deafbajagal
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Here is a list of the Do's and Don'ts I've developed through years of using the aural-oral communication method. Hopefully some of these tips can be helpful, especially for parents.
1. Yes, I read lips of the actors/actresses on the movie screen...but the camera doesn't always show the faces. Please help me by filling in the gaps when I ask you what is happening.
2. Please never correct my speech in front of my friends. Make a notation and then practice the word(s) in private, or give the word(s) to my speech teacher.
3. Please remember that lighting is very important when I'm trying to follow a conversation. When we go out to eat, pick a place that is well-lighted.
4. My hearing aid doesn't make me hearing. I still am missing sounds, and sometimes the sounds I hear are jumbled.
5. Sometimes my ear hurts from my hearing aid. When I take it off, don't be quick to tell me to put it back on. Especially since you don't have to wear a foreign object in your ears all day.
6. When I ask you to clarify something that was said, NEVER tell me that you will "tell me later." This is cruel, unfair, and defeats the whole purpose of using oral communication.
7. Never assume that I am ignoring you when I don't read your lips. Have you ever tried reading lips all day long? It can be tiring. Alternate your communication methods, such as writing notes. I need a break sometimes.
8. Once a week, all of the family should eat together in silence. Only mouth your words when talking with each other. Talk, not just walk, in my shoes.
9. Don't yell or speak too loudly to make sure I hear something. In fact, the louder your voice is, the more distorted the sounds become when I'm using a hearing aid.
10. When someone tells a joke, fill me in. I'd like to laugh, too.
11. Don't tell people I'm deaf when you first introduce me. My name isn't deaf. My name is [ ].
12. Don't fight my battles for me at school, with the teachers. Make me learn how to advocate for myself when a teacher isn't accommodating me. Give me tools on how to do this.
13. Buy furniture or arrange furniture that will let me be part of the family dialogue. Round dining tables and circular living room seats will make it easier for me to follow what is happening.
14. Don't tell my sisters to come and get me when you call for me. Find a way for me to know you need me.
15. Let me play with sounds with my hearing aids, so I can learn how sounds work. Let me bang pots, slam doors, listen to a variety of music, go to concerts, etc.
16. Teach me vocal cues that I need to know such as the "ahem" and light coughs to let someone know you need their attention.
17. Never talk about me when I'm in the room. Just because I cannot hear you doesn't make it right for you to do it.
18. Practice a lot of vocabulary with me. When speaking to me, be aware of which words are "readable" on the lips by knowing which sounds are visible and which are not. Then adapt your word choices by making sure you choose words I can understand. To make sure I'm not trapped with low vocabulary, expose me to a variety of vocabulary by making our home rich in print. Remember very few sounds are even visible on the lips...most of lipreading is fancy guesswork.
19. Have high expectations.
20. Let me meet and interact with other deaf children.
21. Try to refrain from the habit of talking to someone in the family through another room. This limits me from seeing communication.
22. Make speech practice fun. Play games, and involve my sisters, too.
23. There are some words that are too hard for me to say. When I don't want to say them, please don't force me. It makes me feel bad inside.
24. If someone is talking to me and I'm not aware of it, don't tell the person I'm deaf so they would know why I'm not answering. Instead, tap me on the shoulder and tell me, "This person is talking to you." That will give me the opportunity to explain why I didn't answer right away.
25. Practice social skills with me. For #24, give me words I can use to explain to others about my deafness. "I cannot hear. Can you please repeat what you just said? This time I can see and read your lips."
26. Repeat what others are saying, but not directly. "Your sister just said that she wants to go to Disney World." "Yes, I think going to the zoo is a good idea" (repeating what someone said, but in such a way that I know what the person had said). This is especially important if you're the only one wearing a mic to a phonetic trainer.
27. The larger the crowd, the less I understand what is happening.
28. Don't tell me to repeat what you said to make sure I understand you. I find it disheartening, especially if you ask that in front of other people.
29. Don't ask me to make a speech in front of other people on the spot. I like to practice my words before I do.
30. Remember I need to see everyone to follow what is happening. Putting me in front of the room isn't always the best spot.
31. Let me be deaf. Yes, I'm learning how to hear with whatever residual hearing I have left, and yes, I'm learning to speak. But I'm still deaf. That will never change. Sometimes silence is golden. Accept me for who I am, so I can accept me, too.
