Why do deaf people treat their own so wrong?

[Hear Again]

if that's the case... then what about alcoholism? violence? the destructive behavior? That's why it's so hard to bridge the link with certainty.

alcohol and violence have nothing to do with depression (except that they can be co-morbid with depression). if a child is exposed to an alcoholic and/or violent parent or relative, that's due to exposure only -- not depression. if depression is the culprit, that has to do with genetics more than it does one's own environment.

 

[Jiro]

alcohol and violence have nothing to do with depression (except that they can be co-morbid with depression). if a child is exposed to an alcoholic and/or violent parent or relative, that's due to exposure only -- not depression. if depression is the culprit, that has to do with genetics more than it does one's own environment.

such complicated issue.... I will have to kindly bow my way out! <tipping my hat>

 

[Hear Again]

such complicated issue.... I will have to kindly bow my way out! <tipping my hat>

you're right. it is a complicated issue. there's way too much involved to simply pin it down to one cause or another.

 

[Berry]

you'd be surprised. as someone who has bipolar, i've talked to people who have claimed i was ruining their day because of my depression. they place the blame on me and think it's my fault for being depressed and that i can just "snap out of it."

.

Let us go slowly, and pause often.

We are talking about two people. You and person X.


You know you are depressed. You know your depression it is not their fault.

You are not trying to make them depressed, or blame them, even though you recognize that your being unhappy is not something they should enjoy.


Person X is sure they do not have a problem.

Yet they put you in charge of their happiness and blame you and your depression for them not having a good day.

Now which one of you is trying to pass on their problems to the other person?

Which one of you should refuse to accept the other's problem and refuse to make it their own?

 

[imdeafsowhat]

Let us go slowly, and pause often.

We are talking about two people. You and person X.


You know you are depressed. You know your depression it is not their fault.

You are not trying to make them depressed, or blame them, even though you recognize that your being unhappy is not something they should enjoy.

Refusing only make it worse for everyone.

Just admit and accept. Thing ends that way faster.

Person X is sure they do not have a problem.

Yet they put you in charge of their happiness and blame you and your depression for them not having a good day.

Now which one of you is trying to pass on their problems to the other person?

Which one of you should refuse to accept the other's problem and refuse to make it their own?

One is emotional. Other is greedy.

The one who's emotional isn't trying to do anything but to make thing positive because one has a disorder and will always be like that.

Other is greedy because things didn't go the way other wanted it to go. Perhaps knowing that one has a disorder, it'd be easy to attack that person for making everyone feel the same as one felt/feels.

Refusing can make everything worse for everyone.

Most simpletons would just admit and accept. Probably walk off to cool off a bit to get back in shape or right mood.

 

[jillio]

First I don't think it would give that impression to anyone who had been around people who acknowledged they had mental or emotional problems. They are busy trying to deal with their problems.

Second I have never seen anyone delibrately try to pass on their hurt, pain, or whatever. They are oblivious to what they are doing and why. The minute they recognised their own actions they would be on the first step to a "cure."


Third they are totally unaware they have a problem. They see everyone else as having a problem.

Sort of like this old saw:

If you meet one jerk in a day, you probably met a jerk that day.

If you meet two jerks in one day, it is possible you met two jerks.

If you meet three jerks a day, admit it, you are a jerk.

Unfortunately, there are those individuals who intentionally attempt to pass on their pain to others.

 

[Hear Again]

Unfortunately, there are those individuals who intentionally attempt to pass on their pain to others.

exactly. i think that's part of the reason why i've been wrongfully accused by others of "ruining their day" because of my depression. they know that others do this which is why they accuse me of doing the same thing.

 

[shel90]

That's why I refuse to let anyone ruin my day and if I am in a bad mood, I try my best not to ruin others' days too. As for treating other deaf people wrong...sure, I have had my moments when I have said harsh things but that's part of being human and I usually apologize when I can.



Hearing people treat their own wrong so why cant deaf people too?



Bad joke

 

[Hear Again]

That's why I refuse to let anyone ruin my day and if I am in a bad mood, I try my best not to ruin others' days too. As for treating other deaf people wrong...sure, I have had my moments when I have said harsh things but that's part of being human and I usually apologize when I can.

i have to avoid people as much as i can whenever i'm feeling depressed or am at the end of a manic episode because my intense anger causes me to say things i don't mean. that's not the way i normally behave, but i refuse to let my emotions upset others or make them feel bad. sometimes though i need to talk things out with someone and they misinterpret that as ruining their day because i am bringing them down. fortunately, that only occurs on rare occaisions since most of the people i know or meet are very understanding of my bipolar.

