Yes--academics are first, and in some cases speech right up there with it(and sometimes not)--BUT, I have come to realize the importance of socialization in recent years. I would not say that it outweighs academics and other goals, but it runs neck-and-neck with it. From our experience(and we have encountered "professionals" from many sides of the issue)--the importance of socialization has often been minimized and not given the proper attention by professionals. I guess that is why my advice seems to highlight social issues so much--my daughter has been very successful with her hearing and speech and she is doing quite well academically these days, but the social issues have yet to be resolved. If I could have done something in the past to help her socially, I would definitely be more focused on it than I was back then.
Yes, friends come and go through the years--that has definitely been the case with both of my children(deaf and hearing). We have moved several times, and the friends that my kids made also often moved--we are part of America's mobile society that doesn't stay in one place for a lifetime. When my daughter was younger, kids seemed oblivious to her differences--no one seemed to ostracize her, but no one bonded really closely with her, either. She seemed to fit right in with everyone else, but somehow there was still something a bit "off" with her social skills--sometimes she seemed to get along with kids a few years younger than her the best because they were on the same maturity level. BTW--I am referring to her socialization as an oral deaf child in a hearing world--she had no other deaf friends back then. For YEARS, all I kept saying was, "If only she had a best friend just like her!" She sometimes was able to socialize a bit at some events with other deaf kids in our area--the result was learning how FEW deaf kids lived in our area and how FEW of them were my daughter's age. There just were no other "girls like her" in our area! Now, the main reason she wants to go to a deaf high school is the SOCIAL aspect--even though I think that it will also be better for her academically, I feel almost certain that it will do wonders for her social life!
My point: at the beginning of elementary school, making sure our kids are getting the BEST education possible is very important--academics weigh heavily, that cannot be denied. And, in the case of a child with a CI who is hearing so well, often speech and oral language development is very important as well. But, I promise that the social issue will quickly make it's way to the forefront--it soon becomes just as important as other issues. So, I guess you are looking for three things: best academics, best access to speech and oral language development, and best socialization situation. For my daughter, we focused highly on the first two, and now we are focusing much more on the third--but I wish we could have found a better balance of all three things from the very beginning. As you have said, the ideal placement would have ALL of these things and wouldn't focus too heavily on one thing at the detriment of the other things. I do not know WHERE the ideal placement actually exists--most options seem to be lacking in one of these areas. But, as parents, we have to make a choice based on what is available to our child at any given time. I only wish there were more balanced choices for more of us! I think most parents of deaf children end up being heavily influenced in one way or another--and often our kids get shortchanged because of lack of resources in a specific area of need.
So, your daughter seems fluent in ASL and wants to become fluent in spoken English. My daughter is fluent in spoken English and wants to become fluent in ASL. They both need equal access to both languages without one being shortchanged. A school that is much more ASL than speech will make it difficult for your daughter to develop good spoken English. A school that is much more spoken English than ASL will make it difficult for my daughter to learn ASL. For most of my daughter's education, there was NO ASL--she was mainstreamed and had no exposure to it. For the past year and a half, she has been in a deaf/hh program at a mainstream school--the ASL interpreter and TOD go to almost every class with the 4 deaf students and interpret the teachers into ASL. Well, I say ASL, but I guess it is not the pure language of ASL--all 4 of the deaf students use spoken English as their primary language, and ASL(or sign anyway) is their second language(one boy seems more fluent in ASL than the others but they are picking it up). Even though she is exposed to it daily--and this year she is in a club that teaches sign language classes to the hearing students so she is learning even more--I would not say that my daughter is fluent in ASL yet. However, she DOES know a lot more sign now than she did before this program. From what I can see, the deaf school she wants to attend does a good job of balancing both languages--I hope she will continue to learn and will eventually feel as fluent as the other students. For your daughter, I guess it would be the same thing but in a different direction--she has a great language base through ASL at the school she currently attends, but she may not get a good spoken English base there. The ideal program would communicate with her through her primary language of ASL while giving her intense exposure to spoken English as well. Sadly, some ASL programs do not focus enough on oral language and some oral programs do not focus on ASL--an equal balance between the two is often needed for many kids! And, just as my daughter would not do well in an ASL only environment without constant oral English exposure, your daughter would struggle in an environment that is only spoken English and no ASL.
