When close family members become strangers

I have all of my nieces and one of the two nephews on FB. Now and then they would make some comments and that is when I am in the loop (for a change!). I had to friend the nephew's bride so I could hope to hear about him via his bride.

My other nephew just had a baby and I am able to copy his photos of the baby for myself. I am thankful for the internet and FB!
 
I'm completely estranged from my family on my father's side except for my sister and my aunt. I want nothing to do with my father. I am in contact with my mothers side of the family. My mother's side of the family is scattered all over the western and southwest USA, and also Hawaii and in areas of Asia. I've come close to living in Hawaii and Asia when I was a child. I would have loved the experience.
 
Funny, you brought up this subject, Shel. Well, it took me a several months to try to find my (late) father's brother and sisters, whom I haven't seen for 33 years. Finally, I found her name in the records last week. I sent her a xmas card along with a letter. Guess what? My aunt just sent me a Xmas card along with a very nice long letter. She wrote and said she was so thrilled to hear from me. It did make me cry because of her letter and also, because I am SO happy to hear from her and that she is still alive. She said she had her voice box removed because of cancer. Her sisters all have cancer and in and out of the hospital. She wants to have a "Smith" reunion. What a great idea! We will plan to do it soon.

Oh, btw, *Smith* is not real last name.
 
Dont get me wrong, I am not estranged from any family members. It is just those two cousins whom I was very very close to..like brothers and sisters and I just find it sad that the 3 of us have almost nothing in common and not interested in interacting with each other. I dont really feel comfortable with them..one because he is so freaking rich and it kinda makes me inferior having to struggle with money (stupid, I know) and the other..I dont know what to say to her ..should I ask her about her life on the streets or should I avoid the topic? It seems like by avoiding the topic, it makes things a little awkward. I wonder if they feel the same too about me. My deafness wasnt an issue with them when we were kids and they always made sure that people talking to me knew that I was deaf and that they needed to face me. Now, it seems like they feel afraid to talk to me for fear of offending me. I wish they have FB. Maybe I should ask my other cousin (the sister) for her older sister's email addy. If so, what do I say? Hi..how are you?

I miss what we had and I wish we were still close but I wonder if that's normal for many family members..to grow apart like that.

Any advice...should I bring up my cousin's horrible past with drugs and prositution or just avoid that subject if I do start talking with her again?
 
Since me and my siblings were born, my father's side never really cared about us. It was all about the 3 other grandchildren. My mum used to always push my father to go n see his family. Since his death we have totally broken contact due to what they have been saying. They have never cared about us, so we don't speak to them. We have nothing to do with father's side. We care and love my mother's side. :)
 
Sosie said:
Funny, you brought up this subject, Shel. Well, it took me a several months to try to find my (late) father's brother and sisters, whom I haven't seen for 33 years. Finally, I found her name in the records last week. I sent her a xmas card along with a letter. Guess what? My aunt just sent me a Xmas card along with a very nice long letter. She wrote and said she was so thrilled to hear from me. It did make me cry because of her letter and also, because I am SO happy to hear from her and that she is still alive. She said she had her voice box removed because of cancer. Her sisters all have cancer and in and out of the hospital. She wants to have a "Smith" reunion. What a great idea! We will plan to do it soon.

Oh, btw, *Smith* is not real last name.
Click to expand...

I forgot to add that my family and I are so nervous (and excited) to meet them in PA because they are strangers and that we haven't seen each other for 33 years.
 
shel90 said:
Dont get me wrong, I am not estranged from any family members. It is just those two cousins whom I was very very close to..like brothers and sisters and I just find it sad that the 3 of us have almost nothing in common and not interested in interacting with each other. I dont really feel comfortable with them..one because he is so freaking rich and it kinda makes me inferior having to struggle with money (stupid, I know) and the other..I dont know what to say to her ..should I ask her about her life on the streets or should I avoid the topic? It seems like by avoiding the topic, it makes things a little awkward. I wonder if they feel the same too about me. My deafness wasnt an issue with them when we were kids and they always made sure that people talking to me knew that I was deaf and that they needed to face me. Now, it seems like they feel afraid to talk to me for fear of offending me. I wish they have FB. Maybe I should ask my other cousin (the sister) for her older sister's email addy. If so, what do I say? Hi..how are you?