 

[jillio]

That's why I refuse to let anyone ruin my day and if I am in a bad mood, I try my best not to ruin others' days too. As for treating other deaf people wrong...sure, I have had my moments when I have said harsh things but that's part of being human and I usually apologize when I can.



Hearing people treat their own wrong so why cant deaf people too?



Bad joke

May be a bad joke, but it is very true!

 

[Babyblue]

I think people are more offended by being mistreated by their "own".

Mistreatment is all over. We are all human and have a concept of the way things should be in a culture. When someone steps outside that boundry in the cultural sense. The people of that culture are actually wondering if that person is following their guildline. Sad!

Like not being deaf enough or being black enough or gays that don't act gay enough.

Like for example.

"you might be a redneck if..."

Some say you don't meet their criteria of it. It is discrimination within the culture itself.

Mind boggling!!

 

[shel90]

i have to avoid people as much as i can whenever i'm feeling depressed or am at the end of a manic episode because my intense anger causes me to say things i don't mean. that's not the way i normally behave, but i refuse to let my emotions upset others or make them feel bad. sometimes though i need to talk things out with someone and they misinterpret that as ruining their day because i am bringing them down. fortunately, that only occurs on rare occaisions since most of the people i know or meet are very understanding of my bipolar.

That's understandable and u are aware of your moods so u take responsibility by avoiding people when u are in your moods. When I am in a bad mood, I remove myself from people as much as I can or I tell them that I am in a bad mood but there have been some situations where people pick on me thinking it was funny but when it wasnt and I end up snapping or blowing up on them and then they get mad at me for ruining their day...ugh!!!

 

[jasin]

Other peoples problems can become yours regardless of whether you let them or not.

 

[shel90]

Other peoples problems can become yours regardless of whether you let them or not.

Only my family and closest friends' problems will become mine but others, I dont have the time nor the energy to handle their problems. I used to allow it and it would just drain all the energy from me...no more.

 

[jillio]

Only my family and closest friends' problems will become mine but others, I dont have the time nor the energy to handle their problems. I used to allow it and it would just drain all the energy from me...no more.

exactly. No one can do anything to you that you don't allow them to do, or invite them to do, in some cases.

 

[Hear Again]

That's understandable and u are aware of your moods so u take responsibility by avoiding people when u are in your moods. When I am in a bad mood, I remove myself from people as much as I can or I tell them that I am in a bad mood but there have been some situations where people pick on me thinking it was funny but when it wasnt and I end up snapping or blowing up on them and then they get mad at me for ruining their day...ugh!!!

i've had the same thing happen to me. it makes me feel like asking them, "if you wouldn't have said what you did in the first place, i wouldn't have become angry now, would i?" <frustrated>

 

[Berry]

exactly. No one can do anything to you that you don't allow them to do, or invite them to do, in some cases

.

Correct. Every day you teach people how to treat you based on what you accept from them.

 

[SimplyMints]

Correct. Every day you teach people how to treat you based on what you accept from them.

No wonder almost everybody treats me like crap. Because I don't retaliate. I guess that means I accept all of it. And I guess that means I'll be off working on a strategy to take on 30 years of damage, and fundamentally change the way I interact with other people. That's not gonna be easy, because being unaccepting will be like shutting people out, which is difficult for somebody who essentially has no friends.

 

[Berry]

No wonder almost everybody treats me like crap. Because I don't retaliate. I guess that means I accept all of it. And I guess that means I'll be off working on a strategy to take on 30 years of damage, and fundamentally change the way I interact with other people. That's not gonna be easy, because being unaccepting will be like shutting people out, which is difficult for somebody who essentially has no friends.

.

I do it with humor.

Read "The Gentle Art of Verbal Self Defense" By Suzette Hayden Elgen.

 

[jillio]

No wonder almost everybody treats me like crap. Because I don't retaliate. I guess that means I accept all of it. And I guess that means I'll be off working on a strategy to take on 30 years of damage, and fundamentally change the way I interact with other people. That's not gonna be easy, because being unaccepting will be like shutting people out, which is difficult for somebody who essentially has no friends.

Oh, no, Mints. Changing the way you interact with people doesn't mean shutting them out at all. It is just a matter of understanding boundaries on both sides, and of understanding the fundamental dyadic nature of relating to each other.