Maybe you should try to visit the oral program and see if it would be a good fit at all--mostly to see if there are other deaf kids your daughters age with CIs who use ASL and are learning to speak. Or, maybe you can bond with the parents of the kids at her current school who have CIs and are trying to focus on oral skills as you are--maybe there are enough of you to make it work there. If it isn't going to work out at the current school, then I hope that the other deaf education choice is a good one--if the oral program gives you a hard time about ASL, that will be an issue. I hope for the best for you and your daughter: hopefully you can either make her current situation change to meet her needs--or hopefully the other choice will properly meet her needs. I would hesitate on the mainstreaming option if I were you--being the only deaf student there and being the only one who uses ASL instead of speech can be tough! Once again, I really do think that socialization issues are SO important: making friends with other kids that "are like her" will be very important to your daughter as she ages. I hope that she finds friends like her, I hope that she excels academically, and I hope that she learns to listen with her CI as well as she can and develops good speech--and, of course, I hope that she can continue to communicate with others through ASL, too(but that will never go away so that is a given!).
I am nearing the end of the road that you are just beginning--I have to say that, while it is a long and arduous journey, it is a very special one! I have seen many sights along the way that made it a WONDERFUL journey! My daughter and I are very close--I think the fact that we have good communication together and I listen to her opinions makes a big difference. When she started asking to be in school with other deaf students, I threw out all of the advice I had been given to the contrary. When someone with "oral beliefs" asks me why I would want to send my daughter to a deaf school, I say that it is simple--because SHE wants to go!! Oh, and lately, she has asked to be taken out of things such as "boring speech therapy"--she only goes for a few minutes per week, but it seems like a waste of time to her. At this point, I think she is right--she speaks fine, and going over and over certain sounds at this point to try to "perfect them" really doesn't seem to make a big difference. Her speech isn't absolutely perfect, but it is pretty darn good--harping on certain sounds over and over isn't going to make them sound better! So, I will try to get that taken out of her next IEP--because SHE requested it. I know--when they are younger, parents have to make most of the decisions. But, as they mature, they need to be making a lot of these decisions themselves--placement, services, modifications, etc. If I can get my daughter to a deaf school for high school next year, I don't think she will go to speech therapy anymore, and I also don't think she will need to use an FM system in the small classrooms(another thing she wants to get out of her IEP!). She will continue to use her hearing through hearing aids, lipread, speak, etc.--and she will learn more and more sign language. I hope that there will truly be a good balance between speech and sign and she can become fluent in both. And she and I will stay close through: talking, text messaging, emailing, writing notes, signing etc.--however she wants to communicate with me, I will be there for her!
I am so sorry to hear that! My daughter has faced a bit of cruelty, but mostly--she just gets ignored. You know how it is--"everyone" is invited to a sleepover or party but her...or "everyone" is huddled in a corner talking and laughing but her, or "everyone" is "popular" but her...that kind of stuff. As I watch her go through middle school, I have noticed some things: once the "popular" kids are "chosen," there isn't much changing the hierarchy--and the "popular crowd" usually will not include one of the four deaf kids in a mainstream school. Who "hangs out" with my daughter--um, I have to say, "troublemakers"--one girl in particular has claimed to be my daughter's friend, but she keeps trying to push her into things that are NOT good! My daughter says that there are a few other girls who are nice to her, but none have asked her to come over to their house or socialized with her outside of school. So, right now, my daughter's only "friend" seems to be a not so good match--and I am worried about what kind of trouble she could get into with this other girl. Oh, and the boy issue--seems that the boys that flirt with her and like her are ALSO the troublemakers(suspended from school, ran away from home for a few days, etc.)---AAHH!! I know--I cannot make friends for her--it is hard to say, "you cannot hang out with so-and-so"--although, some instances I have had to say, "you cannot go there with her because of what she did last time." All-in-all: at a mainstream school with a deaf/hh program of only 4 students, my daughter is gravitating to the 'bottom of the pile" socially. I NEED to get her out of there!! We are trying very hard to move, but the economy is killing us! I just keep thinking--and HOPING--that my daughter will be closer to the TOP socially at a deaf school--at least I hope! She really has a sweet and kind soul--she is very friendly and outgoing when she feels comfortable--and she is gorgeous!--I HOPE that helps her "fit in" at a deaf school! But for now, being a beautiful girl with a great personality isn't really doing her much good in a big mainstream school. Thankfully, her very young TOD and interpreter are both very "sisterly" to her--without them, we wouldn't make it! But they won't be going to the high school in the fall--I cannot imagine what an awful situation that would be for her if we can't get moved! SO, 2008 sucked and we were stuck here in a bad situation--but 2009 has GOT to bring better things! I am trying as hard as I can to make it work out better than it did last year!! We just need some GOOD luck on our side! Anyway--that is what is happening socially for my daughter, and I hope I can do something to make things better for her socially this year. She has already started talking about how she HOPES it will be once she gets to the deaf school--I hope it turns out to be as positive of an experience as she thinks it will be! At this point, it just HAS to be better than the way things are right now!!
Well said, Jiro.