1. Yes, I read lips of the actors/actresses on the movie screen...but the camera doesn't always show the faces. Please help me by filling in the gaps when I ask you what is happening.
2. Please never correct my speech in front of my friends. Make a notation and then practice the word(s) in private, or give the word(s) to my speech teacher.
3. Please remember that lighting is very important when I'm trying to follow a conversation. When we go out to eat, pick a place that is well-lighted.
4. My hearing aid doesn't make me hearing. I still am missing sounds, and sometimes the sounds I hear are jumbled.
5. Sometimes my ear hurts from my hearing aid. When I take it off, don't be quick to tell me to put it back on. Especially since you don't have to wear a foreign object in your ears all day.
6. When I ask you to clarify something that was said, NEVER tell me that you will "tell me later." This is cruel, unfair, and defeats the whole purpose of using oral communication.
7. Never assume that I am ignoring you when I don't read your lips. Have you ever tried reading lips all day long? It can be tiring. Alternate your communication methods, such as writing notes. I need a break sometimes.
8. Once a week, all of the family should eat together in silence. Only mouth your words when talking with each other. Talk, not just walk, in my shoes.
9. Don't yell or speak too loudly to make sure I hear something. In fact, the louder your voice is, the more distorted the sounds become when I'm using a hearing aid.
10. When someone tells a joke, fill me in. I'd like to laugh, too.
11. Don't tell people I'm deaf when you first introduce me. My name isn't deaf. My name is [ ].
12. Don't fight my battles for me at school, with the teachers. Make me learn how to advocate for myself when a teacher isn't accommodating me. Give me tools on how to do this.
13. Buy furniture or arrange furniture that will let me be part of the family dialogue. Round dining tables and circular living room seats will make it easier for me to follow what is happening.
14. Don't tell my sisters to come and get me when you call for me. Find a way for me to know you need me.
15. Let me play with sounds with my hearing aids, so I can learn how sounds work. Let me bang pots, slam doors, listen to a variety of music, go to concerts, etc.
16. Teach me vocal cues that I need to know such as the "ahem" and light coughs to let someone know you need their attention.
17. Never talk about me when I'm in the room. Just because I cannot hear you doesn't make it right for you to do it.
18. Practice a lot of vocabulary with me. When speaking to me, be aware of which words are "readable" on the lips by knowing which sounds are visible and which are not. Then adapt your word choices by making sure you choose words I can understand. To make sure I'm not trapped with low vocabulary, expose me to a variety of vocabulary by making our home rich in print. Remember very few sounds are even visible on the lips...most of lipreading is fancy guesswork.
19. Have high expectations.
20. Let me meet and interact with other deaf children.
21. Try to refrain from the habit of talking to someone in the family through another room. This limits me from seeing communication.
22. Make speech practice fun. Play games, and involve my sisters, too.
23. There are some words that are too hard for me to say. When I don't want to say them, please don't force me. It makes me feel bad inside.
24. If someone is talking to me and I'm not aware of it, don't tell the person I'm deaf so they would know why I'm not answering. Instead, tap me on the shoulder and tell me, "This person is talking to you." That will give me the opportunity to explain why I didn't answer right away.
25. Practice social skills with me. For #24, give me words I can use to explain to others about my deafness. "I cannot hear. Can you please repeat what you just said? This time I can see and read your lips."
26. Repeat what others are saying, but not directly. "Your sister just said that she wants to go to Disney World." "Yes, I think going to the zoo is a good idea" (repeating what someone said, but in such a way that I know what the person had said). This is especially important if you're the only one wearing a mic to a phonetic trainer.
27. The larger the crowd, the less I understand what is happening.
28. Don't tell me to repeat what you said to make sure I understand you. I find it disheartening, especially if you ask that in front of other people.
29. Don't ask me to make a speech in front of other people on the spot. I like to practice my words before I do.
30. Remember I need to see everyone to follow what is happening. Putting me in front of the room isn't always the best spot.
31. Let me be deaf. Yes, I'm learning how to hear with whatever residual hearing I have left, and yes, I'm learning to speak. But I'm still deaf. That will never change. Sometimes silence is golden. Accept me for who I am, so I can accept me, too.