I miss what we had and I wish we were still close but I wonder if that's normal for many family members..to grow apart like that.

Any advice...should I bring up my cousin's horrible past with drugs and prositution or just avoid that subject if I do start talking with her again?
Click to expand...


If I were you, Shel, I'd forget about the past and move on, to talk with her again, just like old times, talk about fun things that you two had. That's my suggestion. I wish you a lot of luck! :)
 
some old newspaper will tell who got divorced and who got married.

They are not in the wedding announcement section either, but in a legal section... like property estate and such.
 
Bottesini said:
She is very possessive of me. No I can't. I have already done it to no result.
Click to expand...

Botti, I'm gonna try to be tender here....since Dad was given custody of you, maybe it wouldn't be a good idea to want to find your Mother? Then again, people do change over the years......
 
Tousi said:
Botti, I'm gonna try to be tender here....since Dad was given custody of you, maybe it wouldn't be a good idea to want to find your Mother? Then again, people do change over the years......
Click to expand...

I know you are probably (almost certainly) right. I understand in those days it was hard for the father to win.

My daughter also pointed that out to me.

I can't help the curiousity.

Plus I am an adult and she couldn't hurt me physically now.
 
Tousi said:
Botti, I'm gonna try to be tender here....since Dad was given custody of you, maybe it wouldn't be a good idea to want to find your Mother? Then again, people do change over the years......
Click to expand...

my niece was given custody of her dad (because of postpartum depression - long story. Let's put it this way, she kept asking everyone to watch her baby and they used it against her in court saying she was incapable), and my sister love my neice very much but , my neice's dad is required to let my neice stay with her mom in the summer and such.

since the judge didn't require visitation rights, I agree with Tousi. Who knows what happened?
 
Last edited:
Botti, I hope you will find out the truth someday soon even if it might be upsetting. I believe one needs to know the truth even if it hurts especially for a child, although you are not a child anymore, but one do need to know the truth about their parents.

You might be able to find something about the case in court archive? I think you should be able to because the case will be so old by now. Also good idea to check into police reports, if there are any made during the divorce and custody proceedings.

Best of luck, Botti. And Merry Christmas :)
 
Miss-Delectable said:
Botti, I hope you will find out the truth someday soon even if it might be upsetting. I believe one needs to know the truth even if it hurts especially for a child, although you are not a child anymore, but one do need to know the truth about their parents.

You might be able to find something about the case in court archive? I think you should be able to because the case will be so old by now. Also good idea to check into police reports, if there are any made during the divorce and custody proceedings.

Best of luck, Botti. And Merry Christmas :)
Click to expand...

Thank you. :)
 
Good luck, Bottesini. I know how you feel.

I want to find my real dad, but it is quite impossible because his name went to the grave with my mom when she died. I've even asked my grandmother and she has no idea, either. I can't ask my dad (the guy who raised me) because he'll blow his lid if I ask. His anger terrifies me.

I want to find my real dad even though the sex with my mother was not consensual. I just need to know for health reasons as well as heritage/cultural information. I only know the half of me. I'm Native American, but what is my other half? I want to know. And do I have more siblings? Stuff like that.
 
shel90 said:
Have any of you grew up with a family member such as cousins, aunts, siblings or whatever and were so close to them only to end up complete strangers as adults?

I got a Christmas card from my cousin who lives in California for the first time ever and it got me thinking how him, another cousin and I have become complete strangers.

My male cousin is 4 years older than me and the other one who is a female is 3 years older than me. They arent siblings but the male was the son of my dad's older sister while the other one was the step-daughter of my dad's younger sister. The three of us grew up in AZ and we were so close. My dad and his sisters would all get together at least once a month, sometimes more when we were kids before all the other cousins or my brother was born. Because there was the 3 of us for a long time, we became close. My grandpa even took us to Disneyland when we were kids. We would wander off in the desert, climbing on big boulder rocks for hours, swim in pools at whoever was hosting the gathering for hours, have slumber parties in my aunt's basement, and so much more.

