? Ask a Deaf adult. Want to know what accomodations are beneficial for a deaf child? Ask a Deaf adult. Want to know what deaf children need and want? Ask a Deaf adult. Hearing experts certainly can't provide that information. Other hearing parents, unless they are sharing what Deaf adults have shared with them, can't provide that information. Deaf adults, or deaf adolescents, are the only ones that can give an accurate picture of what it is to be a deaf child.

If one truly wants to learn what their deaf child needs or what their deaf child experiences listens to what the Deaf adults have to say. One that only wants their own hearing perspective validated as the best thing to do for a deaf child negates what the Deaf adults have to say, get overly defensive, and plays the victim card.

dang. you beat me to punch. I actually thought of something similar to this while riding home.... something that hearing parents can understand. but you said it very well

A pregnant woman went to forum to seek for advice - to abort or not to abort. Obviously - you're going to expect all kinds of responses including nasty one.

Group A - consists of religious people or similar. They will say "no don't do it. it's a murder."
Group B - consists of rape victims, abuse victims, etc victims. They will say "do it so that your unborn child will not live a cruel life."
Group C - consists of normal people. They will say "well... whatever happens, you have my support as long as you made a well-informed choice." and this type of group usually offers several options - adoption center, safe abortion clinics, organizations that help single pregnant mothers, etc.

and guess what? there's another group that is largely ignored... or easily overlooked..... the babies who didn't get aborted. You'll find 2 largely differing opinions from them - "I wish she aborted me... I had a shitty life." and "I'm glad my mom didn't abort me even though I never met my real mom."

so... do you want to listen to deaf people?

 

[CSign]

Of course. Because I am a hearing parent whose primary objective is to support the D/deaf. Her primary objective is to support hearing parents. They hate it that they cannot achieve the same acceptance I have achieved, even though they keep coming back time and again trying to.

If I am the "her" you are referring to, you are wrong.

 

[jillio]

Oh, really? Hmmm.... I recall someone, gosh, can't quite remember the name, who got really bent out of shape when a spelling error was pointed out and seemed to think it was a personal attack...

(Edited to add: this is in response to Jillio, above.)

That was a personal attack, as it had virtually nothing to do with an error regarding the topic being discussed. You have that "southern belle smile in your face while you plunge a knife into the back" down to a fine art.

But hey, attack away. I have no need to get defensive the way the select few need to. In fact, there is no need even to respond to this cattiness. Everyone sees it for what it is and the only one it has a negative impact on is the one with the claws out.

 

[jillio]

If I am the "her" you are referring to, you are wrong.

You really are egotistical. Everything is not about you. I don't spend a fraction of the time thinking about you that you apparently spend thinking about yourself. Every feminine pronoun is not a substitute for your name.

But are you included in that group? Of course you are. It is obvious that your motive is to support and defend the hearing parents at the price of alienating the deaf. You are the only one that doesn't seem to be able to see that clearly.

 

[jillio]

dang. you beat me to punch. I actually thought of something similar to this while riding home.... something that hearing parents can understand. but you said it very well

A pregnant woman went to forum to seek for advice - to abort or not to abort. Obviously - you're going to expect all kinds of responses including nasty one.

Group A - consists of religious people or similar. They will say "no don't do it. it's a murder."
Group B - consists of rape victims, abuse victims, etc victims. They will say "do it so that your unborn child will not live a cruel life."
Group C - consists of normal people. They will say "well... whatever happens, you have my support as long as you made a well-informed choice." and this type of group usually offers several options - adoption center, safe abortion clinics, organizations that help single pregnant mothers, etc.

and guess what? there's another group that is largely ignored... or easily overlooked..... the babies who didn't get aborted. You'll find 2 largely differing opinions from them - "I wish she aborted me... I had a shitty life." and "I'm glad my mom didn't abort me even though I never met my real mom."

so... do you want to listen to deaf people?

 

[Banjo]

You really are egotistical. Everything is not about you. I don't spend a fraction of the time thinking about you that you apparently spend thinking about yourself. Every feminine pronoun is not a substitute for your name.

But are you included in that group? Of course you are. It is obvious that your motive is to support and defend the hearing parents at the price of alienating the deaf. You are the only one that doesn't seem to be able to see that clearly.

Only if they would bring back all the cancelled soap opera shows so we wouldn't have to deal with so much drama here at AllDeaf.

 

[jillio]

True.. because I would never run to a hearing person and ask them how I should raise my hearing child.

I would raise my child how I would want to raise them.. not how others do.

It is a completely different situation. Your hearing child does not have the experience of being marginalized. And no one is asking anyone how to raise their child. The point is to ask about and give validity to experience so that you can make decisions regarding raising a child with a realistic perpsective of their experience.

And that "you" is collective, not singular.

But I have a question. If the hearing parents are so disinclined to ask a Deaf person for information, why are they so willing to ask another hearing person for the same information?

 

[Jiro]

I actually thought that was a good one. She does make a point.

at first - it does look like she's got a point but it's very flawed. A very common tactic used by politicians to cheapshot their opponents by using common everyday nuisances to score some points.

Example - Politician A wants to abolish the tax for wealthy. Politician B twists his word and paints him as a greedy person in corporations' pockets.

Truth? Politician A wanted to abolish the tax for wealthy because it makes no sense to keep on taxing the wealthy if nothing gets solved and we're still bleeding money at astronomical rate due to wasteful & unnecessary spending. But that doesn't really matter anymore because common people are blinded with bias and blind hatred toward rich people.

Remember - their bias and blind hatred have been manifested for many years. There is absolutely no way to reason with them. The only way to make them see it is to let them witness it with their own eyes.... such as the Great Depression.

 

[jillio]

Only if they would bring back all the cancelled soap opera shows so we wouldn't have to deal with so much drama here at AllDeaf.

Boy, it would be nice if they could do their vicarious living elsewhere.

 

[GrendelQ]

True.. because I would never run to a hearing person and ask them how I should raise my hearing child.

I would raise my child how I would want to raise them.. not how others do.

Exactly. Just because your neighbor's teenager shares some important characteristic or cultural connection with your child doesn't mean he or she automatically has a deep wisdom and informed knowledge base about how your child should be raised, educated, communicated with. Jillio's "advice" is deeply flawed and condescending. Putting a mirror to her shows what an absurd approach she is taking.

 

[Jiro]

What do you want to bet that invite will never be accepted?

I have extended an invitation several times. oh well