I finally saw them both together this recent July for the first time in like 25 years. I saw my male cousin without her about 12 years ago and then her about 10 years ago. When we were finally together for the first time in 25 years when my dad's sisters came to PA to my other cousin's cabin for 4th of July weekend. I drove up there with my son since I was nearby. We felt so awkward with each other and it seemed like we wanted to avoid each other.

I dont know if it is because of who we became, our experiences, or both. My older cousin is a millionaire working as a CEO for a sound/visual effect comapany that has contracts with major Hollywood movies who owns his own Learjet. He has been happily married for 15 years with 2 boys. My other cousin spent her 20s extremely addicted to Meth and on the streets as a prositute before cleaning up 10 years ago and is really poor living with a man who mooches off from her She has a 5 year old daughter, father unknown. Then, I am just pretty average..a teacher who has been divorced and remarried and who is middle class.

I wonder if our experiences or who we have become made us unable to relate with each other at all? Most likely. Kinda sad that it happened because we were so tight.

Has that ever happened with any of you with any of your family members?
Click to expand...
Yes that has happened, we tried to make an honest reconnection as adults but it just felt awkward so we just all agreed we've grown up and grown apart with no hard feelings.

Now even the outcomes of your lives, I think that has played a major role in why you feel strange with each other now as adults. You feel like you have nothing in common.

But your post makes a good point:

What does a Millionaire, a meth addicted prostitute, and a schoolteacher have in common? A shared childhood full of fond memories. Life can take you on the strangest journeys sometimes...
 
shel90 said:
My dad said that my cousin is uncomfortable and feels guilty for being so fithy wealthy and that my other cousin is embarassed about her life as a prostitute. I wonder if that made all 3 of us awkward with each other? I felt like I couldnt relate to them at all although we spent practically all of our childhood doing so much together. Makes me think it is a damn shame...
Click to expand...

Here's a song that fits nicely with what I believe your trying to say: (yes it's Darren Hayes, but it fits.)
[yt]Xlab_nPNo6E[/yt]

No captions but here are the lyrics:
Hey there stranger
Do you remember?
You were a part of my life
Early December
Think I remember?
Sentiment cuts like a knife
The seasons are changing
Life's rearranging
Full of could've dones
Would've beens
It's all your fault
And where have you been
And how time goes
And now I dont even know
How to fill in the spaces
of the love you erased in my life

Are you where you want to be?
Did you get there easily?
Did they make you sacrifice?
Did you make a sharp left
When you should've turned right?
Are you where you want to be?
Did you sell off all of your gold
Did you trade it in?
Did you wait for love
Or settle for somebody to hold?

And barely symphonic
But strangely ironic
Moments contained in one glance
Oh how I adored you
But now I'm ignored by you
No evidence of romance
And now it's vaguely familiar
I think I remember sharing every single intimacy
It doesn't seem so strange to me that we barely entertained
Even the politest of phrases
But sometimes at night
I conjure you up in my mind

Are you where you want to be?
Did you get there easily?
Did they make you sacrifice?
Did you make a sharp left
When you should've turned right?
Are you where you want to be?
Did you sell off all of your gold
Did you trade it in?
Did you wait for love
Or settle for somebody to hold?

While I was busy
Perfecting the art
Of deflecting compliments
I took it too far
And I let a ripple run right through my heart
Of battle stations we're building
You and I just grew apart
We grow apart

While I decided
To make everyone else happy
I just put aside
My foolish pride
I guess I denied
My own desire
I was too busy pleasing
To ever be pleased
I forgot how to breathe
Or question anything
Or ask why?
Am I?

Am I where I want to be?
Did I get here easily?
Did I make a sacrifice?
Did I take a sharp left
When I should've turned right?
Am I where I want to be?
Can I sell of all of my gold?
Can I trade it in?
Will I wait for Love
Or settle for somebody to hold

I'd settle for somebody to hold now

You know that I've been up and I've been down
I've been picked up and spun around
I'd do it all again
If I could just have somebody to hold now
I just need somebody to hold me now
Could somebody hold me now?
I just want somebody to hold me now
I'd do it all again
 
Back
Top